And then she falls again...
 

:( I had a binge eating episode this afternoon...

I was so tired from all the madness I have to go through at college and my heart is bleeding a bit too so I skipped a few classes and I went home... When I got home I turned the tv on and I felt so protected by those walls, so far away from anyone's eyes... specially the ones who make me feel I have too try too hard... and something made me make a chocolat cake and something made me eat it... You know how it's like, we're not on ourselfs when we do that... And now I feel so full, so sick, so frustrated...

I like this boy... I like him a lot... we have the same interests, and whatever I do good, he does better... and he's funny, has a great personality, has the same values I do...

Sometimes I think he likes me and we have a chance.... sometimes it seems he couldnt care less about me...

He cares about bodys, he loves beautiful asses, tiny bellys, wtv... And I feel so pressured to lose weight that I lose my head and do crazy diets and forget that it wont help me...

Yesterday was one of those days he couldnt care less about me... So, this moment, after my overreacted eating episode... I made the decision: I'm starting to care less about him too... I'll want to lose weight, for me, because I love my body and I love my brain, and I love the person am I when he's not around... So I'll make a new balanced plan tonight... and I'll lose weight at my own time.

I'm going to be with him in two weeks and if doesnt like it... to **** with him... I'm not a toy and I'm done with caring about all the stuff in his life without him even remembering my birthday or surgery or important exams... Sometimes I feel he just wants to keep me around so I can boost his ego and because he feels I'm a potencial sex partner... other times I imagine our life together... our happy ending...

Oh well I feel more calm now that I wrote this... I'm on my PMS too, so it helped a lot on that binge eating episode... :dizzy:

Thank you so much for your support... you're really great

Take care of yourself, Epica and the rest will fall into place.:hug: Don't waste your time on a guy that only thinks of himself and not you too. I agree with you completely that you need to lose the weight sensibly, and at your own pace. That's what really works in the end. You're a wonderful person just the way you are right now. You don't need to lose weight to prove that. Hold your head up high and let the world see the wonderful you!!:yes:

Give that guy the boot and get on with your life. Just let it be known that he's alright for a friend but not a life partner. My cousin is still looking for the skinny, perfect woman with the tight little bum and boobs and you know what I mean and he's almost 40 and hasn't got anyone. I told him to go look for a nice fat woman but he scoffs at me but what I actually mean is for him to look deeper than the skin. Fool man, he's probably missed out on several very nice women but he's got that stupid ideal woman in his brain. Other than that he's a nice guy....so you might as well plan to have enjoyed that chocolate cake because it's history now. Pull up your boot straps, wash your face and put on a bit of make-up and get back on plan and know that you're a nice to be around person.

Epica, I'm so glad you want to do it for YOU, not for some silly boy who doesn't give you consideration beyond his own whims. And he isn't nearly good enough for you if he doesn't even remember things that are important to you (like bday, surgery!, etc.) You deserve better, and you deserve to treat yourself right and be healthy! Hang in there!

I'm going through a very similar situation. I've been into this guy for quite a while and we have a great time together but for some reason he just acts like I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend. I'm trying to move on and get over him but it's so hard. I know it will be better in the long run though, or at least I tell myself that. Maybe I will start listening eventually.