Ok, I'm going to talk about a problem that doesn't seem to be talked about: hanging or excess skin. I have a feeling this is mainly a problem for people who have been over 300+ lbs like myself. Because I have already lost over 150 lbs naturally over five years, I find even though the top parts and lower parts of my body are thin and smooth, my mid-section: stomach and thighs (I hold weight in thighs for some reason and I'm a guy), are either VERY wrinkly or have hanging skin, and I'm scared to death that it won't go away.

The thing is: I don't have an extra $30,000 lying around for plastic or reconstructive surgery for a body lift, and at the moment and not covered completely. Last night I cut my toe and had a scare that it might have required stitches. Thankfully, it healed up, but it was quite a scare, the thought of going into debt for basically what amounts to a paper cut.

But my point is, I've been obese my ENTIRE life. There's not a point in my life except MAYBE at the age of 5 or 6, where I didn't have a belly or wasn't overweight, and have always suffered that. As a result, I'm in my 30s and single, and scared to death I will never find someone who is attracted to me or find a mate, and it makes me feel like a freak, esp. when I read about fellow super obese people who DO have spouses, I feel like I will forever be single.

This doesn't mean that people don't flirt with me, attractive people at that, and that I don't have friends, and that doesn't it doesn't get sometimes romanticy. But I am hugely self-conscious not so much over my weight, but over the thought of excess skin and hanging skin. Compounding the problem is I look more like I"m in my lower 20s, and as as consequence, this is who I tend to look at as "my peer group". But in my mid-section, the skin is more like an 80 year old. :|

I know that 90% of it is attitude: it's just I"m fearful at wondering if it is all worth it from this standpoint. I know for my health: well duh. But the thing is on attractiveness: there's either people who like skinny, smooth people, or chubby chasers. You never hear about girls who have a fetish for guys with excessive or hanging skin. Maybe it exists, but.

So my question is: Do I have to be concerned, or will it actually go away? I hear both stories. One from a woman who lost from 300 to 125 naturally, and in a few years she told me her loose skin tightened up and you'd never know she was fat, but is prone to re-gainage. And, then a story from a woman with a popular website who had WLS surgery, but has a huge problem with hanging skin and went from 300 to 140 or thereabouts. She had a huge humiliation situation with regard to her excess skin and does not qualify for reconstruction. Although the good part about her story is she found a husband.

So anyway, as I said, basically I'm worried about being attractive to a mate, and finding one, or will I forever have to live a life of asexual solitude. It's really starting to depress me, and I feel like a freak, as I am in that minority of people who are not only obese, but have been obese since childhood. When you experience that, you live through a kind of ostracization in this department, and it's hard to relate to the real world, which is far more...uhh...loose than we even ever thought possible, so yeah. Any thoughts or encouragement? Besides the health issue, there's a part of me that feels like I should just toss in the towel because at least there are chubby chasers out there (FAs as it were), but quite honestly, "being fat" is not my identity, and I want everything in my power to shed that.

TD

Congratulations on your success so far - that is amazing!

I think that, in general, men tend to fall in love with their eyes first and women with our minds first. I think women have an easier time accepting physical "flaws" than men do. You see gorgeous women with less-conventionally-attractive men more often than the reverse. I really don't think that your excess skin will be a deal breaker for you. If a woman falls in love with your heart and mind, she probably won't care if your birthday suit is a bit too big. Seriously.

Ah, *big hug, TD. There is so much good news for you!

1. You have done something amazing. Simply amazing. Good for you for changing your life and rewriting it....good for you, and for heaven's sake, don't stop for any reason, let alone one of faulty reasoning or fears. Don't for a minute buy into that "Chubby Chaser" thing..what nonsense. You need and deserve a "healthy life-style chaser", and that involves someone into *physical, *spiritual, and *mental health.

2. Women, for the most part, are looking for what is underneath, not the external package. You don't want someone who is so shallow as to be concerned with a bit of loose skin;you deserve a real, whole person..don't settle for less!

3. You have learned/grown in a way that is very appealing to anyone with a brain and a heart. Your experience makes you an infinitely more understanding, loving person.

I think if you can't afford plastic surgery, you will have the skin issues, and even with the surgery, there are scars. That said, no woman worthy of you will choose or even factor in, the physical thing. I am sure what you have experienced in this thin-obsessed world of ours makes you a very sensitive, caring, empathetic individual.

You are so much more than what meets the eye. I remember a line from a Star Trek episode..the *original, the one and only Star Trek, and this dates me, I admit........it was another culture/race/planet describing the human body. It was:

"big, ugly, bags of mostly water"

Aren't we all? And aren't we all so much, much more?

I totally agree with what the others said, and I also totally agree with what YOU said. The part where you talk about the confidence/attitude being the thing. If you go walking around through life thinking (in eeyore's voice), "oh well, I guess I am a freak that nobody will love", you are not going to be projecting anything that anyone would want to "hitch their trailer to". Now, if you walk around thinking "Man, I really am a pretty cool guy. I may not not have super sexy skin around the middle, but boy would I make some nice lady a good husband!", someone is likely to want to take you up on that! What you think about yourself really does radiate, it REALLY does.

You have done some truly amazing things with your body. Like AMAZING! YOU are a trooper if there ever was one! I think you need to quit worrying about fetishes and all that nonsense, stop hanging around with a bunch of much younger people who probably have way different priorities than you do, and start projecting your awesomeness to anyone and everyone you meet. When I was in nursing school, and all of us felt like totally inadequate idiots with no clue how to be nurses, our instructor told us to "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT", never let 'em know you are scared to death and feel totally inadequate. If you are having confidence issues (which I think you are), fake it till you make it, baby! No woman worth your time is going to care if you have extra skin once she gets to know you, if she grows to love you, it's really incidental.

My wonderful hubby is not a chubby chaser, and he so loves me. And know what, I don't feel 'grateful' to him for loving me despite my size, I KNOW that he is damn lucky to have me, because I am freaking AWESOME! I obviously have some issues with food that have trashed my body a bit. I am working on that. But overall, I think we are BOTH lucky to have each other. And interestingly enough, we got together as soon as I started thinking how lucky he'd be to have me! I was ~280lbs at the time. It's all about what you put out into the universe, I truly believe that.

I just wanted to add in, you mentioned that this is not talked about here. I'd take a look through the forums as many have started threads with the same concerns. There is even a loose skin FAQ stickied at the top to address all of those wondering about loose skin.

You're not the first person to have these concerns, it's a concern for many of us. What I'm trying to say, is you are not alone. Maybe it will tighten up, maybe it won't, maybe you will meet a woman who has come far herself and has the same fears you do.

We're all rooting for you