pretty sure i belong here, any advice

  • well i'm going to read a lot of past threads in this category, but i definitly know i belong here. throughout my whole weightloss journey i've binged. yesterday was bad. i was at a party and i way overate on desserts. i ate about 3 cookies, 4 mini cupcakes, 1 chocolate covered strawberry, a mini cheesecake and a mini cake. i'm so disgusted with myself as i type this. then i wasn't going to eat the rest of the day to make up for it and i was very full. in a few hours i actually got hungry again and i figured i could had already ruined the day so i might as well eat something i loved and start fresh tomorrow. so i went and got my favorite ice cream and made cookies when i came home. my downfall is obviously sweets. i know that i should have just picked one dessert at the party and enjoyed that. my problem is that just one would not have made me happy, i can't figure out moderation. i would rather not even touch the bad stuff. it's easier for me to resist if i don't even start, once i get a taste for something i like i can't even stop. i binge about once a month and i need to figure out how to stop this cycle. it makes me so sick and sad that i can't have a normal relationship with food. i love sweets, how can i enjoy them without binging?
  • First of all, look at the weight you have lost! You are obviously in control most of the time, or there is no way you would have been so successful. I say, get rid of whatever you still have and start fresh.

    As for enjoying sweets without binging; what if you had brought one home and eaten it after your dinner? I have noticed women doing that at different meetings I attend. They do not eat dessert while there, but bring something home for "later."
  • Aww, hon <hugs> been there done that and got the t-shirt.

    You sound a lot like me. In any kind of social setting, a party for example, my common sense seems to take a vacation and I have a hard time resisting goodies. I come up with a zillion excuses like "everyone else is having some, I'll look like a snoot if I don't have any" and "it's a party, it's special" and "I'll just have won't hurt." One turns into two which turns into a desperate need to eat eat eat. I seriously get anxious and agitated trying to think how I can eat more without seeming obviously piggish. Whether it's sneaking more when nobody is looking, sneaking it and eating it away from the others, or just shamelessly eating. Either way, I hate myself the whole time, but I keep going. The more I eat, the more I think "well screw it" and eat more. Also like you, I'll feel full and sick and angry at myself but a little while later I want more more more because why not? The day is already ruined. My binges are an all day event.

    I feel for you because I have SO been there. I also still struggle with the issue, so I can't give you magic words to fix it. But my best advice is to FORGIVE yourself. This one bad day won't ruin your efforts, it won't matter in the long run, and no permanant damage is done. Please do not feel that you need to punish yourself by restricting calories later on. I fell into this pattern a few weeks ago, and it was scary. I binged, was mad at myself so I restricted. The more I restricted, the more I wanted to eat (surprising, isn't it? When you try to starve yourself your brain tells you to eat...weird, huh), so I binged again. Bigger binges led to stricter restrictions. All the way until I was eating 500 cal/day for over a week. All because I couldn't let one bad day go and forgive myself.
  • I do that too, skinnyby25. I'm like a baby or a lower life form - I just can't behave normally in the presence of things like potluck dinner parties, buffets, or "take one" boxes of sweets at work.

    Forgiveness is very very important. If you can't forgive yourself you'll get stuck in a cycle of self-loathing that will lead to "well fck it, I'm going to binge today too" and eventually to things like not being able to button your pants. I know for some people cheat days work. I can't really have a cheat day without having a binge day though...

    Sugar is the devil. It might be better to impose some rules, such as "no dessert during the week." Knowing you can have some over the weekend might keep you on track all week, and even if you go overboard it's better to eat a lot of dessert one day a week than to eat a lot of dessert 7 days a week.
  • I totally, totally feel you ladies on this. I can not go to a social gathering without pigging out. Its like I think its some sort of free calories, but then hate myself later.

    But I agree with Monica, you must be doing something right! Congrats on the weight loss!
  • oy, i am so the same way. my only suggestion, and i know this is in left field, but after i became vegan, my sweet cravings disappeared. i finally have a normal relationship with sweets. i am not saying i don't overeat, i am just saying it really kept me from feeling like i had to eat all the time and that bingey "nothing quite satisfies" feeling is almost all gone. i was ready for drastic change, i know it's probably not right for most people, but it is just a thought. i think something either the dairy or meat was messing with my body/brain. Do forgive yourself we are all on this crazy road together. -fm
  • thank you all for your responses. losing weight was hard and i know i've done well. i have about 10 more lbs to go. i really enjoy eating healthy and working out. after yesterday i realized i need to evaluate why i binge because i really want to change and don't want this to be apart of my future. at the start of my weightloss i would have a goal of 8-10lbs a month and if i made that goal i would binge. or if i knew a special occassion was coming up i would say ok, if i eat perfect until then i could have whatever i wanted. i also convinced myself that if i was plateaued a binge would shock my body and i could start losing again. sometimes it worked, kind of like calorie or carb cycling. i still think cycling isn't bad advice, a trainer taught me about it, but i know that eating a platter full of desserts is not healthy or normal. i was felt so sick after i did it too. so today i tried to think of why i did it. one of the main reasons is because i am so strict on myself most of the time. i thought about giving myself one treat a week, but usually one treat doesn't satisfy me and it just brings on cravings for more. i can do so well when i'm in a routine, i know if i wouldn't have gone to that party i would have had a great on plan day. i don't have a problem saying no, a lot of my friends are trying to lose weight too and they praise the willpower i have. if something doesn't look amazing then i really don't need to have it. yesterday at the party, i knew those desserts were to die for. they were from a really good bakery here, i sampled other stuff and was able to toss the ones that weren't great. but the ones that were so good, i just couldn't get enough. and it's not like i can't go get them any day of the week. so you would think my plan could be to have one once a week.

    how have you all learned moderation....or have you? i know if i have a serving of dessert once a week i won't kill my diet or results, but i need to figure out how to limit it to just one serving!

    i can let this bad day go, i just don't know how to prevent it from coming again. even worse, i feel the cycle coming on again because i can give up sweets(the only thing i ever really want to binge on) for lent and i have a vacation in may i want to lose 10lbs for. but i usually binge on vacations. thanks for listening, i'm really not comfortable talking with anyone about this.
    foodmasochist- i don't know if i could ever go vegan, but i do eat vegetarian most of the time. i do low carb and that really helps with cravings. i rarely eat fruit. the carbs i get are from veggies, beans, low carb pitas/tortillas. i also rarely drink regular milk, it's very high in sugar.
  • I still have issues with sweets. I understand completely because I look at a table heaving with candy, cake, etc and I flip. My family all knows I have issues and give me supportive looks when I'm out but I'm not always with my family. For me, I've learned that I don't touch sweets during the week and I treat myself to one really nice desert on the weekends. Usually, I go out with my boyfriend to a restaurant and I order one desert. But anyway, like others have said, forgive yourself. Relapses happen often, but keep going. And find out what works for you, not for others. Everyone is different.
  • I agree about finding out what works for you. For me, I have really managed to cut out the binges by stopping the restriction. I originally lost a bunch of weight and was able to keep it off for a long time but then I got pregnant and gained a ton. And then my marriage fell apart and the binges just took over. I remember driving around frantically looking for girl scout cookies outside of every Walgreens. Then I would come home and eat them until I felt sick, wait for the feeling to pass, and then eat some more. When I got serious about losing weight again, I struggled so much. I would do super good for days and then go nuts for days. I lost back down to 152 and then gained it all back again. When I finally took a look at what was bothering me, it was the huge emphasis on food. Always worrying about the calories, always worrying about how much more I could eat and then when I went over getting so down on myself. I used to hear about intuitive eating and think I could never do that but that is what I try to do now. I am not even close to a 100% intuitive eater but I just focus on what will work for me for the rest of my life. I didn't want to live the rest of my life worried about every drop of food that went in my mouth. Now I have learned enough about what foods are healthy and what are not so I try to always make healthy choices but if I don't then so be it. I just keep on going. And seriously not calculating out the "bad' calories has helped so much. I know this is against most people's way of doing things but I think once you "get" weight loss and calories, it is okay to let it go. I think the biggest clue for me is I realized if I hadn't gotten so down on myself and then binged, I would have never gained so much weight back. It was the binging that was doing it - not possibly going over on my calories by 100 or even 500 on a given day. Anyway, I hope my story helps because I have been losing pretty well, not calorie couting, and can't remember the last time I binged.