antisocial
 

my binges drive me to horrible antisocial behavior. i feel so miserable after binging that i don't want anyone to see me and i can't even count the number of times i've backed out of plans in the past year or so because of this. it's more than hiding what i eat or how much i eat... i just feel so hideous that i don't want anyone to see me at all.

i need to stop this binging... i HATE what it does to me in every aspect.

Yup, I can relate. I've made so many excuses to back out of plans when I'm in binge mode. I also have avoided seeing people for long periods of time because I had gained a lot of weight after bingeing for weeks/months.

I'm fairly certain that I've lost some good friendships over this. People just got sick of my excuses. I can't say that I blame them.

I'm trying to work on this and work on being more honest with the people who are close to me.

Yeah completely hear you. I haven't seen any friends for weeks. Not because I'm bingeing, in fact I'm losing, but because I'm losing *it* (my mind) as well, but its based in eating disordered rubbish.

I don't consider myself good enough to be with most people I think

emily
xxx

it's an odd comfort to know that other people feel and act like this too.

somewhere inside i know no one cares if i've lost or gained weight, if i'm feeling bloated or just *****y... but i do feel completely unworthy of people's company when i get like this.

i have plans with a friend tomorrow night, i'm seriously going to keep them.

Hi Iris
 

Hi Iris,

Thank you for your post, reminding me of my own deep-seated tendency to isolate in COE mode.

And lately I find I want to isolate even without binge-eating. Scares me. I think it’s rooted in the fear I have currently because there is so much coming up for me that was buried beneath my food. I’ve been feeling negative, and isolating on that. If I keep that up, I’ll definitely overeat. I’m hiding in my work, and that’s not good either.

Other little tell tale signs of maybe setting myself up. Not drinking enough water – that’s a big one for me. And since I had the flu last week, I have not gone back to my exercise regime.

My overeating and binge-eating was all about isolation. I know I let people down and missed out on life-opportunities as a result.

Because of your post, I’m going to take a bit of action today – I’m going to show up at my AA meeting. I don’t want to, not sure I’ll keep my commitment, but I’ll try. I’ll take inspiration from your courage in meeting your friends tomorrow. Best wishes,

Wow,
I should have posted my intro. thread here because I'm feeling the same way.
Sometimes I come home after work and spend the rest of the evening in bed reading and sleeping and snacking. Uggh! I want to avoid the demands of my family when I'm doing this, or just looking for some time to myself after a hectic day at work or wanting to shut out the world.
I think that's why I eat mindlessly sometimes, as a distraction from my stress.

I've definitely been there. Not only have I avoided seeing people but I've turned down plans just so I could stay home and binge (pretty sick, huh?). Its so hard to break the habit but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time.

i seriously don't know what i'd do without this website... i really don't. I've not had internet for a week and it's been hard enough living without 3fc for that amount of time. I feel like everyone here thinks in exactly the same way i do... it makes me feel less of a freak really. Knowing other people actually feel the same way. I would never have thought anyone else felt like me, like they had to isolate themselves when they over-eat because they feel so ashamed and like they've let everyone down including themselves. I'm so glad i have everyone here to help me through this. I don't know what i'd do if not...

agreed... knowing there's other people out there and getting to talk to them makes me feel like less of a freak and more of a person who just has a problem.

Originally Posted by Flutterby873:
I've definitely been there. Not only have I avoided seeing people but I've turned down plans just so I could stay home and binge (pretty sick, huh?). Its so hard to break the habit but I'm trying to just take it one day at a time.

I've done this too. Then when I realize what I've done (stayed home to eat), I just eat more. The support here is very helpful - I'm so glad I found this site. ;)

Hi, I saw this topic and it hit home for me. I don't post alot, when I do it's usually on the Depression board. Isolation was a HUGE issue for me, as was my ED. I still struggle with it. The weird thing was I was with people all day and everyone thought I was soooo well adjusted and outgoing. They didn't know what it's like to feel all alone in a room full of people or having the overwhelming need to be by yourself. My ED sprung from that. I ate because I was depressed, ate because I was alone, ate because I needed to do something, ate for every reason but physical hunger. It's a horrible, vicious cycle. I'd gain weight and then be embarrassed to see anyone. The thing is over the years I've yo-yoed and not one of my friends ever dumped me or said anything about it. It had no bearing on my relationships but I made it HUGE in my head.

I was a physical wreck because I was an emotional wreck. I'm learning it's okay to be by yourself to relax and collect yourself, but spending that time eating a large pizza is just a way to block out the thoughts in your head that you may need to deal with other issues. I still lose the battle sometimes, but it's becoming increasingly less frequent and I have hope now that one day it'll be a thing of my past and the woman that everyone sees, WILL be the real me.

I have the social graces of a drunken skunk. It has just been recently that I cringe at how much food I consume when I am out to eat.

I used to meet up with another driver when we were both in Laredo, Texas. We would go to this little chinese place and have lunch. I would easily eat five or seven two story plates. She owld have oen small dainty plate. I thought this is was terribly funny because she tipped the scales at 450 pounds. The last few weeks on the road I found myself not eating as much because I didn't want people to see how much I could eat. I had turned into my friend!

Okay so I doubt this has much to do with the thread but at least you know there is a drunk skunk posting around here if you start smelling something.

actually, in the past, i would do binge-eating and afterwards feel sort of the same way as you do.. Not to mention the haunting GUILT!

I think how i'm conquering it now is that I diet using - zigzag calories, 6 days out of the week...... and I give myself 1 day Per week of having a "PIG OUT DAY" :D in that case, i feel like i'm still sticking to my diet. And it works! I think it helps my metabolism Not to slow down... hehe. It doesn't make me feel guilty either. :D


I hope that kind of helps. if not, i'm terribly sorry. I guess everyone works differently. :hug:

I know that isolating myself is something I do. I can certainly relate to this. I still do it and I fear that when I move into my first apartment by myself this weekend that I will continue. I guess it is an ongoing struggle but I have to conciously make and keep plans and not stay home to binge. I have definitely been known to stay home and have a plan to eat junk food.

It's an uphill battle but one that a lot of people struggle with. I find I have never once regretted keeping a plan when I have caught myself considering staying home instead to eat. I have always been very happy with the choice to visit a friend or go out or go on a walk or to the gym, whatever. At least I didnt consume a mountain of calories instead! But I have certainly regretted deciding to stay home to eat. I always do. I have to remind myself of that when I consider doing it again!

For me, a lot of rules do not work. I know it works for a lot of people. But i have realized over the years that rules and restrictions just cause a binge later. I try to just eat when I'm hungry and if I'm not hungry but want a treat, I do it conciously and enjoy it. There is nothing worse than wolfing down a treat and not even remembering how great it tasted. I konw for myself I enjoy treats and I dont want to live my life on a diet. I have come to the conclusion that in the end this is better for me but it doesnt work for everyone.

Wow.
I isolate as well to the point of telling my husband to go to functions without me and then I eat alone...usually everything in sight. I've even made myself sick.
I appreciate all the openess here. Hearing your similar experience is so helpful. Also I've lost friends and people I care about over my issues too.

Me too ellibelle, i eat everything i can find, even if i don't even like the taste of it, i feel like i just need to eat it :( Some days it's ok, i don't feel like eating at all, and other days it's just so hard not to eat everything i can find. Then i'm back to square one. It's a vicious circle i'm trying to desperately to break...

Yes, yes, yes and YES. I'm doing better lately, but can still vividly remember those times when I just kept eating until I felt uncomfortably full...and then kept on until my stomach actually HURT! I just couldn't seem to get enough to make myself satisfied. And, yes, like most of you have said, what I was eating wasn't even that GOOD! Didn't taste all that great, but I kept stuffing it down. With me, it's always been something about "solid food"...food that sits heavily in my stomach, like meat & potatoes...and of course enough CHOCOLATE can feel pretty "solid", too. But things like salad greens or puffy, insubstantial things...anything without much bulk...leaves me feeling like I've hardly eaten at all. I am working desperately to "retrain" myself to eat small amounts and be satisfied. Sometimes I'm successful, and other times, not. I sure can identify with everything you all are saying, and I too am very grateful for a place to share my feelings and not feel stupid or freaky.

Take good care, all -
E

I feel really ashamed and anti-social sometimes too!

One thing I've found that really really really helps IF I JUST FREAKING DO IT...is exercise. Like outside-the-comfort-level exercise, hiking the steep hills, running the downhill. I really think it's true what they say about endorphins!

But just like people who take psych meds, feel better and then quit taking them and get into a funk, that's what I do with exercise and other healthy behaviors. I get to feeling better, and then gradually slack off; then the slack-off starts to get me down, when I don't sleep it's hard to get up and walk, when I don't walk I start the day off wrong, when I start the day off wrong, I end up nabbing that muffin and it all goes wrong before I know it.

ME TOO! One thing journaling helped me see was this was a kind of PMS related thing, although a week-10 days before my period starts, rather than right before.

Originally Posted by leah_0600:
Me too ellibelle, i eat everything i can find, even if i don't even like the taste of it, i feel like i just need to eat it :( Some days it's ok, i don't feel like eating at all, and other days it's just so hard not to eat everything i can find. Then i'm back to square one. It's a vicious circle i'm trying to desperately to break...

yeah, mine's MUCH worse around that time of the month... although it's really a constant thing. i make excuses and somehow even manage to convince myself that my lies for why i don't want to go out are true. i'm really trying to work on it... i'm planning to go out friday evening, so hopefully i'll stick to that. i'm nervous about it cos it's to a thing in town where there will be a LOT of people, and with my anxiety i'm sometimes really uncomfortable in crowds.

I can relate to that iriswhispers because i too get bad anxiety around a lot of people. Even walking in town shopping i start to feel breathless etc. It's easier said than done, but just try to concentrate on having a good time! Good luck :)

I know EXACTLY what you mean, i've lost most of my friends because i kept making excuses not to go out with them, and i just isolate myself because i feel to fat. i used to be thinner, and better looking, and now i just dont want people to look at me. I know, its so sad, but its all true.

This isolation has led me to feel quite depressed. Im a social person and i make friends easily, but i just feel so crapy all the time now..

so i know exacxtly what you mean, but for now, i guess if we focus on losing weight, and talking to each other, slowly slowly we'll feel better and we wont be as isolated...

i am going downtown tonight... i AM doing it.

i just hope the anxiety doesn't cause me to start chain smoking again. that's my typical release and honestly just thinking about being around that many people makes me want to smoke.

I just have to say thank you. This is one of the first threads I have read on this board. I found it through a string of links that lead me, eventually, here. No quick fix promises, just honesty. And what honesty! So many of the experiences, emotions, excuses, lies, and pain are things I can relate to in such a complete manner that it’s nearly overwhelming. I can’t put it into better words.

It’s nice to know – despite that it means others suffer – that really, you aren’t alone. There’s some guilt that comes with an admission like that, but it certainly wouldn’t outweigh the happiness at knowing that there is no more “alone” in this.

I hope you folks won’t mind my request to join you here.

Of course you can join! We're just glad to be able to help you! There are so many people i can relate to here, whilst in my life there's no one i can really confide in. This is like my counselling really :lol: It does make you feel guilty to admit to some of these things, but my God do i feel so much better afterwards!

I'm sure that if you feel you can relate to this thread, you'll feel the same way about the other threads in 'Chicks in Control' forum. I'll look forward to reading some of your later posts :)

It is so nice not to be alone. I am a fun loving Zelda lol. Make everyone laugh and have a very nice time doing it. Problem. I am painfully shy around more than just a few people. Even with the hubby's family if it is more than just his mom and dad and ONE sibling. There are just so darn many of them lol.

I had friends from grade school and as they moved away to other states, in the last few years. I haven't made many new friends. I mean friends that you sit with and chat, have friends at church and say hello to the neighbors next door kind of thing. They aren't real friends more like friendly acquaintances. Hard for people to understand what it is like. Here on the net is so different. I chat and talk and have so much fun.

We belong to a card club that started just as on line but is now face to face. I was the FLASH the dealer girl ( to distract them and get better cards ) lol. My husband tried to explain to them what I am really like, before we were all going to meet for the very first time. They didn't believe him. We met the president of the club for lunch. That night he went on line and told everyone our little FLASH the dealer girl is really an arm pit hider lol. If she stayed any closer to her husband she would have been his skin. Now, I chat with a great many of them just like I do on the net. But it took at least 3 or 4 years to be able to do that.

I don't like to go anywhere there are a lot of people. This weekend is a treat. We are going to the camp grounds, people yes, our own camp site yes lol.

newbie07 - glad to have you! =)

so i really did go into town friday, and i honestly had a really good time! it's ridiculous to be so proud of myself for going out with my friends on a friday night... ah life!

It’s not silly at all to be proud of yourself, especially not considering it was something you were a little (or a lot) nervous about. I am glad you had a good time, though.

iris
I am so proud of you and you should be proud of your self and tickled that you did it. Many people don't understand how hard that can be to do.

crowds give me anxiety in general but i often find myself staying home to eat or staying home because ive over eaten and dont want anyone to see me "fat."

freddy - me too... and i'm pretty sure i haven't automatically gained three sizes from one binge, but i still feel so fat after one that i can't bear to let anyone see me. i hate it.

Night In
 

I definitely use my binges as an excuse to stay in. Part of me hates it because I feel so low backing out of plans with friends just to stay in and eat. But I really do feel like if I have been having a bad day or bad few days of binging, then I don't want to go out because I feel gross and I feel like I look fat!!! When I feel like that it is so much more comfortable to stay in and put on my comfy stretchy pajamas and eat more rather than put on tight jeans and go out!
And there are even times that I look forward to binging! Especially when I know I will be the only one home, I actually will think about what junky foods I want to eat, and then stock up and basically have a planned binge night in. There are times I am more excited for the planned binge nights in than I am for planned nights out. Sick. I hate it.

a million dittos. i have isolated sooo much and canceled plans, made excuses, even skipped work b/c i was in the food fog and just felt soooo bad i just didn't want to see anyone. so ashamed. but its cutting our noses off despite our faces. i can go out to eat with friends and have nothing if i am not hungry. no one cares! it is about the company. i'm sooo sick of this.

Yup, I can relate...going to Kroger's and picking up a whole cake, and going home with it and eating it one fork at a time that takes all night and hating myself while I do it...all because I had gone out to eat with some people and 'behaved' myself while they ate whatever they wanted.

dear pat,
been there done that my friend -- i always think as i'm doing it that oh look at me i am getting away with something so good and awesome and i win sort of thinking going on in my brain. but what am i winning? a stomach ache? more self hate? guilt? sugar and chemicals for my body to take on? missing out on a nice meal with friends where i could have ordered dessert like the rest of them did? it sounds so massively stupid when i write it out. just know you are not alone!!!

Originally Posted by Bikini Dreader:
For me, a lot of rules do not work. I know it works for a lot of people. But i have realized over the years that rules and restrictions just cause a binge later.

That's me in a nutshell. Thinking and obsessing about what I can't have is what made me a COE in the first place. It just doesn't work for me.