hon, i'm big (but not as big as i was). the one time i tried an online dating service, i described myself as "short, fat, greying, forty, with a scarred face, two tattoos, and a missing tooth") - which is all 100% correct.
o. m. g. i got HAMMERED with responses!
which was really wierd so i deleted my account real fast.
i have massive stretch marks - MASSIVE: i'm talking the width of my thumb; so wide i can smooth the skin and look through to the blood vessels beneath. the skin on them is so delicate and fragile that i have to be careful what clothing i wear - the elastic on cheap undies will saw right through the skin and then i've got to deal with bleeding in the hip crease. and of course there's the lovely cysts that keep forming in the stretch marks that have hair follicles caught up in them.
i have never EVER lacked volunteers for dating. when i'm small, i can't even do my flipping laundry or groceries without some guy giving me the lothario grin. i can't handle that crap so i like to stay big and in the basement.
now, on the flip side, my sister's bff is tiny - she's 4'10", weighs 87lbs. she looks like a little china doll. she has had tens of thousands of dollars worth of surgery: she's had her eyes opened up. she's had her nose reduced. she's had cheek implants, boob job, and a lower-body lift (that's where they cut a strip out around your waist and pull up the skin on your lower body like a pair of slack pantyhose. she's had underarm and thigh tightening and liposuction.
she can't get a date to save her life. she is so obsessed with monitoring her appearance and ppl's reactions to it that you can't hold a conversation with her - she's a conversation magnet: it always swings around to her.
"oh, penny, my grandmother just died..."
"oh, i'm sorry to hear that - she was really old, wasn't she? she had nice skin - how did she keep her skin so nice? does it look like i'm getting wrinkles?"
THE best thing you can wear is a suit of confidence. project that any guy who gets into your bed better realize how exceptionally lucky he is - that will automatically run off those with inferiority complexes and self-esteem issues. play the waiting game and play it hard - that gives you two a chance to get to know each other and relax and it also means guys who just want an escape button ("just hit it and quit") will get bored and move on.
by the time it gets to doing the mattress mambo, he'll already know about your weight loss, will be amazed at your achievement, and feeling mighty privileged that you are sharing the results of your effort with him.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-21-2012 at 12:49 AM.
My aunt who is in her mid 70s went from 400+ pounds down to 120. She had loose skin all over and none of it was going to snap back for her. She let it ALL hang out and men -- YOUNG men -- were hitting on her.
SAY WHAT?!?
It was hard to believe... but I was there when it happened.
If you walk with confidence, you'll be noticed no matter what you look like -- loose skin or no. And you are GORGEOUS!
From personal experience, I would suggest seeing a therapist. Someone who you can talk to freely. I did for almost two years and it helped me a lot. People on message boards can give insight from their personal experiences, but being able to talk one on one with someone real will benefit you immensely. Someone who won't mind you gushing your insides out and snotting all over (my therapist was lovely lol).
A great therapist really can help you with self-esteem issues. I'd stay away from drugs, I've been on them and though I firmly believe they can help in extreme situations, I do not believe they are a long-term solution AND as far as anti-depressants go, no one can explain "why" they work and therefore, I'd like to keep them out of my body. You are not going to get self-esteem from a bottle.
Nobody can explain why Aspirin works either. The mysteries of pharmacology are many and if we decided not to take all the medications that weren't fully understood, we wouldn't be taking ANY medications.
While all meds carry risks, the right anti-depressant can be life changing. No, you won't get self-esteem from a bottle, but without the bottle, you might not get it either. The meds don't cure without therapy and, for some, therapy doesn't cure without the meds.
Marisa, I do suggest that you seek counseling. Perhaps meds are needed, perhaps not. The only thing I know for sure is that nobody on the internet can diagnose you or assess your needs. That's what the professionals are for.
Congratulations on all the weight loss and I KNOW that you will be just fine....and that all your dreams are possible!
You have to put rejection into perspective. Everyone faces rejection. When I was young, thin and attractive, I had my share of rejection from guys. In my current life as a freelance writer, I routinely have magazine editors reject my pitches (and still manage to make a good living). You need to prepare for the possibility that someone will reject you and NOT let it bring you down. Therapy might help you reach this mindset.
Thank you all for your support...it helps so much. The surgery to remove the skin sounds promising and hopefully one day I can have that but I don't think a size 12 is small enough to have it removed...I still have ways to go. There seems to be a lot of fat caught in the excess skin still. I read my post again and I almost sound conceited lol...I'm obviously not. What I meant to say is people compliment me like I'm someone gorgeous and if they seen the real me I don't believe I would have received such compliments...I feel like a liar and I have never been a dishonest person yet if you have the opportunity to look presentable it seems ridiculous not to.
Thanks Again!
Congrats on your weight loss success! Own it and appreciate all you have accomplished and how strong you are, everyday. I lost 97 lbs and consulted several PS. I found one by accident and his web site blew me away. Over 300 TTs and all his work. I consulted with him and knew this is the man who will perform my surgery, <when I have saved the $10K >. That said, I was 180 lbs and a size 12 when I consulted him and he assured me that the surgery could be performed at that point and still be successful. I am 142 now but my BF is still 22.5. Normal, but I have met with some figure and bikini pros (yes, they are extreme so I don't make comparisons or srtive to be them) and all have said that the flab, inclduing the loose skin aroung my belly, can still tighten up more but the fat that is still there needs to go as the skin won't tighten. So my focus is more on reducing the BF more, not the lbs. Still lots of strength training (real weight, not 5 lb DBs) and more HIIT cardio, to see what happens. Lots of ab work, like hanging leg raises, weighted crunches, cable crunches, to build that muscle. I have also increased my calories so no extreme dieting-I've been at a caloric deficit for so long that I need to recomp my body and that might mean some initial gains (it actually did at first but it slowly came back down). I have worked hard to gain the muscle I have and I have no intention of sacrificing it. Not like I'm having the surgery tomorrow so I have the time to invest and it won't hurt in the end.
As to the possibility of rejection, I just posted a reply to someone else re: Male attention. I can remember being rejected when I was 140 lbs in my 20's-not fat or overweight, and being considered too fat by some. Did it matter? No, my life went on just fine, self esteem a little bruised but intact. Did it stay with me? You bet it did! So I am even more retiscent now, after having gained almost 100 lbs and carried that around for a decade, and then losing it and looking in the mirror and thinking "would I be attracted to that?" Distorted thinking, I know and we are definitely are own worse enemies, hypercritcial, but we can't help it sometimes. I then look up and see how amazing my upper body looks and what I have been able to accomplish there-full, cut biceps, sculpted shoulders and a great back. And my a*s?! I went on a mission to sculpt the best booty I could, even if it was larger, it will be round and firm. And it's working! So it's accepting the good with the bad and eventually taking that leap-head first (so to speak) clothes off, lights on. Easier said and hopefully that first one post-weight loss won't be a total a**hole as so many have reported having encountered. Good luck-would love to hear how things progress for you.
