[PElaine]

HI all,

I am abstinent from binging and compulsive overeating, but continue to work through my food issues. Actually, the longer I am abstinent, the more 'stuff" comes up.

One thing I realized is that when I began binging, I was at a place in my life where I felt very powerless to take control of my life. This has deep roots in the way I grew up, but at that time, I simply couldn't give myself what I wanted in life.

Anyone else feel that a sense of powerlessness is at the root of their eating?

BTW, I am not referring the 12 step dictate that "we are powerless over our addiction", which I don't believe. I am not talking about being powerless over food, I am talking about being powerless over the direction of your life and eating as a result.

Thanks,
Elaine

[saef]

Originally Posted by PElaine

Anyone else feel that a sense of powerlessness is at the root of their eating?

Oh, definitely. When changes are happening all around me, and my little world seems to be spinning out of control, then I try to assert my power over what I can. And sometimes the only thing that I seem to have direct control over is my body. Which translates into eating. In my case, I'm also prone to periods of restriction, too. You know how prison inmates sometimes get really into body building, strengthening their bodies as a way of passing their time? That's also a form of controlling one's body because one feels a certain powerlessness. I'm sure my behavior has much the same motivation behind it.

But historically, when I have had feelings of hopelessness & inertia, of feeling trapped -- caged or imprisoned by circumstances out of my control -- I used to hunker down & eaten, as a kind of opiate to get me through my darkest times. Now I sometimes think I've swapped that out for exercise. So I have to watch myself there.

[missunshine]

yes, i definitely feel sometimes that life is slipping by and i can't do nothing to change or am just passive about it and hope that someday i will be where i want to be. i have many goals in life. ever since i was little i had them and successfully i achieved many of them. but some of my dreams had to be postponed. right now i feel like have no control in my life with school because i really want to graduate but not the study i chose. i wanted to be an architet or fashion designer but i was never good in maths and physics so i didn't even even bother and that's why i chose languages cause i thought it would be easier i was good in them. but i was wrong.it's harder than i thought. right now i would like to be a hairdersser and have my own company which i hope to have after my graduation.
i feel that i don't have any control over my appartment issue, cause i'm scared that someday the owner will just say to pack up and leave. and also am affraid to losing my mom but these are the things you just can't control. ever since i started weight loss i have changed in many ways. i sacrifised a lot but no one saw that and no one would appreciate it.
i only wish i had studied what i really wanted and if i took control earlier i probably wouldn't be so unhappy. the food issue is just a result of the pressure which i can't handle often times. but when i do feel in control i feel like i could move mountains.

[hatgirlie]

Now that you mention it, most definitely! This is giving me something to think about. Thanks for the posts.

[PElaine]

Thanks you guys for your respones. I know for me this feeling of being powerless over my life and choices had a lot to do with the binge eating disorder that defined my life since my mid-20s. I am now 53 and just now getting recovery.

Maybe people on this forum will understand, but even here I think you will be surprised at the oppression and control I grew up with, particularly with my mother. I know, mother's get all the crap, but sometimes they do all the damage, so whats fair is fair!

Thanks,
Elaine

[krampus]

Absolutely. Binging for me has always been tied to escapism from my life, whether it's an accompaniment to watching TV or trying to block out stress or make a bad day better. There was always an underlying element of feeling like I just can't deal with life right now, so I'm going to eat massive amounts of food that will give me instant pleasure (read: sugar).