I wish there was a magic number that made the feeling go away. Then I could shoot for it and be content... but nope. I feel like as the scale moves down I'm becoming even more critical of myself. Before I was aware of my size to a certain extent. I couldn't feel what was hiding under all that fat... it was just fat. Now I see that I still have a blob of fat on my inner thigh here, on my back there, on my hip... etc... It feels even more repulsive at times than the other 90 lbs I was carrying around. It's a weird feeling and hard to explain. I'm scared that I'll push to far trying to make this feeling go away, sometimes. I don't want to be TOO thin, either. If I continue to scrutinize every little pocket of fat I know that will happen. We are still women... and having *some* body fat is reasonable and HEALTHY. I need to get this through my head. It's tough!
Best of luck to you in your continued journey, you've done awesome and you look great!
For me, some is mental and some is physical. In my head I still have the self-image of myself as fat, so when (for example) my dh wants me to sit on his knee, I will say something self-deprecating like "better not, I might squash you." Also I will deliberately not put my full weight on him if I do ever sit on his knee for the same reason, and I get up after a very short time.
Physically, I still have areas of my body I am not happy with, my thighs, my stomach and my back especially, so they make me feel fat, when I can still grab huge handfuls of flab and wobble them. But we are meant to have some flesh on us - I wouldn't want to be totally hard and skinny - but it's hard to get away from the idea that flesh = bad, ANY flesh.
My dh is 6' and 140, borderline underweight and he still has wobbly bits around his waist, and I love them!
But then there are other times I look in the mirror and see my toned legs and slim waist and great boobs and think "Damn - you're hot girl!" And THAT is the voice I listen to - I just try to ignore the other one.
wow! your doctor should be overjoyed by your success! you are beautiful! Don't listen to him.
I'm actually having the opposite problem. I have 50 more pounds to lose but I'm already worried I'm becoming quite vain lol like I'm in love with myself or something. I NEVER looked in the mirror before and I would let people take pictures of me but would never look at myself in the pictures. Now I can't STOP looking at myself! lol I just can't believe that I look the way I look!
I go through this still. After almost a year of maintenance. Despite the fact that I've got several people telling me I'm now "too thin" and all that other mumbo jumbo, I still feel like I'm carrying all that extra weight still. I have my good days, and my bad. I think we all do. Maintenance, I've come to find, is pretty tricky. They don't tell you about all the psychological changes your mind will go through during all those success stories you hear on TV and with those "diet fads" But it happens to most of us. We are not alone though! And despite everything, I worked so hard, that I realized I'm happier now, than I was then, even though I still can't please everyone.
But seriously, you only need to please yourself right?
I've lost the same 30 pounds over the years 4 times. Each time I'm so happy to see I am thin-looking in the mirror. But it is sooo strange. I don't feel any different inside. Even this morning, as I was pulling on my size 10 jeans, I stared at them, and held them up, and rechecked the size tag. Are these the same jeans I couldn't get up over my thighs last year? I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Things are a bit off. Even though I'm feeling a little tilted, I'm happy I'm back in this Wonderland. By the way, you know how jeans stretch as the day wears on? I'm almost ready to try for an 8.
My problem is my self-defeating habit of making comparisons.
If I looked at my body without ever thinking of any other bodies that I've seen, in the flesh or in pictures, my mind completely wiped clean of expectations, probably I could accept & embrace it.
But there's this overlay of an ideal, and it's not all swimsuit models & actresses, it's also a glimpse of some woman at the gym just an hour ago, or someone walking down the street, looking great, or someone I passed in the hallway at the office.
The minute I bring them into the picture, I feel defeated & I feel fat.
It's a lot of effort to banish that crowd of beauties from my mind when I'm alone with the mirror.
I don't know why I don't picture heavier women, or ordinary people, or the U.S. average, but I don't.
I think I'm wired to aspire & attempt to achieve, even if it hurts me & makes me sad.
Yes maintaining is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I still see myself as fat on most days, then I see a picture of me taken somewhere and think, gez I am skinny. I also pull my size 6 jeans out of the washer and wonder who they belong to. It is all weird.
a cheal and matt -you both look fantastic!! way to go! i don't have experience with losing much weight yet, but wanted to chime in to say how great you're both doing.
Wow! These comments have made me feel so much better knowing that there are people out there who understand my thoughts and feelings and that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Yes, My doctor did say that to me and I have my mom to vouch for me as she was right in the room with me and had a few choice words for him after that comment. Thank you ladies and gents! I finally feel that someone out there understands my feelings! You all amaze me
First of all, I don't know your doctor well enough to call him/her an idiot, but I feel safe in calling his/her observation idiotic.
FWIW, I used to have depression issues, but (fingers crossed) I have been med-free and depression-free for about four years now. Somehow, I got my head together after I turned 45. If I had happened to start this weight-loss journey during rather than after, I'm sure I'd be feeling a lot of what you're feeling.
As it is, though, I wouldn't say I necessarily feel fat, but I would definitely say that I have *no idea* what size I am. I hope that, within a year or so, I'll have some sense of that. In many ways, I still think of myself as a fat person, but the disconnect between that and the size I actuallly am isn't particularly causing me distress--it's kind of interesting, in a science experiment sort of way.
I've been avoiding buying clothes until I get to goal. I have enough intermediate-sized clothes to get me by, but people are starting to notice that my clothes are swallowing me up. So I may gradually have to start my new wardrobe.
Earlier this week, I saw a shirt at Walmart in a shade of purple that I love. It was marked medium, 8/10. It looked tiny, but I decided to try it on. Lo and behold, it fit perfectly. I'm going to save the tag--my first 8/10! While I realize that sizes vary a lot, I suspect that I'm going to end up being 8 on top and 10 on the bottom (my waist is on the thick side).
I don't know if this is helpful or not. Depression and body image issues are really tough, but you can work through them, and it will be worth it. If anyone had told me that, by the age of 49, I'd be depression-free with a normal BMI an excellent prospects of maintaining both of those, I'd have laughed in their face. But I've done it, and you can do it, too--you're well on your way! If I had had some of the excellent advice such as is available on 3fc, I might have gotten here sooner, but I'm not complaining.
Agreed. Any doctor who thinks you'll be happier with less fat obviously hasn't learned that depression is caused by chemicals (serotonin, certain vitamins, etc) in your brain. And not only that, often a LACK of those chemicals. If anything you need to GAIN (chemicals).....
My husband is 6'1 and 160 pounds and has been depressed almost all his life. Your doctor is a nut. wow.
That whole doctor thing is just a fiasco. Talk about your dumb doctor comments. I think that one ranks number one of any I've ever heard. We warn women on here NOT to expect that weight loss will fix all life's problems. It corrects many...but not all and definitely not depression.
I have a unique view on this. As a thin young woman, I felt fat and there was no changing my mind about this. We all carry this image of ourselves in our head. The image I carried was an image of a woman larger than I really was, 175 pounds to be exact. So as a size 3 my head image was larger than my actual size. As I gained and gained and gained up to my high, that 175 pound image in my head never changed. So at my highest I felt thin until I looked in the mirror or caught a picture. On my way back down in weight, the moment I hit 175 pounds this light bulb went off in my head. Suddenly I was happy with the image in the mirror. I exactly matched the image I carried of myself in my head. It was very surreal. And I knew from that moment on I was going to struggle with the opposite problem again. As I got smaller than 175 I was going to start to always still feel fat.
So yes, I definitely struggle with that. As I sit here typing I feel like I look 175 pounds. Pictures amaze me because I can see in them how small I am. But at least now I know and I can reason with myself.
I worry about this - a friend of mine lost close to 80 pounds and ended up anorexic because she couldn't "see" the results in the mirror...she still thought she was heavy. I think being aware of this is the best thing we can do...and being sure to look at those pictures and sizes that are a reality and make us see the truth. I caught myself in a full-length mirror the other day and was pleasantly surprised
I'm starting to struggle with this too - interesting to find this post and helpful too to know I'm not alone! I am far from goal but I'm the smallest I've been as an adult; all the way down from almost 300 pounds at one point. I've been obese, well, forever. And now I'm not, I'm merely overweight. But this morning, I put on my jeans, and my shirt, and looked in the mirror at the person who is 60 pounds lighter than the one looking back 5 months ago, and thought, "jeez you're so fat". WTH??
I wasn't this hard on myself at 233 pounds...why now am I being so unkind? I worry about an obsession with weight loss...that when I get to my goal of 145 and then my ideal goal of around 135, I won't be happy and still see myself this way. Maybe it's a good thing that I start thinking about this now while I'm still a ways away!
Talk about your dumb doctor comments. I think that one ranks number one of any I've ever heard. We warn women on here NOT to expect that weight loss will fix all life's problems. It corrects many...but not all and definitely not depression.
