[Aidanqm]

My friend wants to get a boob job. Pregnancy + weight loss has left her with saggy breasts and she wants a lift and implants.

Is getting surgery to fit an aesthetic image ever ok? I feel bad for her that she feels pressure to go under the knife to fit an unrealistic standard of beauty we have in America.

[faiora]

Why shouldn't it be okay? Your friend is presumably an adult and can make her own decisions, and will be informed of the risks before undergoing surgery. If it makes her feel better about herself, why does it concern you?

With that said, I do think there is a problem with body image. If your friend has multiple surgeries and keeps having them re-done (bigger boobs, then even bigger boobs, etc) then I might become concerned, because that sounds like body dysmorphia to me. And yes, there is a problem with the media telling us what's pretty and what isn't.

But wanting to look like what you consider beautiful and healthy and vibrant is a natural thing. And sometimes the risks of surgery are worth the way you feel after.

As an example, although it isn't quite surgery: I went on accutane some years ago (a controversial acne medication) to get rid of my cystic acne. Today I still have a bit of acne, but it's a worry that doesn't exist for me anymore. I finally feel like my skin is "normal" and I don't have to worry about it more than the average person.

I've also had very large breasts since I was a teenager (I wasn't overweight then), which have always caused me problems with fitting into shirts and dresses. So once I have lost weight, I think I might have a breast reduction so I feel like I can wear normal clothes and so my breasts aren't always in the way of exercise (I hate running because of them and for no other reason).

Anyway, the breast reduction might be more defensible as a medical procedure (I've also had middle back pain since my teenage years), but I think my acne is a good example of a purely aesthetic concern that I addressed in a permanent way that has really improved my life. I think a breast lift/implants, for some women, could have a similar effect.

[kaplods]

Even weight loss can be viewed as unneccessary body modification, especially if you're mildly overweight, and not clinically obese.

Ear (and other) piercings, tatoos, hair color, makeup, clothing.... where do we draw the line at "acceptable" aesthetic modifications?

I think we shouldn't even try to draw the line for other adults. If someone wants bigger or perkier boobs, or for that matter, wants to add leopard spots to their face or horns to their forehead, I'm ok with that.

I've never been extremely aesthetically motivated, but as I'm getting older (48), I'm also finding myself less judgemental of those who are. When I was younger, I never thought I'd ever consider cosmetic surgery, or even a tattoo for myself. Now, I have. I still probably won't, because they're low enough on my priority list that my money runs out before they come up. If I had unlimited funds, maybe.

[izzyboomama]

I think you're right that we do have unrealistic standards of beauty, but at the same time, if she wants a lift and implants, why stop her? If surgery becomes a habit and she's constantly tweaking, that is something to worry about.
Many women do NOT believe that what pregnancy does to a body should be celebrated. When its all said and done they do not recognize themselves and some feel victimized. Is this a belief I agree with? absolutely not, but it is what it is.
I have told my husband that when we are done having kids and I have lost my weight and maintained it for at least 5 years I want a breast lift, a mini face lift, and I want any sagging skin to be corrected. Is this because I have unrealistic standards of beauty? No, it's because I will have spent the first half of my life morbidly obese and I want to spend the second half of my life looking like the best version of me. Honestly, the mini face lift is only because if I'm already under, I might as well have it done :-)

[ReNew Me]

I've never been blessed in the boobie department, in fact, the only positive I can find about being obese is that I actually have cleavage ... well, with the right bra, and a cutlet on one side, sigh.

Anyway, when I was thin (and younger) I was very, very unhappy with my chest (with one side a B and one side an A- do you blame me?) and not necessarily because I wasn't curvy (shoulders, hips and a bootie I had). It was literally a clothing fit thing. I'm tall with broad shoulders, ANYTHING that wasn't designed to hang straight down would often sag in the bust. None of this was helped by the fact I really, really hate underwire/padded bras and there is simply no way on the planet I would then, or EVER, put on one of those Wonderbras.

Some women recover from breastfeeding very nicely, but I known women who just didn't. In fact, one described the result after two babies as "a tennis ball in a tube sock".

So, is getting a lift/augmentation necessarily fulfilling unrealistic expectations of media sensationalized beauty, or is it just trying to feel good in your skin and in your clothes?

I mean, as Kaplods said, technically losing that last 20 is usually vanity pounds. The same could be said about having your teeth straightened for any reason other than to correct problems biting or chewing, removing a large noncancerous but hairy mole from any part of your body, having the odd sixth finger or toe nipped off when the baby is born, or even plucking your eyebrows. It's all modifications done for no sake than vanity.

There is simply being able to put on (OR take off) a piece of clothing, look at yourself in the mirror and say "I like what I see." Is it vanity, or is it pride to walk out of the house (or into the bedroom) feeling good about the complete aesthetic package you present physically? The fact is, being confident in your appearance feels good.

Does who we are and our actions, the people we are matter far more, of course. But let's face it, women spend $426 Billion a year on makeup and studies have shown that the majority of women do not apply makeup for the sake of men, they do it for themselves.