WARNING: I was fat once
 

Ok, do you ever feel like you have to explain your current (new & low) weight to people, whether they be new in your life or folks you've known for ages? I know that most of those who have seen me consistently over the past 3 years still exclaim over the weight loss and know it was done through diet and exercise. But for those who have never known you fat....... I feel like I should wear a disclaimer on my forehead: "Warning: This girl was once fat." I guess I still feel like the "fat girl" and that if people are friends with me and later learn about my former fatness it might change their opinion of me, perhaps negatively and/or they might feel deceived.
Yeah, it's almost like I feel I'm living a lie, walking around, a seemingly normal size and all the while, little does everyone know I'm really a fat girl in cognito.


We discussed this a bit in the dating after weight loss threads, but I think it applies to regular friendships and everyday social interactions as well.


And, of course, it goes without saying that anyone who is going to judge you on that isn't worth being friends with anyway, etc.


I haven't told anyone. And I feel like I want to keep it a secret because really, I was so ashamed to be fat and feel like people will judge me for my fatness and might treat me like a fat girl (whatever that even means :dizzy:).

I feel like new people, new life, fresh & clean slate. No fatness. Gone and forever to be forgotten.


[NB: this post is related to a thread in 20-somethings, only in reverse and there have probably been threads on this before (I seem somehow to recall some...maybe even one of my own threads) but hey, time for a new discussion anyway perhaps.]

We moved not too long ago and no one here knew me at my HW of 230. I haven't mentioned it to most people, but I have explained this to a couple of new friends that we go out with a lot. Mainly, I said something because I still obsess over calories and can be overly concerned about food at times. I'm still trying to get the hang of maintenance. I think letting these few people know puts it in perspective for them and makes me look like less of a spaz for being overly conscious of what I put in my mouth.

I also talked to a co-worker about it because she has been talking about needing to lose weight. I didn't make a big deal out of it, I just wanted her to know that I support her and that I can identify.

I hope it is okay that I respond since I am NOWHERE near maintanence.

Awhile back when I was really large I was talking to a friend of mine. Her sister is fat and recently divorced at the time. Also, my friend is like a size 2. Anyway, At one point her sister had lost alot of weight before she met her ex husband. Well, while being married she gained weight. My friend thought her sister should have told her husband BEFORE she married him that she used to be really fat!

I am trying to come to grips with that. I dont think it is anybody's business that I used to be really large BUT I think I may tell my future husband so that he knows..for intimacy reasons... I wouldnt tell him as a disclaimer but just letting him know I am be somewhat shy initailly in the marriage bed.

BTW: I tell some people how big I used to be (those that dont ALREADY know ;) )or that I am currently on a diet but don't think I OWE them that.

Hm, I already posted in the other thread, but regardless, since not everyone will visit every single forum here...:

Normally, I don't have the 'urge' (or whatever you would call it) to explain my current self vs. my past self, so to say. I mean, it's not the kind of information I randomly share with people I've just met--and those I've known for a while, well, they already knew me when I was fat, so it's a moot point. But at times, I will mention it to avoid more awkward situations. When people try to force-feed me during a dinner, for instance, saying "if you're cold, it's because you don't eat enough" (cf. my sister's boyfriend), when in fact I'm cold because my body just isn't used to a lower weight, and anyway I AM eating well and to my stomach's content, not depriving myself. Or when someone says stuff like "you're not eating a lot, are you sick/I hope you're not doing some drastic diet (hint: anorexic)?)" (usually, unless I don't pay attention, I do eat enough for my weight/size/activity level: I just happen to be of these people who will rather eat a little regularly, like 3 meals + 1-2 snacks, rather than dump two huge meals a day only in their stomachs).

Well, I guess what I mean to say is that somehow, it's as if explaining "I used to be fat, I did what it took to stop being fat, so now please be aware that I still have to be careful and can't eat whatever kind of food nor quantity" might allow me to be rid of more annoying questions/concerns. It doesn't always work, but it still works regularly enough.

This said, I can't say I'm ashamed of having been fat in the past. I'm miffed at myself for having let things go that way, alright, but I don't mind "coming out of the closet". Maybe because there are other things in my life that are much more annoying and that I can't even get rid of (such as Tourette's -_-), so "having been fat" isn't such a biggie in the end? I don't know how to explain it.

Oh absolutely. I always feel the need, not sure why, whenever I meet new people to get in the fact that I was formerly morbildy obese. As uncomfortable as that may be at times. Because then a whole long discussion ensues. Maybe it IS because I feel so STRONGLY connected to that person, since essentially that person is, well, ME. I was that way for sooo long and it was such a huge part of my life, that leaving it out, just seems - wrong, I guess. Not only WAS it a part of my life, now having just written this out, I realize it still IS a large part of my life. I wonder how long this will last for. I'm thinking a pretty long time. :?:

No, I don't feel the need to tell people that I was fat, people who know me already know that and more recent acquaintances don't need to know.However a neighbor who did not know me when I was fat commented how "tiny and petite you are ", I answered that "I wasn't always this way
I used to weigh 206". I didn't tell her my current weight , just my high weight.

Maybe it depends on what you weighed before or where you are now in the weight loss journey but for me, I don't mind at all telling people. I don't volunteer it out of the blue but if it comes up, i.e. with a new doctor or, like others have said, if someone comments on my eating.

It's funny how we use different words. I would never say my highest weight, I might just say well I used to weigh a fair bit more than I do now or I might go so far as to say I used to weigh maybe 50 lbs. more than now.

I'm not proud of my old weight but I'm very proud of how far I've come and for that reason I'm happy to share. Just don't ask for pictures! ;)

This depends on the situation for me. Back when I WAS fat, I ALWAYS felt the need to explain my weight and let everyone know that I was THIN and HOT once. I guess it gave me some sort of twisted validation and false security. When I was drunk, I'd forget I was fat and would revert into my flirtacious, thin self. Once I sobered up, I felt like an ***, because I was a "disgusting fat girl" again. :o

Now, I do not feel the need to tell people about how I was FAT once. I'm fit/athletic/toned now and I was thin before I was fat, so I don't see the point. I got told the other day by some random guy that I'm by far the most "nice, approachable girl who is 8 or above" that he's ever met. I laughed, and of course blew him off (in a really polite way - and I invited him to be friends with me and my girlfriend), then thought, "I'm probably so NICE and APPROACHABLE because I was FAT once!" I think being an ex-fatty really allows me to be more sensitive and compassionate towards others, as well as genuinely humble in a way that I wasn't pre-fat. I'm not full of myself, but I'm secure, confident, and *thankful* to look the way I do (as opposed to b:censored:hing and whining about certain spots on my body or how i think I could lose 5 pounds, like I did pre-fat)

However, the only time I will really mention that I was fat once is if someone is looking for weight loss advice. I have some good advice to give that they probably would not listen to if they thought I always looked the way I do.

I used to mention it, but no so much anymore. I think it's because it (my smaller body) was "new" and I was excited about it and now that it's been over 2 years, I'm not so willing to share my story anymore. I remember taking a CPR class a year ago and telling a random lady about my weight loss. The only thing I don't like about people not knowing is that they are insensitive to heavy people around me. Since they didn't know I used to be morbidly obese, they just make fun of and insult (not directly or within earshot) heavy people like crazy. And I'm too much of a coward to say anything :(

I kind of wish I could have it tatooed on my forehead so people would quit being jealous of naturally thin me. Dammit I worked HARD to look this way

I struggle with this too, but not for the same reasons as the OP. While I didn't like my fat, I wasn't ashamed of it either. I was unhappy with being so heavy and feeling as though I had to overcompensate for all my great qualities (of which there are many ;) ). Now as a "nearly" thin person. I mean I am perceived in most circles as "average" sized and people who didn't know me before don't say anything about my size one way or the other. People who knew me before comment, mostly noting that I was more fashionable then than I am now!

I do tell people if an appropriate time comes up. Like if some tells me I don't understand how hard it is to be a chunkerbutt. Then I tell them that I was, and yeah, it's pretty effing hard.

For me I became more of a "fat" girl (insert your own stereotypes) when I started to lose weight, than I ever was at my highest weight.

I thought I was the only one who felt this way!!!

I feel like if I don't say anything, they will be hurt to discover about my dark secret in the future. I almost make sure its the icebreaker I use when meeting someone, maybe I do it to get them to take it easy on the first impression they have of me. Actually, I have no clue why I do it, but I feel like if I don't say anything they will somehow find out. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Rationally it shouldn't make a difference one way or another but I can't seem to adopt that way of thinking.

When I first reached my goal, I was much quicker to tell people that "I used to be very obese". Not anymore. If they didn't know me before, I would rather people not know that I had been FAT.

This kinda backfired on me 2 weeks ago when we had a cookout with some new friends that we've only known for a yr. Oops, I forgot that my family pic. with me at my heaviest weight is hanging in my living room. Instead of feeling ashamed, I felt proud of where I'm at now.

Yes and no. There are some people who I don't want to know at first. At running club I want people to think of me as a runner rather than as some sort of charity case "oh be gentle with her, she needs to exercise to keep the weight off". There probably isn't anyone who thinks like that, but I don't want to feel like there is. I want to be an equal of the people who have always been fit, and not treated any differently.

On the other hand, there are people who I do want to know, because it puts how I live now in context. Sometimes I worry that people at work think that I'm just a bit too obsessive about eating well, exercising and so on. I want them to know because, even though I'm not proud of how much I used to weigh, it explains how I live my life now.

And, to be completely honest, I still get a kick out of people finding out for the first time. I love it when they meet me, think of me as some super fit athlete, and then catch sight of a before picture and have to ask whether that is actually me. It's vanity, but it's still great fun watching their faces. But I do prefer to prove myself as I am now before I play that little game with them.

It depends on how the conversation goes, I guess, and how much I get to know the person. The running thing comes into play. Last night, for example, we met several new people at a party, and we discussed what we do for a living. My husband and I told people that we teach at the same school and coach cross country together, which gets us on the running topic. With a few people, that led to more discussion about running (other people didn't care about that part), which led to me telling them that I just started running a year ago. When people want to know what got me into it, I tell them about the weight loss.

On the other hand, sometimes I just randomly blurt it out to people. I'm still trying to convince myself that I really did this, I think! :lol: Today I bought a size medium coat and talked to the saleslady about how I HAD to have one because I've lost 115 pounds and I don't have a coat that comes anywhere close to fitting since they're all 2x. I don't know why I told a stranger that, but I did!

When I first lost the weight several years ago, it was a big part of my identity and wanted to talk about it. Or felt like I needed to, I'm not sure which. It sort of seemed fair to let people know who I was.

Now, years later, it just doesn't come up that often. I've been like this for so long now that many of my friends, even long-time friends at this point, have never known me any other way, and the ones that did know me before are used to this new me. I'm also used to the new me, and don't stop and get startled when I pass a mirror the way I used to.

It does come up, and I do talk about it. I'm neither ashamed of how I used to look, nor glowing with pride on my weight loss accomplishment. There are pictures out there, including my wedding pictures which are prominently displayed in my home. There are situations when it comes up, as when women grumble about taking off X pounds as women do. But it now kind of like telling someone I had long hair in high school. I could do it, but what would be the point in everyday conversation? For good (and sometimes bad) the morbidly obese thing is no longer part of my identity, and I have to work to remember.

Anne

Ennay, I know what you mean. I want to tell people to like me/be nice to me because I'm not naturally thin and I have the papers to prove it!!!

I have not experienced the major weight loss some of you have (congrats BTW!) but I can share that when my co-worker told me she had lost over 150 pounds, I honestly looked at her differently. Not negative because she had been overweight and not positive because she had been so successful... but a little sad because she seemed to still view herself negatively as a former fat person instead of as a fit, healthy, active young woman. I would say it comes down to why you tell people and how you feel about your loss.

I'm a very private person in general, so I really would not discuss anything like this in general openly with random people or acquaintances.

Now, if someone was really struggling to lose and needed help, I would of course do what I could to help them along and maybe share my own struggles with them, if I felt they were trustworthy.

I'm just one of those private folks who really doesn't talk about my pain and struggles in life. When I am on the outside world, I want to enjoy life and forget about such things, even in a work situation. I never brought my family problems or personal problems into the work force or in social groups, the only one time in my life that I did do that was unavoidable because my father passed away unexpectedly and of course, co workers and friends were consoling me knowing how close I was to him. They all knew him, so I couldn't avoid talking about it. Otherwise, I don't talk much about stuff like this. Funny I do at times on the internet, though. :rofl:

With my close friends, it's different. Most of us are overweight or obese, so talking to them about it I have no problem with it at all. We try to share latest diet tips, exercise, etc, but we don't get too personal as far as how much each person weighs or what size we fit into. I'm the only obese person in my family, so there's no one for me to get support from as they can't understand how I got this big to begin with. :(

I am also a really private person. I prefer to keep most personal things personal. At my absolute fattest I was so horribly ashamed. I was very fat when a kid and then slimmed down as a teen. I mentioned in a thread I started that my husband still doesn't know that the pictures of me as a kid are actually of me. He thinks they're of some cousin of mine.
I feel like being fat is such a weakness. Food is something that you pick up and put in your mouth and the fact that I seemingly have no control over how muh food I eat and thus how much I weigh is terribly shameful to me. I hate feeling out of control.
Once I lose this weight I will probably never tell anyone about the old me, unless they see old pictures and ask or something.

Are you my long lost twin? :rofl: Seriously, when I read what you wrote above, I thought "this could have been written by me!". I've torn up all pictures of myself from childhood when I was heavy and I avoid cameras like the plague now. I wish I could get over that insecurity, but I just can't. I don't want anyone to know what I looked like as a heavy kid and if I lose this weight and meet new folks, I sure as heck don't want them to know how big I was before I lost the weight.

i find the opposite. at first it was cool that people noticed the weight loss, but then it became annoying when they would ask me how i did it (and though im keen to share, its not a 2 minute convo) when i was in a hurry.

It still comes up for me, mostly (as others said) when I'm visibly watching what I eat. Today I had to tell a friend because I've gone up 10 pounds recently and I need to re-lose them, she thought I was being silly worrying about 10 pounds until I told her that I'd lost 50. Puts things in perspective. One thing I HATE, though, is when I tell peopl ethat I've lost a lot of weight and they say, "WOW, ew, you must have been so FAT." Like when your body looks different you're reborn, and you won't be offended by things people say about your OLD self. Thanks guys.
The one time it got awkward was at a friend's birthday, we were all mildly drunk, and my friend tiffany (who has always been skinnyskinny and knew me before I lost weight) tried to force me to eat a cupcake, literally ending up smashing it in my face. It was funny, but I also had to say to her to get her to stop, "Tiff, you know its not easy for me to stay this size, please respect it when I say no." After which she was apologetic and it was momentarily awkward, then we took pictures of me with a frosting nose.