I am on my 101st day of abstinence with OA and have lost almost 26 pounds. These last two days, while not binging or overeating, have been hard to count calories for. Friday night we had a "Christmas dinner" for a friend who is leaving for a year long missionary trip to Africa, so I ate more than I typically do, but stopped when I was full. I also did not eat any trigger foods I did not even try to count calories though, since most things there were homemade (aka, dripping in fatty goodness).
I ate healthy most of today while at an OA convention (ahhh, irony) but ate a pasta salad at lunch since it was the healthiest option at the restaurant that was picked by our group. I did not count calories today, but am only eating my normal foods in normal amounts. Calorie counting will start again tomorrow, no excuses.
I guess I just want to confess to someone else that this is the closest I've come to binging since I've started this journey. Please, some words of encouragement would mean so much right now. I'm on my way to the store to stock up on more healthy stuff now.
P.S.: I wanted to add that I did NOT eat any pizza that I brought home for my hubby as a treat, even though I was super stressed about writing my thesis tonight!
Thanks guys...

Be kind and gentle with yourself. You didn't "fall off the wagon" and that is great and realize that! Tonight will come and go and you will get your thesis worked on and tomorrow is a new day. It's going to be ok.

One thing I keep reminding myself (as impatient as I am for the weight to come off) is "one day at a time". I too have not yet had a slip, but some days I have come close.

I start each day by telling myself to just take the day as it comes; plan my meals; plan my activity.

One thing I get is cravings for a big bowl of pasta, some chips and a big loaf of white bread (white flour products are my weakness) but then I think of what a waste that would be of the work Ive already done.

I think you actually made some good choices and should feel proud of that. You stopped eating when you were full, did not choose any of your trigger foods and ate your normal foods in normal amounts.

I think it's great that you will get right back to calorie counting today and not let this throw you off track. That's been the most helpful thing to me as a maintainer.

Congratulations on your 101 days and your weight loss! They're both wonderful achievements to be very proud of.

The other ladies have really said what I feel too. You've come a long way.

I don't want to sound repetitive but they are right. Be nice to yourself and also know that you have come that far because you're strong enough to come that far..and you are strong enough to keep going.

We're not 'dieting' as such..we're making lifestyle changes. I try to remember this everyday all day. I am trying to keep reading through the posts of those who've made it through to their goals. Some of them must have had issues that they rode out and made it through.

I don't think it's something that every just goes away for good. I think it's something that can even sneak up on you and realize you've fallen back into the old way. What I also think is that for some people, creating boundaries and saying no, I don't do that ever is hard. In various relationships, we have to have a sense of boundaries or issues start. We have to know what our boundaries are and what's ok and what's not. A lot of people have trouble with creating healthy boundaries. People tend to create unhealthy living patterns in one way or another in 'some' capacity unless they can create a set of boundaries and really live confidently in those.

For overeaters, there are some issues. Many eat for comfort, emotional eating. What's going on in that person's life that triggers? Stress and emotional states. Why do those emotional states come? Things get imbalanced. A person longs to have control. Or to have a pity party with food. Or to just sit alone and eat. But it never makes us feel better for long. After eating all of that the guilt sets in. The reality of our current weight and the increase in the scale creates a vicious cycle.

It doesn't mean that we have to allow those skewed justifications for our behavior to control and rule what we do. We need some boundaries and we need to live in them. If we don't, we'll never be healthy. We'll always be a few bites from out of control and extreme on one end or the other. We can't afford that. At all. Moderation. It's something hard for me and many of us. Some people just do it natural. They're naturally an in the middle kind of person. I wish anyone in my family was like that when I was growing up, subsequentially I learned extreme living kind of behaviors. My husband is very even and moderate and I can't relate to how normal and easy that is. He can eat a piece of cake (or not at all) and be on his merry way. But for me...no. If I eat a piece of cake I'll sit there and eat the entire cake. I won't even bother cutting slices. Then I move on to other things until...I've eaten an enormous amount of calories and feel...angry and everything you know. This is just...sad and why do I do this to myself?

But, we can get through this. When we get a true sense of responsibility, consequences, and being strong enough to face those two things and decide we're not going to live in a way that is unhealthy and could really lead to our deaths if not nipped in the bud. I mean really..it could lead to our death. So we really don't have a choice here.

We have to figure out how we can control ourselves from excessiveness and leave old, bad ways of life. I know it's hard. I feel like such an urge a lot. It's like I can feel this desire in my blood. And I literally put my head on the table and cry trying to keep from letting this beat me. It's not really different from any kind of addiction. People do overcome their addictions and many can have fall backs due to random, unforeseen events. But, we do see them right now. We do see the choice right in front of us. And we will keep seeing it because we're aware of the issue and the desire creeping into us. I don't know about you but I think about it each and every time it's time to eat. It's always right there.

The benefits of not falling off the wagon so to speak....are extremely positive. I'm trying to learn to smile gracefully through difficulties because I know that after the pain...I'll be that much stronger. I want to take my lessons and grow. They are opportunities to grow and reach further into potential positivity and realms of understanding. A brighter light makes it easier to see. So we don't want to go back into that darkness. Losing it is going to push us further away from where we want to be....

So..let's try to rationalize it if anything and make that right choice. Accountability and understanding and living according to consequences. We don't binge because we know what it leads to and we don't want that consequence because that consequence is NOT ok with us. It's not healthy. It's not right otherwise and we want to be people of principle and people of moderation and people of boundaries. We can control our own behavior. We can stop that reach for food. We can also turn our heels and walk away. We can leave the house or the room. We can shrug it off and say, nah, I think I'll pass. And we can do this because we know the consequences and we don't agree to those.

I kind of said a lot. I'm sorry about that. I hope there is at least something meaningful to you in it. These are the things I tell myself so .. it's all I've got. Huge hugs I hope you get through it.

Decide today that you're going to push yourself to a new level. You're not going to eat all that then start over. You're going to say no and push forward. You're worth it. Your family is worth it. Your life is worth it.

Thank you so much guys--everything that was said was what I needed to hear! Today is a new day, and I deserve to eat healthily. Love you guys!!!!

Toddler on lap- short post.

101 days! Thats GREAT!! What a day that 101st day was for you?!

Just wanted to add, yesterday was a good day calorie wise! I also went to the gym and feel much better. thanks guys!