[Nailrep]

I just finished reading the thread on what binge eating actually is...In all of my 43 years, I never knew there was an actual disorder for what I sometimes do...

I'm not sure what the trigger could be besides stress or loneliness maybe. But sometimes I will "lose" myself for a period of time where I will consume anything in sight until I'm too stuffed to move or until I feel so guilty I quit eating. There is no special food. I'll eat most anything available. If I'm traveling, I'll pull through the drive thru, internally fighting with myself, but knowing I will lose the battle. To me, fast food is the devil. But sometimes, I'll almost know that I will binge that day on fast food. After I eat, I feel so stupid and weak. I will beat myself up for eating food that really wasn't special enough to waste the calories on. I feel like a nasty pig when I eat like that. But it was "ONLY" a #5, what "everybody else in the world eats every day." Does one #5 at the drive thru equal a binge? I think it does for me because, again, I believe that fast food is the devil. And yet, I can't stop myself.

Other times, I'll eat alittle of this or alot of that. And I will continue to eat (usually quickly) until I'm stuffed. I feel like I'm looking for the perfect food that will satisfy me. I overeat with my hubby sometimes - like sushi or pizza. But I guess I "binge" when I'm alone. I don't think. Just mindlessly eat.

These days, I struggle with depression over a job I hate and kids I miss. Sometimes, I feel like if my life was different, I would control my eating better.

When I got engaged, I decided that I would lose the weight I hate so much. In about 4-5 months, I lost from @150 to 115. I felt beautiful for the first time in years. I was so proud of myself. Then, after the wedding, I began eating again. Slowly at first, but it has picked up momentum until, today, I weigh in at 135. And I'm scared I'm going to continue to gain if I can't get control again. I can't figure out what made me so strong then and so weak now. Sorry to rant, but that thread on binges really hit home. I feel like somebody else knows how I feel...Thanks.

[beerab]

Sounds like while you were happy you were able to eat right and control yourself.

Now the high of the wedding and being a newlywed is wearing off and life is going back to normal the reality is setting back in and you are using food to comfort (though I guess it's not working).

I'd try to see when you feel the urge to eat are you really hungry or are you trying to avoid feeling something?

Maybe therapy would help you out? Or the problems you have in your life- finding solutions to them?

[HungryHungryHippo]

I can relate to the wedding weight-loss. For me, having a goal like that, with a specific date, really motivated me. But then, afterwards, I got lax, and slowly gained. It took my sister's upcoming wedding to motivate me again. I think from now on, I'm just going to have to always have a goal in mind--Halloween costume, holiday dress, etc.--to keep the weight off.

[harrismm]

The End of Overeating is a really good book if you are a reader

[UniquelyNormal]

If you are a goal oriented person then by all means pick one I had some success when I was training for the Breast Cancer 3Day, walking 60 miles in 3 days! Or maybe a 5K? or a half marathon, triathlon? Your goal doesn't have to be to finish first, or within a certain time... just BEING there is a huge goal!

[Nailrep]

Originally Posted by harrismm

The End of Overeating is a really good book if you are a reader

As soon as I read your post, I checked ITunes to see if they had it. They did! So I downloaded it before I left for Hilton Head (work). I listened to it for three hours on the way and three hours on the way back. Still have about 1 1/2 hours left, but it's a great book! Very interesting!

[Nailrep]

Thanks alot for the replies so far. I have decided that I'm going to do whatever it takes to get better eating habits for the long term. I am an emotional eater without a doubt. I very seldom eat because I'm hungry. I just want to learn that eating right and exercising are a gift I give to myself, not a punishment.

The goal thing has always been my way to focus. I used to run and still do sometimes. But my knees will not tolerate the impact anymore - I have bakers cysts in one knee. So, the cardio I do has to be less streeful to my joints. Anyway, the whole working out thing is another subject for a different day...Can't even go into how disappointed I am with myself for not being fit anymore. Ugh!!! Right now, I just want to get focused on eating clean again. I'm on day three of eating better. Wish me luck!

[DogMomNP]

Good luck!

I'm going through something similar......so horrified I let myself get out of shape again!