Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss Including discussions about excess skin and reconstructive surgery

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Old 10-25-2011, 03:03 PM   #1  
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Default Gf problems

So i have managed to drop from 265 to 185 and I want to lose more. I constantly fel like i am over weight and i am always scared to death from regaining all the weight back. I am a big time closet eater and a binger. I do manage to control a lot until i snap and binge. Its a constant struggle but I manage to do it alone very well.
this was great until , my gf just moved in.

She is markedly obese and I love her, i think she is very sexy and I dont have a problem with anything she does when it comes to her lifestyle.
What i Hate is that she is constantly trying to force her eating habits on me
She is under the impression that she does portion control very well ( obviously it has never worked for her, she is 165 , 5"1').

I am terrible with portion control, The only way i can avoid gaining weight is not having big bags of anything bad or a lot of food in the house of any sort.

she is now brining all this horrible food in my house that i find irresistible.

She keps nagging me about how portion control is the perfect way to lose weight.

She has been over weight all her life, Obviously it has not worked for her , neither will it.

and now she is on this trying all these restaurants in my neighborhood spree, which i feel that not only will it make me gain weight but it will break my budget tremendously.

I love her so much, but i feel she is reversing every thing i have done so hard over the span of 10 years.

what do I do ?
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:02 PM   #2  
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First of all, congratulations on your loss so far! That's fantastic!

Secondly, congrats on moving in with your gf!

As for the actual issue at hand, it may sound simple, but have you tried sitting her down and talking to her directly about it? If she brings up the portion control argument, don't throw it back at her, but suggest that different things work for different people and that's something that doesn't work for you. That's a really tough situation to be in. I know in the past I've tried to lose weight when my live-in partner had no real interest in following through on any kind of diet, which only meant that in the end I gained more weight. Be honest and tell her it's not about her weight, it's about what you want to do for yourself and that, as with doing the laundry/washing the dishes/taking out the trash, there have to be compromises and adjustments when you guys live together. Maybe she can have a particular, high shelf where the bad food lives so that it's not at eye level for you and you can know to avoid it?

I know going out to eat can be a lot of fun, and right now it's killing my own weight loss journey. Try to scope out the menus ahead of time and plan on ordering the salad or one of the small plates. And feel free to box up half of it to take home. Also, if it's hurting not only your waist-line but your wallet, tell her. Money issues are a terrible thing to have creeping into a relationship.

I guess all of this rambling comes down to: be honest.

Good luck!
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Old 10-27-2011, 12:48 PM   #3  
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Default thank you

Your post was extremely.motivational and kind , I really thank you !
I have, unfortunately, came to realization after your post. I am not willing to compromise on food issues due to my prior traumatic experiences encountered in my Weight loss journey. And food in the house that I know of will make it's way to my mouth and I will Hate self for it. Eating out ... Every time I try rationing it out, I lose control and I end finishing every thing on my plate, as I was pre-conditioned since childhood to finish my food or else my face suffers the consequences as slaps.
my self control works phenomenally, but only when I am by my self without peer pressure or temptations constantly hunting me.
I am so sad but I. Starting to regret asking get to move in.
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:02 PM   #4  
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Try boxing up half your food right away when you get it. That way it's tucked out of sight in the box and bag on a spare chair and you can then proceed to clean your plate without issue and without overeating.

This may sound harsh, but ultimately we all need to learn how to deal with the food that's going to surround us no matter what. Temptation will always be there. The trick is leaning how to deal with it. Being a hermit is no good. I can't tell you the number of times I've caved and bought the snack candy in the grocery line, only to throw it away when I got home. I chew gum all the time now to stop me from wanting something naughty.

It's difficult. Oh my lord is it difficult. But that doesn't mean it can't be done. Try to have a motivator that keeps you on track. For me, it's usually a combination of regular weighing and working out. If I have that number constantly confronting me, then every time I go to eat something I have tomorrow's weigh-in hovering before me, and the shame of a higher number usually does the trick. But everyone's different. You need to find a good motivator for yourself. It could even be something as simple as, when you get a craving, you promise yourself that before you give in you will do X for 20 minutes. X could equal going for a walk around the block, or cleaning the bathroom, or learning French. For a lot of people, the distraction/activity ends up cancelling out the craving if you give it time. Just a thought.

Hang in there, though. You can do it!
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Old 10-28-2011, 02:05 PM   #5  
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It sounds like you have many unresolved food issues to deal with. This is no way to live your life- in fear of being exposed to foo. And you don't have to. I think you may benefit from talking to someone about this, a doctor or therapist.

In any case, it is unreasonable for any of us to expect our partners to completely change their habits, that they are happy with, for our eating issues. Don't let your eating issues become her eating issues. You say "portion control doesn't work for her, look how overweight she is." But maybe she's perfectly happy the way she is? 165, 5'1" is a bit overweight, but it's not like she's morbidly obese or anything. We all have a different level that is comfortable for us, and not all of us even want to be "skinny."

If you cannot have an honest, open conversation with her about this issue that results in some sort of compromise (and you BOTH have to compromise, not just her) then perhaps moving in together was a bit premature and you should think about other options.
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Old 11-21-2011, 05:21 PM   #6  
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You could have a talk with her. Maybe say that you don't have the money to go out to restaurants. You could offer to cook a meal for both of you? That way you can control what you're eating. And there's nothing wrong with having the occasional treat. It might be best if you explain to her that you find it difficult with all the "bad" food in the house. It's a difficult situation. You could keep some low-calorie snacks around for when you're tempted. That way you know that you don't have to give in to the other food.
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Old 11-24-2011, 03:27 AM   #7  
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I may be a bit late in chiming in but I kinda know how you feel Live2eat. I have problems with food due to how I was raised (mother constantly making remarks about what I eat, tells me to lose weight, then tosses me a kitkat bar after a heavy lunch full of white rice, home made curries and fatty foods. When I beg her to make healthier foods, she'd do it once or twice then go back to our heavy diets. This despite three out of four of her kids being morbidly obese from a young age.)

Finally I moved out for college and lived on my own. I did everything you did to curb my appetite and control my eating habits. I restricted what food is in my house (to the point where if friends were coming over I'd dread buying them snacks/food because of the temptation of leftovers.)

I lost over 40 pounds living alone without really trying...(well and discovering I had hypothyroidism helped a little!)

Now that I am back living at home I'm finding the struggle creeping back up - though thankfully I am a bit more resistant than before. BUT! Here are some tips I can give you to help you out:

1. Before eating out by about half an hour eat a cup of yogurt (I prefer unsweetened.) It fills you up enormously and that way even if you give in and order something heavy you won't eat that much of it. I also recommend having starters as your main course, ask them to remove bread from the table and just order one course.

2. If she has food in your house, mark it as hers - be territorial. You aren't allowed to touch her food AT ALL. Its off limits. Think of her food as more of a roommate's than a girlfriend's. You don't touch your roommate's or officemate's food. I know this is easier said then done however, especially if you haven't lived with territorial people!

3. Another method is to agree on which snacks are allowed in the house and which aren't. Allow only the least caloric ones or the ones you don't like. If she wants more of the unhealthier types that you like ask her to kindly either keep it in her bag/out of sight and to not tell you if she indulges.

4. If she absolutely must have them (and she has every right since she is living there too) limit the number you can have in your house. Ask her not to get the big bags but smaller ones that are just for her and ask her ever so sweetly if she can only bring one or two bags/things of unhealthy stuff in your house. If you guys run out it's an excuse to get off your *** and go buy more (and hey, that movement can burn a few calories too!)

5. Also this may not help unless you're a calorie counter, but in order to disgust myself from indulging in unhealthy snacks I always read the nutrition section. Sometimes I get so shocked by how much calories are in them that it snaps me out of my cravings.

That's it for now, hope it helped!

Last edited by DesertTabby; 11-28-2011 at 07:35 AM.
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