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Old 12-28-2009, 04:48 PM   #1
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Hello ladies! Not sure if you remember me posting, but it was in mid Nov. (the 'new and in need of help badly' thread) and i talked about how I'd reached my goal weight of 125 and then due to extreme binging gained 15 lbs. Anyway, first of all I want to thank all the nice people who responded and gave me advice and hope. I really appreciate that!

I've been going through a really tough time, between working too much, trying to focus on school, family and relationship stress, etc. Due to long hours at work I've been unable to find the energy to exercise. Not only does it bother me because I've gained a huge amount of weight, but I also have absolutely no energy. My body was so used to the daily exercise that now I'm super tired all the time, can't sleep at night, and just a depressed feeling in general. I've also been binging every single day. I'm sure I've been eating in excess of 3-4,000 calories a day. As embarassing as this is to admit..yesterday was my Birthday and my cousin got me a cake (even though I'd asked her not to!) and I managed to eat pretty much the whole cake (how nasty is that?!), as well as 3/4 of a pizza and some chips. That wasn't all I'd had that day either. I had doritos and foot long sub for lunch, 3 cans of regular soda (and I NEVER drink soda), candy, chocolate, a cinnamon bun, and a hot pocket..oh and a yogurt which was probably the only healthy thing I had yesterday. I don't even want to think of how many calories I consumed. To say the least I feel absolutely disgusting, and the scale is not being forgiving at all. I'm up to 155 lbs. I cannot believe between mid November and now I've managed to pack on another 15 lbs. Seriously, I know I've had some bad binges but wow. I have a fitday log from october 2nd, and I was 126 lbs. Is that even possible, seriously, to gain 30 lbs in 3 months? I've also done my measurements and my waist which was 26" is now 29". I am absolutely crushed. I worked so hard to get where I was, and now I feel like I've blown everything. My size 4 jeans that fit me perfectly a few months ago now won't even go up over my thighs.. I'm back into my size 8's, and right now even those are tight. My once flat stomach is now far from flat. I'm praying to god that some is just extreme bloat and some water retention, but I doubt it. I can't put myself down about it anymore though. The damage is already done and all that does is depress us more, then we don't exercise and we continue binging because we're upset, etc. It's just a horrible neverending cycle. I guess all I can do is accept what I've done and just start over fresh for the New Year. I need to be positive and instead of beating myself to the ground, I can say okay although bad, it could be much worse, its not 50 or 100 lbs. If I catch it now I can be healthy again before I know it. I keep telling myself everything will be okay, and if I keep that mindset I'm sure it will! I just have to stay focused. I'll be posting here on a regular basis to stay accountable for my actions, and just for support because that's what I need most. As I said before I know quite a bit myself so I'd be happy to share what I know with you all as well. Oh, and if anyone would like a diet buddy just let me know!

Well I'll quit rambling on. Definitely needed to vent so thank you for those who listened! Hope you all have a safe, happy and healthy New Year!
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Old 12-28-2009, 10:46 PM   #2
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I think it takes a lot of courage to admit to all these things to others... Everything you're thinking and have done, I have done. I've also polished almost off an entire birthday cake by MYSELF, (as well as dinner before that!) and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I binged for 3 days straight over the holidays and I gained weight. I don't know how much - I don't WANT to know. My pants are tight and my legs feel super heavy. I gain weight in my thighs first My belly is bloated. I want to beat myself to the ground for it, but (like you) realize the best course of action is to try to look forward. Just take it one day at a time. Don't think about way long-term because then it seems overwhelming. All we can do is pick ourselves up where we are NOW and move on.... and try not to look back (too!) much. Try to love yourself, even though it's the hardest thing in the world sometimes.
Best of luck to you! Thanks for the post!!
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:55 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by italianbellaxoxo View Post
Hello ladies! Not sure if you remember me posting, but it was in mid Nov. (the 'new and in need of help badly' thread) and i talked about how I'd reached my goal weight of 125 and then due to extreme binging gained 15 lbs. Anyway, first of all I want to thank all the nice people who responded and gave me advice and hope. I really appreciate that!

I've been going through a really tough time, between working too much, trying to focus on school, family and relationship stress, etc. Due to long hours at work I've been unable to find the energy to exercise. Not only does it bother me because I've gained a huge amount of weight, but I also have absolutely no energy. My body was so used to the daily exercise that now I'm super tired all the time, can't sleep at night, and just a depressed feeling in general. I've also been binging every single day. ... I keep telling myself everything will be okay, and if I keep that mindset I'm sure it will! I just have to stay focused. I'll be posting here on a regular basis to stay accountable for my actions, and just for support because that's what I need most. As I said before I know quite a bit myself so I'd be happy to share what I know with you all as well. Oh, and if anyone would like a diet buddy just let me know!
Well I'll quit rambling on. Definitely needed to vent so thank you for those who listened! Hope you all have a safe, happy and healthy New Year!

I'll be the first to sign up for a diet buddy!! And Happy birthday!

It's hard to binge then get back on track. Feelings of despair, guilt, self-loathing, self-hatred all get in the way of making a recovery. It's easy to say "drop that attitude like it's hot!", but more often than not (and I'm sure someone will agree with me), that those negative feelings don't go away on their own or with someone screaming in your face that those feelings are BAD.

However, words of wisdom and experience always help, I find, during times when I binge (admittedly, my binges are not the 4000+ calories I used to eat, but I still binge) and during my recovery afterwards. Sometimes just knowing that I'm not alone helps. My little sister was a great person to talk to about it when I had a tough time. My mom was to a point, then she'd just start berating me because I don't think she understood what it was like. My little sis just listened and gave me plenty of hugs.

First things first. You are human and you do make mistakes. I'm a huge fan of diarying everything- from weight loss to gain to what I ate to what made me angry/sad, etc to binges. Get yourself one; just a plain, spiral bound notebook, as many subjects/pages as you want. When you binge WRITE IT ALL DOWN! Write what you ate, when, what caused the binge, problems at home/school/work, anything that will help you figure out what is causing it. Obviously, you're aware of what is causing your binges: stress. Avoidance is an option, but sometimes you can't avoid it, so you need techniques to deal with stress.

Here are a few that I use:
- punching bags/sparring/kata. If you can find a punching bag/something soft, go hard out for a minute. If you still need to, punch it more. I like sparring and kata since I'm a karate person and those two things force me to focus on different things, rather than on food. But if martial arts isn't for you, just punch a pillow or a bag. Get a pillow just so you can punch it; don't use the ones you sleep on.

- meditation. I love this one. Just sit and breathe. 3 seconds inhale; 3 second hold; 6 second exhale. You're not looking for transcendental enlightenment, just a bit of space to focus your mind on one thing: breathing.

- talking. I think we've come up with a "Binge Emergency" thread; post to it when the feeling gets overwhelming. I liked to talk to my little sister; now I self-talk as though I AM my little sister or my best friend. Takes a little while of getting used to looking at yourself in the mirror and answering yourself in the third person, but it works.

- diarying. Write it all down. No one needs to ever see what you wrote, but you know its there, you know your struggles and in 10 years you can read it and see how far you've come.

- CRY! This is the best stress reliever of all, I find, but I use it when nothing else is working for me. It handles everything: frustration, sadness, anger, happiness, overwhelming urges to hug someone around their throat until they've stopped kicking. Corrollary: screaming sometimes helps too.

- phone a friend. This is a corrollary to talking. Find a friend that you're really close to and tell them everything. Tell them you need support and help (not put-downs and nagging, because who really wants to be told "you shouldn't be eating that, should you?" ). Ask if you can call at 2am if you need to. Ask if they can call you to check up on you once a day. If someone has a stake in your weight loss, I find it motivates people more. The more people who have a stake in your loss, the better your support network is, the more accountable you find yourself being and the more people to share in your celebration!

If you're keen on the diet buddy thing, PM me. I sure could use one!
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:24 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by italianbellaxoxo View Post
Hello ladies! Not sure if you remember me posting, but it was in mid Nov. (the 'new and in need of help badly' thread) and i talked about how I'd reached my goal weight of 125 and then due to extreme binging gained 15 lbs. Anyway, first of all I want to thank all the nice people who responded and gave me advice and hope. I really appreciate that!

I've been going through a really tough time, between working too much, trying to focus on school, family and relationship stress, etc. Due to long hours at work I've been unable to find the energy to exercise. Not only does it bother me because I've gained a huge amount of weight, but I also have absolutely no energy. My body was so used to the daily exercise that now I'm super tired all the time, can't sleep at night, and just a depressed feeling in general. I've also been binging every single day. I'm sure I've been eating in excess of 3-4,000 calories a day. As embarassing as this is to admit..yesterday was my Birthday and my cousin got me a cake (even though I'd asked her not to!) and I managed to eat pretty much the whole cake (how nasty is that?!), as well as 3/4 of a pizza and some chips. That wasn't all I'd had that day either. I had doritos and foot long sub for lunch, 3 cans of regular soda (and I NEVER drink soda), candy, chocolate, a cinnamon bun, and a hot pocket..oh and a yogurt which was probably the only healthy thing I had yesterday. I don't even want to think of how many calories I consumed. To say the least I feel absolutely disgusting, and the scale is not being forgiving at all. I'm up to 155 lbs. I cannot believe between mid November and now I've managed to pack on another 15 lbs. Seriously, I know I've had some bad binges but wow. I have a fitday log from october 2nd, and I was 126 lbs. Is that even possible, seriously, to gain 30 lbs in 3 months? I've also done my measurements and my waist which was 26" is now 29". I am absolutely crushed. I worked so hard to get where I was, and now I feel like I've blown everything. My size 4 jeans that fit me perfectly a few months ago now won't even go up over my thighs.. I'm back into my size 8's, and right now even those are tight. My once flat stomach is now far from flat. I'm praying to god that some is just extreme bloat and some water retention, but I doubt it. I can't put myself down about it anymore though. The damage is already done and all that does is depress us more, then we don't exercise and we continue binging because we're upset, etc. It's just a horrible neverending cycle. I guess all I can do is accept what I've done and just start over fresh for the New Year. I need to be positive and instead of beating myself to the ground, I can say okay although bad, it could be much worse, its not 50 or 100 lbs. If I catch it now I can be healthy again before I know it. I keep telling myself everything will be okay, and if I keep that mindset I'm sure it will! I just have to stay focused. I'll be posting here on a regular basis to stay accountable for my actions, and just for support because that's what I need most. As I said before I know quite a bit myself so I'd be happy to share what I know with you all as well. Oh, and if anyone would like a diet buddy just let me know!

Well I'll quit rambling on. Definitely needed to vent so thank you for those who listened! Hope you all have a safe, happy and healthy New Year!

first off...


You are definitely not alone... I think all of us have had a major binge like this at one point or another... (I have a rotten habit of eating 2 large pizzas in one sitting when I am upset...oh yes, my friend-it gets that bad.)

You are on the right track by moving forward and not dwelling on it though (or at least trying not to.) You worked hard to get to 125 before and you can do it again... Think of it as a challenge and think of how wonderful it will be once you see the scale going DOWN again... and your cute little size 4's fitting again....

I wish you luck, and if you ever need to vent, you can PM me.
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:38 PM   #5
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I think that most of us here understand exactly what you are feeling. My binging in the last few months is what brought me to this forum~ I knew I had to get help. I know how angry and sad and frustrated you must feel because I have felt that way many times myself. I am happy though to finally have a place where I can speak the ugly truth about my binges. Everyone has already given you such great advice that I don't know what to add except just keep on truckin'. And if there is anything I can do to help support you let me know.
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:51 PM   #6
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I think the main thing you have to remember is exactally what you said. This could be 50 or 100 pounds before you decided it was too much. Thirty pounds sucks, but at least you woke up before it was more!!
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:56 AM   #7
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It is totally possible, and it happened. This happened to me, too. I was maintaining a weight of 140 for a couple years.. then wham in a matter of 10 weeks (1 school quarter for me) I packed on 30 lbs. I was shocked, too. Most importantly, look at the situation this second and stop the binging. Start up on your old, positive habits again. You can do this!


You could also try, instead of binging on food, drinking a cup of tea, taking a hot bath, watching a funny movie or tv show, reading a good book, or call a good friend who you know you can talk to.

Last edited by Mikan; 12-30-2009 at 02:59 AM.
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Old 12-31-2009, 08:40 AM   #8
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You are not alone!

I too fell off the wagon, but it was more gradual.
I have the same feelings too about how did this happen, my clothes don't fit, etc. but as someone else said: You have to take it 1 day at a time or it just feels hopeless.
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Old 12-31-2009, 11:24 PM   #9
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Thanks so much again ladies. I feel so lucky to have a group of people that are going through, or have gone through what I am. We can all do this together. Tomorrow is January 1st, and I for one will NOT be binging anymore. I can't do it anymore. It's seriously killing me. I have no energy as I mentioned, and just feel like crap. I WILL get healthy again, and like 170starting mentioned, it will feel so amazing to have my size 4's fitting again, so much more worth it than how good that donut or pizza tastes at the moment of consumption.. but that good satisfied feeling doesn't last long does it? and for me, is quickly replaced with regret. You all know that saying "nothing tastes as good as thin feels". It's so true and I've learned this many times before. I've gone through this "starting over" thing twice before, but unlike the past few times I do not have 100 lbs to lose. Yes, again, 30-35 is bad enough but at least it's a heck of a lot easier to tackle. I'm trying to remember this and keep it in perspective. Thanks everyone for the advice and ideas for avoiding food. I will definitely try these things. So here's to the New Year.. Tomorrow morning is a fresh start for those of us who fell off the wagon..We can do it and we'll be at goal (or in my case back at goal!) in no time!
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