Sabotage
 

Hey everyone! So last week I was doing awesome. I wasn't binging. I was trying to control my portions and stop eating when I was full, but then I realized something as the week went on. I think my roommate is intentionally trying to sabotage my diet plan. I don't believe in "diets" but I believe that everything in moderation is ok, except try to stay away from the really bad stuff like McDonalds, which should only be eaten on occasion.

Well I had the talk with her about me really wanting to lose weight. She seemed really willing to help as she wants to lose weight too. However, twice last week she wanted to go to McDonald's. Well I am the type of person that can't NOT eat something if I go there. So I figured I would just go and have a cheeseburger, no fries. Well then she talked me into getting 2 more items off the menu!! I was so pissed at myself for letting it happen, but how do you stop someone from purposely trying to sabotage you? She did it again the next night as well. And since then I've realized that she does it pretty often to me. I don't know if she is consciously doing it, but its starting to be really frustrating. Does anyone have suggestions? I'm so weak when it comes to food that is is extremely hard for me to say no, even though I know that is the right thing to do. Thanks!

It doesn't sound to me like she's sabotaging you. It sounds to me like you're using her as an excuse. :)

She's not forcing you to go with her. She's not bringing back food for you and forcing it in your mouth. She's not making you say yes.

You are agreeing to go with her, even though you know you can't resist ordering. You are going and ordering more than you planned to, even though you know you don't want to. You are eating the food you ordered.

No one else is responsible for the places you go or the food you put into your mouth except you. So the next time she says she's going to McD's and wants you to come with her .. SAY NO.

"Sorry, Roomie, but I have no willpower at McDonald's, so I just can't go with you. Thanks for asking though."

It's all you, baby!! :) Only you can control what you do.

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I have to agree on the above person's post. You are inherently responsible for yourself and what you do.

I do have to ask you what you think your roomate's motivations are? Is she overweight as well? If she is, maybe her sabotage is because she is uncomfortable with you trying to better herself because she doesn't want to.

If you think she is trying to sabotage you, you have to examine her motivations...like why would she want to make sure that you stay overweight?

Or she could just be completely dense and not know what she is doing.

Still you are responsible for your actions! When you say yes to her about eating whatever, you are saying no to yourself when it comes to your own goals.

-R

Say the two posters above me are right and you are using her as an excuse. Is it possible your room mate is doing the same? "I really want Mcdonalds, know I shouldn't have it...but if I convince so&so who is also on a diet thats its OKAY to do.."

I'm not sure really. But if you know you cant control yourself in McDonals's my suggestion is next time she asks you to go, say no.

While I agree that you are in control and the decisions are yours etc... I can also relate. Whenever I go to visit my sister she always buys all this unhealthy food that I really like. I have tried to say things to her but she just gets hurt and says that she was just trying to be nice. I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it is subconscious but it is a tough, tough situation. That is one reason I have a different focus on my weight loss now. I used to go a little crazy with all those treats because I didn't have them in my normal life but now I am trying to incorporate things like that into my life so that when confronted with them, it is not such a big thing. I guess it is along the lines of giving myself permission to have things and then nothing is taboo. We shall see how that works because I am going to see her in a month.

She might be sabotaging you, some people do that. But most likely, she just wants to go to McDonalds' and wants company. It would be great if she could make it easier for you. But ultimately, you have to handle it, because this stuff will ALWAYS happen. It just does.

If I were you, I would start to suggest healthier eating out options when she brings up going out to McDonald's, or just tell her that you want to eat healthier and that McD's is too tempting for you so you just can't go anymore. OR when she brings up McD's you can tell her you were actually planning on making your own lunch/dinner/going to the gym/doing an exercise tape/going outside for a walk and that she's welcome to join you.

If you really want to go to McD's with her, though, you can always just order a lower-calorie option, such as a grilled chicken wrap w/ honey mustard or a fruit and yogurt parfait. I generally don't go to McD's, but my slim sister regularly will want to stop at McD's or Wendy's to run through the drive-thru for a grilled chicken wrap or chicken nuggets. I just keep my mouth shut about my personal feelings on fast food and don't order anything. I much prefer my own food to fast food, though.

Good luck!

I agree with the majority of the above posters.
I understand how hard it can be to say no when faced with the temptation of someone near you eating junk food, but...
you're the only one in control of what you eat! As PhotoChick, Etherence and Spoz said - it's better to avoid places like Mcd's. Worst case scenario, you don't hae to buy a cheeseburger. They have salads (minus the dressing + croutons), apples etc.

hmm, I wonder if this were a spouse suggesting mcD after you announcing your weight loss intentions we would think about it differently. If you told me you didn't want to drink anymore, I don't think I would expect you to come out to a bar and just drink root beer.
If you are serious about your intentions, say no to the enabler. Don't go in there at all, until you are at the point where you feel strong enough in your choices.
good luck

I might. I might not. There are two components here.

The first is that the emotional/support "requirements" of a spouse are FAR different from those of a friend. The two aren't comparable. I expect my spouse to have more of an awareness of my goals, my lifestyle, and my diet plan. If I tell my spouse that I want to lose X weight and not eat X food, I expect him to remember that. I expect him to buy into my way of life *to some degree* in order to support me.

But a roommate/friend? Not really. I don't expect my roommate/friends to buy into my way of life, or change theirs to support me. I don't expect my roommate/friends to stop and think "Hmmm is McDonald's healthy or not?" if *they* want to go - and think about asking me to keep them company.

The second is that even if it were a spouse (as it has been with my husband) - he just doesn't think sometimes. There no sabotage in his mind when he says "I'm going to Taco Bell - can I bring you anything?" I've been eating healthy and losing weight for nearly 2 years and he STILL asks me every time he goes. Every. Single. Time. It's not sabotage. He just truly thinks he's being nice.

So even though I explain that Taco Bell isn't really something I want to eat any more, he asks - because I might want a Diet Coke. Or I might just want to go along for the ride. And you know what - sometimes I do just go along for the ride, even if I don't order anything. Just to keep him company.

So, no, in that respect I still might have the same attitude - because asking someone to go somewhere with you - even if it's McDonalds or Taco Bell is NOT sabotage. If you can't control yourself around that kind of food, or in that restaurant, then it's up to YOU to say "no" and not go. Or to make a point of stressing that invitations to McDonalds are not welcome - and please stop issuing them. But when you go every time the invitation is issued, and when you order food every time you go, you give the message to the inviter that the invitation is welcome and there's no reason for them not to continue to do so just to be friendly.

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Is your roommate overweight as well? Perhaps she is not ready to diet herself, thus wanting to hold on to her eating buddy, and your old lifestyles. Or, if she isn't overweight, maybe she doesn't see the issue with fast food because it has never been an issue for her. Maybe you could discuss your feelings with her again, and plan to make home cooked meals together that are way tastier and healthier than fast food. turn the eating together into a fun and healthy way to connect. and maybe next time she goes to McD's, you could ask her to bring you home a salad, while you make a turkey burger or something at home!