Well earlier I had thought about giving up and someone asked me what my fears were, so I figured I cant be the only one.
I am afraid that after all this hard work I am going to have a lot of lose extra skin which is going to be really ugly and I dont have the money to have surgery to remove it.
I am also afraid that my husband wont trust me anymore. He says that I am crazy, but it is a feeling I cant shake.
Yup, I agree with the Dh not trusting me anymore if I'm skinnier (same thing as Sandra). I actually think he prefers me fat so other guys won't look at me.
Emotional rollercoaster of issues of when I was growing up (dealing with them and almost have a handle on those).
Thinking I won't get to eat anything "good" or "normal" again.
I'm in the middle of a fear right now. I've been waiting and waiting to break through 159. 159 is the lowest weight I've been at in the past year. I've tried to lose weight several times and I usually get a big chunk off and then stop trying to lose. I don't want to hit 158 and get all smug and stop paying attention to what I"m eating and gain it all back like I did before. I hit 158 today - so I hope I stay strong.
My other fear is that once I get skinny, I will be "popular" among some social circles I hang out in. I want to be popular - I've always been sort of an outcast. But if I get skinny and suddenly I'm part of the "in" group - I will know it's for a shallow reason.
My fear is that when I lose the weight I want, will it be as fulfilling as I hope? Will I still look at myself and see my pudgy tummy and the hang ups that go with it?
My husband is not a complimentary person. He never has been, to anyone. It takes a lot for him to say anything...it may sound shallow and for the wrong reasons, but one side effect of weight loss is that I want him to find my sexy. It's not to say he doesn't now, but, welll....y'know what i mean? Will he?
Is this whole weight loss thing just a weak hook for me to hang my hat on?
One really silly fear that permeates is will I still have a pudgy stomach? I"ve lost weight, been doing well, but there are so many skirts and pants that can't wear because of my tummy. It's just enough to make me look mildly pregnant ( IMO). Enough to make me not want to wear the clothes that fit great everywhere else.... oh, sigh.
I agree with you on the fear of having loose skin afterwards too. I also don't have the money to have any kind of surgeries to remove, but if I did you bet I would have all of it done. I would rather have some scars then the saggy skin. I just keep telling myself do you want to be fat or would you rather have some annoying loose skin.
I do fear will I like what I look like when the weight is gone. I already have a hard time with self esteem and feeling good about myself. I fear that I might see the skin and find that I hate myself and gain all the weight back. It's like a double edged sword for me.
I do think that my husband likes me better fat because he doesn't have to worry about other guys looking at me. I fear loosing weight, feeling better and looking good will make him so much more jealous and will have a hard time trusting me if I go out. I don't have to have to constantly tell him to trust me and have faith in me.
So I can say I know exactly where you coming from Sandra. I don't think that I will ever be happy with myself whether I'm thin or fat. I think I'll always see the short little fat girl in the mirror. I just hope that I can teach my children good eating habits and they won't have to endure growing up being fat and teased.
Ladies, I am 42 years old (I'll be 43 in 54 days). I have lost 143 lbs in the past 5 years and have gone from a size 32 to a size 20. I do not have a lot of loose extra skin. If you don't want to have it, then get to a gym or get some home weights and start lifting -- seriously -- start lifting. You need to firm up the skin as you go. You do not have to build muscles, but you need to firm up through the whole weight loss process.
My fear is that once I am thin, people will start expecting things of me. As a fat person, people assume that you can't do anything and don't have high expectations. Or at least that's my perception, true or not.
My fear is that i won't be attractive as a thin person. I don't know what i'll look like, cause i've never been that as an adult! I also fear i'll lose my dimples
Well girls, you haven't even touched on what my biggest fears were. I say were, because I don't think I have them any more.
For the longest time I was afraid of my own sexuality. As a young person (with a good figure) I got a lot of attention, and some of it was unwelcome. Strangers I didn't know, or want to know would act like somehow they owned the right to stare at me or in other ways treat me in ways that felt disrespectful to me. I hated that. I liked being attractive and I liked it when men I wanted to notice me did, but I didn't like it when the creepy ones did it. Some of them scared me, made me worry for my safety, others just had assumptions, that I resented.
One guy once asked me if I was married, I wasn't interested in him at all, so I said yes (although I was separated at the time and planning divorce). His response "Well do you fool around then?" No doubt what HE was interested in.
I think for a very long time I didn't want to be thin, because I didn't want to have to deal with jerks like him again.
I'm older now, I'm sure I wouldn't be that attractive again, so a lot of that fear is gone because of my age. On the other hand I kind of have anger at myself for wasting so much of my young years as a fat person because of people like that and my own fears.
I was afraid too of not being a "nice person" if I were thinner. For some reason I think, that a cute thin girl can get away with things a heavier person wouldn't try. Flirting and enjoying attention can be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation. When I was thin and cute, I know I did some attention getting things that I shouldn't have, that weren't very nice to other women. I didn't like myself much after some of those occasions.
There are more temptations when you are sexier looking than there are if you are heavier. More chances to be "bad", and I think I was always a bit afraid of those temptations. Several times I had guys try and seduce me even though they knew I was married. Sometimes because I was so young and inexperienced, I didn't see it coming, and wasn't on guard. So those have been some of my fears. Afraid sometimes too that if I were there again that I wouldn't be able to resist certain temptations because of my own inner weaknesses.
Anyway most of those fears are gone. Age has taken care of that. Now I guess my fears are more mundane. More like "what if I get to my goal and am not happy with what I see when I get there?" "What if I don't look at all like I've imagined all these years? What if I look OLDer than I do now?"
You know what? These fears are more easily alleviated. If I don't like what I have when I get there I can always gain the weight back. GAINing weight is EASY. Why be afraid of THAT? And besides there are plenty of women my age who look good, sexy and you would never know they were this age.
I do worry about loose skin. I don't want to deal with that. So far I haven't had a problem, my skin seems elastic enough. Also I'm using cocoa butter on it hoping that will keep it elastic enough that it will shrink as it needs to. I think youth has more to do with the elasticity of your skin than anything and so some of you shouldn't even worry about that part. But I'm past menopause, so I suspect it may be more of a concern for me.
What I'm really afraid of now though is only one thing. I'm afraid that I will give up. That I won't be able to keep my resolve strong. That I will get bored and not want to do this any more. That is a serious fear.
awesome thread, very interesting and deep replies too I just love you guys!
Right now one of my deepest fears is dying while I'm having my tummy tuck and breast lift (because I AM having this done!). I know it doesn't happen often, but I still am very afraid of the fact that it COULD happen.
also, my husbands jealousy is getting really bad. I'm always afraid he's going to leave me for some made up guy in his head that he thinks I'm sleeping with, so that scares me a lot.
Thirdly, and just as importantly, I'm afraid of losing the weigh back once I get in the last phase and start eating fruits and veggies.
Arachnaphobic here too. My biggest fear is of gaining the weight back. I know that I will always have to watch what I eat. For me, maintenance is scarier than trying to lose.
My other fear is that once I get skinny, I will be "popular" among some social circles I hang out in. I want to be popular - I've always been sort of an outcast. But if I get skinny and suddenly I'm part of the "in" group - I will know it's for a shallow reason.
Does that make sense?
yes, totally makes since Morgaine and I used to think this way too. But now I have people actually calling me, people looking for me at work so they can talk to me, I'm being asked to go places and now that it's happening I don't think that it's because they are shallow at all, I think it's because I enter every relationship now with open arms and a smile. When I walk in a room I want to know how everyone else is doing, I don't worry now when I walk in a room about how gross I look when I walk in a room.
And my skin does hang, I don't have the money to fix it but that's ok
I'm afraid that even after maintaining my 60 lb. weight-loss for 5 years, I'm only a cheeseburger away from gaining it all back. I'm fear I'll have to struggle with food for the rest of my life, and at 26 that could be a long time.
HI
I get this maginzine called EXPERIENCE, Healthy, Happy and for real!!!
The April Issue
I like this one its very Positive and not in your face, doesnt talk abut a specific diet hot diets, and organic food
they have this one Article this month I thought everyone would like and its on line too, Your body (reframed)
Why diets fail some times
good read
sandi http://www.lifetimefitness.com/magaz...l&intArticleId =528
I must be doing something wrong but you have to copy and paste the whole link including the =528
i have redid it several times and that part doesnt turn into a link
sorry
Thanks for the article it was a good one. I couldn't get to it by using the link you provided and just adding the number though. It only opened the main page and then I had to click on "Your Body Reframed" in the box at the side of the page. This is information for anyone else who may be trying to read it.
What are your fears?
I just love you guys!
