Can't tell if this is disordered thinking or the answer to my problems...
 

First, I'll preface this by saying that I see a therapist and I have already talked to him about this and he thinks I'm fine and don't need to worry about this behavior. But I'm not so sure... And I don't see him again for another 3 weeks or so because I'll be out of town, or I'd just talk to him some more. Otoh, maybe the perspective of others who have btdt would be helpful, too. I have also told my GP about the diet and she had no problem with it.

Okay... I have been steadily gaining for about 15 years and have tried every diet you can think of, but never lost ANY weight at all. I have type I diabetes and my endocrinologist has told me that he's never seen a type I lose weight and is not sure it's possible. So, I had pretty much given up on weight loss. But then, I went back on Atkins (awesome for my blood sugar and it is somewhat helpful in dealing with the overeating cycle). But after a couple of weeks on Atkins, I was feeling frustrated because my blood sugar was still out of wack. So, I decided to cut basically ALL carbs. Went down to about 2 g carb per day. For about ten weeks or so I ended up eating nothing but bacon and burgers with cheddar. And I LOST!!! It was/is so exciting because I really would like to get down to a healthier more comfortable weight.

But that's a pretty drastic diet. And while I was doing that, I was only eating twice a day because you just aren't nearly as hungry when you eat so much fat. It really keeps you satisfied for a lot longer of a period.

Well, that led to reading about and experimenting with intermittent fasting. When I started dabbling in it, it just felt really great. I had/have tons of energy and not much in the way of hunger (and if I do feel hungry when I'm not ready to eat, it's not a bad hunger and usually disappears within an hour or so). When it's time to eat (I've been eating once/day around 6 or 7 pm), I usually don't feel that hungry and don't want to eat all that much.

And then yesterday I decided to add in exercise for the first time. I was thinking I would be exercising just for health (especially my circulation, which diabetics really have to worry about) and not make it about weight loss. But I could feel when I started my walk yesterday that I can't help feeling like I really want to see results in my weight/shape. My plan was to walk while my son is at his karate and basketball practices and he's doing b'ball later today. I can already feel myself getting kind of excited about it in a compulsive sort of way.

So, my worry is that this is just getting too extreme and that it's as compulsive as my overeating and denial was, kwim? I feel physically great and I do think it is the diet and maybe even the lifestyle that is best for me physically. I just don't know if it's healthy emotionally. I get such a rush out of being able to eat only once a day and having what feels like a huge amount of control when my whole life I have had pretty much none.

I'm also terrified that my trip is going to throw me off and I'm going to go right back to my old ways and gain all my weight back. :(

I have lost 32 pounds in just under 3 months. My current weight is 182.

Originally Posted by rubidoux:
I can already feel myself getting kind of excited about it in a compulsive sort of way.

So, my worry is that this is just getting too extreme and that it's as compulsive as my overeating and denial was, kwim?

I just don't know if it's healthy emotionally. I get such a rush out of being able to eat only once a day and having what feels like a huge amount of control when my whole life I have had pretty much none.

I think it's a honeymoon stage you're going through: You're thrilled with your newfound success, but over the months you will calm down as it becomes routine.

I can't really address your question about whether your eating is compulsive/disordered/whatever, but a lot of folks do Intermittent Fasting. The thing is that you have to still get in one whole day's worth of nutrients (and I thought calories) during the window of eating. It sounds like you might be super low-calorie as well as doing IF. I don't think that would be sustainable for long term maintenance. Most people (at least all the ones I have read about) keep a window of 5 hours eating, minimum. Go to the IF threads here and here for more info or to ask questions of people with far more experience than I have.

Exercise is great! I WISH I could be more compulsive about it! It might make you more hungry though if you are doing high-exertion exercise ...

RE: your type of diet, I have read a bit about high-fat diets, which it sounds like you are doing (the Hyperlipid blog is a good place for info) ... also Paleo diets can end up really low carb (like Dr Kurt Harris' blog; he says 5% of his diet is from carbs, which I guess would end up around 18-20 g carbs - WOW that is way less than your 2 g). I find the science behind diets and various people's success with different plans so interesting...

:goodluck: with the rest of your journey!!

Originally Posted by Sunflower75:
I agree with your psychologist - you're fine.

I have only been doing IF for a couple of weeks, but I LOVE IT. I used to have problems with obsessing over food ALL the time, and I have been a binge/compulsive eater since I was eleven. I'm not saying I'm completely normal with food yet, but IF has helped me stop obsessing and I really feel like my body chemistry is more aligned to normal now that I'm fasting.

I also am flexible with it, because I know that if I'm too rigid, I'll binge. If I have a day where I have a work luncheon, I don't stress about it, because I'm still doing enough the other days where it all balances out. So maybe some days I only skip breakfast. Or maybe some days I eat my three meals a day. Regardless, when I eat, I can do it without guilt.

I think what you said about fasting making you feel great and giving you tons of energy is proof right there that you are on the right track, and it sounds like you are eating more balanced because of it. Don't fret - it may not be for everyone, but if it's working for you, keep doing it! It IS safe and you aren't damaging your body or your mental well being.

:hug:

I'm happy there are other people here doing this, too. :) And I have had the same experience, that for the first time in my life food has receded into almost a non-issue. With something like Atkins, if I had 20 carbs a day to eat, I would spend ridiculous amounts of brain power thinking about how I would use them and then what I could get away with and then whether or not such and such was worth the number of carbs it had. But with this, there is just nothing to have to think about. It's very liberating!

I am also trying to be flexible, and maybe erring a little too often on the side of caution. Like, if I don't know if I'll be home by my usual dinner time, I will eat something for lunch just in case. I would like to work my way up to this being my usual every day thing, though. This week I did three days in a row for the first time and it went well. It always surprises me when it works out so well. It just doesn't seem like I should feel so good eating so infrequently.

Originally Posted by triasa:
I think it's a honeymoon stage you're going through: You're thrilled with your newfound success, but over the months you will calm down as it becomes routine.

This really rings true! :D

Originally Posted by EmmaD:
I can't really address your question about whether your eating is compulsive/disordered/whatever, but a lot of folks do Intermittent Fasting. The thing is that you have to still get in one whole day's worth of nutrients (and I thought calories) during the window of eating. It sounds like you might be super low-calorie as well as doing IF. I don't think that would be sustainable for long term maintenance. Most people (at least all the ones I have read about) keep a window of 5 hours eating, minimum. Go to the IF threads here and here for more info or to ask questions of people with far more experience than I have.

Exercise is great! I WISH I could be more compulsive about it! It might make you more hungry though if you are doing high-exertion exercise ...

RE: your type of diet, I have read a bit about high-fat diets, which it sounds like you are doing (the Hyperlipid blog Dr Kurt Harris' blog[/URL]; he says 5% of his diet is from carbs, which I guess would end up around 18-20 g carbs - WOW that is way less than your 2 g). I find the science behind diets and various people's success with different plans so interesting...

:goodluck: with the rest of your journey!!

I don't think I'm going too low cal, on average. In the last few days I have been somewhat lower cal because it's been pretty hot here and I just haven't felt like eating. So, I did have one day that was probably around 1,000 cals, but my usual IF day is one meal, 2 cheeseburgers, 4 slices of bacon and some coffee with heavy cream for a total of 1350-1400 cals. When I eat two meals, it's usually a bit more, like 1700-1800 cals. From what I've read, it is pretty normal to IF with one meal a day that isn't as high as your normal daily total, but is higher than a normal meal. And usually when I fast, I eat one meal, but there have been times that I've had more of a window, like when I can't be home to cook a real meal, I might have a vlc or no carb snack while I'm out.

And thanks for the links! I hadn't seen those before. I just looked at the hyperlipid blog and I'll check the others out, too.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me :). Just be careful to get all your nutrients in! I IF and it's been wonderful! I feel 100000% better than I did.

A ketogenic level diet has normalized my BG's, has helped me lose weight and I LOVE how I feel. Try to get some fresh greens, low carb veggies in there, raw nuts and seeds, (28g is plenty) and good fats to balance it all out. Try all kinds of imported cheeses, not just one or two. If you stick only to a couple of meats and cheese, you will soon get bored. I have learned to make eggs so many ways, make low carb sauces with cream and cheese...the possibilities are endless. Thousands of low carb recipes on the net....it's all there to explore and open your world to fabulous foods. I am so satisfied on this type of diet, I will never leave it, even if I never lose another pound.

I think fresh greens are my downfall. I love them, but I don't do well on them. It was cutting them (and everything else) out that finally worked for me. But, there was a time that I ate pretty much what I'm currently eating but with greens and I didn't lose on that. I think I am just super sensitive to carbs. Also, I think it's possible that carbs from animal sources (like cheese) are easier for me somehow.

Cheeseburgers are getting really boring, but I'm okay with that. I kind of don't want my food to be an event that I look forward to. Food has been such a strong focus for me for so long and I just want it to be a non-issue, kwim? Maybe at some point in the future I'll decide I need something funner to eat, but I would like to learn how to get through life without that.

I *love* your photos, one small bowl. You look so happy in the last one. :carrot: