newbie... but at this for years
 

i have been reading this site for about a month now.i am a closet binge eater.i eat A LOT!!! i have been able to hide it so well that nobody beleives me when i try to tell them about my problem. i hate food soooo much,but binge at least once a day.it totally rules my life.there are no over eaters anon. around me,and i would be too shy to go anyways.all i want to do is lay on the couch and eat junk all day.i wish that i could get through one day where i dont think about food.i wish that i was one of those people who "forget " to eat.they piss me off:tantrum: i read marnies posts and can really relate,except i can never picture myself getting better. size 2 jeans? i wish!

Hey chelly...

Welcome! I know exactly how you feel...been there...got enough t shirts to fill my closet! But here is the thing...change really is possible...it is so hard...and there are days that you just want to hide under your bed or lie on your couch and eat... You know what...sometimes I do that! But the trick is to find the balance...do the right thing as much of the time as you can...it is how I lost over 40 pds...(right now I have regained a few...I was down to 152.5 at one point) I have to exercise or I gain...I know that...maybe that is something you have to look into as well... I don't know...I don't have the answers but I do have a big huge hug for ya! :)

Welcome Chelly! May I suggest the first thing that needs to change? Lose the "I can never picture myself getting better" outlook! That is so self-defeating!! You have to believe in yourself, it's absolutely essential. I'm a binge-eater, and over the past couple of years, have gotten my bingeing down to very infrequent (and when I do, they are SO much smaller than they used to be!). And I used to binge with the best/worst of them. So if I can get it under control (touch wood!!!!!), I believe anybody can. You've taken a great first step in coming here - you'll find all the support and inspiration you could ever hope for. Good luck!