[Sheena82]

Righty ho,

I was going to start a blog but that seems disabled, never had one before so was a lil disappointed. In the meantime i'll be scribbling here.

Sooo where to start...i've always been a chubster but managed to get my weight down to a reasonable level just before I met my wonderful husband jan 2011 (we got hitched pretty quickly). Unfortunately my husband wined and dined me to explosion, between meeting and our honeymoon i went from roughly 10st 4lbs to 13st 6lbs.

I've been logging my weight for years so my husband recieved proof in a chart that it was definitely his fault. I was tempted to do a powerpoint presentation.

His response.....? "Yeah it cant have helped with me saying, you're beautiful, have another pie" my response ........ *smack husband repeatedly with shoe* . For the record i haven't eaten any pie for years...YEARS!!

Anyhoo started trying to get a handle on it and slowly over the last few months managed to get my weight down in spurts (of loss, gain, loss, with a slow spiral downwards). We moved a few times, then moved country and when we got here have moved twice. Living out of a suitcase for the last year has not been fun. In addition i have been travelling between home and here so had not really got into my groove!

BUT i have my mojo back so fingers crossed i can get rid of the extra weight and start feeling a little bit better about myself. Husband has been really supportive and actually started being careful when he cooks and letting me supervise him LOL. Hes discovered how many calories there are in olive oil, and what measuring spoons are for. Also hes given up the crisps and ice cream (on the whole, once a week he bounces in the door with something or something, but i can read that man like a book so i know exactly which days he'll bring something home and make space in my calories)

I started really trying when i came back from a trip home in May. Not having to travel really helped

12th May 176.8lbs
7th July 160.2lbs

I weigh in on Sundays as thats the start of the working week here and it prevents me from indulging on the weekends. A big plus is that we live in a dry country, i have absolutely no self control after a few drinks...i mean like none, i'm the worst kind of drunk....a ravenously hungry one.

However I am in Dubai for the weekend and i know the wine is going to be flowing which is a bit of a yay nay situation. I'm going to just go with it, luckily its ramadan so a few restaurants will screen off areas for non fasters but we'll be grabbing snack at hotel before we head out and then just have dinner. It means i have limited opportunities to stuff myself because of the holiday feeling. I've checked out the place we are going to be eating at and have already chosen what i will order (thank the lord for on-line menus- no cals but at least i can decide in advance).

Fingers crossed this wont do too much damage, next weigh in is on sunday, will make sure i keep a record of what i munch.

Ok end of epic post!!

[Sheena82]

I started looking for dresses for dinner to wear for the weekend away i couldn't find anything flattering. I've basically lost 20lbs and i still feel pretty crappy about how i look.

Just got me thinking about why it bothers me so much. Unfortunately i suspect its because of how i believe other people perceive me. I know i dont look at other people and judge them, i dont think i really notice. So why on earth would anyone care what i look like, and if they did why on earth would i think thats ok? Or even care?? I frustrate myself with this constant comparison, something i would berate somebody else for. I know we live in a superficial world but by not challenging how i feel about it i'm subconciously buying into the very things i claim to reject. Its not even that big of a deal!

i've already put a downer on what should be a fun weekend with a splurge of self pity. Its pathetic really, i live in the middle east where a lot of people really have it hard. You dont want to be a maid or a labourer around here and i'm feeling sorry for myself because my backside looks a bit too big and i'm a bit lumpy.

Going to get a grip and be bloody grateful, my weight is a tiny bit of a generally happy and content life, its not the be all and end all.

I'm also leaving my suck it in shorts at home, i really should burn the damn things!

[Sheena82]

Came back from my weekend away and weighed in at 160.8lbs, i was 160.4 at my previous weekly weigh in, its ooooookay, not delighted with that but i cant say i didnt feel it was worth it! Weighed in today at 158, its mid week, i was just checking in to make sure that its shifting. Kind of nice to see its moving, i havent been that weight since my engagement party!

Lots of seafood and arabic mezzes and ofcourse the demon drink. Really lovely weekend. Bit hot so i dragged my husband to some aquariums which were utterly relaxing, we sat on the floor and just stared at the seafood..er i meant fish. I felt myself zoning out completely, the aquarium had a soothing track on throughout the building which was lovely.

Have been keeping to around 1000 calories for a few days to beat back dome of the weight gain during my mini breal and it does seemed to have worked phew.

I'm going home for a week soon and i'm a little bit concerned about abot having control over what i'm eating. I weigh, measure and log everything at the moment so am quite nervous about handing the control back over to family and friends. I obviously have some choice and am going to offer to cook some meals while i'm back so that i can get some low calorie options on the table.

I'm going to spend this week eyeballing portion sizes to get it fixed in my mind how much i should eat. I think because i weigh stuff i havent really learned how to make an educated guess through sight.

This sounds a bit mental but i am really tempted to take a portion bowl and my electronic kitchen scales with me. My inlaws are wonderful and understanding but i think i would feel quite embarrassed about it.

I might try doing some intuitive eating this week and see if thats an option for dealing with time away from my scales.

So those are the choices.

Figure out a way of easily gauging portion size with my hand/fist size or Take my scales which may not work cos lets face it i'm not going to start weighing everything my mother in law cooks, she'll think i broke my brain, or try intuitive eating.

I'm thinking realistically its going to be a mix between intuitive eating and portion size guesstimates.

It does make me worry that i will never be able to eat within reasonable bounds without weighing/measuring everything. Obviously thats not a problem right now, i'm still a chubster but it does concern me that if i dont start learning how to do it i may be stuck in a permanent rut of counting calories.

On another note, i'mreally craving butternut squash, imust, must buy some, thinking about roasting one and just eating it. Nom nom nom