After reaching your goal, have any of you just felt "blah"? I don't know what is wrong with me but I have been down in the dumps for a few weeks now. I've been trying to fill the void with shopping, activities, and as of late FOOD, and nothing really helps. Today at Church the Pastor gave an awesome sermon about the "let down" response after holidays and important events and how it sometimes triggers depression in some people. It got me thinking to my state of mind lately. Kind of like, "What now?" I've just accomplished an unthinkable feat to many people, I should be on top of the world...but I'm not feeling it. Anyone ever feel like this and how long did it take to go away??
After reaching your goal, have any of you just felt "blah"? I don't know what is wrong with me but I have been down in the dumps for a few weeks now. I've been trying to fill the void with shopping, activities, and as of late FOOD, and nothing really helps. Today at Church the Pastor gave an awesome sermon about the "let down" response after holidays and important events and how it sometimes triggers depression in some people. It got me thinking to my state of mind lately. Kind of like, "What now?" I've just accomplished an unthinkable feat to many people, I should be on top of the world...but I'm not feeling it. Anyone ever feel like this and how long did it take to go away??
I haven't met my weight loss goal so I can't speak specifically about that particular goal, but I know I have met with the let-down or "what now?" feeling after meeting other goals. What I have found out about myself is that I am a person who needs something to look forward to, something to strive for. If I have a goal or some kind to work towards, then I function a lot better than when I am having that aimless feeling. Do you need a new goal? I know that maintaining is a goal in and of itself, but you have just kind of done the equivalent of climbing the Everest of weight loss. Maybe you need a new objective, like mastering a new form of exercise, or learning a challenging new skill. Or maybe it's just a matter of settling into your new life, but for me, it always helps to have a goal. When I accomplish one thing, I need to have something else lined up or I feel lost!
I find this to be true. I worked so hard and it seemed my entire life was focused around weight, food, diet, exercise, etc, then I met my goal {the first time}, and I felt I could relax. MISTAKE! I looked around and didn't know what to do with myself, I had dropped serveral hobbies while focusing on weightloss, and I wasn't interested in picking them back up. I seemed lost, then dropped back into old habits and then next thing I knew I was looking at the scale thinking "what happened!"
My lesson was that just reaching my goal didn't mean I could stop trying. So here I am again, trying to re focus on the weightloss. Apparently there's this thing called 'maintainence"????? LOL
I second Windchime's remarks. Although I've never met a weight loss goal, I have met many other life goals and I have found I must always have something I'm working on to avoid slipping into a major funk.
Thanks ladies for the support. I do have few new mini-goals that are totally non-weight related, (restoring an old building and gardening stuff) and of course I do not plan on gaining back the weight. I have found that maintaince is pretty darn hard...and frustrating, but I really have faith that I will not gain my weight back. (I pray a lot about it!) I am totally committed to staying right where I'm at. The physical aspect of a normal weight body is just too awesome to let it go. The mental challenges are what I'm really struggling with. I'm also getting a little too emotional to catty comments, something I had thought I had "let go of" a long time ago. I have basically fluctuated between 156 to 154 for the last 5 weeks, and if I hear the comment, "You are wasting away" one more time, I. will. SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps a fitness goal? Like a 5k? Not only is it something to exercise and look forward to but also something to help with making maintenance less stressful.
Loribell, I have been following you for sometime now. I refuse to use the term "lurking"; it just has unsavory connotations. You are remarkable, and that is a gross understatement.
I have been following you for many reasons, but most of all because I grew up on a dairy farm. There is no harder work; no greater work ethic. I am a lot older than you are, but still, that farm..country..small town mentality is still a bond.... I know it and love it well...truly I do...I have moved from one end of my big, diverse county to the other for personal and professional reasons...plus took time away for college and career...now the issues are different......not so focused on my wt. but on my political views.......but, still, that country, small town mentality thrives.
You can't tell from my ticker that I spent my whole childhood and adulthood until ~ age 40 plus (mumble, mumble, mumble.. I no longer lie about my wt. so I lie about my age! :-) )...at around 220#s. Was about 210 or so when I married...have maintained ~ an 80 pound loss for 7 to 8 years.
Maintenance is a challenge...and the maintainers know it well...have it figured out and give great council; I read the thread regularly for the wisdom imparted there.
The only question I have for you is one I have had of others as well. Why is everyone so offended if someone says, "you are too thin" or "you are wasting away"? At 5'7" plus a little bit more, and 138#s, I hear that a lot. I say, "thank you". It ain't nobody's business but my own. Truly. Just try it. Just smile and say "thank you!"
I have read your concern about gossip about your wt. loss...so what? That is his or her deal, not yours. So what? You will never be "thin"..you will always have to "maintain"...that is your cross to bear. Thank goodness you have a strong faith. It will sustain you. You GO, girl!
I think you are remarkable. Congratulations...and hang in there..there will be rough spots. If you pray daily for guidance and the wisdom to see them as they arise, you will be fine...let your guard down..........rough sledding.
Lori,
I am sorry that I don't have any useful suggestion but I just wanted to say HANG IN THERE. I do sometimes feel my mind slipping into the old ways (and once the mind slips, the mouth is only too eager to follow) but I always pull myself up again. I really don't know how - I guess will power, and the determination that I WILL stay slim and healthy and that I WILL wear those cutsie sleeveless tops that I like so much.
So just some virtual hugs your way - you are a huge inspiration to so many at 3FC!!!
I can't say I get the blahs since getting to goal 20 months ago, I am very happy about it. BUT I have to work at staying at goal it doesn't come easy, but it is soooooo worth it. I would really be in the dumps if I ever regain what I have lost.
I think what you are experiencing is pretty common, actually, because it happens to ALOT of people who strive to meet a goal, be it weight loss, education -related, or athletic in nature.
Gold Medal Olympians in particular experience this regularly -- they train and train and work and think and train some more and reach the pinnacle of success and afterwards, it is a "well, NOW what" sense of LOSS. Like a loss of purpose. And I consider you a Gold Medallist in the weight loss arena, so it makes sense that you would feel the same sort of blues. You've trained and planned and worked and sacrificed and focussed on this goal and been successful. You've dreamed about it, visualized it, and now you have it. So now what???
While major achievements can bring on a bout of depression that can be more serious. While goals and achievements are important and good motivators, we should be careful not to assign too much meaning to them. No goal can make you happy; no singular achievement can make you happy either. Happiness is created from the inside out. A goal is a goal, a step along life’s path, a measure of improvement and accomplishment. It does not define who you are. Too much meaning in a goal or achievement can create a never-ending pursuit of one goal after anther to find satisfaction and prove your self-worth. Your self-worth is an inside out phenomena. Look for ways to grow it from within and you will begin to feel happiness
I think you might be in a period of adjustment, where more self-reflection as to who you are NOW and redefining yourself in new terms might be of the most help...I really think that when we lose weight, we think primarly of the goal (hence the terms goal weight, setting mini-goals, getting to goal and so on). And when we get there, we are still essentially who we WERE with a goal tacked on. And what we SHOULD be is doing is redefining WHO we ARE rather than simply striving for a goal.
This might not make sense, but I think of it like this. I want to be 137 lbs. So I my trying my darndest to define myself as a thin, 137lb person right now. I am thinking like one. I am emulating the habits of one. I am redefining myself as one, even though I was 244lbs when I started out! Because when I get to 137 lbs, I don't want to see myself as "at goal" -- I want to see myself as "ah, I'm back to normal. Finally!". I want to BE that 137lb person, rather than a 244lb person in a 137 lb body who has to struggle every single day against the thought patterns and self-definitions of a 244lb person. And as weird as it sounds, I think alot of those who maintain struggle with this -- it seems that many continue to define themselves as a "fat person in a thin body" with the according daily struggles because of their old thought patterns and habits, and they struggle as a result. Now, I'm not suggesting that a struggle to maintain a certain weight isn't legitimate for maintainers.
But it is also there for what I term "normal weighted people" like my DH, who has maintained his weight without food issues or EDs. He weighs about once a week, and if there is a bump up, he cuts back consciously for the following week. He doesn't think much about food -- his life isn't food or diet-centric. He doesn't panic at a small bump up the scale at all. He accepts it, says "Man, I gotta cut back on the idle-bits (which is what he terms desserts!), and gets on with it. He defines himself as a 182lb 6 ft man who has to exercise and watch the scale number and cut back on his food as required -- pretty much like everyone else of a normal weight that he knows. Which makes weight maintenance for him a pretty normal and routine activity.
I wonder if I redefine myself in this way if maintenance will be "easier" in a sense -- if I replace my 244lb thought patterns and food centric behaviours with those behaviours that I see in my DH, perhaps maintenance will become "natural". So this is why I think self-reflection and ruthless redefinition of WHO you are and thinking outside of self-imposed definitions might be valuable in the long run, rather that focusing on the goal and the maintenance of the goal. Getting through the external to the internal truth, so to speak...
I don't know if this makes sense, or if it helps at all. I feel for you, and I know you'll get through this...
Because when I get to 137 lbs, I don't want to see myself as "at goal" -- I want to see myself as "ah, I'm back to normal. Finally!". I want to BE that 137lb person, rather than a 244lb person in a 137 lb body who has to struggle every single day against the thought patterns and self-definitions of a 244lb person.
I like the way you put this. I think the same way but hadn't articulated it.
Thanks again for the awesome words of wisdom and support ladies. You don't know how much it means to me to have you guys to turn to.
When I had my children I experienced what I would consider moderate postpartum depression. Not bad enough for medication, but I was pretty teary some days. That is kind of how I feel now. Maybe some of it is hormonal, I'm sure I've stirred my hormonal pot by dropping over 175 pounds....
Also, Kira thank you for the link. I did find it interesting, but am having probably the hardest time with the highlighted area.
While major achievements can bring on a bout of depression that can be more serious. While goals and achievements are important and good motivators, we should be careful not to assign too much meaning to them. No goal can make you happy; no singular achievement can make you happy either. Happiness is created from the inside out. A goal is a goal, a step along life’s path, a measure of improvement and accomplishment. It does not define who you are. Too much meaning in a goal or achievement can create a never-ending pursuit of one goal after anther to find satisfaction and prove your self-worth. Your self-worth is an inside out phenomena. Look for ways to grow it from within and you will begin to feel happiness
My weight loss HAS defined who I am, (in my community). It is my new life, it is what makes me different than most everybody else (around here)....Not that I really want to stand out in a crowd that way, but it is the way society has labeled who I am. Even people I have met recently, (locals that I have never met until after the weight loss), know me as the lady who lost loads of weight. I just feel all this pressure...LOL. Okay, enough whining for me! I need to get back out in the garden...my tomatoes and other delicious veggies don't care that I once was a fat chick, they just fear me because I gonna eat them! ..LOL
I totally hear you. I think that this kind of personal change comes from the inside-out. It means that instead of working for external validation, you need to work for inner understanding. And to do this, you like ALL of us really need to live in the NOW. If you live anywheres else, you are lost because you are nowheres. And this might be why you are feeling, well, lost...
The past (the big person that you WERE) is history. It doesn't exist anymore for you. Even if people keep bringing it up, it just doesn't exist. And you can't live in the future because it hasn't happened yet. You can only live in the NOW. And if you don't -- if you define yourself as the former big girl OR the future maintainer, you are living nowheres because the past and the future don't exist.
It seems to me that you feel "labelled" or defined by society and by others by your achievement. But don't forget that their definitions are external ONLY, and it really doesn't matter to the fundamental reality of YOU. You need to define yourself, because that's what's important. With time, the memory of who you were will fade for others, making your self-definition that much more important, because THAT is what people are going to know and understand about you and the goal that you achieved will be a secondary thing. You can't let external forces define you...
The key I think might just be to stop, breathe, and figure out who you ARE. This change you've undergone is a huge, huge HUGE one -- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. You aren't the same person that you were. And achieving the goal and getting the external praise and external definition of who you are isn't resolving the core issue...who IS Lori Bell today?
You'll get there, ya just gotta think and relax and just BE for a while...
Hello everyone,
I am a newbie here...and wanted to comment on this thread. It has taken me 2 years, but I am finally at my 'goal' weight of 145 - this is the weight that I set when I started this journey and I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed. I just reached it a week ago...and realize I still have more to go!!
I went on a trip home recently to visit family and was excited to show off; I went clothes shopping, was ecstactic if not floored to see that I can now fit in 6's and smalls? really?! I have never fit into those clothes before (and I still think I'm fat!) - last time I lost, I was in a 10 and thought that was great (but then I gained it back). I really think there is something wrong with the sizes in the store...if just doesn't seem right. I am not comfortable wearing sleeveless or shorts (I still have problem areas!!) But anyway- seeing my family was nice and hearing the - "you look great" sounded good too... but then its like ok- there is more to me than my weight...now what??
It has been amazing journey and it feels good, but there is also some disappointment and realization that yes I reached a milestone, but the journey is not over.
A year ago I moved to a new job (here in Germany); and I came here already down 50lbs. But in Jan09 I made some changes and worked on finally getting to goal...and very few people at work have even noticed (or don't care) that I've lost over 20lbs since then. Being overweight has defined me for so long and these people really never knew that part of me. I just want to say - look at me - before I was sooo fat, I was so miserable in my clothes and insecure and thought for sure everyone was judging me - aren't you proud of me now? But there is no magical transformation or miracle moment or bikini reveal (don't even go there!). Yes I am more confident and like myself better, but it almost feels like I am invisible and that it really wasn't a big deal to anyone -except me!! I expected people to like me better now? But now I feel guilty around other people who are overweight, I want to help share my story, but they don't want to hear it. And I get this feeling, ok I lost this weight - no one really cares - and they really don't want to hear me dissing on their fast food choices and lecturing on what is healthy and what is not. I don't fit in with these people...its so crazy how we all strive for this, but once we reach it, it is so hard to find people to relate to. You want to find people to shop with and share in your glory - but there just aren't that many people out there (except you guys ).
I just have to remind myself that I did this for myself, it was my dream, my goal and it helped improve me as a person (and my health). And I will continue to work on it - and help others who ask. I've got to stop looking for validation outside of myself which is what was mentioned earlier. I think I can lose more/tone more etc (I changed my goal to 135), and I want to work on physical challenges (5Ks, 10Ks, hiking etc). I am just living, I don't count calories, I eat healthy (clean) most of the time, exercise and still enjoy treats. I think with the let-down of reaching that magic number, I have been testing my limits a little bit lately, but I am ready to get back on track.
Thanks for letting me vent and figure this out. I look forward to posting on the maintenance board and meeting you all! Sorry if this was a bit long..
Kira, you are a wise woman! You offer such insight into the post-goal slump that many of us fall into.
Lori, I don't have alot to offer other than what a close friend told me recently after a co-worker make a catty remark to me. My friend said, "I think that comment says more about her, and what she's feeling, than you." I certainly do understand the feeling that your weightloss is what currently defines you in your community. But I don't think that it will forever. Something will happen to take the focus off of you and pretty soon people will forget about it and move on. You weight loss will be in the past. Maryblu's suggestion of just saying "Thank you" is probably the most effective way of dealing with all of the comments.
And congrats to you--you are an inspiration to all of us!
Last edited by losermom; 09-21-2009 at 07:31 AM.
Reason: added info
Emotional let down "or" post goal making blues?
Anyone ever feel like this and how long did it take to go away??
). Yes I am more confident and like myself better, but it almost feels like I am invisible and that it really wasn't a big deal to anyone -except me!! I expected people to like me better now? But now I feel guilty around other people who are overweight, I want to help share my story, but they don't want to hear it. And I get this feeling, ok I lost this weight - no one really cares - and they really don't want to hear me dissing on their fast food choices and lecturing on what is healthy and what is not. I don't fit in with these people...its so crazy how we all strive for this, but once we reach it, it is so hard to find people to relate to. You want to find people to shop with and share in your glory - but there just aren't that many people out there (except you guys 
).
