First time guilt
 

I've always had a guilt complex when it came to my weight, but it was more of a generalizing feeling of self hatred and despair than anything. One I was always able to throw into the background because of my self confidence and whatnot.

But since I started my first official diet ever May 8th.... it's opened a whole new world of guilt complexes and pride for me.

Today, I was so hungry for some reason (it's like my food went right through me last night) I couldn't stand it and somehow managed to find myself eating like 4 handfuls of chips (2 while I was cooking my dinner and 2 when I got up in the middle of sleeping to use the bathroom). I ate all my fruit and veggies and other small meals, but for some reason today I was just like... starving. And craving. And couldn't say no.

I woke up ashamed hours later.

Not to mention it was like I could FEEL the chips in my gut.

What the heck?

For the most part, I'd say that the diet has been working... that I don't have many problems with it. It fits into my schedule and I feel a **** of a lot healthier for eating this way (tons of fruits, veggies, lean proteins, barely any carbs etc, 5 days a week, same plus Lean Cuisine's one day a week, and a cheater day)..... and I usually just get rid of cravings by cheating on a tiny thing here or there.... a piece of candy, a freezy pop (only 25 calories folks! lol), 5 or 6 chips. And that usually actually satisfies my bad food craving for the day.

But 3 to 4 handfuls of chips? :?:

This is messed up. Messed up because I did it, and then messed up because I feel so guilt ridden over it.

I hope this seriously isn't going to be a habit. :(

Have you lost 30 lbs. since May 8th? If so, dog dang girl- you're kicking your own butt!

In any case, I think you need to not let it freak you out. Just move on and don't put anymore emphasis on it. You've heard the saying "What I fear, I create". Spend your time worrying that you *might* do it again and it's nearly guaranteed you will. As soon as I say "Don't think about monkeys!" that is exactly what you'll think about.

Just brush it off and move forward. It really doesn't matter WHY you did it. Focus on each choice as it is there to be made. You are NOT going to lose weight 'perfectly'. In fact, perfectionism will almost ALWAYS ruin it for you in the long run. Decide to accept that sometimes you'll do the weight loss thing perfectly and sometimes you won't. And that's okay so long as you keep at it. It isn't how quickly we lose the weight that makes us successful- it's keeping it off.

Bindersbee is spot on--just keep moving ahead. You do not need to "dwell" on it.

Guilt--once it has led to an apology (if it's that sort of guilt) and made you recognize that you need to change--should be shed! Honest. If beating yourself up worked as a motivating strategy, you wouldn't be in this fix!

You are doing really, really well. :carrot: Focus on that.

No!!! I lost the first 30lbs in the past 3 years, not the past month. :)

And it was a long hard journey of lose 3, gain back 2, lose 4, gain back 2, etc. The first near 2 years and 15lbs was just me becoming a TINY bit more conscious about what I was doing and making some subtle attempts at actually changing and becoming better.... started going to the gym a few days a month, tried to watch what I ate a BIT better (but now that I'm doing it the right way... I see how a bit better was no where near good!!!), etc.

But in the past 8 months I've lost the second half, and that's because I've really become determined. Started at the gym a lot more regularly (probably about 13 to 15 days a month), totally quit partying on a regular basis (alcohol calories... eesh.. and the bloating and water retention... omg!), and this past month started on Nutrisystem which is really working with my schedule and teaching just how many fruits and veggies I was leaving out... not to mention portions!!! Yeesh.

It's been in the past month, since the 8th of May actually that I've lost 8lbs out of that second set of 15. :)

Binderbee: It isn't how quickly we lose the weight that makes us successful- it's keeping it off.

I totally, totally agree!

Thanks guys :) I know it's not going to be an easy road, especially after having a day like today.... but hey.... I'll get there. :cheer:

Let go of the guilt and look at the bigger picture. You are meeting 80% or more of your objectives, this is the win. When we find guilt we find shame and it makes the stuffing and eating all the easier. I find if I am on plan 80% of the time, I am losing.

Thanks Rochemist :) I am definitely trying to do that! I mean, afterall, life isn't perfect and neither am I. So far so good... didnt' gain anything!

Hi starfishkitty! I can totally relate. I'd say I'm pretty good at sticking to my plan most of the time, but every once and awhile I sort of binge on a fave food. It used to eat me up inside, but I made a new rule for myself - to completely forget about it the next day and move on. So far it's been working, and it keeps me from falling off the wagon completely.

It sounds like you are doing an awesome job, keep it up! :)

You're doing great! I was like this when I first really started getting into it. My body would crave EVERYTHING and I would cave. I've learned that slowly but surely, I am losing those crazy cravings. I use to want fast food and scoops and the tostitos cheese (around 3,000 calories together!!). Now I couldn't even imagine having them. Also cinnabon's pecan bun. And other various things. I still get cravings (like cheese steaks, chicken marsala, and apple pie). But I eat them in moderation and enjoy them!

Don't beat yourself up about it, everyone slips, it's only natural. Keep up the good work!

You guys are so right... I've been finding that when I have my little slip ups (which are fewer and farther in between than I thought they would be honestly!!! I work at a gas station and I am SURROUNDED by junk food!) as long as I let it go (without letting it become a habit) and just keep on with my determination and diet..... I'm doing just fine. Still losing and totally happy with it! :) Another 2lbs down! :carrot:

Why did you have chips in the house to begin with? We can't eat what isn't there. And think of your food plan as a lifestyle change, not a diet. You will generate more positive thoughts about what you are doing. Every day, think of 3 things you did right and give yourself credit.

Well, right now I have 2 other people living with me in my place. I'm taking care of my brother that's a senior in high school (and doesn't have any weight problems, different genetics maybe) because his father is dying of cancer and my grandmother because she couldn't live alone anymore (beginning stages memory loss, not too bad yet though) and I try to buy SOME snacks and stuff for them. They, for the most part, don't mind eating healthy along with me... but there's a few things that they want that I don't feel right taking away from them. We have cut down on QUITE a few of the junk foods and snacks though.... :) And they've been really great and supportive, I've got to say. The chips in question actually were leftovers from the birthday party I threw for my brother that weekend....... they were staring me in the face evilly! The funny thing is that I work 12 to 13 hour shifts at a gas station 5 nights a week and I avoid the chips there! lol! :rolleyes: