I'm On a Binge
As much as it kills me to admit it, I know it's the only way I can make any progress. I am on a binge. Hey--at least I'm telling someone.
After work I went to Taco del Mar because I was hungry and nothing I have in the fridge sounded good. Thing is--I went grocery shopping just today. That's probably part of it, since I spent all but $10 of the money I have left from my paycheck, and the next payday isn't until the 15th. I know my mom will help me out, and I do have plenty of food in the house now so I won't starve to death, but still. Money is a stresser. And then there's the fact that I'm SO freaking lonely these days. My boyfriend and I broke up on July 17th (he broke up with me and then told me he'd been cheating on me for pretty much the entire 3 1/2 years we were together). I'll never want to go back to him, obviously, but I miss having another person around. All the guys I've met since then are either looking for just one thing or entirely emotionally unavailable. I just want someone to really talk to and have a connection with. I love my friends and all, but it's not the same. So basically, food is my comfort and my friend. Specifically, that Taco del Mar taco salad and this can of triple chocolate fudge frosting are my friends. Why, oh why can't my vice be something else? Like NOT eating? I know that I'm going to feel really really horrible when it's all said and done. Usually a binge for me ends with me curled up in bed feeling nauseous. It's actually quite akin to the feeling of having drunk way too much and being sick, except that I've never been able to throw up after a binge. At least I've admitted it, though, and I've been honest here. The relative anonymity of the internet helps. So tomorrow, even though I'll be just as broke and lonely as I am today, I'll try to do better. For now, though, it's time for me to turn out the light and curl up in my bed. That's the only way I'll stop eating (other than finishing the can of frosting). |
Honestly, I think you are inspiring! I am sooo impressed that you came on here to talk about it. I usually only post the good things I do to celebrate, and other than one time recently, I pretend like these bad times dont happen.
At least you`ll wake up in the morning...and...well...Its another day.. Gotta love cliches. |
Hey KendraLynn,
I think it's great that you had the courage to share that! The funny thing is, I did exactly what you did and I even blogged about it. Like everyone else on here said, the important thing is you realize why you did it and most importantly you realize that tomorrow is a new day. I bet it feel good to get all that stuff off your chest. I eat for reasons other than hunger sometimes too, something I am really trying to work on and change. xoxo, Rachelle |
FYI- Your cheating ex was unavailable, too. Actually, he was aparently too available. At least he did you a big favor and got his unfaithful tail out of your life so that now you can be able to receive the love of someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. You can make it through this time. Just dont give up. You've dropped some serious weight! (Not to mention the poundage of that dude). One thing you di tha i have done- It sounds like you got way hugry. Is it possibe for you to keep premade meals/snacks around? I had a friend a long time ago tell me that even after she had dropped a bunch of weight and maintained it, there were times when she had to change the route she drove home to avoid a chain that sold her trigger food. Anywho- best wishes to you. That binge was nothing but a blip on the screen for you. Take care.
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Can I let you in on a little secret? Having someone in your life doesn't equate to feeling fullfilled. I've been happily married for 17 years to a great guy and have 3 kids and I still feel lonely. I'm learning that I have to learn to love ME first before I can get past the binging. Binging for me is that self-destructive thing I do.
Hugs and hope you feel better tomorrow. |
We all do this! Don't even sweat it, you'll drive yourself insane. Just get right back on and keep going! Eventually, we will reach a point where you don't bing anymore (hopefully.) Every single person on here has binged or screwed up at some point... If they didn't get right back on track, no one here would ever lose weight! Best of luck & I hope you are feeling better!
PS-You're better off without that jerk anyways!!! |
Wow, you are so brave. When I overeat I tend to just hermit and chew.
Not sure if this helps, but I had a very good friend who was single for ages, and I do mean years. Someone who was perfect for her came along when she was having fun and had joined a salsa class with some friends. Sometimes people come along when you least expect it and aren't looking. Is there something you always wanted to learn that you could go do for yourself? |
PS- your profile pic is beautiful!
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I have been on a binge too. Thanks for sharing- feel less alone.
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Hope you are getting past your binge now. Don't dwell on it with guilt. Just move on. You are VERY brave to come and admit it. Its easy to post that you are this many or that many days binge free. Much harder to admit when you go over the line.
I also think your pic is beautiful. Glad the boyfriend is gone, you will be able to move on when you are really ready, and you will find the right person then. |
Well to admit the truth I just had chocolate and shouldn't have! AAAAAAAGHHH
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I've been going through binge **** the past few months so I know how you feel. I'm slowly coming to recognize the emotional stressors that are behind it and am getting a grip...one tiny bit at a time. Still, progress is progress. |
Don't Despair!
KendraLynn, it's good you're being honest with yourself!! Don't beat yourself up, it's so easy to be tempted by yummy food when we feel down emotionally and it's a tough blow to deal with from your ex! The good news is that you've lost a lot of weight already - and boy will he be sorry!! Jump right back in the saddle, I have to try so hard every day but you are beautiful and motivating others, hang in there - chances are you won't want that fattening treat if you can wait it out! Look at what you've accomplished already - Good for Y:)U!!http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar-ch...24.5/25.5/.png |
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Hey sweetie,
Don't feel bad. I'm also on a bit of a binge. My boyfriend and I broke up recently so I've turned to food for comfort. It's tough to get out of the rut but it takes time, support and loving yourself :) Hang in there! |
When I was in my early 20's and realized I was a binge eater and was gaining too much weight, I got desperate and got diet pills from my doctor. I took them for a week and was elated that I had no desire to eat when taking them, but I actually stopped taking them just so I could binge. The binging was not about the food...it was about using food to self-medicate.
I came to this forum for support, but also knowledge about binging and how to cope with it. The second part may be here and I just haven't found it yet. So I started doing some googling and came across a site that pretty much nails what I was looking for. And this is something that I really already knew, but it's easier to eat than it is to face my problems, so I needed to be reminded of this. I cannot link to the site, because it's against forum policy, so I'll cover most of the points that hit home in my own words, and will quote one part at the end. I don't want to promote the site because they are trying to sell a product. I am not encouraging anyone to buy their product. I just found so much good free information on their site that I'd like to share. So here is a synopsis (with some of my own thoughts added): Quote:
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That is not to say you don't want to change your lifestyle now by choosing healthy eating and exercise. That too will help you improve your self-image. But I'm trying to offer suggestions about the question asked in this very thread. Why am I binging again and how do I stop it? |
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