I read every day and apologize...I'm having a very difficult time posting. This is the first time I've been on my computer since my last post. I read via my phone.
The month of March started with work days then last Wed. morning (my 1st day off) it became apparent that my little Cocker Spaniel, Bing, had finally crossed the line. He was struggling with breathing and I spent time on the phone with DH making the decision I didn't want to make. When I called the vet it was either 90 min. or 48 hours at the local clinic leaving me with a very abrupt decision. It was a peaceful end. I'm grateful the 'lil guy had 3 great days with my mom prior to his death. My hubby was especially distressed he couldn't be with us and we both had birthdays coming (the 3rd and 4th) so I packed up and drove over to be with him. Returned on Saturday to meet my tree trimmer. He did a beautiful job with the trees. I returned to work yesterday and here I am.
Food has been ok-ish. We had birthday cake and off plan dinner and upon my return I've made a great effort to get back in the groove. Weight is up. It will come back down.
I have a big trip this week and much to do inbetween. I'm going to Moab, UT Friday-Monday for a bike event. My sis and friend from the cancer center will be riding. I will be the support vehicle. I'm taking my bike for short rides inbetween. We have rented a house which should be very nice. Everyone eats healthy and we will each be responsible for one dinner. I will take my vitamix for smoothies. I will pack my lunch each day. My challenge will be to remember that although we share meals I am not burning as many calories riding around in the support vehicle. lol. I ordered the bike rack for my tiny car and am contemplating driving my own vehicle over. It's a 3 hr drive from Glenwood. The benefit of having my own wheels would be that I could leave early and enjoy a small sunrise hike in Arches National Park.
So I work today and tomorrow. Take my car in tomorrow to get the hitch installed. Car back in Wed. am for oil change and pack up and leave for Glenwood Thurs. am. My AA sponsee has 3 yr BD Thursday then I'll head out Friday morning. I probably won't find posting time in between.
Sandy(love2garden) mentioned many skills becoming second nature. I find that, too. I recognize (as was discussed yesterday) that this is ongoing. My food addiction doesn't just disappear. I must make better choices every day, and I continue to make the effort. Credit.
OK, off to pay the bills that should have been done last week. Oh, well.
Thanks for all the collective support we have here. It makes a difference.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Standard Sunday walk with DW, CREDIT moi where the thermometer said that I needed gloves but the air temperature said to leave them in my coat pocket. I finished two pieces of business in the afternoon that I'd been putting off for a week. I also tried to donate to a friend's cause through a website only to find it without protective encryption! They'll have to wait for a written check to arrive via snail mail. I didn't know such sites still existed.
Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi, perhaps on the high side since my snack was large.
Debbie (Lexxiss) – Sending supportive thoughts as you experience the passing of your Cocker Spaniel, Bing. You remind me that I carry memories of every dog that's ever been part of my life.
FutureFitChick – "Meh" occasionally happens. Then comes Monday. Keep the faith.
nationalparker – Love the notion of finding forgotten cookies. Kudos for having just one.
Karen (karenrn) - Congrats for finishing your banking business. It's everyone's dream that their stuff never see probate.
curlyjax - Yay for kids who can find joy in board games - that force human interaction between the players. Yep, stay firm with those cookies.
Ani (dailypractice) - LOL that there's a phrase for “doing lunch” but not one for "doing walk." Kudos for making that switch. [Program notes from our concert lead me to believe that, as much as I love his music, Beethoven isn't on my list of famous people who I'd love to have dinner with.]
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 5 Food Pusher Traps
#1: The Chronic Hard Sell Trap
I asked Laura to describe a specific incident that exemplified the problem. She remembered an occasion when she had decided to limit herself to one hamburger and one beer so she could eat the side dishes she really liked and a piece of chocolate cake (with really good icing) from her favorite bakery. But the moment Laura's older sister, Sharon saw her refuse a second been, the drink pushing started.
"Come on, have another beer," Sharon had said. Laura declined, but Sharon kept pushing. "Come on, what's the big deal? You always have more than one. It's our family tradition!" And on and on until, wanting to avoid conflict, Luara finally gave in and took another beer. And another one after that. She was concerned that history would repeat itself this summer.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 87
hi coaches!
I realized today that at some point last year I was 10 pounds less than I am now, which is a lot when you are short. I am really disgusted with myself, I have become way too lax and eating too much junk. I ate too many choc. chip cookies with my DD yesterday, and have been eating appalling amounts of sugar for the last few days.
I threw out the rest of the the GS cookies when I got to work today (which I do not consider wasteful as it is cookies!!), and put it down the trash chute where I c an't retrieve it.
I dug out the South Beach Supercharged book I have used in the past and will make a plan from that, I did do well with it before.
I am going to write a few new cards right now. This has gone on long enough!! Lexiss- so sorry to hear about your pup. I know he had a great life with you! I'm glad you have a fun outing to look forward to this week. And happy late birthday!! Onebyone- I meant to comment on your painting yesterday- I love the chicken! thank you for sharing your work with us. I have so little arty ability, I really appreciate what others can do!!
Lexxiss - So, so sorry to hear about Bing. The only solace is the memories and knowledge that they're not suffering now. Happy belated birthday and hopefully you'll get a chance to celebrate later this month in better spirits.
Stressful Monday workday and in only an hour and a half, I've turned to reach for [nonexistent] snacks about half a dozen times. Thank goodness they're not there. I need to break this cycle of seeking comfort in any food, healthy or not. Even now, I'm wanting to open my single serve of pistachios in shell to go with my salad at lunch. My mind is making excuses, it's halfway between breakfast and lunch, why not?! NO choice.
Lexxis I too am so sorry to hear about Bing. What a difficult start to the month and with birthdays too. I hope your biking trip is a fun get away and distraction. We talk about our Harley regularly as well as all the other dogs we have had.
Curlyjax It is so easy to keep eating the sugar once it finds its way in. Good luck getting back to the South Beach Supercharged book. It is nearly spring a good time for fresh starts and more time outdoors.
Well, I'm just too darn distracted so I'll get to more personals tomorrow. Meanwhile credit for food on plan, although lots of changing the menu and seeing what would fit calorie wise and credit for 7 1/2 mile Bell Pass hike this morning.
DebbieSympathy on loosing your beloved dog for you and your husband, too. Your trip to UT sounds like just what you need.
NationalParker Sorry about the struggle with snack food, whether there or not. That is my huge battle now. When DH falls asleep early, the snack cabinet calls and calls me. One night I turned of the TV and went to Living room to read. It seemed the only way I could keep from snacking.
CurlyJaxYou did a very good thing by trashing those good Girl Scout cookies where you can't get them. You had already supported the Girl Scouts. This time you supported YOUR needs.
Bill Beck's words on food pushers really hit me hard the first time I read it some time ago. That, finally, is one habit I have kept and I'm grateful for one less battle.
DH had lung x-ray come out normal. He has them regularly after lung cancer surgery years ago that turned out NOT to be cancer after being cut and ribs broken. He is not happy about that, but the good Xray is relief.
Going with a friend into the City in 10 minutes. I rarely go out at night, but a very special friend is talking there and I really wanted to be there, too. I need to get out more often, and not subject DH to things he doesn't want to do.
Beck habits are being reviewed more seriously this week. My knee shot, lubrication, to eliminate knee pain is at 8-1/2 weeks, but I had to call today to ask for authorization to begin the next series of 3 shots, one a week. I respond great to this and it beats taking Alieve with it's potential problems that my doctor has warned me about.
Gardening today allowed me to transplant some perennials. Boy, I do enjoy being outside and gardening finally. Some pots cleared in the top 4 to 5 inches to prepare for next annuals. The excess was put on veggie garden to assist summer goodies. 4 ferns we planted ages ago have been engulfed by other plants. I rescued them and put them at base of Sunset Maple. If any survive it will be a bonus. Time to go.
Enjoy each day, and keep Beck habits in mind. Sandy
Hi all. Today started out fine with a healthy breakfast, but went downhill when we left just before lunch to drive clear across town on an errand. With backed up traffic, it took way longer than planned and I became stressed, starved and cranky. When we finally got back near home, I voted to pull in for fast food, and I made wrong choices. Then an hour later I craved an afternoon sugary snack. I have nothing in the house, except I managed to pull together cinnamon sugar toast with ingredients on hand.
Saving graces: I “only” had ONE piece of toast, (even tho I was ready to prepare two) but I said to myself… well, if after one, you REALLY have to have another, ya gotta come back in and get it. Voila. One DID satisfy the craving and I didn’t want another.
Learnings… Never organize the day to allow points of starvation. In the future instead, I’ll eat before, bring a little snack or even pack a lunch. … and now for dinner … I have a chance to finish the day in moderation, thus not a whole day lost…
FutureFitChick Good that you rested in bed all day and hope you feel better soon. And many kudos for posting when you’d rather not!
NationalParker: Kudos for getting on the bike even tho you didn’t want to. Yay for being on plan and logging into MFP. Thanks for the info re: MFP. I started logging yesterday…. I like the visual of your reaching for non-existent snacks. I know the feeling. Like you I ALSO need to break the cycle of seeking comfort in food.
Debbie R (Lexxiss) I’m so so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear pooch. Such a heartbreak! They live way too short a time!
bill: Kudos for your walks and on plan eating. And as always, thanks much for typing in and posting the readings from the Beck books. That is so helpful.
curlyjax: I sympathize when you say you can get “disgusted” with yourself. I feel that way so often. That’s why I just LOVE this group. It’s such a supportive place to come with feelings like that … and not just stew on them, but to find ways to triumph. Congrats to you for throwing out the rest of the cookies. You have more courage than I typically have. I’ll try to remember your example for next time I’m faced with a tough challenge like that. Kudos for pulling out the South Beach book and for tapping in to the fact that it has helped in the past… plus you’re writing cards. Wow. You’re doing all the right things. Way to go.
KarenRN Yay for on plan eating, and for working the menus for your upcoming events. Plus, your level of physical exercise is such a great example!
Thanks much everyone for sharing your journeys on this forum. It’s fantastic and oh so helpful to me. The best to each of you.
Day finished on plan because I passed up an Italian cookie when DH asked where they were with his cup of milk in hand. And I stuck with my (highly nutritious) nine tater tots at dinner. I had planned on a super quick to prep dinner of Trader Joe's pulled chicken and tater tots and green beans. If I get on the bike later to relieve stress, I'll have more of a buffer, but finished only 24 calories over and I'm calling that a success for such a stressful day.
Challenge for tomorrow is lunch with a friend - not sure if we'll go out or stay in. I'll bring a lunch in case we stay in ... if out, I will speak up for a place that works for me. She's fine with that, just time is an issue.
Ani -I bought those 100 calorie packets of nuts and kept them in my console - those completely satisfy us when we are running just one more errand, etc. Eating them one at a time and there are actually a fair number in there. I just put them in a zip lock baggie and they last a while. It's never just a "I'll indulge bc they're there" bc I'm cheap and think it's overpriced enough to pay for the 100 cal pkts haha. The one thing I haven't figured out yet on MFP is how to log my foods. Need to sink a bit of time into it and figure it out.
Love2Garden -The only time I like packaging is when DH goes to bed and the sound of that crinkling keeps me out of something. I sometimes will open a bag of light chips and take one chip out. WHY? I don't need ONE chip. But it's like I just want that one. Only when DH is sleeping or gone. Sneak treat.
Bill - How were your snow totals this winter? Are you way below average? Or does it just seem like everyone is because we are?
Another meh day, lots of rest because of lingering bad headache. I was up and about more than yesterday, but did not do planned exercise. Food was fine, and I even made myself cook something in spite of feeling like I REALLY didn't want to.
Ani (Daily Practice), good job getting back on track!
Bill Blue Eyes, you are smart to check encryption. I don't even think about that any more! Glad food was on plan and you got your walk in.
Curly Jax, fantastic job at getting the cookies down the chute! Good luck with jumping back on your diet program.
Debbie R. (Lexxiss), I am so sorry to learn about your loss. Losing a beloved pet is really difficult.
I hope you enjoyed a good birthday in spite of all of that. I hope all goes well for you in the coming week! Sounds like you will be busy!
Karen, R. N., great job for eating on plan and I hope your hike was wonderful!
National Parker, great job for the biking Sunday! Excellent job for posting and using "NO CHOICE" when you were feeling the snack attack. I hope Tuesday's lunch choice is just as you anticipate!
Sandy (Love 2 Garden), great news that your husband's lungs continue to be healthy. Your gardening sounds great, and it is an inspiration! I don't usually even begin to think about touching a gardening tool until May.
Bad food day today. Three fistfuls.of sour cherry gummy candy went into my body during the chaos and stress if this.moving ad entire with my old.friend. she was very stressed and I stressed her out then we figured it and each other out. I also ate.rice and a sandwich. Not sure how to deal which this. I underestimated how emotional I'd be here with my friend in this situation. Wow.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – On plan eating day, CREDIT moi, with no snacks. It worked because I did the old it's-only-one-hour-til-dinner trick and several other strategies. I know where a jar of lighted salted roasted peanuts are stashed - and they remain there.
Walked to class, CREDIT moi, noting that bulbs are coming up as if spring was already here.
onebyone – Ouch for a bad food day. "Tomorrow is another day."
FutureFitChick – Wish you fast recovery from that headache. Neat that food was fine anyway.
nationalparker – Thanks for the reminder, "Thank goodness they're not there" - can't reach for snacks sitting on the supermarket shelf. Passing on a cookie when your DH had milk in hand is Kudos worthy.
Karen (karenrn) - A 7 1/2 mile hike is always a good day.
curlyjax - Super Kudos for the attitude, "I do not consider wasteful as it is cookies!!"
Sandy (love2garden) - Great news about your DH's x-ray. Kudos for jumping on the chance to do some gardening - here in the middle of winter.
Ani (dailypractice) - Neat strategy to give yourself permission to have a second piece of toast later if "you REALLY have to have another."
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 5 Food Pusher Traps
#1: The Chronic Hard Sell Trap
"We have a big barbecue coming up next weekend," Laura said, "and my whole family will be there because it's the first weekend of the season." She wanted to stick to the eating plan she'd made last summer. But she was afraid a family member would insist that she eat or drink something she hadn't planned. She looked down, "I really don't want a repeat of all the other weekends at the lake."
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 87
hi coaches- thanks for the support! I did write some cards and am keeping them in my workbag so I can pull them out easily. I should probably make some for home too, the question is where to put them where I would remember to read them. Back to the basics!!
I started reading my SB book, ordered some cookbooks from the library and will make a plan today or tomorrow for a few weeks.
I went to yoga which was great but painful, woo do I need to stretch. there is a guy in his 60s that goes and clearly it is hard for him, but he has been coming awhile so that is motivating! I wish the room was a little warmer but it is great to do it in a room of folks I am familiar with, and not a bunch of incredibly fit suburban moms onebyone- sorry you had a bad day! I can totally relate! Bill- good job avoiding those peanuts, I know how they call to you! futurefitchick- hope you feel better soon! nationalparker- good luck with lunch today! dailypractice- great that you learned from your day. I definitely do better bringing snacks when I remember to! lovetogarden- wow, lung surgery is major, glad he is doing fine. Great that you can get out to garden! Karenrn-hope your hike was good. It sounds like it is always sunny in Arizona!!
Well second time posting this. Just lost the first try. But it's OK. I need to get this through my skull.
For today:
I will not eat anything in a plastic container or bag. I will not eat "food" that sits on the coffee table. I will buy some food that works for me.
I will stay focused and positive. Moves happen. No one is perfectly ready ever as far as I can tell. In 48hrs we will BE moved.
My top concern are the three cats. I need to.makw sure they get to the new.place safely and stay safe during the move. I am going to put cat things in my car today to bring to the new place so when the cats arrive they can start to settle in.
I need to remain calm and positive.
Moves happen all the time. No one is a perfect packer.
I'll check in later.
Right now I am going to get my scale from the car (yes, I brought it from home). I need real numbers not "feelings". Just weighed: 271.3. This is where my weight will probably stay. If I can hold it here, I will consider that success.
Lexxiss: oh your pup! A doggy could.not have had a more loving or devoted friend than you and your DH, and your mom. I am so sorry he had to go. I know you did the right thing. So sorry.
OnebyOne I'm confused. Didn't realize you were moving. Sympathy, this is always hard.
NationalParker at least I limited last night's snacking to 2 oatmeal cookies and stopped. Had almost no supper. Tonight I'll eat supper and skip snack. At least that is the plan.
Spent sometime this morning catching up with all the posts. I have come to accept that this March is an extraordinarily stressed out month for me. I have to make plans that are not for a lifetime but just for this set of moments. That is all there is to it. I will make it to March 24, hop on a plane to Ireland and have a wonderful adventure. When I come back from Ireland, I will reassess my life and priorities. Until then, as I last posted, I will keep to my "maintain" program with food. I will also allow myself to use my comp days, decline invitations, sit around staring out the window, get very little done, and anything else I need to remain centered and at peace. Basically, in a nutshell, I will do the minimum in most areas and get off my back. (Forgive myself, is what FutureFitChick said)
This "jail sentence" of confirmation for my son ( and I am his teacher) has hit me harder than I expected. It is not only an incredible time commitment but it is sparking off all the very deep resentments that I have harbored for years ( can anyone be a feminist and a Catholic?). In just the six months I have been teaching catechism I have run smack into two priests ( one has since been reassigned) that have only confirmed all my old resentments of priests. One I had to rat out to the dioceses twice (no kidding.) I have two more classes, a THREE DAY RETREAT of 135 kids I have to chaperone, and a ceremony where they are confirming those kids with their 135 sponsors in a church that seats 600 ( and I have been having panic attacks in crowded spaces.) Plus my crazy family is coming into town for the service. I am at the point in my recovery when I see how they purposely (or subconsciously) manipulate me for a reaction. I am not at the point in my recovery where I can stop my physical response to that manipulation.
So credit for what I have done to walk step by step through this terrifying two weeks:
I maintain my commitment to exercise 30 active minutes a day.
Food in MFP
Keep my counseling appointments. My psychiatrist gave me a temporary panic attack med to work with the anti seizure med that will allow me to get through this month. To be reevaluated next month.
Accept the help my husband offers.
Continue to reassert that this is my son's time. Get out of his way and let him enjoy it in his way ( which he is.)
Realize that even working the minimal at my job is completely ok with my boss who super appreciates everything I do. ( I have built up lots of goodwill over the years.)
Do not take on any new battles at work. (Live to fight another day. Bless those who confront and walk away in peace.)
Ramp up on fruits and veggies to keep healthy.
Don't answer the phone or text from drama people.
Pray and meditate.
Go to bed at 8:30.
Take joy in what I can and in what is - DS qualified for state honors in his piano competition. Hug him everyday. Lie on the floor just the three of us watching Columbo reruns. Revel in my bed after the housecleaner comes and puts new sheets on Read a good mystery for a few hours. Go to be at 8:30
nationalparker: Absolutely, you'll hit 174 this weekend. Lexxiss: Happy bday and I am so sorry about the loss of your pet. curleyjax: You can do this. Southbeach is a great plan of attack.
Monday - R.I.P. Aristotle (Greece, 322 B.C.)
My intentions
