Even at my low weight, I was still not a "bikini body" so to speak. While I felt much better about myself, I still felt "fat-ish" and I didn't have a firm stomach, and my hips and butt weren't nice and small. I do not gain muscle well due to a health condition that causes hypotonia (low muscle tone).

So, this time around as I lose weight AGAIN, I'm hoping that when I get to my goal I can accept what is. I think part of my troubles with the regaining of my weight is that when I get to where I wish to be, I'm still not happy with how I look. Then I get a bit down and think, well you're flabby anyway, have that cheesecake! And I end up here again.

I need to figure out a way to accept that I'll never look the way I *wish* I could look. I'm sorry if this is a bummer of a thread, I'm just hoping some folks here will have some advice for giving up the dream of "hot bikini body" and accepting the "no longer overweight 31 year old body that is mostly ok to look at."

Thanks!

No advice, but I can empathise.

I'll never have a hot bikini body. I'm doing to plastic surgery to get rid of the extra skin on my stomach, but it will still be on my arms and thighs and my boobs will still point at the ground.

You know what? Nobody cares if you wear a bikini or you don't. I plan to because I do a lot of active water sports and they are more comfortable. And if people don't like what they see, screw them.

If you want to wear a bikini FOR YOU, then GO FOR IT! If you don't feel comfortable, nobody will question why you wear a tankini or a one-piece. Plus, mononikis are trendy right now if they fit into your comfort zone.

Maybe it's just because I was so much bigger at my high weight, but I am flying so high when I'm wearing size 8 shorts and a tank top, that even if I wear my bikini with shorts around the dive shop, I know I'll be feeling good because of the accomplishment of losing weight.

I think I would like to "in theory" but in practice I think I'd sit wrapped up in a towel miserable. I just can't do it. I'm reasonably comfortable in a tankini, the long top kind and boyshorts usually.

Once, when I was getting off an airplane, and I was wearing tan shorts and a black somewhat fitted tank top...I heard these girls behind me talking about me and the one said "Seriously, she thinks she can wear that? Maybe if she lost 10lbs!" That meanness is the sort of thing that keeps me from being able to wear less baggy, and more fitted items.

Gosh, are you sure they were talking about you? I cannot imagine - well, I cannot imagine ever saying that about anyone - but especially about someone who, based on your 'high weight' statistics, does not sound like someone who "shouldn't" have been wearing a tank top!

I don't mean to undermine your feelings about your body. Goodness knows I have been more or less unhappy with my body for most of my adult life. There is now a part of my brain that is learning to intervene and say "OK, you dislike/hate your body? Based on WHAT? What other people think? What celebrities look like? What???"

The sanity and relative peace with my body that I have found has been based on what my body can do, not how it looks. The pride that I feel doing various athletic activities, even ones I do NOT do well, is far better than the pride I feel based on the number on the scale.

Is there a non-weight- or appearance-related goal that you can set for yourself? Something that won't allow you to be disappointed with the end result? E.g. run a 10K, learn paddleboarding, take a rock climbing lesson, try mountain biking, etc. Because although you may well look totally awesome in fitted/tight clothing at your lower weight, your brain may not allow you to see it because it doesn't match the societal expectation of the "ideal body". It may be easier to find happiness in your health than in image alone-

Yes, it was me. I turned to see and they were both glaring at me like I had completely offended them with my outfit. It was somewhat embarrassing but I managed to ignore them and just get off the plane without a word.

As for a non-weight goal, no. I have a physical disability and I am unable to do sports etc. My condition causes hypermobility, joint dislocations and very poor muscle tone.

Oh, that's rotten. Those girls must have been manner-less dirtbags. But you can't let the opinions of morons get you down - easier said than done, I know. As Underwater said above, if you want to wear something then wear it. Life is too short to cater to the perceived opinions of strangers.

Regarding your physical disability, I am sorry to hear that. Are some activities still possible (e.g. easy pilates)? Please forgive my ignorance if not. My own experience was that finding a source of mental and emotional strength, in whatever activity or occupation provided it, was the key for me. It took me out of the somewhat obsessive place I was stuck in for a long time, and gave me an identity and feelings of self-worth that were unrelated to my appearance.

I can do some things. I can do workouts with my stretch bands from PT, I can walk some, but not great distances or my hips and knees dislocate. I can't really lift weights at all. Even three pounders can pull my shoulder out of socket. But I do what I can. I wish there were a pool nearby, but there is not. At any rate, those girls were rude and it was somewhat painful to hear, but I'll never see them again. But there are so many more like them. I just wish people could stop being mean to each other period.