Throw that nasty peanut brittle away now!!!!! Do you think you can sling it all the way to Oklahoma???? haha Gotta run!! Cards with the girls.....this is my hardest day to be good. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Will report back when I get home. Be good.

I did good at cards....didn't eat those yummy looking sweet cookies. They had Turkey and dressing for lunch and I ate some dressing....not much....(Just love that stuff) Now to make it through the night. Wish me luck...Hope all of you are doing well.

Good luck FT. You will be in my thoughts. I will be battling this by myself tonight.

Seems I never binge anymore.....I just seem to eat things I shouldn't. Never gain weight but I do not lose and ounce either. Now, my bingeing is not cured. It never will be. But I have not binged in ages. So right now anyway.....why am I not staying on my diet or (new eating plan)?????????

Are you trying to be to restrictive?

Just checking in to see how everyone's doing.

I had a bad weekend. I didn't binge I just ate more then I should.

So much stress, DH's uncle passed away on Sunday morning. My grandmother will have to go to a long term care facility she has dementia and the debt consolidation company that DH and I will be using said that our payments will have to be $150 more a month then they initually quoted us. This all leads to stress for me. I think the thing that really stresses me out the most is the financial difficulties that DH and I have. I hate it and dont feel that I have control over it. We dont have credit cards anymore so we dont charge anything...it's the idea that we dont have the cards that worries me to death. I'm always saying to myself...what if ...what if ....what if....I guess I could go on like that forever or just learn to trust....I know that's the right thing to do. I dont like giving up any control and on this one I have to.

I'll check in later

Chrissy

Oh heavens no!!! I am trying to do the low carb thing. I did great on it this past summer.....I think carbs and winter go ttogether. haha Just can't get to stay on track. Need to pin my ears back a bit more and kick my arse a few more times. PLUS, I am an emotional eater and things have been a bit upsetting lately. Also, no cardio excercise and I need to sweat.

You sound like you know what needs to be done. Now just take your time and do one small thing a day until you are doing all that you should. I know that we can all get this groove going. Come on girls! We are losers!!:)

hahaha Yes we are losers!! (love it)
You are right!! One thing at a time. I thought about that last night. This week I eleminate sugar. Next week I eleminate all potatoes etc. before you know it I will be totally carb free again. Just to hard for me to do it all at one time because, I am so addicted. I need to lose 44 lbs but my goal right now is just 5 lbs. Think my time frame should be in one month? I think that is resonable....don't you? Where is ChrissyB?

I am here. Just lurking right now. My world has been turned on it's ear. I dont have alot of time right now to explain so go over to my journal and take a look.

See ya later, ChrissyB

going now Chrissy...

Ok Gotcha Chrissy......understand now.....we are here for ya when you need us.

Hi all, I have been lurking for a while and felt compelled to share my eating disorder "treatment"/history.

I am a self-diagnosed binge/compulsive eater. I have had a eating disorder since I was a child. No one ever called it that; so it was labeled a "willpower" issue. I started hating myself, everyday berating myself for being weak-willed, for failing another diet.

Then, in May 2002, I picked up some diet books from the library. I had got up to a whopping 250 pounds (I am only 5' 2") and I was very depressed. One of the books was "Losing It" by Laura Fraser. She opened my eyes. This was no "diet" book. Laura Fraser is a journalist that did an expose on the diet industry and society's role in women's self image. I couldn't believe what I was reading, she started right out by saying that diets do not work, if anything, they are the root cause to all eating disorders, not the solution.

I did some additional reading into this "anti-diet" thinking, and it has changed my life. I have been working to give myself permission to have what I want to eat, when I want, and to stop when I am full (with the approval to eat more if I am hungry later). It is like I had to tell myself the obvious; the stuff that thin people take for granted. I am re-discovering my relationship with food. I still have a lot of work to do, but the obssessions and cravings are SO much better.

I have struggled with fighting back the diet mantra that I became a pro at..."did I drink enough water, did I have too many refined carbs?", etc. Instead, I am trying to incorporate the obvious healthy ways of eating into my daily life and allow myself to enjoy lifes indulgences when I feel the urge...chocolate, fine wine, chips and salsa, etc.

It is working. I have lost 50 pounds. I don't feel deprived, and I feel more in control of my relationship with food and eating. The cravings are not gone, but the binging is subsiding. I still get the urge to pull out a tupperware dish of last night's enchiladas and stand (not sit) and eat it...cold, right out of the tupperware, like, someone else said, "a food burglar". And I do forgive myself afterward.

Best to you all.

I am so glad you unlurked and spoke up!!! I will look into that book!! It sounds right to me!!! Thank you so much!! Congradulations on your 50lb weight loss. I would be so elated. I love to hear of success and PLEASE post again and help us....we need people like you. Gratefully, FT

AD thanks for sharing your story. You really anre an inpiration to me. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Hey girlfriends....I know everyone has a story but, I just wrote mine in my journal and, it was the hardest thing I ever did. (well, almost)....you may want to swing over there and see where I am coming from.....love you guys...FT

I am going right now.

Wow FT, that is all that I can say. I had no idea what a rough time you have had. I am thankful that you have shared that with us and I am also glad that you have come here. This is your way of begining a new you. You have taken the first steps and you a truley doing a great job. Keep your chin up and remember that we are all here for you!

You know what??? It surprises me when I read it...it is all true and there is even more....I didn't know things were that bad. I really didn't...

Me too!
 

Hello everyone! It has been really great to read that I am truly not alone with my disorder. I began binge eating last year (I am a college student) after I lost a lot of weight and had been really hard on myself about not gaining it back. I experimented with bulimia...which was pretty much like having a binge episode and then purging it. The bulimia only lasted a few months, but never got over my enjoymentof binging. When I moved in with my grandmother last summer to take care of her...i got much worse. She always wanted to feed me, but I would be good and refuse...but late at night I began to sneak food...and whenever I was by myself, I would consume all the "bad foods" in enormous quantities really fast. I gained weight and my binging got worse because I was becoming more and more concerned with my food and my image. I still have problems now...sometimes I plan out my binges and go to the store specifically to get foods to binge on. I'm not yet really large, but I have stopped working out and my pants don't fit. I still have good spirits most of the time...but really want to stop my binging...I hate being so secretive and large. I am going to begin working out again this week. My goal is to lose 30-35 pounds. I'm glad to have found a support group.
Miss Minerva

I hope you have luck....but I still say better to 'just binge' then to 'binge and purge'. Not that bingeing is good for you. I am sure it is the cause of my heart disease. (or large contributing factor) Keep posting with us. We are here to help and to be helped...we are all in the same boat. I will be gone for awhile coming up soon. We are expecting a new grandbaby any day...just waiting for the call ...(teehee) Let us know of your progress. My bingeing has really calmed down, although I still have to fight it everynight...our favorite time, isn't it? I just eat to damn much now, of the wrong things. Try to post everyday....

Miss Minerva, glad you posted. Sounds like the you have caught on to your disorder faster than some and can stop some of the damage (physical and mental) at an early age. I am 33 and have spent over 1/2 my life dieting and rebelling from the diet ("bingeing"). Over the last few months, I have accepted my weight, discussed my eating disorder with my loved ones and have focused on living a more healthful lifestyle. Which includes some exercise, eating better foods, but also removing the guilt that I have ALWAYS associated with eating. It has taken me a while, but I am almost to the point where I feel guilt free when I eat what I used to lable as "bad" food.

I went to a Super Bowl party on Sunday and there was lots of junk. I had a little of this and that, but I wasn't really hungry, so I did eat much. If I had gone in there with my old feeling of deprivation and desparation about food, I would have grazed all night. It amazes me that just because I "give myself permission" to eat, I don't feel the longing or temptation...I am not sure why, but it is a huge relief.

Don't get me wrong, I still have my urges to binge. The worst is right before dinner. I am so hungry after work that I find myself snacking the entire time I am making dinner. I also find the weekends very difficult; it feels like I am "trolling" the kitchen all day. When I start the binge cycle, I am very conscious of it. I have been working on taking the food out of the kitchen and sitting down with it instead of standing next to the fridge and eating. I think this keeps me from hiding it from my family, plus it takes a more conscious effort to get the food out, put it on a plate and take it to the table/couch. When I am done with the binge, I write down EVERYTHING I ate and how I was feeling when I was binging.

I am working thru this one day at a time and learning a lot about myself along the way.

Always be kind to yourself!

Congrats FT on the new baby! We will miss you while you are gone.

Miss Minerva I am glad that you have joined us. You have taken the first steps. I have been dealing with this for years but I have just finally come to the realization that I was doing it. It hit me one day while I was standing in the kitchen shoving and piece of banana bread into my mouth. I had just eaten dinner so I wasn't hungry I was just doing it for no reason. I don't even think that I chewed the thing. I started to pay attention to what I was doing and I was following the same thing everyday. Eating large quantities at one sitting and not even tasting the food. I would go to the store when my hubby was out of town and buy cookies. I would judge the size of the bag on how long he would be gone. If We was gone for two night I would make sure that I could eat the whole bag and get rid of the wrapper before he got home. He never knew that I was doing this. When we would get ready to go somewhere I would put on a pair of pants and get upset b/c they didn't fit. He asked me one day how does my weight fluctuate so much. It was terrible. Itwas like he knew but didn't want to say anything. Once I finally told him I reminded him about that night he asked me that. I told him it was because of the compulsive eating that I did when he was gone. He has given me so much support. I make it a point to tell him everyday what I have eaten no matter how good or bad I have been.

One thing that I do try to do is portion control. I see what I serving size is on the package of what ever I am eating and only eat that. I measure it out and sitt down with only that amount. Once that is gone I wait about 15-20 mins before I go back for anything else. Usually I am satisfied and I don't need anymore. If I need something else I head for the fruit of a no sugar popsicle (kind of too cold for this right now).

I hope some of this can help you guys. Everyone keep posting b/c I love to read what you guys are doing to keep yourself from binging.

What happened to Mallgirl? Is she lurking?

yes....i have been lurking...i am just so pleased to see all of the replies and the support on this thread. it is good to hear how others are battling this disorder......and awesome to know that we are not alone....
i had another session with my therapist this past weekend. we seem to be making some progress, but i really think it will take a long time. i have been journaling, and sometimes i can avoid a binge by thinking that i dont want to have to write it down later, but sometimes the binge monsters are too strong and overpower me anyways....
it has been such a habit of mine for so many years. when i am stressed, when i am bored, when i am anxious, when i am angry, when i am depressed, when i am just watching tv or reading, i turn to food....and before i know it, i have finished off the whole bag of chips or box of cookies or something that i dont even like, but i eat it just because it is there, and then i get the feeling of fullness that hurts, yet i keep eating....
some of you have spoken of your husbands. i just got married in august, but we have been together for almost ten years ( high school sweethearts) although he is supportiveof my therapy and problem, he cant possibly understand what i am going through, becasue he eats whatever he wants and never gains an ounce. wish i had his metabloism.
anyways, i will keep working hard and enjoy reading your posts.

Psychologist have also found that we will binge in the evening if we don't eat enough of the right food during the day. Planning for 5 small meals makes it easier for me...I know I don't have long to wait to eat again. I'm careful to always have some protein or fat with carbs. I'll have a pear and 6 almonds. Or an apple and a piece of fat-free cheese. It seems to last me longer. Sometimes when I feel I just have to eat, I set the timer for 15 minutes and then get busy with my quilting. By the time it goes off, I'm past my craving. Most cravings last 10-15 minutes so if you can wait that long, you can get past it. I'm a closet eater, too, and it just adds guilt to the problem. I used to think my husband didn't know, but he has to suspect - how could I gain weight while eating almost nothing in front of him. He's just too kind to say anything.

Hi Susan,
I love to quilt too. Unfortunatly, quilters are also goood cooks. haha And the crock pot are quilters best friends. I love fattening crocked foods. haha. You are doing so well. I am so glad you posted with us...I love apples and cheese...but I can't do fat free cheese. I just as soon eat a rubber band. 5 more lbs to go to goal.....you go girl!!!! (would love to see your quilts)

Hey guys!
 

Oops..I accidentally posted this originally as a new thread...still getting my sea legs I guess. I'mjus cutting and pasting/posting (bad pun).
I am really glad I decided to join this posting group. I'm also happy to see so many people supporting each other and trying to beat this terrible disorder. So, thanks! I have been really good this week. Last semester was evil though...I had a lot of emotional trauma which made it easier for myself to think it was ok to binge, to make myself feel good. I needed pampering, but instead of going to my friends and family, I went to food. Then over break I vacationed with food, so to speak...lol. I still have good spirits and am always a riot and life of my group of friends...which is why it is so difficult to reveal to them (skinny beings) my emotional difficulties with food. The super bowl party antidiet mentioned was exactly the kind of binge nightmare I try to avoid. I would have attacked that food...and if not there, I would have found it elsewhere. Why do I want this food? What does it really represent? I don't know, honestly...and I need to figure it out. I gave up alcohol because it weakened my resolve not to binge. So, I think I am really going to beat it (at least I am determined...lol). Keep posting everyone! It's refreshing to hear about other lives...
Miss Minerva

Miss Minerva,
We must be the same person!!! I tend to be the life of the party too...(maybe to hide the pain) but, that also makes confideing to your friends really, really hard....so I suffer in silence...and try to conquer this disorder myself. So glad you are with us you guys are such great inspiration.

Guess who went to the gym yesterday and today! You got it...ME! My friend and I have began a new workout schedule and picked the same time every week on the different days to go...and we are both determined...so I am feeling good! My "aunt dot" came to visit today though, which is always a tempting time to binge, just to compensate for the physical pain and mood swings...but I will be good! I am so glad I joined this post...today when I was using weights in front of the mirror in the gym, I started to get sad about my appearance...and then remembered that now I have help to battle these silly body image issues and I was ok. See ya later!

Good for you! It is always easier when you have a buddy. Next time you look in the mirror when you are lifting weights imagine your muscle contracting and relaxing. Visualize what it will look like when you are all sleek and trim. I think that the body respondes to the things that you think of yourself. If you feel gross and not very tight then you will be that way. Change the way that you look at yourself in the mirror and I think that you will be surprised that your actually image will change.

How did everyone do today? How are you all doing as people today? Tell us!

I spent the whole day yesterday at the hospital...my best friend had cancer surgery...she has cancer of the vulva. Ever heard of such a thing? The hospital is two hours away. The surgery went fine but, we have not heard about the lymph nodes yet. Still waiting on daughter to go into labor. She is 3 1/2 hrs away. I am just alittle stressed. Have not done to bad eating though. No binges.

Is everyone still here? I have been really busy and havn't been on all weekend. FT did the grandbaby come yet? How is everyone doing?

would you believe we are still waiting?? I had to go to the cardiologist yesterday. Just got blood work back and it is good. Friend had cancer surgery last Wednesday and her pathology came back clear!!! Been very busy helping her. My back is killing me but, I mopped her kitchen yesterday. I do not know when I will be back from daughters house when she has the baby. (so need to do all I can for friend before I go) On the 12th I go to Doctor to discuss MRI for back. I think I need one as my pain is constant!!! I want my old body back!!!!!!

Oh my goodness!!! Got a call from youngest daughter. She is finally going to have that baby will be gone for a few days!!! Off to Texas we go!!! Ya'll be good!! I will miss Ya'll, Kathy

Where are you guys?

I have been MIA. Sorry. I was sick this weekend. I slept the whole weekend. That was not fun. I am at work today and I am still pretty tired but I am trying to fight through this. Talk about binge while I was sick. I could tell that my stomach wasn't hurting b/c I ate everything I could get my hands on. I noticed last night that I was falling into that same old patter again. It was to late I was already REALLY full and it was 6 PM so I deceided to stop for the night. Hubby is gone and I think it riggered it again. That plus I wasn't feeling good.

Sorry to have fanished but i am back now. How is everyone doing?

FT has is the new baby?

Good...he is a doll, 7lbs 9oz..19 ins. long. healthy, looks like my daughter. (this is good..she was most beautiful in high school..a real looker) When you hold him, he makes those precious little squeecky sounds that all babies do,that make you fall in love?? you know?? I will be going back in a few days. can't wait to get my baby back.haha Sorry you have been ill. Wonder where everyone else is. Did you see my new thread? I got goofey and carried away. I didn't realize I stated a new one. hahahaha..