Thread Tools
Old 02-11-2009, 08:59 AM   #1  
no longer single
Thread Starter
 
me4life's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 732

S/C/G: 225/220.5/150

Height: 5'5"

Default i'm sure both teams need a good laugh

so i read this in another thread and had to share since i died laughing...thats good exercise. RIGHT!!

anyways, if you have a story (personal or otherwise) and want to lighten up the contest a bit share it with us.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the **** would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too.

______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bimbo to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that b@#ch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh*t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over , he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

oh and btw...a little to everyone
me4life is offline  
Old 02-11-2009, 09:17 AM   #2  
Senior Member
 
LookingForMeAgain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 256

S/C/G: 318/294/Healthy

Height: 5'8

Default

cute!
LookingForMeAgain is offline  
Old 02-11-2009, 04:58 PM   #3  
Focus
 
Dumplin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 1,117

S/C/G: 296/ticker/199/

Height: 5'4

Default

me4life- thank is so funny! No more gifts like that for you! You will have to put some thought in a gift for your daughter. Good Luck!
Dumplin is offline  
Old 02-24-2009, 01:02 AM   #4  
Its Alana Time
 
starmac13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 289

S/C/G: 217/ticker/150

Height: 5'4.5''

Default

my mom and i were laughing and crying so much that we woke up my sister. funniest thing ever
starmac13 is offline  
Old 09-22-2009, 07:27 AM   #5  
Lose the holiday lbs!
 
Echo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London
Posts: 1,640

S/C/G: 174/163.8/150

Height: 5.7 ft

Default

LMAO!!! that was so freaking hilarious!!!! i love how it goes from, belinda is a godess, to belinda that *$%(£$*£(£$

priceless!!!

Last edited by Echo; 09-22-2009 at 07:27 AM.
Echo is offline  
Old 09-22-2009, 09:58 AM   #6  
Junior Member
 
mebhealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 21

S/C/G: 216.25/210.75/148

Height: 5'2"

Default

I'm always up for a good laugh, and that was GREAT! I LOVED it! Hehehe! Thanks for passing it along!
mebhealthy is offline  
Old 09-22-2009, 10:36 AM   #7  
The Dyslexic Typo Queen
 
Diva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 3,057

S/C/G: 209/155/120

Height: 5'3

Default

ROFLMFAO!!!!! That is freakin' hilarious! OMG! I also love how Belinda goes from a Goddess to a B%&#h!!!
Diva is offline  
Old 09-22-2009, 11:09 AM   #8  
Lose the holiday lbs!
 
Echo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London
Posts: 1,640

S/C/G: 174/163.8/150

Height: 5.7 ft

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diva View Post
ROFLMFAO!!!!! That is freakin' hilarious! OMG! I also love how Belinda goes from a Goddess to a B%&#h!!!
hahaha exactly!! lol too funny!!

i found it whilst i was looking through the older threads.
Echo is offline  
Old 09-22-2009, 07:32 PM   #9  
50 is the new 40!
 
Mercy03's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Orlando florida
Posts: 735

S/C/G: 165/165/140

Height: All of 5ft Tall

Default

Quote:
ROFLMFAO!!!!! That is freakin' hilarious! OMG! I also love how Belinda goes from a Goddess to a B%&#h!!!
Ditto that!!!!!!! Made my day, thanks for posting.

Last edited by Mercy03; 09-22-2009 at 07:33 PM.
Mercy03 is offline  
Old 09-22-2009, 07:35 PM   #10  
Lose the holiday lbs!
 
Echo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: London
Posts: 1,640

S/C/G: 174/163.8/150

Height: 5.7 ft

Default

my favourite is friday:

Quote:
I hate that b@#ch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
LOL cracks me up every time lol especially the part about if you dont want dents on the floor, dont hand me something that weighs more than a sandwhich. hahahahahahahahahaha

Last edited by Echo; 09-22-2009 at 07:35 PM.
Echo is offline  
Old 09-23-2009, 05:49 PM   #11  
Senior Member
 
jessicado22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 565

S/C/G: 310/169/155

Height: 5'5"

Default

LMAO...reminds me of contestants on TBL.
jessicado22 is offline  
Old 09-26-2009, 02:55 PM   #12  
Queen of Rationalization
 
c_laura's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Nashville TN, USA
Posts: 200

S/C/G: 260/257/135

Height: 5'3

Default

ha!
c_laura is offline  
Old 09-29-2009, 06:59 PM   #13  
Soul Cyster
 
beerab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 4,487

S/C/G: 235/seeticker/135

Height: 5'3"

Default

OMG that made me laugh so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes lol.
beerab is offline  
 


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:17 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.