The Pantry Barn Dance, huh? Catchy little dance I didn't even know I was a pro at. It is so the truth though. It is funny how so many of us do the same things. Today was an OK day so far. OK for someone like me. Should I be honest here? I had a candy bar before 8am and a glass of orange juice. Then I took my daughter to Olive Garden for lunch, (her birthday) and had ravioli stuffed with portabella mushrooms, salad and a breadstick (and since we are being honest, a glass of White Zinfadel). Now I probably won't eat until cake tonight. Right now I am full and satisfied. But who knows what will happen later. On days I work I drink Slimfast (the chocolate, of course) to try to keep myself under control. Some days it works, others it doesn't. My daughter turned 13 today, and I am feeling a little old with her going into her teen years. I am taking her for a manicure in a few minutes but I just wanted to say Hello to everyone who is lurking. I hope you combatted your urge Belle, and for everyone else please feel post and share your stories, concerns, frustrations or whatever else will help you be strong. Take Care.




















:) :)

Um, well, aahh
 

Combat my urge, last night no I didn't. I went the most mental in fact that I have for some time. I just can't bring myself to write the whole list as it is too massive but suffice to say it was a LOT!

I feel dreadful today as I have a fat hangover of massive proportions and I feel like the goodyear blimp. I am supposed to go to a BBQ today, all of us are a little stir crazy as it is school holidays, beautiful weather, and the boys have been sick one after the other for the last three days. Hating hating hating my weakness...but I know I just have to get up and start again - frankly I would rather have root canal.

But I know what I have to do instead. Get up , dust off, get ready in my too tight pants for that BBQ and get going. It doesn't help that I have that time of the month as well (some days are diamonds, some days are stale donuts).

Oh well, things can only look up from here.


Take care everyone

Belle:^:

Can I just say that this is the most eliquent, truthful statement I think I have ever read?! Thank you for writing this. It's exactly how I feel.

I'd also like to know how you can diet with an ED...I'm doing WW right now, and have lost almost 20 pounds, but the points thing became an obsession to me, and I had to stop it or else really make me an emotional wreck.

I'm so glad there are more out there that struggle like I do. :) I mean, I wish we didn't have to struggle, but I'm glad someone else knows how it feels.

The word "diet" is not in my vocabulary. I try to have a healthier lifestyle. To eat nutritious foods and exercise. Key words being "I try". It is very easy for me to become compulsive and very restrictive if I use the term "diet". When I become very compulsive I start to purge, Again. So for myself, there is a fine line that I try not to cross. I am losing weight, but slower than most people would like too. I lost 30lbs this past year, but again I have to be careful not to fall back into bad habits. Right now I am really trying hard to combat my compulsive overeating. I will get a grip again, in time. Until then, you will probably talk to me alot:lol: . Take care all, I will be back soon.

Hi everyone,

Belle, I hope you dusted yourself off and went to the BBQ and that you had a good time there. I know I have a harder time when it is my TOM too. I feel like I could really hurt someone for a chocolate bar around that time. I hope your boys are feeling better. Having sick children is always stressful, esecially when they should be enjoying their holiday. I assume that is like our summer vacation.

Freedom&Light, I am glad you brought that quote up, I believe it is relevant to alot of us. I know it is to myself. I posted before about my dieting with an ED. I think they try to teach you that once you relearn how to eat nutritiously you do not have to diet. Easier said than done, but it is something I try to strive for.

I hope all is well, I think I have beat the urge for tonight. I actually feel proud of myself for once. Thankyou all for being virtually here for me. No more fried rice for me tonight :) .

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
 

Right, this is it. I just got up from the feedbag Iand I really, really don't want to spend one more birthday feeling sorry for myself. I'm 34 tomorrow, and I don't want to hit 35 with the same old same old hanging around my neck (or around my thighs for that matter!)

I will not medicate myself with food anymore. I know I have said similar things in the past but tonight I really mean it.

No seriously, I really do. No more half hearted attempts. No more being afraid of going out because there might be (shock horror) food there! No more scheduling my life around what I can and can't eat and no more deprivation, stressing about menu choices or binging. No more. I wanna get off this ride. I'm so angry I could spit. But spitting is really vile so I'll let the steam coming out of my ears do the job for me. I con't know what happened to me today but by goodness I'm fired up...

Watch me go! (or lose as the case may be!)

Talk soon - We can do this, we can all do this I swear!


Belle:love:

Belle, we can do this. You can do it, I can do it, and everyone else can do it also. I will be 40 in 6 months. I have said I will beat this before my 40th birthday and that date will be here before you know it, so you are a good 5 years ahead of me. Don't obsess tomarrow on your birthday, take the day and enjoy yourself, it will probably do you a world of good.

On the way to the computer I passed the scale and I just thought "I am so sick of you". "I think I will put you in the closet and forget all about you". But, I know I won't.

We have to learn to control this disorder and not let it control us. I am even thinking of calling the pychologist I saw several years ago, to help me cope with things in my life so I don't use food to cover my feelings.

I hope you have a great birthday Belle, I wish I was just turning 35! You have the determination to beat this, I can tell (with the spitting and all that). I believe in you. Happy Birthday :) .

Belle, I find the only thing that will get rid of the guilt is if i promise to not eat until I'm hungry again. Last Saturday I went to a shower and ATE. I tried to keep myself busy and didn't eat to the next day. I wasn't hungry really till then. It's tough to enjoy when you are counting and analyzing everything you put in your mouth.

I'm doing better. TOM is still really tough but I'm trying to put out my feelings here and not eat them. We will overcome all this, I know it :)

Gorgeous gorgeous girls!
 

Thankyou for such legendary support guys. You are so right Runnergirl when you say not to eat your feelings. I think by now just about everyone has seen my feelings on the page firsthand, but sometimes they still get the better of me!

I did dust myself off and head out to the BBQ. I didn't check out every mouthful I ate but it wasn't the focus of my entire afternoon either, which was great. We chased the little ones all over the beach and crash tackled the dog to stop her eating rotten dead things on the shore line!

Bigger news (for me anyway), I cut off my hair.

I have had long hair (and hidden behind it) long enough to sit on for about 20 years, now its shoulder length, I had highlights and feel just like a new woman. (If only that Alien ship with the painless fat sucking machine would fly by, things would be perfect!) I had always said 'when I lose the weight (yeah yeah only said it about a thousand times) I will cut my hair.'

I'm glad I stopped waiting to deserve this and just did it, I feel fantastic. Only one little problem, in my head at least, my long hair sort of drew attention away from my butt...oops now even I can see how it sticks out..this could be a good thing though. Instead of getting new hair because my body looks great, maybe I'll have to work on the body to match the hair!:^:

Being able to communicate with you guys has been such a boost, and meant so much to me. My husband is heading overseas for work in a weeks time for 5 weeks, the last time he was away for 3 and I put on 18 pounds. I was really frightened about how I was going to cope but not now.

Like we all say, we can do this.

Good luck to all of you, from the bottom of my heart

Belle;)

Belle, I got goosebumps when you said you cut of your hair! What a big step for you, a big decision for you. Shoulder length and highlights, you must look and feel like a new woman. Sometimes that is all it takes to get you going in the right direction. I bet it makes you look years younger too. ( I don't remember how old you are, so I am not trying to insult you!)

I know it must be hard for you when your husband goes away. Just keep posting here, and we will help to keep you on track, as best we can.

It sounds like you did good at your BBQ and I hope you had a good birthday. This is a hectic week for me, vacation bible school from 6-9 everynight. I do arts and crafts. 80 kids (divided into 3 groups). It has been fun but very hectic. I will post as much as I can, then next week I will be off on vacation. A week at the beach, I can not wait. I have a tendancy to eat to much "shore food" though, so I am not looking foward to that part.

I hope everyone is doing good, keeping cool, it is high 90's and very humid here. Keep posting and take care.

Hi everyone, just thought I would check in before I headed out for the night. Today was an OK day, didn't lose control, but didn't make the best choices either, but nothing devastating. I know better to do certain things, like when I made a pan of spanakopita yesterday (greek spinich pie). I don't make it often and my family likes it. The pan is gone today already, and though my family ate alot, I ate too much. I should know better, but I hate to deprive my family of things they like just so I don't eat them. (sounds like an excuse to me!). Does anyone else have this problem of having things around for the family and then eating all of it. My kids are old enough now to know that a bag of chocolate chips does not disapear on its own :o . Well, I hope everyone is having a good day. I am off to paint with 80 kids, wish me luck! Take Care.

Ah yes, the bermuda triangle for food....
 

We also have aliens who hoover up whole packets of food (never the rice crackers though) at my house. I feel so cross at myself when I do it...like the other night when I made lamb cutlets. I have this major weakness for them, so I don't make them often. If I only had a couple it would be fine. I bake them in the oven with a bbq glaze and as far as these things go if I could stick to having couple I'd be fine. But they're so NICE!

I also have some dramas when I make a pan of slice of some kind (choc caramel or lemon being the top two) and can't stop at one piece. Do you ever do the 'cut just a sliver' action about 20 times and find the slice half gone? I try to buy choc biscuits and other things that are 'nice' that I don't like but sometimes I just want to cook like a normal person and I know I do it well, hence the problem!:dizzy:

Sonny, good luck with all of your surrogate offspring. My oldest son attends youth group (he's 12) and loves it, although I often wonder when I drop him off if the guys running it take valium before we get there - it's bedlam!

One last thing...funny you should say that about me looking younger. I just turned 34 (not that old, right?) and my youngest sister (who almost screamed me deaf over the phone when I told her I'd cut my hair, in a good way) kept telling me over and over how many years it took off me.
Well, then, just how old did I look before!!! :mad:

Take care all of you, until next time.

Belle.

Cross your fingers - doing well!
 

Don't really know why but appear to not be binging at the moment. Quite wonderful actually, have not stumbled upon cure or anything, maybe just in the centre of the tornado I'm not sure!

My biggest beef this week has been when I'm out and the place I'm eating at has no idea how much fat is in what I want to eat, or what foods are good options. I went to the club for lunch today and was faced with a giant board of food. The woman behind the counter could not tell me whether the vegetarian lasagne or the curry prawns had less fat, had no idea what was in the red wine sauce for the roast beef and apart from telling me not to have anything deep fried (well derr!) was no help of any kind. I know that it's my problem to need to know about the fat not hers but in this day and age (oh no I sound like my mother!) surely with all the health conciousness we have if you sell food, you should know what you put in it!

There, got that off my chest and feel better now.

Take care everyone

Belle

still duking it out
 

Morning. Congratulations on the new hairdo. There is nothing more immediate and self esteem raising as that new do, that makes you feel like a new person:). I LOVE that just out of the stylist feeling.

:dizzy:

This relearning process is weird. I was reading on how even if you have a great day you still are prone to binges as a way of bringing yourself back down to earth. To remind yourself that the ED still rules the roost. I reread this passage twice. Why would you purposely sabotage a great mood? I mean I do that but to see it in print it sounds so backwards. I had a great day yesterday and I decided that I wanted the whole day to be great so I got home, took a bath and went to bed.

Belle, I'm glad to hear that things are going well with you. Honestly, I'm horrible on eating out. I tend to eat like a human but I rarely give thought to health. I just try to pick something that hopefully will satisfy me. And try not to eat again until I'm hungry. Sometimes it works and sometimes i fall flat on my face. :-).

Tonight is my first official 5K. Wish me luck. Hopefully it'll get me hooked and then fitness would be my obsession. Take care.

Good luck runnergirl!

I had a bad night last night.... :( I binged something fierce. I'm really stressed and disappointed that I didn't hear anything about the job I interviewed for. :( I went out and got some fast food at midnight. I knew that I wasn't really that hungry...but I ate it all anyway. :(

Recovery is hard!