[Wannabehealthy]

I have to commend you on the 800 day streak on MFP! That's amazing! I wish I had that kind of committment. And really, why don't I?

[VickieLou]

Candidcamster I hope You Have A Great Day Today. I have been dealing with some Family members with major health problems. It's causing me to binge and not exercise as much. I'm doing a little better with the exercise and working hard to get my overeating under control this week. I'm such an emotional eater. But I was encouraged by my brother-in-law's significant other who has been doing great on her new diet even though he is doing horrible and in a nursing home. I feel bad when I know I should be taking better care of myself. So let's just keep striving for our goal.

[Candidcamster]

Thank you Wannabehealthy! Yeah I kept my streak up for over 2 years straight and thanks to me forgetting to log on in time it's gone lol. It's ok, that account has become more symbolic to me now, I won't delete it,
But I don't log my food on it anymore. Vickielou i definitely understand and I hope things improve for your family soon.

Yesterday I got back on track, today has been a little rough but things are better I'm busier and getting more done. I want to incorporate exercise into my life soon, I want to lose 15 lbs in the next 2 months. It's a bold goal but I think I can do it if I really put my heart into it, today I came in at 233.5 and I'd love to be back in the 2-teens. I'm also trying to slowly incorporate the Ww plan into my life, buts it is difficult so I'm mostly sticking to calorie counting. I'll update tonight, ttys!

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, I've fallen behind in updating my status. I've been back on track for a handful of days, and I'd like very much to remain on track, no cheat days, no "yolos" just budgeting certain foods into my day on a day to day basis. I realize I do have a problem with sugar consumption, but at this time I am not going to completely exclude it, it is unnecessarily stressful trying to avoid an ingredient that is added to most of my favorite foods I'm just going to try to handle it as safely as I know how (like avoid buying "trigger foods" in bulk) and see where it takes me. I've been a lot happier and more productive since getting back on track, and all I can do is take it one day at a time, one choice at a time, one meal at a time. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I am trying to lose a good amount of weight right now. I'm embarrassed because as I type this, my weight is a little higher than it was 1 year ago (I came in at 229.8 lbs. with my clothes on), and as you've all witnessed I've struggled so much in the past several months. I feel as of late it's just been a struggle to avoid the 240's, which is a decade I haven't seen since around March/2015. For a good while I could take comfort in thinking "yeah I put on a little weight but I'm smaller than I was this time last year", that is no longer true, but it doesn't matter very much anymore because this is me now. I can't change the past, and one day I may find real appreciation for the struggles I've been through as what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I wanted to share this quote to anyone wasting their time in regret and shame over things beyond their control:
"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."

- Bil Keane

So today, this moment is a gift, the ability to make my aspirations a reality in the choices I make, and I will follow through. I won't promise not to slip up again, because I'm human, but I will promise to get back on my feet and keep going soon afterward. I never thought I'd say this again after November of 2015 (when I hit my lowest weight of 209.2) but I really want to weigh in the 2-teens again lol. I want to weigh 217, 216, 215, 214, 213...you get the picture, and it is comforting to know I am about 10 lbs. shy of the 210's. I miss my size 15 jeans that I can't fit into, or if I do squeeze into them (while weighing in the 220's) they make me look like a busted tin of biscuits.

I want to update this post later with some of the good and bad I've experienced since being on my journey (the best to my recollection*), thank you for keeping up with me, and sending your positive energy I honestly LOVE this community, and don't know where I'd be without you all, thank you. <3

[Candidcamster]

Hey everyone, I got back on track a few days ago, had a bad day yesterday and now I'm back on track. My last weigh in pre-binge was 229.3 naked on my WW scale (it gives me a heavier weight than my other scales do, not sure if it's more accurate or not). I won't be weighing in for a few days, in the meantime I am going to start including exercise in my day. I really want to get this excess weight off my body.

Weird NSV - There is this attractive guy who I believe has flirted with me in the past at a store I frequent, well 2 nights ago I was in there and sadly grabbed a bunch of sugary things that I had no business buying (junk food: nutrition bars, almond milk praline ice cream, Chobani salted caramel pretzel yogurt and probably a few other things that I abuse). As he rang it up I commented about all the junk food I was buying, he said "yeah but I'm sure it tastes good", I agreed but said I was trying to lose about 30 lbs. (more than that overall, but heck I'd be OVER THE MOON for 199! lol) and his reply was "You have a great body..." omigosh I about died lol, that may have been inappropriate on his part but he made my night and the next day for me with that comment. I'm still very obese and have been obese since childhood, so while someone may have complimented a body part (be it my face, or bosom, whatever) I've never had a guy say I had a great body. It made me more conscientious of my food choices that night, but I went off the rails last night lol, today I'm back. Let's do this! <3

[kiwi1222]

Often times that random comment from a stranger or not so stranger can help us not go crazy when we are wanting to eat crap. Keep going

[Candidcamster]

Originally Posted by kiwi1222

Often times that random comment from a stranger or not so stranger can help us not go crazy when we are wanting to eat crap. Keep going

Hey girly, and omigosh you're kicking major butt, way to go ! I've been struggling with the desire to binge eat, and let's be real I fulfill that desire often. I am trying to eat better today than I did yesterday, which was a binge day. I also HAVE TO start exercising, it's hard because I'm lazy , but I can do it.

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone my vacay from reality is OVER. The following is a graphic retelling of regain, I want to apologize first and foremost to myself for allowing this to happen, but also to all of you who have supported me, rooted for me, and been inspired by me (that last one is hard to type because I am shocked anyone is inspired by me <3 but just the same thank you and I'm sorry if I disappoint you with you the following, but it is full-disclosure):

So I just want to share some of what has been going on, I weighed in today at 243.3, which is the highest weight I've been since February/March of 2015. I also came in yesterday at 235.6 lbs., so I gained about 8 pounds overnight, yay me! lol I'm taking this ever so lightheartedly because you either laugh or cry. There is this Vietnamese restaurant that I haven't been to in a long time and decided to go there yesterday as a little bit of a food funeral if you will (a food funeral is something you have before embarking on a weight loss journey, especially if you're having some sort of bariatric surgery, which I'm not at this time ). Anyhow the food was pretty good, nothing amazing, but I don't regret going. Later the night I continued my junk food campaign buying some nutritional bars, chocolate covered dehydrated banana snacks, and other things that elude me at the moment. I was going to buy my favorite Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, however in what I consider a merciful act from God they weren't available. I'm admitting I've let myself get away with food murder for awhile now with this whole idea that I was going to go hard on my weight loss journey pretty soon. Well, I can't wait/weight any longer *corny pun I know* lol. Today's weight was clothed, and after eating, I'm also going through PMS, but to see a 34.1 gain, some of that is just water weight, but MOST of it is very real regain that has to go.

I am also trying to move in less than 2 months, and visit some family out of town later this summer. It means a lot to me to look nice in my opinion, and that's about 17 or more lbs. away imo lol, so this high weight is going to be a blessing for me to get my sh... um stuff together lol. Thank you for reading, more updates tonight. No binging, it will just make me more miserable.

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, this is my log for July 8th, 2016

Weigh in - 243.3 lbs. (I know, insane right, *Dear God please let me get a nice PMS whoosh* lol )

Calories for the Day - 1,744

Exercise - I did 1 mile of Leslie Sansone! *yay*

This thread is over a year old now, wowsers. Since joining this site I've experienced so many wonderful things, met so many great people and while I'm 34 lbs. up from my lowest, I am still 107 lbs. down from my highest, and 58 lbs. down from my start weight, that is a blessing. What we allow will continue, and I won't allow this regain anymore, which means I have to do the things that is takes to put it in reverse. I am committed today to doing that, and will take this journey one day at a time. If I only lose 5 lbs. from where I am right now between now and my visit to family, I'll still be smaller than any of them have every seen me in person (as an adult ).

Just adding, I messaged a weight loss buddy who has struggled with me on this journey as of late this message, I made it up myself, but it is similar to things I've read:
"you will believe in yourself, you will doubt yourself, you'll love and hate yourself but the most important thing is that you keep going"
Since I've been on this journey, I never dreamed of getting below 250, then 240, 230, 220, 210, but I did. Regardless of me sliding down the mountain, I got pretty high up there and I'm still here. Since I've been on this journey I've liked and disliked myself, I've been happy and angry, sad, relieved, etc., etc. all related to weight loss, weight gain, or staying the same. Don't let your mood dictate how your journey will go, you're going to doubt yourself and fail/succeed, you're going to believe in yourself and fall flat on your face and/or come out triumphant, the most important thing is that you keep going.
How many times have I had a Oprah "Aha!" moment, promised I would get it together, and then posted I binged? Don't answer that! The answer is a lot, but I'm still here, I haven't tucked my tail between my legs even though God knows I thought about it, but I'm still here. If I gave up the first time I thought about it, I'd be a lot heavier.

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, this is my log for July 9th, 2016

Weigh in - 237.? I forgot what the point was, so I added a question mark lol. So I lost about 6 lbs of water weight overnight woohoo! Hoping it takes more with it, let's get out of these dangerous morbidly obese waters.

Calories for the Day - 2,439 not a binge and I think a little exaggerated better over exaggerated than under lol.

Exercise - I did about 10 minutes of Leslie Sansone. *yay

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, this post will be a twofer as I didn't post yesterday, and it will include my calories for today (the 11th).

This is my log for July 10th, 2016

Weigh in - 237 flat

Calories for the Day - 2,199

Exercise - None.

NSV - I dined at Whole Foods on Sweet Chili Tofu, a Zevia soda (yes sodas are bad but non-commercial natural brands are a weakness for me ) and about 3/4 of a brownie. I bought a 4 pack but I only ate 3/4 of 1 brownie. To be safe I kept the others in the car, I'm proud that I wasn't "bad", because usually I am a all or nothing kind of girl, but I made choice sitting at the table, realized I was in control of what I did to my body, and opted not to overeat.

This is my log for July 11th, 2016

Weigh in - 234.5

Calories for the Day - 1,721

Exercise - None.

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, still on plan, I fell behind a couple of days of logging here, but I want to post them just the same -

This is my log for July 12th, 2016

Weigh in - 233.6

Calories for the Day - 1,960

Exercise - None.


This is my log for July 13th, 2016

Weigh in - 231.7

Calories for the Day - 1,726

Exercise - None.

I have to say I think it is awesome that I am nearly 12 lbs. down from my highest weight this year of 243.3 some days ago, a lot of that was PMS water weight but a lot of that was also through getting my stuff together lol. Also I think my body really responds to exercise, so I want to try to work that in today, today (7/14) I came in at 231.4 lbs. and I'm at a point where 220-anything is no longer a "safety weight" (meaning I feel comfortable enough to drop the ball when I hit say 229, 228, 227, etc.,etc.) it's too easy to slip back into the 230's and then the 240's and I want to get as far away from these high weights as possible. I truly believe in myself, now I just have to put in the work with my eating (doing it), exercising (ACK!! lol) and patience and I know I will get to where I want to be eventually, maybe this year, maybe not, but before I know it that scale will read 199.8 lbs. and I'll be over the moon! <3 Thank you for reading, let's do this!

Also I wanted to add - My BFF/ex-boyfriend lol, called me last night to tell me some disturbing news about family problems, and it ended up being a lengthy conversation. We haven't seen each other in nearly 3 years, except through pictures and some online videos (we live across the country from each other now) and he's seen me at various high weights in person. The lowest he's seen me at in person was the early-to-mid 260's to which he called me "tiny" back then LMAO, he even picked me up! lol *memories* Anyhow I digress, he's seen my progress pictures over the past 2+ years (August 13th will mark 2 1/2 years since I began my weight loss journey ) and these pictures included me at my lowest of being just below 210. He thought I was "getting skinny" to use his words lol which was a compliment even though I was still obese. All that said I recently sent him some pictures, and we were talking about them last night and he said "You were looking pretty skinny/small before but now you're starting to look like the old you, I mean not big like you were but yeah you definitely gained some weight, but you still look good." He and I are very honest with each other (which I love), when I was 300+ lbs. he told me I was beautiful and he meant it (I know because since I lost weight he told me the pros and cons of what it was like being with me when I was much heavier), and last night he described me as being beautiful and curvy, but him mentioning I am starting to look like the old me was the incentive I needed to stay the course lol. I never want to go back to that girl again, sorry I love her, she was a great person but very unhappy and cheated out of a lot of things in life, it's not for me anymore, if it ever was. Thank you for reading.

I also decided to include some pictures, picture no.1 is him and I taken around this time of 2013, picture no. 2 was taken in August/2011 (we were both heavier back then obviously lol I was in the early 320's at that time) and picture no. 3 is a larger version of the collage posted as my avatar of recent pictures of me taken in the past handful of weeks or sooner (my weight was in the same range as it is now, no more than 4-5 lbs. less).

[VickieLou]

CandidCamster on losing 12 LBS! Cute pictures of You and Your ex boyfriend. I like that collage picture idea too. Good Luck on Your Weight loss.

[Candidcamster]

Originally Posted by VickieLou

CandidCamster on losing 12 LBS! Cute pictures of You and Your ex boyfriend. I like that collage picture idea too. Good Luck on Your Weight loss.

Thank you VickieLou, when I visit him in some weeks I plan to take more updated pictures and post them. I'm 234 flat today, exercise has been the hardest part of my journey, moreso than food which I can sometimes get a handle on. I really want to challenge myself to moving more , because I have to work off this jiggle.

[Candidcamster]

Hi everyone, it's been a good while since I've updated. Lately my weight has been mostly in the early 240's or late 230's. Right now I am 237.9 lbs. which for reference is 28.7 lbs. up from my lowest weigh in ever on this journey. Boy do I feel it. It took me a long time and a bit more weight gain to truly see the facial, body and health differences over the past 8 or so months of me regaining weight, but it has hit me, and hard. From the clothes that no longer fit, the transition from cute skinny jeans in sizes 14, 15, 16, and even 17 (I wear Juniors and misses sizes) to now wearing leggings which typically stretch with me. I used to be such a clothes hoarder and now my addiction to apparel has reduced dramatically, which isn't terrible for my wallet, but it does say something about my personal self-esteem, it has been diminished.

OMG I wrote out this freakin' long thoughtful post (after the first paragraph) and the freakin' browser ate it!! Grr, where are the cookies? lol j/k Seriously I was spilling my guts and this thing crashed on me.

I can't or don't want to try to articulate what I wrote, so I'll just move on to my next thought. I've been lacto-ovo vegetarian for nearly 10 years come December of this year (yes a fat vegetarian, and no it didn't help me lose weight at all, in fact I gained 40+ lbs. doing so, but in fairness I'm a "junk food" vegetarian, meaning I indulge in all the non-meat junk food that everyone else does lol). I say this to say I've been following a ton of vegan Youtubers especially as of late, and I saw some powerful videos (not just the gory slaughterhouse stuff, but things like a baby cow being taken away from it's protective mom while nursing) it just made me feel so sad and angry because I love cheese, milk, eggs, etc. but as I made a decision December/2006 to not indulge in tasty bacon, burgers, etc. I made a decision last night to no longer support the milk industry. I am not perfect, there may be slip ups or oversights in what I consume but I want to do my best to avoid dairy. Now while this is more of a "ethical" stance, I do hope it will help with my weight loss, but just as I was a junk food vegetarian I may be a junk food vegan, so we'll see. Veganism can help with weight loss, but so can eating meat, so it's a matter of preference and you have to follow your heart. I do have a lot of dairy/cheese based foods remaining in my freezer and I will consume them, but I won't be replacing them, kind of like the person who becomes vegetarian who is given a vintage leather jacket, etc. it doesn't exactly contribute to the production of more leather products, etc. this isn't meant to be a lecture or anything, it's just talking about a new direction in which I'd like to take dietary choices. Thank you for reading, I'm still mad about that second paragraph being wiped out, but in fairness it was probably just me rehashing things I've already shared (my jeans don't fit, I'm 16.1 lbs. up since beginning this thread over 1 year ago, I'm not into clothes as much as I was 6 or so months ago, etc. etc.). You've heard it all, and you probably will again lol.

Also I mentioned about my binge eating disorder, it is very real and serious and yet I'm the only person who can change it.