The idea we all have that we have to be thin to be loved is absurd.
I totally agree! I think that people finding you less attractive because of your weight stops when you get out of high school. At least in my experience, quality people don’t care about it much.
But again, very bad self esteem is really not sexy ... for anybody. So my answer is, when you’ll start to feel comfortable about yourself, men will start to notice you. I met the love of my life four years ago at a BMI of 29.
I met my DH when I weighed 205 lbs., and I asked him to go to a work function with me. Since I'm a pretty shy person that was a big step for me, but there was something about him that made me want to get to know him. We've been happily married almost 33 years now. He's loved me at 261 lbs., now at 148 lbs. and everything in between. While this doesn't answer the OP's question about BMI, I hope it will help someone realize that taking a risk no matter how much you weigh can bring great reward. There are wonderful men out there who may be waiting for you to make the first move.
Okay, I'll be the one who calls the B.S. card on this topic. Having been slender and overweight while having self-esteem issues being at either extreme, I can say that being slender definitely attracts the majority of men verses being overweight. Talking purely on physical attraction and sex (not relationships), being a slender woman trumps being an overweight woman. It is what it is. It is unfair, but it's the truth!
Everyone has a different definition of what being slender is (i.e, BMI, weight/pounds/stones, waist size, etc.). I wasn't confident when I was slender yet many attractive to average looking men approached me because I was slender. Now that I'm overweight, I rarely get any attention from men.
I don't buy this whole "confidence is what attracts them" mentality at all.
I kinda agree here...
I think some women are beautiful no matter what their weight, even at heavier weights they can just still pull off looking beautiful/attractive and still get attention from men. I don't think I'm one of them, weight goes on my face, stomach...and I'm not "curvy", I just think I'm not attractive at higher weights. BMI has nothing to do with if you look attractive or not. It's said men are visual, so if a woman looks good then men aren't going to worry about her BMI.
Other women seemed to have met their significant other through work, friends, school, etc...
I probably could of met a man at my higher weight, but I didn't go places to meet them. And I lacked the confidence to go on dating sites and go on dates that way. I am getting more attention from men now. Many years ago when I got down to 130lbs-140lbs I also got alot of attention... just I think I look better with less fat on my face and being on the tall/slender side.Not sure if it's really confidence, because at the moment I still don't dress up or fix my hair to "look good".
And to be fair, you have not attractive, overweight guys that still expect to have a Barbie doll...While being called beautiful/attractive is nice, I wouldn't want those men that only date someone for their looks either
As someone who has not always been heavy I can say that when I was thinner I had many men approach me, i'd get hit on and flirted with. At my higher weight it's like I don't exist. So many men will not even look me in the eyes. I am married, but upon first sight many men wouldn't know that. So I have to say that if we are talking strictly quantity, being thinner had an impact on attention.
It's an interesting one. I'd definitely say that men other than my husband started 'paying attention' to me when my BMI hit around 28ish? BUT and it's a huge but... I don't think that had anything to do with my size.
I changed to a male dominant workplace. I started going out a lot more, and wearing clothes that I would NEVER have worn before. Nothing 'slutty' mind you, just more high heels and skirts etc, more feminine clothing than I'd ever worn before. Do I think men started noticing me more? Not really, no. I think there's every chance that I just didn't notice them noticing me before then!
My hubby has said a few times that he doesn't notice when women hit on him or are being more attentive than usual, and I think I was the same. I just didn't notice because I didn't think it was possible.
So I guess if you're hoping for a magic number as to when men might start finding you sexually appealing, my thoughts are that perhaps you're looking for the wrong thing. Chances are that there are plenty out there that are already attracted to you and you just haven't noticed yet.
As someone who has not always been heavy I can say that when I was thinner I had many men approach me, i'd get hit on and flirted with. At my higher weight it's like I don't exist. So many men will not even look me in the eyes. I am married, but upon first sight many men wouldn't know that. So I have to say that if we are talking strictly quantity, being thinner had an impact on attention.
If we're strictly talking the number of men who will approaching a woman out of the blue, with no flirtation, attention, or participation on the woman's part, then heck yeah! Weight is going to factor in alomg with every other trait associated with beauty (or unnatractiveness).
If your top priority is getting large numbers of men to flock to you, with little or no effort on your part, then it's important to be thin and eing thin and perfectly proportioned - tall, but not too tall, thin, but not too thin... You'll also want, large, perfectly matched boobs; a small waist; long legs; large, pale eyes; long, dark eyelashes; a straight, tiny nose; prominent cheekbones; flawlessly clear skin; stylish, shiny, hair with great body and a bit of curl without frizz (ideally blond with just a touch of red, but not too many freckles; full lips, perfectly alligned and sparkly white teeth; smooth, soft hands and nicely kept nails... and every other trait associated with beauty in our culture - a "perfect" package is going to attract more attention.
If you're a young, tall, thin, supermodel with breast implants and a designer wardrobe, you're going to get a lot more unsolicited, generic male attention than if you're less perfect, and the more physical imperfections you have, and the less you stand out in a positive way, the less unsolicited attention you'll get, but so what?
Very, few of us have perfect bodies, but people of all ages, shapes, sizes and levels of attractiveness (even many folks with severe physical, mental, and emotional handicaps and disfigurements) manage to pair up.
The more practical question is how much attention do you need, and are you willing to do some of the flirting, attention-seeking, asking out....
The more you're willing to put yourself "out there," the more potential romantic partners you'll meet.
There is no magic weight, height, BMI, hair length, hair style, hair color, skin color, bra size, manicure, makeup, outfit... that will draw men to you like honey.
There is also no physical or personality trait that will repel all men (there's a few that may repel most, but excess weight isn't anywhere on that list).
Even if you are practically perfect, physically and emotionally, waiting for guys to approach you and ask you out is a pretty inefficient system for finding the partner of your dreams.
Attracting and seeking out the right person is a lot more important than attracting as many as possible and hoping the right one is in there somewhere.
There are a lot of fish in the sea and the less generic the bait, the less generic the fish.
Harsh Truth: Men don't care if you're skinny or fat as long as you have the all important female va-jj. I've never gotten further than date #1, fat or skinny. Why? Because I don't want to have sex after the first date. (I don't say anything, but I'm sure they sense I'm not super loose.) If you don't want to have sex immediately, most men aren't interested. Which is why I'll probably be a virgin for the rest of my life unless I get really lucky and meet a true gentleman who's interested in building a relationship before going all the way. I'm old-fashioned, sue me. I don't want any diseases and I think physical intimacy is something you earn thru trust and companionship.
One of the many reasons I decided to lose weight was to possibly get a skinny guy. I felt like it's only fair. I've always eye-balled the skinny guys, but I was fat. If you want a skinny mate, be fair and get skinny yourself. It can't hurt, even if it doesn't really help much.
Actually, there is data to support that men in various cultures are more attracted to certain waist to hip ratios. (Divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement.) You can have a waist to hip ratio that is appealing, but still be over weight. Certain ratios are a way to guesstimate fertility of a partner, but it is one of those primordial things that most people are not aware of. We like to think we're above all that and I guess that I'll be gettin' some hate mail from some of you over that thought. Western cultures generally prefer a ratio of 0.7, Asia 0.6, and there are other cultures that prefer 0.8. Does this guarantee a relationship, no of course not silly. I met and married my current husband while obese. My ratio at the time was 0.8 bordering on a 0.9 He thought I had a pretty face and appearance got me in the door, common interests are what made a more lasting relationship. Don't shoot the messenger, it is just data you can think about. There are always exceptions because chemistry between people is certainly a factor. That all said, I think becoming healthier makes people feel more confident and that confidence attracts other people.
My husband met me when I was overweight and married me when I was overweight, but I was 20-25 pounds overweight, not over 100 pounds overweight. He does have an issue with the weight and is definitely less attracted to me because of it. And I totally get it. I'm only attracted to thin men, so why would he feel any differently?
Now, he doesn't expect me to be SKINNY or anything, but healthy looking and healthy acting.
Actually, there is data to support that men in various cultures are more attracted to certain waist to hip ratios. (Divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement.) You can have a waist to hip ratio that is appealing, but still be over weight. Certain ratios are a way to guesstimate fertility of a partner, but it is one of those primordial things that most people are not aware of. We like to think we're above all that and I guess that I'll be gettin' some hate mail from some of you over that thought. Western cultures generally prefer a ratio of 0.7, Asia 0.6, and there are other cultures that prefer 0.8. Does this guarantee a relationship, no of course not silly. I met and married my current husband while obese. My ratio at the time was 0.8 bordering on a 0.9 He thought I had a pretty face and appearance got me in the door, common interests are what made a more lasting relationship. Don't shoot the messenger, it is just data you can think about. There are always exceptions because chemistry between people is certainly a factor. That all said, I think becoming healthier makes people feel more confident and that confidence attracts other people.
Yes, it can vary across cultures/individuals etc. The big hindrance is if that said man that you like is into you as well. I mean, pretty much all of us have SOME degree of physical preference. Maybe some can say "oh well the weight shouldn't be that big of a deal" but whose to say that our own preferences, which might look reasonable to us, might be considered "too much" to some men? Just like how I prefer seeing myself at a certain weight, I guess I don't mind if someone is more attracted to me at a certain weight - as long as they don't get all rude about it, its all good. Personally, I tend to be drawn to guys that I find very nice and at at least (in my opinion) dead-average looking. If I'm below average, and maybe he too is into someone who is average-looking, ah well! lol
26.6
Not many.
At 24.5 (long time ago), a lot of guys used to ask me out.
But not the kind of guys that you would WANT to go out with.
Shallow and wanted only one thing.
Somewhere around BMI 27, I get plenty of attention. I do have the hourglass figure with the classic hip/waist ratio, and was blessed with a nice face. So I do well even chubby.
The attention drops right off around BMI 29. It isn't purely a confidence issue. That is one piece of the puzzle.
There is some hyperbole here - that being a healthy weight or having a nice figure will only net you volume, hoards of "typical" men who want one thing. Whereas being 300lbs supposedly won't hurt your odds of meeting a great partner, because he is only good if he can see past the obesity. As usual, the truth is somewhere in the middle.
There are plenty of good men who are into fitness and clean eating, and want a partner who is into the same. Despite the occasional exception where a 250lb woman run triathlons, walking around with an obese body tells those men immediately that you are not compatible with them.
When I was extremely depressed and bulimic with a BMI of 20.5, I was never noticed. I thought I was going to die a virgin. I didn't smile a lot, hid in corners, and thought I was a heffer so I wore baggy clothes. Zero male attention made me feel even worse.
The first guy to like me was on an MMO, and it wasn't healthy. (We met in real life as well, worst mistake I ever made). After that, I started gaining weight steadily. I was still ignored.
It's when I started to accept myself and wore makeup as well as got happy and started getting over my depression, that men noticed me. I was a 28.3 that I got the most attention. I asked men on dates, did online dating, was happy a lot, flirty. Confidence. Boom.
As I gained weight more and more, the amount of men did dwindle, but I still had plenty of men interested, and I wasn't scared to say hello.
I met my current Fiance at 33.2 BMI. Bowling with friends. He asked me out. 2 years later, BMI of 37.5, he asked me to marry him.
Yes, a lower BMI may get you a LOT more attention, but having a perfect BMI means nothing if you become a wall flower and have no confidence at all.
