Is this called denial?
 

I am gaining weight steadily. I know WHY I am, and I hate myself for letting it happen over and over again.

I eat and eat and eat. Not usually because I am hungry, but just to eat. Boredom, anxiety, to make myself happy,...so many reasons. And at the time I feel it, it's the most important thing in the world.

I know about "calories in and calories out." Yet there I am, my hand yet again in the Wheat Thins box, the fridge getting something sweet (and not fruit! Yuk!), the utensil drawer getting out a spoon for the peanut butter jar,.....

It's like my mind can't put two and two together. Connect the dots. Realize that everything I eat has a calorie number, and the more calories I consume, the more chubbiness on my body. Why can't I get it? I'm an educated person!

My dream is for me to one day say "no, I will not eat that because I've had my calorie limit for today". Grrrr!!:mad: Why is this so hard? Am I dense or just in denial?

Heidi

Ticker wrong... back up now to 182 :(

I think you do get it, you obviously get it, you just wish it weren't true.

You are caught in a cycle of drama. You eat, you feel bad and you hate yourself, and then you do it all over again. It's a sort of delicious torture (no pun intended).

~Choirgirl~

Sometimes there's a biochemical explanation for out-of-control eating. I'm not saying there is for you, but you could look at which foods you're likely to binge on. If they're all carbohydrates or fat/carbohydrate combos (which it sounds like from your description), it could be that you're experiencing the carb/insulin response/crash/craving cycle. If you've ever felt like your stomach is full to bursting, but still feel the urge, the compulsion to keep eating, it's very likely that you may be sensitive to carbs (I don't like the term "carb addiction," although it's a fairly accurate description for many folks).

I've learned that if I can keep my overall carb level low, and especiallly avoid high glycemic carbs like sugars and starches, I don't get that irrational desire to eat and keep eating.

Not saying that this is your issue, but if it sounds like it is, controlling carbs could help (at whatever level you find you need to. Some folks do well just by eliminating cane sugar, corn syrup and white flour and others have to beware even of healthy carbs. My issues are pretty extreme, in that I have to watch even fruits and starchy vegetables, as I will overeat even the healthiest of carbohydrate foods - but then again, I'm insulin resistant and have been on the diet rollercoaster for four decades. If I'd discovered this twenty years ago, maybe my issues wouldn't be as severe).

what has worked for me this time, so far, is going back to an electronic log. as soon as I get back to using it, I really do care if what I plan to eat will take me over my self-appointed limit. I use dietpower, in which I do NOT have shares, I seem to have mentioned it a lot recently.