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Originally Posted by going2bskinny
thanks you guys I know I am hoping for something that probably won't ever happen just I'm so very depressed by it it makes me sick and suicidal really all day everyday pretty much because I know after I lose all this weight I am still going to hate how I look and no one is ever going to really like me.
It goes deeper than that someone in my life is really stressing me out over this issue if I don't look perfect afterwards I know he wont love me anymore. I know I shouldn't care and then he's not the one for me and all that, but I just can't take it I don't think. I don't have any friends in real life besides him and he is the only one I ever talk to if he leaves I am going to be crushed. And I know I am doomed for that to happen after all this but I just keep trying hoping that somehow I get some miracle or something. I know I won't. Makes me suicidal everyday worrying about this. feel like just getting it over with
First I'd say I totally understand. I feel/experienced some of what your saying, though maybe not to that extent.
I was once 312 pounds and no one liked me. My boyfriend at the time and his family thought I should lose weight, get the lap band...I was pretty, smart but not good enough at that weight.
I wanted to change so I started into this without telling him. Nonetheless, a week later we fought and broke up....it was summer though and I stayed on my path. We went to the same college and that fall I went back lighter. I was maybe 250 and there was a little difference...guess what? He wanted me BACK! I told him NO! I kept dropping the weight all the while I was at college and he continually wanted us to try again, I never gave him that chance! At the time I graduated, he wore clothes that were bigger than mine, I am a large he was probably an XL...
Now, I am dating again and I am super scared I will never find someone accepting or understanding of my body and why it is the way it is. I see it as not normal.. I compare it to unrealistic pictures I see in magazines or people I see on television that don't represent the norm
But you know...I started working at this new place and I have met some beautiful women. I think they are my age (I am not sure really their age) but they are all probably the same size I started weight and size wise. But you know what? They are beautiful. I think they are beautiful...even at the size/weight I once was. The one girl has the most gorgeous color of hair. I am not sure if she highlights/dyes it or what, but it is the coolest shade of red and it just goes well with her complextion and face. The other girl has the prettiest eyes and I like it when she wears her hair down...(no I am straight, but I just notice these things
)
Well, anyhow I work with skinny girls too, but I really think that even though they are not skinny, do not represent the beauty norm as shown on tv or magazines, I think they are gorgeous....
So, I think you should think about that. I still think about it...it shows me that my size or weight does not automatically make me ugly or beautiful but other characteristics that make me me can make me beautiful to others. It might be my hair color, eyes or other characteristic. Make sense?