I've been battling this for almost a decade. I am so weak and can't do this alone but have no where to turn. I used to have such control. This isn't right. Nobody knows the exent of my disease. I am giving myself three days to go without binging and purging or even just binging w/o purging. Wish me luck. This is turning out to be a bad year for getting rid of these nasty fat cells / my fat cell.
I try to be positive and smile, but I remember that nobody, including doctors, peers, co-workers really see me as anything more than an obese person. I used to be something more than that.
What am I going to do about this? It takes away from everything.
You are strong, remember that, it takes strength to post like you just did.
I'm sending hugs and prayers. Stick around and I'm sure the caring people on 3FC will be along to give you strength.
So far today, so good I had a breakfast with coffee, egg whites & toast. Been on a mission to clean my house & finish a lab report due in school. I can do this, three days with out the awfulness. I feel better, am starting a fiber cleanse to get things working properly again. One day at a time, right Thanks for the hugs & prayers. I need them!!!
Be careful, iluvtori. Be well. I am by no means a professional with experience treating those suffering from binging/purging -- but as a fellow former sufferer, I do want to warn you that those "cleanse" rituals can be another form of purging for those of us with a history of eating disorders or anyone prone to extremism.
Are you currently being professionally counseled about your issues? What do you mean by having to do this alone & having nowhere to turn? That kind of statement also concerns me. There is actually a lot of help available out there, and I can attest that if you are able to make the first move & reach out to it, you can indeed find it.
I agree with saef. You definitely need to know that you do have somewhere to turn; if nowhere else, at least you have everyone on 3FC. And, it is a great idea to seek some help because what you're doing to yourself is serious and can be very harmful (as I'm sure you know). There's a link below to a website I found recently that has a place to search for local therapists who deal with eating disorders. Hang in there and keep us posted!
I am a bulemic also and yes it is painful to binge and purge. I take zoloft and it has helped. Also prozac and lexapro are other drugs for bulemics. My doctor, when he gets back from vacation, would like me to try topomax for the binging. Perhaps if I didn't binge, I wouldn't purge.
The more anxiety I have in my life the more I purge. Think about trying a medication. Medication and behavioral control are the way to go. They work hand in hand.
*hugs* Oh hun I know exactly what you're going through. Ive only just managed to kick the harmful behaviours that I'm pretty sure nearly killed me more than once. Definitely seek counciling, there is always a deeper reason for our compulsions than you might think. And be careful with the cleansing as others have said: I tried to kick the habit of b/p with restricting and ended up eating 300 cals a day, exercising for 2 hours straight, and then vomiting up ANYTHING I ate anyway because I hated the feeling of being full. I still have issues with it (all I've eaten today is a massive plate of noodles (I figure it will be dinner/lunch thing since I ate it at 4 haha) and an orange, but I still want to purge it all up, even though I KNOW I've had well under the 1500cals I have *allowed* myself for the day. Sometimes it is best to just try and distance yourself from any food restriction (that is, try not to think about it, if that makes sense) and when you feel the need to binge to try and do something else (I smoke, which is BAD haha, but exercise is good, or just going for a walk to clear your head). If you live alone it might be good to just not buy the food you usually binge on, or to just buy enough food for the meals you have planned (can get expensive, but if you have a baker near you or something just buy one roll, enough ham for a sandwhich, some fruits, and something for dinner). I'm always here if you want to talk, you can PM me for my msn name if you'd like, or my email if you don't have msn.
I understand. I've been purging for about... 15 years now?? I honestly want to stop - I worry everyday about the physical harm I could be causing my body - but I think that I would get laughed at for being obese and having an eating disorder! This is such a dark secret of mine - not even my husband knows. I have been able to stop in the past for extended periods of time, such as during my pregnancies, but I always fall back into the same pattern.
As a recovered/ing bulimic I just wanted to say hello and add my 2 cents. Since getting help about 15 yrs ago, I have had occasional bouts with binge/purging. The last time it hit me was last year, about 10 lbs from my diet goal. That last 10 was not budging! I started counting calories & stepped up my running. Out of nowhere I started binging on protein drinks, then vomiting, panicked that I'd put on the weight I'd worked so hard to lose.
After a few days of sneaking around, I told my husband which for me lifted that secretive allure of the binge cycle. I VOWED, under NO circumstance, would I purge again. It's hard, it really is... but even yesterday after eating so much junk food that I stood over the toilet bowl wanting so badly to get rid of it, I stopped because of that (damn) vow. It works for me. Good luck to you, you sound committed to making healthy changes. It's not always easy, but possible... You can do it!
Binging / Purging a downward spiral...
I had a breakfast with coffee, egg whites & toast. Been on a mission to clean my house & finish a lab report due in school. I can do this, three days with out the awfulness. I feel better, am starting a fiber cleanse to get things working properly again. One day at a time, right 
