Stuck in a binge rut!
 

i almost feel a little guilty about posting because i pretty much posted the same thing a few weeks back. i got a lot of great support and encouragement and i found it really helpful. basically i am so stuck! i cannot get out of this bingeeating rut that i have been in for the past week! ahhh... i honestly think i have gained like 10 pounds in the last week and a half due to massive binging. the thought disgusts myself and i am mad because all of my good efforts are ruined. i had my first bout with bulimia about a year ago and it made the last year probably my hardest. i purged at the beginning and only occasionly after the first few months. i no longer purge, or at least i do everything in my power not to, because i am completely aware of the dangerous health consequences of doing so. i take great pride in my teeth so i tell myself i would rather gain weight than permanently wreck my teeth. but now my bulimia has morphed completely into binge eating. i feel like something is wrong with me. i eat completely normally and nutritiously during the day and i come home and practically eat everything in sight. and its not because i love the food so much, because some of the food combinations i eat during a binge are not even that good. its just the satisfaction of stuffing my face i guess. usually i break the binge cycle within a few days but this time i am having such a hard time doing so. every day i tell myself... just make it through this one day binge free... but for the last week and a half i havent been able to do that. and i can see how my weight is affecting me negatively. it makes me want to avoid my boyfriend even though he always tells me how much he loves me, because i feel so ashamed at how much weight i am gaining. and i am avoiding friends birthdays because my clothes are bursting and i feel so yucky. i know both of these behaviours are very negative but i just don't think i can deal with displaying my current weight in front of all my friends so publically. i really need to break my binging cycles... for my health and hapiness. i am a talented girl and i know i have a lot to offer to others but my weight is holding me back and makes me very anti-social. i am trying to reflect on the ups and downs on last year and grow from them and learn what is causing me to turn to food to deal with everything. i need to break this happy. i can totally envision myself unburdened by the weight and i want that vision to become reality. for now all i can concentrate on is tomorrow. there is hope for tomorrow.

thanks for listening!

awwww, i'm sorry you are feeling this way mesilla, but i definitely know what you're going through :hug: we have very similar stats (besides our current weight) but i went through the binging stage you're talking about in november. you can do it, and it will get easier!!! keep posting, it helps!

mesilla, I could have written your post myself. I feel the SAME way right now! I can eat well during the day--have my banana protein smoothie, oatmeal, sensible lunch and snacks, etc., but once I leave work for the day, all bets are off. Sometimes I'll actually stop for fast food on my way home BEFORE dinner (and still have dinner when I get home like nothing happened), or sometimes I'll just stuff my face with whatever I have on hand at home. It's not even GOOD food or junk food or anything, just whatever happens to be there. It's not because I'm hungry or anything--I'm not sure why I do it. I've tried preoccupying myself with other things--my computer or crafts or whatever--but I always seem to be able to take a break (or multiple breaks) to hit the kitchen. I don't really keep snacks in my house, so it's things like fruit, leftovers, sliced cheese, cereal...pretty much anything I can get my hands on.

So yeah, I don't have an answer, as I am still searching for one myself. All I can offer is support and the encouragement to take control now rather than wait until you're in my position and closing in (again) on 300 pounds.

I've been there too. It's really rough. You can break the cycle, but it's not easy. The best thing I ever did was stop dieting. I'm trying to drop a few pounds, but through moderation and portion control. Since nothing is forbidden, having what used to be a "no-no" food (like a little indulgence I had at lunch yesterday!) is much less likely to trigger a binge. Of course, if you have specific foods that trigger a binge, get them out of the house. You can deal with them later, when you're feeling more in control. Seriously, I used to binge on all kinds of things that I can keep in the house without a second thought now. Other things, I still have to limit.

I would suggest (just because it's working well for me, and I used to binge with the best/worst of them) that instead of following a formal diet, try just doing the Bob Greene (phase 1) thing for a while... eat 3 meals and a snack. No foods off limits, but try to make healthy choices. After all, our first priority should be our healthy, right? If you have a little treat, fine, that was part of snack/lunch/whatever, but snack is over now, so move on. Oh, and no eating 3 hours before bed, which I've just made into no eating after supper. I make a pot of green tea and sip on that all evening - seems to quash the craving for something sweet.

Lastly, I think socially isolating yourself is a mistake. I know it's difficult to make yourself go out when you're feeling yucky, but as they say, "fake it till you make it". Your friends really don't care if you've gained weight - in all likelihood will not even notice, because they'll be enjoying your company. But if you just stay home, you'll start to feel lonely and bad about yourself, and that will NOT help break the binge cycle. Treat yourself to something special - we need to feel good about ourselves to succeed at this, and it's amazing how much a new lipstick or something can give you a little boost when you need one.

Keep coming here - it's a great source of support an inspiration.

Oh, hug, hug, hug. :hug:
I definately hear you on the anti-social-because-of-my-weight thing. I am the same way. And it becomes such a cycle: I feel crap and so I binge and purge and then I still feel crap about my weight and the way I look so then I b&p all over again. And it is soooo difficult to move beyond. But, it CAN be done. So many others have managed it and I have only b&p 4 times in the last 2 mos. So, progress can be made.
And, as you know, support and encourgement is always here on tap! :)

Been there SOOO many times. Last week, for example, I had a perfect week, calorie counting, Monday through Friday. Saturday I went a little over. And then Sunday came and I went completely nuts, eating almost 6,000 calories! I just jumped right back on the horse on Monday and I'm doing great again this week. I'm going to plan my food for the weekend.

Here are some things that have helped me cut down on binges:

1. I found out I had depression and started getting treated.
   
2. I schedule activities for danger times. For example, I play sports 3-4 evenings a week, often ending at 10-10:30. I can't binge beforehand because I'll feel like crap when I play and I rarely have the urge to binge afterwards.
   
3. I plan what I'm going to eat, always leaving a carb-heavy snack (like cereal, baked tortilla chips, oatmeal, etc., for right before bed.
   
4. I try to stay hydrated, which seems to help the sugar cravings.
   
5. I stay busy. Weekends when I have nothing to do are the most dangerous times for me, so I make sure I get out and do something, preferably in the evenings. Even if I have to go to the movies by myself (with a snack in a baggie or having already decided what I'm going to eat at the theater.)

I just wanted to say i feel where you're coming from too. I am the same way, when I feel grosse and stuffed I want nothing to do with my boyfriend and I definitely don't want to go through trying to find something to wear and realizing none of my pants fit me! I have found that usually just biting the bullet and going out does make me feel better, but it's difficult to get there. I don't have any other advice on top of what Janie and others have said, just wanted to lend some support, and I know how you feel.

hey everyone,
thank you so much for the replies and words of encouragement. your support means so much to me! today I did not binge and I feel better already. I need to make a serious commitment to myself and my health to remain on this binge-free road. because its not just the empty calories that cause so much damage, its also emotionally and mentally exhausting to binge. i just feel too terrible afterwards... its definately not worth it. i wish everyone good luck in reaching their goals!