Ok...I'm just tossing this out there...but what if...
I just like to overeat on the weekends? Let me elaborate and caution this by saying that if your goal is weight loss this isn't going to work for you and this is a very personal observation. But if I work out the way I do, which is a lot because I love it, and I have low(er) cals during the week, so what if I want to overeat on the weekends. I've been searching and searching for this big emotional issue that is causing me to overeat and binge and what if it's just not there. I've been thinking that I'm broken because I overeat which has led to what I believe is "the" emotional issue that that is causing me to binge because I'm lableing it as bad and wrong. But what if that is it, what if there is no other big emotional issue that is making me binge. What if I just like to more on the weekends. What is wrong with that? If I ate well all day and want to finish it with a pint of ice cream so what? (BTW a pint of ice cream doesn't not define a binge for me, my binges are much more than that) Why do I have to lable that as so wrong? I'll more than burn of the cals with the exercise I do. I mean that's obvious because I've been maintaining for almost 1 year and been overeating now binging on the weekends the enitre time. I've only gained 5 lbs recently because of increasing my cals during the week trying to "figure" out what I was overeating/binging on the weekends, thinking maybe it was because I wasn't eating enough during the week and was feeling deprived.
I honestly feel like I'm making this too complicated. I'm causing my binging by trying to "figure" out why I overeat on the weekends. I mean if I overeat on the weekends, but balance it out during the week with eating well and exercise, so what? I mean if I'm sure that when I'm overeating on the weekends it's not because of some emotional reason, then who cares. Skinny people overeat sometimes and don't gain weight or freak out because they balance it out the next day.
I feel like I'm on to something, but am afraid that maybe it's too simple or maybe I'm missing some emotional issue(s) that I have to deal with and if I don't I'm going to regain all the weight again. But what if I'm not, what if it's just not there...I gained the weight the first time for very simple reasons. I stopped exercise because I was in college and had no time and I was in an incredible stressful major that required very little sleep and I was poor and ate nothing but fast food. I then lost all the weight, had a baby and lost it again by returning to the lifestyle I had pre college. I'm so afraid that I'll end up like my mother with her food "issues" (she's a binger too) but I'm not my mom. She gained her weight for entirely different reasons and she yo yos for entirely different reasons and she's never figured out how to maintaing because she's never changed her lifestly, she's always "dieted". I have I've changed or rather returned to the lifestlye I know works. Yes I have food issues that do stem from things my mom instilled in me when I was young, but I've recognize that, moved on and that is it. This really isn't that complicated.
I don't know people...I think for me, maybe it's K.I.S.S. - keep it simple stupid!
Where are you when you are eating the pint of ice cream? Are you sitting at the table with your family? Is it in a bowl? Are you really tasting each bite? Is it really high quality ice cream? Is the ice cream what your body truly wants?
Have you read Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth? In it she talks about eating what you want when you want it, and feeling what you feel when you feel it.
It might help you realize that your body is in fact hungry for more food on the weekends.
I'll more than burn of the cals with the exercise I do.
Then you've figured out a way of maintaining that works.
For now, anyway.
Now just don't ever stop exercising as much as you do. That is, don't get injured or ill, so that you can't exercise. Don't make any changes in your life that would require reassessing your exercise routine.
I think this always requires recalibration & rethinking.
I think you can't always rely on exercise to burn off binges.
Which brings me to the big question. You call it "overeating" here but before you've called them "binges." In my mind, anyway, those are two very different things. Which one are you doing? What is the behavior?
They're two different behaviors that each call for slightly different solutions.
It could be overthinking. It could also be denial & resistance. I don't know, because I don't know what the exact behaviors are that you're not happy with.
Based on your post, you're still not quite happy with them, but maybe you want someone to tell you they're okay?
I wish I could but I just don't have enough information or insight into what is so different on the weekends from the rest of the week.
Put it this way. If a friend said to me, "If I am frugal all week, clip coupons, pack my lunch for work, and only buy what I need, is it okay if I splurge on spending on the weekend?" That's the pattern: Strictly monitoring oneself for five days, then letting go for two days. The question is, does the strict monitoring end up creating a backlash of splurging? Why the ritual about the five days of abstinence & two days of indulgence? Why not in general moderation, somewhere between the two, with occasional days when you eat less naturally & occasional days when you have something to celebrate? Also, what is the spending splurge like? Is it, like, buying flowers, or is it running up credit card debt on one big-ticket item?
I think if it were "emotional" issues, you'd be "binging" on carrot sticks all weekend! I think the fact that you choose decadent desserts such as ice cream, fattier foods, etc. are indicative that 1) your body may actually need more fat; and 2) you actually enjoy eating food.
Your NOT "overeating" on the weekends if your not gaining weight consistently. Weight gain is the #1 sign of overeating or eating more than what your body can process.
I agree with you in that "what's the BIG DEAL?" So go ahead...if you want ice cream...eat ice cream! Your training for a marathon for pete's sake! Remember...your body doesn't process calories by the minute or by the day....it's generally by the week (sorry, no science to support this...just experience). My calories are up, down and all around. However, at the end of the week, they usually end up around the same place.
Guilt...obsession and labelling yourself are really what I believe causes MOST people to self-sabotogue. Your mentality...or attitude plays a BIG/HUGE role in maintenance. Positive thinking is more important than some give credit. Hunger is NOT BAD!!!! It's our body's natural way of sayin, "hey fool...I need more fuel...now go grab that cheeseburger and get me some AMINOS!!!!!"
Last edited by joyfulloser; 05-08-2011 at 01:20 PM.
Have you read Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth? In it she talks about eating what you want when you want it, and feeling what you feel when you feel it.
Yes I have read it, but I wasn't ready for it when I did. When the ice cream is part of "overeating" it's in public, when it's part of a "binge" it's in private. Yes I understand the difference and implications of that. However, sometimes the pint is part if overeating and in private, but only because my DH works graveyard on the weekends
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Now just don't ever stop exercising as much as you do. That is, don't get injured or ill, so that you can't exercise. Don't make any changes in your life that would require reassessing your exercise routine.
I totally hear you hear and I'm totally prepared to adjust should it be necessary. And when I'm not training as much I also know won't require as much food.
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Which brings me to the big question. You call it "overeating" here but before you've called them "binges." In my mind, anyway, those are two very different things. Which one are you doing? What is the behavior?
I do both. I was just overeating, now I'm binging and I'd like to return to overeating. Weird thing to say I know.
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Why not in general moderation, somewhere between the two, with occasional days when you eat less naturally & occasional days when you have something to celebrate?
I like this suggestion.
Thanks joyful, I love everything you said, but that might be because you're agreeing with me
It seems to me that you are maintaining your weight. That simple. It also seems to me that so called "normal" people eat more sometimes and eat less sometimes.
If it is about your weight, then you have been winning the battle and maintaining for more than a year. If it is about something else, the behavior makes you unhappy, then it is something that maybe you want to change.
I knew a young man, very thin, who worked for me. He was a long-distance runner. He absolutely LOVED Ben and Jerry's ice cream. He always told me that was his reward for running, for blistered feet, for endurance and for all the good eating he did. I think he had a really normal relationship with food.
It is only up to you to decide if your behavior is ok, or if you want to change it.
I do both. I was just overeating, now I'm binging and I'd like to return to overeating. Weird thing to say I know.
Actually, I think that's a very sane and self-aware thing to say. If you know the difference between devouring a pint of ice cream in public, because it's so good & your family is all having some, and in private, while your husband is working late on the weekends, then I think you know a lot more yourself & your eating habits than many people who first visit 3FC know about themselves & why they overindulge.
My question is when you mentioned you eat a pint of ice cream in private "but only because [your] DH works graveyard on the weekends," what is the connection you meant to make between your eating & his absence?
-Did you mean you do it because he's not there & you're bothered by being left alone, and you wouldn't eat like that if he was there with you?
-Or because you're glad he's not there because he can't see you doing this, so you waited till he was at work?
-Or do you mean you'd eat that much ice cream anyway, and his presence in the room with you doesn't matter or not, but it feels more like a binge than overeating because you're alone?
This is what I'm trying to figure out.
And the next question is, does it bother you that you're eating the pint of ice cream? Does it feel transgressive? Like you ought to confess it here afterward?
Or does it feel like nothing at all, like you don't think, you just shut off & eat? Or did you enjoy every spoonful? Did it feel like, "Oh, yeah, THIS is what I need just now."
Can you stop before hitting the bottom of the carton? Is there a point when you can say, "Okay, that was great, but it was enough, and I want to save some for later?"
Or do you just feel compelled to keep going, past a point where you're not tasting it?
Do you watch yourself eating it, like an accident you are powerless to stop?
Or are you really inhabiting your body & tasting it & enjoying the texture?
And then my last question: What is your ideal experience of eating ice cream, if you could create a perfect occasion & experience? Where? When? How much? What's the difference between that & what you do now?
I don't know what your answers are going to be like but I'm asking all the questions because without knowing more about what you are doing, and how you feel about what you're doing, I just don't know enough about what's going on with you to agree or disagree with the possibility that you're maybe overthinking it & this is natural behavior, motivated by hunger due to long & hard training. Or whether it's bingeing & you're expressing anxiety or depression or fear of loss of control through your eating behaviors.
This is so damn hard sometimes. But I will send you back to yourself for the answer: I think you have enough self-awareness to know if your behavior is simply hunger-motivated or if you use it to express that something isn't well with you.
-Or do you mean you'd eat that much ice cream anyway, and his presence in the room with you doesn't matter or not, but it feels more like a binge than overeating because you're alone?
Mostly this. And when it's just a pint I have no issues except that I feel like that's a lot of ice cream and maybe I "shouldn't" eat that much. Some people here consider that a binge.
My ideal situation for ice cream well there's a couple. 1. At Coldstone with my family eating a moderate amount and 2. And I know this is pretty revealing but yes a pint of chocolate peanut butter haagen daz after a long day alone. Ok ok, I know this means I'm looking for down time/relaxation and should just take a bath instead.
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Or does it feel like nothing at all, like you don't think, you just shut off & eat? Or did you enjoy every spoonful? Did it feel like, "Oh, yeah, THIS is what I need just now."
Can you stop before hitting the bottom of the carton? Is there a point when you can say, "Okay, that was great, but it was enough, and I want to save some for later?"
Or do you just feel compelled to keep going, past a point where you're not tasting it?
Do you watch yourself eating it, like an accident you are powerless to stop?
Or are you really inhabiting your body & tasting it & enjoying the texture?
I've honestly experienced every one of these things.
So what have we learned? I need to learn to relax without food, but overeating out if true hunger is just no big deal and nothing to feel guilty about? I think it's this guilt I've been having that's taken it to another level lately. I watch so many people assigning such shame to food that I feel like I should feel shame too, I'm doing something wrong if I eat a pint of ice cream, and depending on the circumstance maybe I am and maybe I'm not. But you know, if it's within reason what's so bad about relaxing with a pint of ice cream? I mean I occasionally unwind with a glass of wine or a martini or sometimes a bath is what I need. Sometime I need meditation, so what if sometimes I need a pint of ice cream? Why is that wrong? Now I understand if I'm doing it mindlessly and it then turns into a full on binge, thats not good. But if I'm enjoying every single bite and stopping before I hit the bottom or even not because it's that good is that wrong?
I think it's this guilt I've been having that's taken it to another level lately. I watch so many people assigning such shame to food that I feel like I should feel shame too, I'm doing something wrong if I eat a pint of ice cream, and depending on the circumstance maybe I am and maybe I'm not. But you know, if it's within reason what's so bad about relaxing with a pint of ice cream? I mean I occasionally unwind with a glass of wine or a martini or sometimes a bath is what I need. Sometime I need meditation, so what if sometimes I need a pint of ice cream? Why is that wrong? Now I understand if I'm doing it mindlessly and it then turns into a full on binge, thats not good. But if I'm enjoying every single bite and stopping before I hit the bottom or even not because it's that good is that wrong?
I don't think it's wrong, I think you're describing a normal relationship with food.
The guilt feeling & your perception that some people consider enjoying ice cream shameful means you should perhaps limit your time with those people.
If it's happening here, then maybe certain forums or individual posts within 3FC are not for you.
In any group of people, there are going to be the moderates & the hard-liners; it's just human nature. You maybe don't belong with the hard-liners & they make you feel uncomfortable. Or maybe you don't need some forums quite so much as you once did. It's a tool to use. If it doesn't work for the job, you set it aside & find another.
I completely, totally understand what you've said about wanting to switch from binging to overeating. It sounds like the shame you feel is coming from somewhere other than within yourself, and I second saef's recommendation to distance yourself from those people/places if possible. Only you can determine the real difference between eating a lot because you want to vs. secret, shame-ridden binging.
It is totally normal to eat more rich/decadent food than you "should." Since you are maintaining your weight and keeping up exercise, it doesn't seem like your system is "broken" aside from the binging. Perhaps, even, the prospect of a totally "free" weekend will be the thing that keeps you in check. As long as you don't feel out of control, I think you're just fine.
In my case, I can tell the difference between free eating/binging on a weekend pretty easily. If I have simply enjoyed a lot of food, I have no problem getting back to eating moderately on Monday. The higher Monday morning weight feels routine and I look forward to seeing it go down during the week, knowing it will. If I have binged, I feel stressed out and guilty on Monday and may want to keep binging.
I hope you figure out what works for you! Sounds like it might be good for you to say "to **** with it!" to everyone except you for a while.
Another thing I thought of, I wonder if simply giving yourself permission to have the ice cream will result in not eating the whole pint after a while.
Or not, but a reread of the book might take away some of the shame.
Don't forget about good health though. Just because you are not overweight doesn't mean your body can't be harmed by excess fat, salt and sugar. There is nothing wrong with a splurge now and then. I splurge from time to time, I don't consider them binges. Like, I love frozen custard and there is a great place close to my office. I have it maybe twice a month in the summer. I eat it in front of god and everybody, and it doesn't lead to more eating. I have it, be done with it and I don't consider myself breaking my abstinence from COE when I do.
I about about how you often use the word "wrong." You ask if it's "wrong" to eat this ice cream, and what I read in that is you placing a moral or ethical judgment on this particular act of eating.
I think it's important to remember that overeating or bingeing isn't "wrong." There's nothing unethical or immoral about it (yes, there are arguments to be made about people around the world starving, but that's a different argument more related to power struggles rather than food shortages).
There's a difference between wrong and unhealthy. Is it unhealthy to eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting, regardless of your weight--absolutely. Is it "wrong"--no way! If your guilt about this, if your questioning about whether or not to do this are based on ethics or morality, if you feel shame from it, I say you're in the clear. It's nothing to be ashamed of, because there's nothing "wrong" about it. If you're worried about health impact, then maybe you need to think about it more.
That being said, you've gotten yourself to such a healthy place, healthier than you were before, and you work out and generally eat healthily, maybe this pint of ice cream won't have a huge negative impact, health-wise. Just how unhealthy is it, and is it worth it to you?
well if the goal is to maintain your weight and that is what you are doing then what is the issue? I wonder if the labels you put on your over eating and the guilt you feel about it is actually making you eat more than you would if you just accepted that you are going to indulge a bit on the weekend.
Ok...I'm just tossing this out there...but what if...
) Why do I have to lable that as so wrong? I'll more than burn of the cals with the exercise I do. I mean that's obvious because I've been maintaining for almost 1 year and been overeating now binging on the weekends the enitre time. I've only gained 5 lbs recently because of increasing my cals during the week trying to "figure" out what I was overeating/binging on the weekends, thinking maybe it was because I wasn't eating enough during the week and was feeling deprived.
I think the fact that you choose decadent desserts such as ice cream, fattier foods, etc. are indicative that 1) your body may actually need more fat; and 2) you actually enjoy eating food.
Remember...your body doesn't process calories by the minute or by the day....it's generally by the week (sorry, no science to support this...just experience). My calories are up, down and all around. However, at the end of the week, they usually end up around the same place.
