I don't wanna be skinny or a size zero, but I have a lot of weight to lose (about 35lb) before I'm the weight I should be and want to be. Even then I will be what you'd call a 'big girl' (UK12/14). I get so frustrated cos I just love eating, and defiantely eat when I'm feeling down. I don't know why. I have a fiance who loves me. He doesn't mind too much that I'm fat. I think he'd prefer it if i was slimmer, but its not a major issue for him. Anyway, I don't have an eating disorder, but do sometimes try not to eat anything at all to make up for a few bad days of binging. And I have occassionally made myself sick, because I get so frustrated with myself. I know it's not sensible but cant seem to help it. It is only sometimes, and a lot of the time I feel quite confident about myself. At the moment though, I feel on an all time low. I know that controlling weight in this way is not the way to do it, but need a bit of help and support at the mo, cos I'm feeling a bit bad. I feel like I know all the stuff I should do but it's not that easy.

Anyone got any advice for me? Please! Or similar stories or feelings???

Love Sooz

Starving yourself is not the answer. You will do long term damage to your body. I had a friend who did it and yes she did lose weight but it came back fast and in bigger quanities. Your body will keep everyting you eat and store it as fat. Watch your portions and do lots of cardio.

I have a few size 12 UK clothes..ya calling me big?!? Im not being aggressive, its just that everyone in my "reallife" says I'm small.

Anyway, the starving..

Feel you there.

The bingeing...

Wow, feel you there too.
I started out (i'm 19 now) at 13 or so with anorexia. I stabilised at healthy at around 15 or so...then I went the other way at 16-18-now sometimes, bingeing. I never went above 140lbs or so, but I'd think..*my god, to think I used to STARVE myself and only weigh 110lbs or something silly!*.

A couple of months ago I dropped 10lbs+ in a month because I was too stressed to eat..I mean really, really upset, and it had nothing to do with body image or dieting. But since then I've stabilised, and I'm trying for 1500-2000 cals a day with 30+ mins/day exercise.

I'm still not free of eating disordered thinking - my target is low, my body image is APPALLING, I still have occasional binges/lax abuse/starve days...but, I dunno. Think I've finally clocked that very thin aint = very happy.

But that isnt goign to stop me..its a difficult one.

You can say that again sister. I thought that once I started losing weight *magically* I would have a great! body image and would be soooo happy.

Wrong. I was so wrong. My body image is still not great! and I still want to lose weight. More and more. I want to drive as big a wedge between me and f.a.t. as I possibly can.


Bottom line Sooz--- being slimmer doesn't neccessarily mean being happier. Losing weight doesn't automatically mean more confidence.

Starving yourself isn't exactly stupid. Very sick people take "weight loss" to that extreme. Chicks who definately spiral out of control.

I agree very much, shrinkingchica.

Coming from that side of it, I can tell you it really doesn't make you any happier. To be completely honest, I feel more miserable.

I've lost nearly 80 pounds, and I thought I would be stoked to be the weight I am now (still overweight, but at a number I've never seen in my life), but in all honesty, I don't see it at all.

I'm pretty much always depressed, irritable, absolutely exhausted to the point it's effecting my job, etc. I've started having physical complications which landed me in the ER and could have ended up being very dangerous, not only to me, but others as the physical symptoms started occuring while I was driving.

I am diagnosed bulimic, but I barely keep/have any food in my body. Every thought about food consumes my day. Instead of doing my job, I'm busy planning my next binge/purge (which has increased to 2 - 3 times a day and I cannot stop - it became more than just accidently overeating and purging), or instead of working, I'm fiddling on the calculator different calories and weights, etc.

I've come to a point where I can't eat more than 200 - 300 calories without feeling like it was a binge, and needing to purge, something that at one point was an unconceivable thought years ago.

It's just so consuming - mentally and physically.

As you said, I don't want to be a size zero or anything. I want to be a normal weight - however having gone down the road I have, I'm terrified I'll never be able to stop. I've screwed up my metabolism, and I'm afraid that I'll never be able to eat normal. I'm afraid that I'll never see myself thin even if I am. I'm terrified that if I don't see that I'm thin that I'm not going to stop.

I just got down to 159.2 from 239 at 5'1" and I still see myself at my 239 weight.

It's just... exhausting.

I completely understand what you are feeling. Everyone here understands your frustration and many, if not majority or all, exhibit some of the same thought processes (such as food consuming their thoughts) - maybe I'm wrong on that, but maybe that's just because how I feel. Losing weight is one of the hardest things anyone can do.

Sure, quitting smoking and drinking and drugs and whatnot, sure they are hard, but you don't need those things every day to survive. Our bodies need food in order to live, so it's not like we can just give it up, even though it sounds like it'd be nice if we could lol

I honestly feel you would regret it if you went down that path. It sucks you into this giant black hole that sometimes feels so impossible to get out of. It can become easy to start losing friends, etc. to it, and other things in your life.

Is it possible that there are deeper issues that may possibly be driving you into some unhealthy behaviours?

If you ever need to talk or anything, you are always more thank welcome to message me.

You've just very accurately described disordered eating. I do hope you will seek professional help.