So I've been online dating for the past 6 months or so after starting my new life/weight journey last September. I've always kept up to date photos on my profile but rarely actually changed the text profile bit.
So I've had interest, and a few dates along the way but at the weekend I was heading out on the town with my friend, had a haircut, felt and looked good, took a photo and updated the profile photo....in 24hrs there were 62 emails. yes I counted lol!
I just find myself taking a really cynical view of the messages saying oh your profile is really interesting.....really...it wasn't so interesting for the past 6 months!
Not sure how I feel about this - its a whole new world that that I know its taking some getting used to! How do you get around the immediate negative resentment feeling?
I am assuming you are interested in dating males... males are visual creatures so odds are, if they were not interested in your picture, they didn't read your profile before.
Online dating is so fun, don't waste the experience by feeling resentful, instead focus on talking with those that actually bothered to read your profile and connect with you, believe me not many do that when you have attractive pictures, it can work against you sometimes.
Anyways, good luck on your search, I met my husband online
Instead of being resentful, ask yourself this question, "When you see a picture of a man with a fat face next to a man with a slender face (all other features being equal) which one are you more attracted to?
As lostkitty said, they probably never read your profile before because they didn't get that far.
People are attracted to health... it's programmed in our genes because like it or not, we are animals that are deep down looking for potential mates for procreating. Healthy usually doesn't include obesity.
Sure, we can say ALL WE WANT that people should love me no matter the size - and that is true for people who already love us. That doesn't mean, however, that they find us the same attractiveness. "I" consider myself way more attractive when I thinner, so why would I expect anyone else to feel differently?
It isn't necessarily only about weight. 14 years ago I placed an online profile personal ad and even though the photo was taken at my highest weight ever, it yielded more responses (including the one from the guy who would become my husband a year later), than any previous photo ad I had placed.
It was an awesome photo. I had it taken professionally, loved what I was wearing and how I looked, and really smiled (the photographer really knew what he was doing to coax natural, happy, real smiles from me. More laughter than smiling, actually).
Hubby claims it was my smile that he was drawn to. He said that he thought that even if no romantic sparks flew, I looked like someone he'd enjoy being friends with.
Ironically, my first post on 3FC was about online dating while having weight/body image issues. It can be a fairly harsh way of confronting the reality of meeting men, in particular. But it was worth it - I met my now-husband and he's great.
I echo what lostkitty and Kaplods both say: my husband confirms that he never bothered reading a profile that didn't have a good-quality image attached to it, and that is likely true of many men (and probably women). Also, the key is a GOOD photo of you - good quality, good smile, close enough to see you. It doesn't mean a photo that makes you look like a supermodel. The fact that you took a photo when you felt you looked good probably means that your confidence radiated in the picture. THAT is attractive.
Online dating
