Today is Day 32! Thanks everyone who congratulated me on the one month. I did not think I would be able to make it this far. But I noticed something today: not binging has improved my body image. At least in the sense that I don't find myself in a state of obsessive self-loathing about it anymore. This makes sense, since I guess those moments would only come after binges and I haven't had any binges in a while. Keep it up, everyone! It's been so worth it.
Day 2. It was a really rough week, and I'm feeling so much better to be 2 days clean. Why can't I remember that binging makes me feel absolutely horrid?
Eurydice -- you made a comment that really hit home for me ... self-loathing, I know it all too well. You really stated a very simple and obvious fact that not bingeing -- even if it doesn't translate into weight lost -- does wonders for how you feel about yourself. How true. I guess a lot of it is knowing that you're actively DOING something, MAKING healthy choices which in turn must flip a psychological switch. Having said that, I decided to weigh myself this morning and am up to a post-binge 125 as opposed to my usual 120-122. Does it make a huge difference in how I look? No. But those 3 lbs really, really irk me and put me in such a huge funk. I am trying to tell myself that I probably didn't consume 9,000 calories (really don't think I did) to have actually gained 3 lbs and that even though I'm already on day 6 of "clean" living, they will most likely disappear from the scale sometime quite soon. Until then, I am trying so, so, so hard to not let this vanity weight bother me. But it's tough...off to my 30 minute walk to the movies now always trying be on the move!
Day 7...by tonight I'll have had a binge free week. Luckily I do not like football so no Superbowl parties for me. I'll be cleaning and rearranging my spice cabinet and medicine drawer. Seriously. And I'm looking forward to it.
Good behavior yesterday: as I was coming home from a night out (only 1.5 glasses of wine and it was plenty) I had an attack of the munchies. Made a sensible choice and bought the Atkins version of Reese's peanut butter cups. Kind of blech...but an OK substitute. I only had one, which was enough to curb the potential binge. Yey.
Day 20, but having a hard time for the past 3 days. I want to just hog out all time, I'm eating too much junk food here and there, my weight is going up.
ugh just binged. wasn't planning on going to a superbowl party, but then when i decided to go all my plans went out the window as I thought "well, going to eat a lot tonight anyway, so might as well start now!"
ugh. disgusted. and still going to eat later at the party, even though i'm stuffed now.
Not doing so hot lately! Rather than waiting until the end of a successful day tomorrow to post "day 1" I'm just going to try to deal with the rest of today and post about that NOW. Purely speculative, but I think I get into a bad cycle with carbs and blood sugar and then it's really hard to get out.
I went away for a mini-vacation and was surprisingly very good... probably because I don't binge in public. Actually made it 5 days, which at home, would be very hard for me. Came home today and guess what happened? Binge. Ugh.
I'm thinking I need to try changing up my environment... maybe go for a walk or stay out of certain rooms in the evenings.
I'm really impressed with all of you who have made it so many days... it gives me hope!
always trying be on the move!
