[just_a_dreamy1]

I think I've struggled with overeating and depression since I was in my preteens. I can clearly remember when I was about 12, thinking "This is the last time I'll eat so much at breakfast. Tomorrow, I'm going on a diet." My siblings and I grew up in an abusive, negative environment that encouraged insecurity of our bodies as soon as we hit puberty (which for me was 9).

The overeating got worse in January, 2008. I went back to school full time and at the same time, I worked, sometimes full time hours. Just before going back, I had lost 40 pounds in a 2 1/2 year period. Slowly, the weight crept back on. It's now been over a year and a half since my struggle to stop overeating began.

I'm ready to acknowledge that I need help from every outside source available if I'm to get this behavior out of my life for good. I can't count the number of times I've started with so much determination, only to stumble and fall. The shame and feeling of despair those falls bring are soul crushing.

I've made many plans of action, all of them involving what I would and wouldn't eat and how much exercise I would get. None of them have ever worked. So, as you can see, this time my plan will be different. Here it is:

- Admit that I need help (check).
- Go to the health food store and pick up either Serenity Formula or Rescue Remedy (herbal antidepressants).
- Ask my family doctor for a referral to a nutritionist (I feel that I no longer have any idea what healthy eating would mean for me. I really need help with this. I'm going to call my doctor on Monday for an appointment).
- Schedule counseling (check). My first appointment is this Thursday.
- Buy new athletic shoes. Exercise helps me tremendously (started last week and felt amazing, but had to stop because my crappy shoes were causing me a lot of leg pain). Payday is on Friday, and I'm going to try to make time to buy them that day.
- Attend OA meetings. Due to a very busy schedule, this week probably won't work (on a good note, I also probably won't binge, because I won't be alone long enough at night). Then next week, I work evenings (again, hopefully no binges because I won't be alone). I may not be able to attend until the second Wednesday in July
- Call the EDA (Eating Disorders Anonymous) support line and/or telephone counseling whenever I feel the desire to binge is becoming overwhelming.
- Use 3FC for accountability and support.
- Go to my chiropractor once a week. I have a back condition, and if I don't go to my chiropractor on a regular basis, I end up sleeping without actually feeling rested, and in pain during/after exercising.

I really want today to be the last day I ever binge. I'm trying really hard to believe that this time will be different and I WILL succeed, and to stay positive.

Thank you for reading!