Hi everyone,

I have been reading posts for awhile but this is the first time writing.
I am binging out of control and I don't know what to do to stop it. It seems I lose a few pounds and then I binge until I have gained it all back.
I am currently 80+over weight.
I am really scared of never losing this weight. My self image is really low and I am feeling more and more like I don't want to go outside.
I feel like I am obsessed with my size. I go to sleep at night praying for change and I awake the next morning hating myself.
I know this is destructive.
I am 36 and I fear that I will pass on these bad emotions to my little girl.
I really need to feel better than I do right now.
I am hoping that this list is my new chance.

My name is Amanda I'm 18. I have the same problem that you do. I bengie until i throw up (I don;t make myself). All my emotions are food. And I've been with my b\f for 6 years on;y lived with him for 2 but almost evey day he comments on how pretty this girl is or that girl. He tealls me all the time that I need to lose weight and that I'd be perfect. But more or less UI want to do it for myself. I was abused all my life I've been in and out of foster care not once but twice my mom kicked me out when I was 15. So thats were eating comes in its like comfot for me. when I get depressed I eat when I'm stressed I eat. I have 3 jobs and i see these pretty girls that come in with there tight shits and showing their belly and I want to be able to do that you now not for attention but satisfation and self confedence. So if you get help Would you please help me?
Thank you

Dear Amanda and fummy... you are both so brave for posting such honest messages. Did you ever think about what a miracle you life really is?? You are both special and deserve to be treated with love and respect. One way of nurturing our bodies is by eating a healty diet most of the time. Perfect is way beyond my abilities but the days that I feel in control are getting more frequent. It is such a wonderful feeling to have no need to zone out or binge.
I agree that this is a way that we self medicate and try to stop pain. Is it really working for us... not by a long shot.

Amanda.. you are so young and have already gone through such difficult times. Yikes you were a child when you met your boyfriend. He has no right to judge you or comment about your weight. Besides it sounds like you are pretty hard on yourself with out his help. Lighten up sweety. Think about some of your wonderful qualities. These are where your value is. I would really evaluate a relationship where my partner judges me or makes hurrtful comments. Is he worth keeping?? If so then tell him how painful his comments are. Be kind to yourself Amanda. You can heal and have a great life...

Flummy...It sounds like you are a Christian gal like me. It really does help to pray. I find that focusing on positive thoughts really makes a difference for me. Let yesterday go...just be in this moment. Today you can eat a heathy diet. Today you can be kind to yourself. Today you can feel love...It really is simple and becomes easier everyday. Pray for specific results..I know you can become stronger and happier..

I still have a lot to learn but know how a great week and month can feel...Take Care and God Bless... Lori

Hi Girls,

Bingeing is a safe haven for many of us. The majority of women eat out of emotion. I dont know how you feel but the more I put myself down and instill in myself the thought that I am fat and ugly and that I cannot do the things that I want to do because I am overweight the more I feel like I want to eat. But I have slowly learned to adapt

The first step to regaining control over your eating habits is to realize that you are beautiful no matter what size, shape, color or anything else you may be. This is a hard thing to actually do. One way to do this is to stop looking at yourself in every reflective surface and think to yourself how ugly you look. Instead try to tell yourself how nice you look in that outfit, or how pretty your make up looks today. It really sounds quite silly to compliment yourself all day long, but then again it is even sillier to degrade ourselves all day long. Would you treat your best friend that way? No, I didnt think so. Be good to yourself!

The second step is not to consider yourself on a diet. Legalize all foods for yourself. Eat what you want when you want it. You will find that foods loose their comfort value if you treat them all the same.

The third step is to find a new release for your emotions. You can come to forum here and vent to us. I will listen! Another way is to "sit with yourself". When you feel that rush of emotion and feeling of wanting to binge, you should take a break from whatever it is you are doing and sit and really think about what is causing you to want to binge. Learn to care for yourself in a new way, not through food. After all, if we cant take care of ourselves who will?

I got all this information from a book called, "When women stop hating their bodies, Overcoming Overeating". Im not sure who the author is off hand but i will let you know if you are interested.

The key is to love yourself regardless!!!!

Love Always,
Eleni

Hi Eleni... I totally agree with your suggestions. It is so true that we are so quick to put ourselves down and really feels strange to complement and really like ourselves. How did we all get so screwed up Is it ever difficult to stop purging behavoirs. I was doing great for several years and then found myself on chemo. It was ok to be sick and somehow this triggered one more bout of bulemic behavoirs. I'm still fighting this relapse. I know that a major key for me is not to "zone" out. I will try your advice about sitting with yourself. I've never heard it expressed like that before and it makes so much sense. I hope I can offer you support as well. Thank you for your insights...Lori

Thanks!

You were able to overcome your disorder once and that is a great accomplishment. It took something catastrophic for you to go back to your old habits and that is completely understandable. But, I hate to sound like a pest, but being sick is even more of a reason for you to try and take care of yourself. I'm glad to hear that you are willing to try something new! You can do anything you put your mind to as long as you have the confidence that you will succeed. When we rid ourselves of negative behavior, the sky is the limit! Thanks for the offered support. I may just take you up on that! I hope you are feeling better and have a great week.

Eleni

You are sweet Eleni... it is nice to be able to have a place to share not only our failures but also our moments of victory. I've been on the Sugar Buster's program and actually weighed in today for the first time in months, years... hmmm I really don't know. I had such a obsession with the numbers that I had to go cold turkey. Well I was 197 and felt ok about the #. I had really ballooned from being on steroids for so long. It felt so lovely to just see todays weight as a starting point. Just a change of perspective makes a world of difference. Today I sat without a book or distraction and really spent some time thinking about my reaction to the scale. I was proud of the moment and felt great all day. Your simple suggestion is a really powerful tool. Be well my new friend...Lori

Lori,

Congratulations! They say that every obstacle is an opportunity. I try not to weigh myself either. You can really get a better evaluation of your progess by the way your clothes fit and how you feel! I need to learn to sit with myself more. It is a very hard thing for us to deal with our emotions rather than eat until it changes into some other feeling that we are more used too. Its a process but well worth the effort. Keep in touch!

Eleni

Hi Everyone,
thanks for your replies. I was reading my post... when I read it now I can hardly beleive how bad I was feeling.
It seems lately I have been spending all my time crucifying myself over my weight. SOmething ELeni said really got me thinking. I've read that if you compliment yourself you will feel better but I always felt silly doing it. I never thought that it was silly to constantly insult myself.

We allow ourselves liscence to say bad things but feel we need to have permission to say anything nice to ourselves. I know this is a big thing to accomplish. I have a lot of weight to lose and I know I don't want to spend all my life feeling this way.

I find this, writing, helpful. I know it can be done. I appreciate all your support. THis has to be done slowly and I have to begin to treat myself with a little more respect, that means quitting the self degradation.

I'll do this
Flummy

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Hi everyone... Happy Mother's Day to the Mom's. It is gorgous here today and I shall soon go for a stroll. I've started listening to mothivational CD's as I walk. Right now it is the Wayne Dyer cd . Does anyone have other reccomendations??

Flummy. ( and everyone ). I am so pleased that you have made such an important connection. I believe that our thoughts are the greatest factor in how our body will shape itself. We are literally what we eat since the food molecules convert into the cell that give our bodies structure and energy. The ole saying garbage in garbage out is too true. Let's try for one week to eat only healthy foods. We all know what to avoid... I think we will feel so much better we shall continue to eat well. Allow the odd treat but even more essential is to give ourselves those pep talks and affirmations. You are so right that it is so easy to put ourselves down. Let's learn together how to mentally motivate ourselves as well...you go girl and have a lovely week... Lori

Hi Lori,
I have used to listen to some motivational tapes a while ago. Les Brown is really good. One of his books, Live Your Dreams is really inspirational. You got me thinking about some of the books I used to read and I am going to reread them. I also listen to meditation CD's, one that I found to be good I got from Columbia house. They have two, Easy Meditation or something... check it out online.

I am interested in Mediation and I wonder if it's because it quiets my inner enemy. Sometimes I really feel like I have a sudo ego inside that is trying to kick the stuffing out of me. I have begun forcing myself to stop thinking of me negatively. Just tonight I was on the floor with my one and only little angle ( 15 months old) and I found my mind beating me up because I couldn't reach and roll easily... I just really screamed at myself ( inside my head.. not out loud... I don't want them taking me away). Anyhow..it worked.

I think I have to force myself to derail this getaway train of negativity and get myself on track. I'm going to follow what you said Lori.. It will be a challenge because I am going to be traveling for the next two weeks, but I am going to commit to eating healthy for the next week.

Anyone else feel like jumping on board.

talk soon...
flummy

Hi everyone... Flummy thank you for the cd suggestions. I can relate to your frustration about not moving as easily as before. It must be exhausting keep up with your toddler. What a great incentive to become healthier. I'm glad you are accepting challenge of really treating ourselves well for the next week. I'm going to have some planned treats such as strawberries with a little whipped cream later tonight. Just recently a friend told me that she treated her dog better than she treated herself. She fed the dog healty meals, walked her regularly and praised her for normal dog behavoir... I was really moved by her comparison and her honesty. She has joined us in the goal of eating healthy for the next week and has added the clause that we treat ourselves better than she treats her beloved dog. Now that will be difficult but lets give it a shot. Be well my new friend..Lori

Hi Everyone,

I saw my doctor this morning. I had been really feeling bad about myself and it came through in my talk with her. I am going to resume seeing a counselor I used to see a few years ago. I keep asking myself why I am doing this to myself. If I really feel so bad about being overweight, why don't I do what I am supposed to do to make the changes.

I think I sabbotage myself on purpose and I need to see if I can help myself by stopping this behaviour. It's funny, we don't seem to think twice to see our M.D.'s when we have a physical problem...yet seeing a counselor for emotional ones is somehow bad. I can't afford to worry what the rest of the world thinks...they don't have to live in my head.

Good going Lori...keep it up. Good to have a buddy.

flummy

It is so true that there is a mental health stigma. I saw a therapist duning my cancer treatments. She was so helpful and I did discuss food issures with her as well. For many of us it is imperative to get professional help. I was a nurse for over 20 years and still was reluctant to get help. My last radiation treatment was on St. Patricks day. I am off most of my cancer medications. Today I feel so strong and clear. So many things that I used to worry about I have totally let go of. Life is so precious and it is essential to care for yourself as the treasure that you are. It is ok to see a mental health professional. Just be honest and give the therapy a chance...as my shrink says " Be well or at least pretend you are" Lori

I to have been battling problems w/binging until seeing a doctor who specializes in weight control. I have been taking a medication called topomax (i think). It has worked wonders. For those who drink alot of sodas like me...it is a god send. I went from 6-8 a day to 0. It actually makes soda have an awfual after taste. I know it's not a cure all. I still have a lot of work to do on the inside..but it is a start. Good luck everyone.