Feeling guilty... but it's not what you think
 

I don't know where it came from... but for the last 18 months or so I have been SO dedicated and motivated to lose weight, and I've been successful in losing what I wanted and maintain for a while. Not only maintaining, but getting myself into great shape. I see huge changes in my body, for the better.

I weighed myself this morning, as I do most days (I'm a daily weigh-er, even though many people don't like that). The last few days the scale has been going down slightly, and today I was 119.6.

Of course, this is a good thing! But here's my problem....

I still count calories and stay within my maintenance range on MOST days. But I cheat ALL THE TIME because it doesn't seem to have an affect on my loss/maintenance. Maybe it's because I'm so good about working out. I feel guilty that my weight is going down, and I also feel like it's a fluke. Like my scale is breaking and getting worse by the day (I realize this is probably silly).

I'm sure most people will want to tell me to shut up. I shouldn't be complaining. But I'm afraid that my cheats will get out control because they haven't had an affect on me. If I don't stop cheating, I'm terrified that I'll start eating badly again ALL the time and I'll put the weight back on. Is this a crazy fear to have? The easy answer is to just stop doing it. But it's tough for me, now that I know I can have a certain amount of junk food with no consequences.

I'm not talking about crazy fattening fast food every day or anything like that. It's like, tacos with too much sour cream, ice cream cone for lunch (it was free scoop day at Ben & Jerrys), french fries w/ my chicken sandwich w/ CHEESE on it, more than a few glasses of wine during the week, etc. It's these small things that creep up on me.

Thanks for listening to my rant, if you made it this far. :)

Tiffany,

I'm right there with you! I keep expecting the scale to go up but mine has been hovering around 129-131 for the last 2 weeks. I have the fear, along with dreams a couple of times a week, that I'll wake up one morning and be 200 lbs again.

I've been focusing on simple whole foods, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lay off the homemade bread soon.:o

Just keep an eye on it. It may be a subjective issue - you may think you are "cheating", but someone else may look at your diet/exercise and say it's completely fine. Sounds to me like you are just living a normal life, keeping an eye on what you eat and exercising. You'll see if it becomes a problem, and if it does, since you are keeping a close eye on it, you can nip it in the bud.

I commented on your blog by the way, hope you don't mind! You sound very on top of things, capable and mature. I think things are going to work out for you :-)

~CGH~

The first step is recognizing it. Just recommit and maybe be more structured about your "cheating" like maybe zig zag your maitenance calories to allow for high cal days or have specific days or meals that you allow yourself to exceed your calorie allotment by x number of cals. I do this while losing and so far it's what has kept me sane. I've tightened up a bit lately just because I'm trying to get to my goal as soon as I can so that I can just move onto maitenance (I've been losing weight for 4 years and I'm ready to just maintain) even though I know they way I'm eating now isn't going to change in maitenance.

I absolutely don't mind! Thanks for checking it out. :)

Thank you to everyone for the support. I think it's hard transitioning from "weight loss mode" into maintenance. Mentally I feel like I'm cheating but in reality maybe it really is "normal life." I just hope I have the willpower to get control back if it really does start to get out of hand. And that's when I turn to all of you chicks for support. :)

LOL I totally understand! I get on a kick where I find something delicious and just can't stop eating it. Lately it's been Tostitos w/ a hint of lime, with salsa or reduced fat sour cream OR a combination of the two!!! So tasty and I guess ok if I limit it, but I tend to get out of control and eat a whole container of sour cream in just 2 or 3 days!! :o

Even better, try mixing the salsa & sour cream. But I should not give you any ideas. I don't seem to have much trouble with chips. It seems to be bread and some sweets.

But others are right. My "cheating" now is nothing like my "normal" eating was at 200 lbs. Like you, I'm a daily weigher so I'm watching it too.