Hi there,
I've been on 3fc for a year and a half, so I might know some of you from the 100+ board, but I never really came to this area before. But I really need help. I think there is something seriously wrong with me.
I am 39 and ten years ago, I binged my way from 165 pounds to 245 pounds in less than a year. I got to 278 pounds in 2007 and then said ENOUGH, I have got to get off this train before it wrecks. And I started blogging and eating healthier. And I did great... lost 64 pounds total. I did it pretty much by eating a lot more veggies and lean protein, learning a LOT about nutrition and applying it. Stopping the junk food. And then counting calories. And adding exercise.
But when I hit 214 pounds, something snapped. I lost control over the binge thing. I started having "mini" binges (2500-3000 calories in a binge day.... whereas before, I would get to 5000-8000 calories). But I LIKE vegetables and chicken and fish and all the healthier foods I've been eating. I LIKE trying new healthy recipes. I feel BETTER when I stop eating a lot of sugar or white carbs. And I do fantastic for days or weeks at a time, just eating healthy. Then I lose it and start bingeing again. I started making brownie batter and eating it. So I threw out the entire container of white sugar. The next time I just made brownie batter with BROWN sugar. So I got rid of that. Then got rid of cocoa. Then I'd binge on bread and butter, so stopped buying any bread but wheat (I have 5 kids, and a husband who isnt supportive, and bread is a staple for them). Then I would binge on cheese. So I started only buying cheeses that are low fat or cheese that I do not like. And yet, I can go for a week eating very healthy, lose a few pounds, feel fantastic, and then the next thing I know I am shoving foods that I do not even like down my throat. I've gone and eaten a thousand calories worth of crackers that I HATED the taste of, cheese I didn't like, yogurts I didn't like, turkey sausages, even vegetables. Whatever I can get my hands on I eat. And I do not understand my own behavior!
I am SO fed up. I lose, I gain. I go a month eating healthy and then binge for 3 days. I do not know what is wrong with me, what to do to quit, or how to get a grip. I know I will eat healthy tomorrow and the next day... and maybe all week... but that binge monster is just LURKING, just waiting to steal away my success.
I spent over an hour calling counselors, trying to find someone who knows something about eating disorders. I got some really rude reactions on the phone when I tried to explain that I think I have a binge eating disorder. Counselors telling me to "try eating less and exercising." What? Oh gee, I never thought of that. And after I searched all over the Internet and alled all over town, the only counselor I found who is nearby, can see me when I have child care, and is remotely affordable, wants $25 a session and my husband says no. He has control of the money. He says no. I am stuck. Not that seeing a general counselor is the ultimate key, but I think it would help.
I've done Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach, etc. And I always have success for awhile and then binge back up. I am gettin so angry at myself. I had regained 26 pounds and am now back down 6 but omg, I do not know how I am going to fix this.
Anyone?