I guess I have been deluding myself into thinking I will ever look like I did before I got fat. I have close to 100 pounds to lose total, and am currently at 24 pounds gone.
I basically feel like I'm trading one cosmetic issue for others....and I don't know how I feel about that. Of course the huge benefit is that I will be healthier.
I have horrible self esteem/confidence as it stands. I always have, even when I was normal weight.
Instead of being huge and fat, once I lose this weight I know I will have saggy skin, smaller boobs (already shrinking) and will hate how I look naked. I know my husband will love me no matter what, but the thought of him looking at me, now and when I lose the weight disgusts me for him.
I hate that I let myself get so big, and for so long. I hate it. Today I'm having a really down day over it.
When I first started this journey, I had only seen pics of people who lost weight either fully clothed, or looking like die hard hard bodies. Now I've been seeing pics of a lot more women who have lost weight on the internet and most of them have definite indicators they lost a large amount of weight.
To top all of that off, my hair has been thinning for years, even before I started losing weight. I've been dying my hair since my early 20's, when I started going gray. I have much more body hair then I feel is acceptable and now I have more facial hair as well.
I do not know how to "help" myself overcome these issues, insecurities and build up my confidence.
My husband has been explaining to me that I will have lose skin, and for me not to be upset over it. But I'm upset. Upset that I have "ruined" my body for good. So many people hate tattoos because it "ruins" the skin. I love tattoos and think they are beautiful and have some myself. I think I ruined my body a milliion times more than any "bad" tattoo ever could.
Am I alone feeling this way? Any self help books you can offer? Advice?
I'm just disgusted with myself. Utterly disgusted.