Hi everyone, I don't post often in this section, but many years ago, I struggled with bulimia and anorexia (mostly bulimia). I went to therapy and got help (this was 6+ years ago) and since then have mostly very good days, even though I struggle sometimes. Anyway, after I stopped purging, I put on a lot of weight... 80ish pounds. I was never really sure why I kept eating and eating until I was full, and then eating some more.
It seems like in therapy I learned coping mechanisms and what not in how to deal with my fears and anxieties and need for control that led to the bulimia. But I never learned how to eat properly. It's like, when I was bulimic, I would stuff myself until I was full, and then purge. Stuffing myself never mattered because I would get rid of it anyway. Well, after I stopped purging... I still stuffed myself until I was full... hence the massive weight gain.
Only in the past few months have I learned what "content" means when eating. The feeling of a full stomach is STILL a trigger for me to purge, even though I don't. But that full feeling is like a signal to my brain to get rid of it and only when my stomach starts to digest and the full feeling passes do I no longer feel an urge or need to get rid of it. Only when I have come to understand what "content" means do I have less and less of those urges.
My question is, does anyone who is recovered or in recovery talk with their therapists or groups about how to eat like a "normal" person? What "normal eating" mean to you? Only recently have I realized that I never learned this component of recovery... kinda sad it took me gaining 80 lbs to get there.
I am still in the recovery process for this, although I have gotten a lot better from a few months ago.
Eating like a "normal" person doesn't really work for me right now because normal people can eat a bowl of ice cream and be done; I eat the entire pint and I feel very powerless about it. Therefore, I tend to not eat ice cream unless it is a fruit sorbet. Sorbet is ok for me because it has some tart, natural fruit flavor as opposed to a sugar overload. I have to be aware of what I am eating, how much, what I do when I am eating, etc. I don't know if I well ever be able to be an intuitive eater, but until I free myself of my unhealthy relationship with food, what works best for me is planning every bite that I eat. A major part of my bulimia is due to control(due to being raised by a very controlling mother) and planning my food(including treats that aren't major triggers for me) is a healthier way to control my food until I don't feel such a strong need for control. This is just me, however, and it's different for everyone.
I wish you all the best in your recovery and I know you can do this
I understand what you mean, peachykeen (thanks for the photo compliments! ) Like VERY recently have I been able to figure out this "normal eating" thing, but I still get it wrong a lot. There are still things I cannot keep in the house because I will go hog wild with them. I just feel like I missed the whole lesson on "how to eat" because I was so focused on "how not to purge."
I am like you -planning is a must. I guess there is still some of that "control" aspect that I hang on to, but like you I do it because if I don't control and be careful, I will find myself binging and feeling the need to purge. I also still deal with a lot of guilt if I eat off plan... and the urge to relieve myself of that guilt. Gosh, I can't believe I still deal with this 6 years later.
I'm so glad you are doing much better than you were a few months ago! Learning to be healthy is hard work, but very much worth it.
sweetie, what you said about a full stomach being a trigger for you to purge....was also a huge issue for me. I'm a recovered bulemic/anorexic...so I totally understand your struggle.
I found if I get full on healthy food--- I don't feel the trigger to purge. I suggest getting full off of cucumbers or lettuce or carrots. Throw some in every meal....everytime you eat. You will still feel the need to get full...so do it with healhty food.
"Fat Pants", I went to therapy like 15 years ago, and it's still hard for me. In fact as I get closer to my goal, old demons are sneaking up on me. Jendiet says to fill up on veggies and healthy stuff which works... but I have a thing for milk shakes and here lately, wow! I've been making BIG chocolate/banana protein shakes which fills me up like the old days, and that's my trigger. Ugh!
Normal eating... I have wondered about that too lately. why am I just recently learning how to eat? Normal portions, one bowl of cereal not 3, eating out once a month not 12... I hear ya on that one. Maybe our therapists skipped a session or 2 on the subject. Mine never covered life after bulimia. The focus was, how do we keep you from throwing up!
You're doing great woman... better late than never on the whole eating right thing. You've come a long way... keep going!
I think part of the problem with wanting to do "normal" eating is that normal can variate a lot from person to person so you don't really have a good guideline even if you look at people around you. What made things work for me is planning and counting calories. What I do is pre-plan what I'm going to eat and that way I can have a better idea of how to distribute my meals. At first there might be some trial and error because sometimes you might place too much or too little food in one of your meals but pretty soon you'll get quite a good idea of what the best distribution especially since we tend to gravitate around the same certain types of foods.
Just remember whatever method you choose don't get discouraged! You've already come a long way
Question for recovered/recovering bulimics
) Like VERY recently have I been able to figure out this "normal eating" thing, but I still get it wrong a lot. There are still things I cannot keep in the house because I will go hog wild with them. I just feel like I missed the whole lesson on "how to eat" because I was so focused on "how not to purge."
