Am I Making myself Sick?
 

I was just writing a post in the cyber purge thread when this thought came to me that I wanted to explore a little further in depth...
Last night, had a bit of a binge-not huge, but a binge none the less. Today, I am home sick with a recurring cold that I have had on and off for 3 months. Yuck. And then it occurs to me, not like a flash of lighting, but more like a slow, leak-that I may well be making myself sick with this cold. Hmmm...I am realizing now that these days when my cold gets worse are days after a binge-like a binge hang over, but a little different.
This is the other thing I realized that goes in conjunction with this binge/cold. I have really been making a mental effort and a partial physical effort since January to be more mindful of my food and exercise and
yet I have gained weight since then, my binging has become worse or different or something-it's like I'm sabotaging myself. Last week was good. I ate well, went to the gym twice-which I know isn't a lot, but some weeks that is all I can manage. And then last night, the cycle of BADNESS started again. Does anyone else find that this happens to them?
I was reading through a bunch of posts today and had mixed reaction to all the success people have had. I am sooo happy for people and amazed, but part of me feels like I will never get there, never get over my addictions and negative behavior. I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I am so sick of feeling this way-I want to feel better, look better, enjoy life more.
Thoughts anyone?
*sigh*

:(

I can relate completely to how you are feeling. I have been in a negative cycle for years but over the past year I started really trying to figure out how to be happy. I came across a few crucial books for me: The Taming of the Chew (great overeating book), The Secret (Amazing amazing amazing) and The Celestine Prophecy to name a few. I read a lot of magazines - especially O which is why I'm on this site. I also started thinking about what life changes I could make to make myself happy. So I am quitting my job and going to Europe. The point of this long story is that I spent a year trying to make myself a better person and happier. One thing I learned was that my attitude had so much to do with what was happening in my life and how I was treating myself. I would binge all the time. I still went to the gym but I couldnt get over the bingeing and I got in this funk where I was basically telling myself all the time that I was a failure, that I would never get over the bingeing, that I was always going to be doing this to myself and getting bigger and bigger than I needed to be. It wasn't until I really started working on myself that I was able to change this. My attitude has completely changed. I made a doable goal for myself and then I pictured myself in that state and assumed I would get there. I know I will get to that goal and so far I've been completely on that track. Sure sometimes I overeat or have a treat but I dont beat myself up over it as much as I used to because I'm still on my way to my goal. I definitely think that my attitude change has been the main reason I've been able to beat the bingeing and I haven't binged in almost a month now which is huge for me. I used to binge every single night. It was like my best friend. Now I do other more healthy things like reading and going for walks or whatever. Its all because in my mind I know that I will be back to my healthy weight.
This time it is so different. I dont feel like I'm on a diet. Because I'm not. I'm just treating myself with the respect that I deserve and I hope you do the same. You are worth proper treatment. The treatment you would give a guest. There are some really great books out there and journalling is a huge help as well. Getting to the root of my issues ie what I was gaining out of bingeing every night and why I didnt think I was worth treating myself well was a big turning point.

I'm definitely rambling on but I just wish I had learned this years ago before I suffered for years.

there is tons of support on here too which I found really helpful. I think my friends eventually go sick of my ups and downs and just wanted to say "Just stop eating" .. but its not about food for me. That's just a symptom of the issue. The Taming of the Chew book really helped me to see that.

Good luck with your goals. YOu can do it!

thanks for the words of encouragement. i have spent many years of my life doing self-work, but in the last couple of years, this has been less of a priority for me-and now i am beginning to see that it is folly for me to abandon this road. i know that the helping myself is the way to go-it's just hard, but i am trying very hard to turn that around.
thanks again for the help!!!

I can't speak to your cold, but I know I feel physically healthier when I'm eating well. If I've eaten too much, particularly sugar (my drug of choice), I don't sleep well, feel too hot all night, and it tends to mess up my digestive system (I have mild IBS, and sugar seems to kick it up a notch). Not only that, but mentally, I feel much more focussed when I eat well. My house is cleaner, more odd jobs get done, I have more patience, less stress, etc. So whether or not poor eating contributes specificallly to colds, I do think it can make us less healthy.