Credit for being on bike at club while posting. It takes what it takes. Kept two of my six exercise appts. Scale just two pounds from ticker. Yeah.
Long breakfast with two old friends. Credit for telling the truth. Lots of people know I'm down now. I hate the vulnerability of it but I know that I am as sick as my secrets. I have a strong persona in everyday life - High functioning, charismatic ( inherited from Dad) mostly capable of hiding serious depression (also inherited from Dad.) So I need to take myself seriously, exercise, eat right, get help, and not believe my own press😄. Stakes are pretty high right now- a beautiful son, a valuable job, dh. I need to make sure I am around and functioning for a long time.
Set myself up to succeed today, but ate too much. Being around the food at home and tackling project after project didn't keep me away from it like being busy usually does. I need to keep this in mind tomorrow. At least the meals were small, but to use Joy's line, they blended together too much. I wasn't HUNGRY when I ate, but instead, thought of the food, thought it sounded yummy, and why not. Sent DH off with an extra large lunch (but he'll bring home what he doesn't eat, instead of just eating...) and he said the guys would know I was off today from the size of his lunch. Hm. Will work on that.
Bill - Thank you for the tip on Mike's Pastry - definitely will put that in the Boston folder for next summer if we can make it there - need to know info! Nice on the nearly personal training session at the gym. I just read an article that referenced a New Zealand study that women who ate dessert after breakfast lost 38 more pounds in a year than those who didn't. I suspect that might be a mini biscotti vs. a donut a day. IF that's true.
CurlyJax - I need to work in a salad for lunch tomorrow - good reminder. I thought about it today but that's as far as it got. I can't expect to drop any weight without changing my eating habits. I have to remember that.
A bit of an early melancholy bath tonight - I'm tired - only slept a few hours last night ... and thought, "this is not what I want my 50th year to be - a year of continued weight gain." I can rescue the last nine months of it. Hey, that sounds like the perfect length of time to create a "new" person. Well, same but better.
Love2Garden - I'm loving this warm spell - I read that last year at this time, most of the country had snow. I'll take this 65 we had today.
Maryann - Holding good thoughts that tensions continue to abate there with DH. Kudos for the exercise plans for the upcoming weeks. That is definitely a strong commitment this time of year.
Karen - Was LOL at Messiah would have been good at half the length.
A few years ago at WW they told us if you're going to indulge, thin crust pizza is a good option, for the reasons your DH says - veggies, dairy, protein, carbs and fat. I don't need a reason...
Now we're discussing leaving for home a bit earlier and driving instead of flying. We book Southwest so the funds are still ours to use. Still a lot of gift ideas to settle on. I struggle.
The more I let the idea that I have nine months until my next birthday, almost to the day, the more I like the corny idea that I have that time to build a better me. I'm going to journal on it. Or many once I should skip the thinking and skip the journaling and jump right in with the doing.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Celebrated a warm day by helping DW trim yet another vine that wishes to concur the world. It grows above the gate to our yard; she worries that another deep snow year could take it down in its full glory. Also took the patio furniture down to the basement - it's fun to pretend that these warm December days represent winter but it's unlikely we'll be eating outside again until spring. Walked, CREDIT moi, to the subway because it was our evening to see Handel's Messiah. I gush about the Messiah every time I see it. DW insists that we shouldn't listen to it during the year so that it remains special.
Food was OKish, CREDIT moi for that much. Dinner was a quick bowl of leftover 13-bean soup - a favorite. Doing chores makes me feel that I've earned a snack - Ouch.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Yay for planning a sane lunch despite a looooong meeting.
maryann - Kudos for posting from the exercise bike - that's serious multi-taking.
nationalparker – Kudos for recognizing "I wasn't HUNGRY when I ate" - it's so easy to fail to even consider our feelings of hunger. [I have difficulty with a story containing the phrase "lost 38 more pounds in a year" - that's a lot of pounds for a group average.]
curlyjax - Boredom is such a strong Sabotaging Thought - hope you can invent a way to make your work days interesting.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 3 Stress Traps
#1: The Too Busy Trap
Your life feels too packed and stressful ....to make time for healthy eating.
Miranda was a single mother of two boys, one in elementary and one in middle school. She worked full time at a clothing store while she was studying for her bachelor's degree. When she first came to see me she didn't have to say she was stressed; it was written all over her face.
Miranda rushed in ten minutes late with a cell phone glued to her ear. "Sorry," she said as she hung up. "My son is sick, and I had to find someone to pick him up from school." As she spoke, her cell buzzed again. She told her mother she would call her back in an hour.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 50
The Christmas cards went out in the mail on Friday, so I was glad of that, but Friday ended up being a terrible day food wise. At Happy Hour, where I did pretty well, my friend gave me a small tin of goodies. I had asked her not to, but my husband told her he wanted them. Well I ate some of them like an addict in the car on the way home. I never, well almost never, eat in the car. Once I got home I had a few more. I didn't eat any yesterday and I asked dh to finish them and I didn't have any sweets. I really need to stay away from sugar. I was hungry most of the day yesterday but just muscled thru it. Yesterday's food was close to on plan, just a little too large of serving since I didn't really get any exercise to earn more calories, credit.
Yesterday I volunteered to serve refreshments at a couple of performances of Winter Wonder at our church. It was very fun to see all the people. We have 7 performances this year and we will attend today. I can't wait as it is the highlight of the season for me. They do a beautiful job of putting together a variety musical show. We have such a large church that there are many talented people.
At this point I don't think there is much hope of losing weight this month, but my goal is still to finish the month at 140. I am a couple pounds above that right now, so I will really have to be diligent. My plan is no more sweets until Christmas.
Bill I'm glad you enjoyed the Messiah. What a change in your weather from last year to this year. Crazy!
Nationalparker What you could do in nine months is amazing. I just know when I've had projects that were going to take a long time I always remember the time will pass whether I do the project or not. I'm cheering you on.
Maryann Good for you for being strong enough to be open and honest. It seems like that would be so much more helpful than trying to fake it. Good luck in getting through this tough time.
Gardenerjoy Thanks for the reminder that water is needed. I know my higher sugar (Friday) and sodium (Saturday), both need flushing out.
Curlyjax Yes that darn health insurance really makes it hard to make changes. I wish we all had at least some basic health insurance provided with the option to purchase additional. A good new job for dh would sure help and I'm hoping it's soon to happen.
Love2garden Too funny about the engineers and their black plastic bags. Maybe they learned it in school.
We got our holiday newsletter printed, complete with photos from our Cuba trip. The gallery exhibit of our Cuba photos is on Friday and Saturday. So, I'm going to print some fliers to put in the newsletter with local addresses to try to get more people to join us. The opening on Friday should be fun -- there will be a Cuban food truck on hand. I hope to have everything stamped, addressed, and stuffed today so that I can mail them tomorrow morning.
I haven't even figured out the Christmas gift-giving for this year. The list is pretty short these days, but it's not zero. So, I need to think about that pretty soon.
WI: -0.2 kg, Exercise: +30 475/1200 minutes for December, Food: 100% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
Lots of anxiety this morning. Free floating. I'm never sure whether it is better to start attacking the worries (silly little things) like swatting gnats. Or should I sit still and realize it is not a thing, it is a feeling. Did a little of both. Cried some to DH and then took back some rotten candy we used in CCD to make advent calendars. I have shame about passing half of it out to the kids. With contemplation, I know this thinking isn't anything but compulsion. An overreaction easily remedied this Wednesday. Yet I carry shame.
First things first - breakfast, coffee, prayer, advantage cards. Weight three pounds from ticker.
I checked out the new WW plan launching. It feels confusing. I will stick with what I know for right now. Another holiday party this pm. That's the third event in two days. I'm grateful for all the love and fullness of my life but I also know I could get by with much less if I was in a centered space.
I like the story so far BBE is posting. Cliffhangers in the old tradition. Thank god for posting and weighing every day. I don't know where I would be if I didn't.
postscript: I have decided to not eat anything at the potluck. I had a sane late lunch and I will have something when I return home. Nothing at that potluck will taste better than a healthy scale number tomorrow.
A busy day so far, filled with oddball things that are relegated to the day before the workweek starts. Every weekend I wish for one more day off to keep getting things done. I'd opt for a four-day, 10-hour day workweek. Especially if you could take the day off on Wednesday.
I was interested in the Nigella article where she said society's focus on "clean eating" can border on disordered thinking - not quoting but what I came away with. That is my brother to a T. DH mentioned that after meeting him the first time - that he focuses completely on how clean/healthy the food they eat is. I never saw it before that but now I look through his eyes and have asked him to not say one of his granddaughters is "good" for eating this or that because if one doesn't eat it, it implies they're "bad" and one is not good/bad person based on food choices.
Bill - Envious at your basement. I always picture having one someday and having it decorated in small nooks - reading nook with bookcases and good light, cozy cushions, an area with grow lights to start seedlings, etc. My basement would, of course, be bigger than my house, haha! Keeping my fingers crossed that you don't have to endure another snow like last year!
Karen - WOW - no more sweets until Christmas. You have a commitment that I would really be challenged to meet. Best of luck and hoping you're not derailed by others on it. Looking forward to hearing how the winter program went.
Maryann - Kudos for thinking hard about what will work for you today to make tomorrow better as well. Hope the potluck was enjoyable with good conversation.
Joy - I'm finding it harder to find gifts I want to buy the more that are available. I felt like we pushed back from buying much early because of the neverending buy now, hurry, last day, rush, sale, etc. from the marketing departments. Enough! If I were more handy, I'd see if DH wanted to go to a homemade christmas one year.
Our holiday party at work is tomorrow - it's a fairly big shindig, but we just wear office clothing, nothing fancy. Eight more days of work until the holiday break. I am dying to take more vacation time to get more things done but I need to remember i have next weekend as well.
Food - OP so far today. Lunch was larger and dinner will be smaller for me.
I ordered a book, Letters to Santa (letters written to Santa from 1870-1920 ... I thought it would be a good read over the years, to bring out every December.
Monday - Max Planck publishes Quantum Theory (Berlin, 1900)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Standard Sunday walk, CREDIT moi, noting that some roses still persist in the gardens that appear from time to time along the way. Swedish breads appeared in celebrating of the Feast of Santa Lucia provided by folks whose connection to feasts, saints, and Sweden are limited to yearly breads, LOL. Since I'm not Swedish, I could declare it to be raisin bread and pass right by. Alas, I felt that Saint Lucia wanted me to have some. Now that's a Sabotaging Thought that Beck didn't write about.
Meals were on plan, CREDIT moi; evening snack got to be large as I computer-watched the first half of the Patriots football game. We won - so maybe I can go back to being a Monday morning fan.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Congrats for getting your Christmas newsletter done.
maryann - Kudos for a clear decision, "I have decided to not eat anything at the potluck." Sending supportive thoughts for your feelings.
nationalparker – Yep, "filled with oddball things" describes so much of life. [When designing your dream house, don't forget the South-facing Green-House room so you can keep the plants going all winter.]
Karen (karenrn) - You and me both, "I really need to stay away from sugar." Kudos for sending the goodies with your DH.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 3 Stress Traps
#1: The Too Busy Trap
Several years before, Miranda had gone through a painful divorce, a major catalyst for her weight gain. "I kind of fell apart, to be honest," she told me, as she shredded a tissue. "That's when I began overeating. I'd always weighted about the same since high school, but I started gaining. Now I'm up seventy pounds, and it hasn't stopped."
She looked out the window. "Most days I feel like a chicken with its head cut off. I'm so stressed - I can't even believe I made it here."
Stress is an inevitable part of life. Most people can flourish under moderate stress. Positive stress can keep life exciting, motivating, and challenging us to accomplish our goals. Athletes, actors, stock traders, and other peak performers all talk about thriving on the adrenaline rush. But for many, like Miranda, stress can become chronic and negative, especially when it stems from financial challenges, overwhelming responsibilities, lack of emotional or physical support, relationship or work difficulties, or illness.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., Deborah Beck Busis, The Diet Trap Solution, Train Your Brain to Lose Weight and Keep It Off for Good (Blue book), pg. 50
hi coaches-another weekend of buying presents and doing errands, chores etc. I did get a walk in with DH in a new area he wanted to show me, a large field complete with abandoned building. We passed some folks collecting either seeds or old corn stalks, we couldn't figure out what they were doing and they were not speaking English so I didn't ask. Not the season for gathering food here from fields, very curious!
Still feeling very blue but trying not to overeat. Maybe its hormones- I just felt a wash of sadness yesterday and like I needed to cry, but couldn't. Some days you just have to feel bad and realize it will pass at some point. Maryann- I can empathize with how you are feeling! good job deciding on the potluck. Karenrn- glad you got the cards out, i know that was on your mind! the church performance sounds great! Gardenerjoy-ooh, i wish i could go to your Cuban photo open house, that is just the kind of think i really enjoy! Your photos are inspiring! Bill- live Messiah concert is so beautiful! nice tradition to keep it fresh. Nationalparker- true thoughts about "good" eating shouldn't define us! Good luck with your holiday party today!
I find it hard to believe how quickly time passes. Here it is Monday already. Food was pretty good yesterday, credit, but exercise was near non-existent. I have been reading my cards daily before I even get out of bed, credit.
Three of our friends attended the church program with us and it was very good. I am so impressed with the beautiful voices. I will have to be in the choir in heaven because with my voice I certainly wouldn't make it here on earth.
It's cold here this morning, 32 degrees or so, and I have greeter duty this morning. I'll be layering my clothes for sure. After that I'm meeting some gals for lunch, which will be fun. Finally early this evening I'm going to a weight loss support group. I was notified by meet-up of this new group since it is one of my interests. I'll give it a try since it is very near my home. The intro says it is for healthy weight loss and not a forum to sell anything. I think I'll take my Beck book to share.
Curlyjax I'm sorry you're feeling sad, but I think you're right it's better to acknowledge and feel it rather than pretend it isn't there.
Bill The first part of our program was Christmas Around the World. The Swedish portion had Santa Lucia come in with the wreath on her head with candles lit. They looked real to me and I was worried her hair would light on fire. So, how was the bread?
Nationalparker I take it back about no sweets until Christmas. I am going to eat a sweet next Saturday also. The Christmas party for my old co-workers is at my house and I'm making the German Chocolate cake again. It will leave with one of the guests though. I am REALLY going to try to hold off until then. I'm hoping tonights meeting will give me extra inspiration.
Maryann You are in my prayers. I hope the potluck went well and that your days get better soon. The hardest thing to do seems to be to forgive ourselves.
GardenerJoy I bet your Christmas newsletter is great! And the gallery exhibit with the food truck sounds terrific. What program do you use for the newsletter?
The newsletters are done. I just need to drop them in the mail. I realized they were a source of sadness for me. The major audience of my holiday newsletter for me was always my mother. This is the eleventh Christmas without her. Apparently, I'm still not quite adjustedl. The good news is that we're turning the newsletter into something else, an expression of DH's printing skills and both of our photography. We already have next year's effort all mapped out.
CREDIT for putting extra postage on the one international letter. Going to the post office to do it right would save me thirty cents. It's worth more than that to not have to go to the post office again in December.
CREDIT for planning the mail drop off and other errands for right after breakfast, my least tempting time to forage for treats.
I need to work up a meal plan for the day and the week, including shopping. Usually I have that done by Monday morning. I want to pretend it will all work out fine if I don't do it right now, but that's failing to plan / planning to fail. I can do better than that....Okay, that's done -- CREDIT!
WI: -0.4 kg, Exercise: +30 505/1200 minutes for December, Food: 100% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
karenrn: We used Microsoft Word on one side of the newsletter for a simple letter. I've used it in the past for newspaper formatting with columns, but it's frustrating to work with that way. On the other side, DH made a collage directly from Adobe Lightroom, the software we use to organize our photos and to do most of the development work. It has a print module that he learned to use just for this occasion. Next year, we think we'll go with a card-style and probably use Photoshop or PowerPoint for the final file since they make it easy to place things where you want, even upside down so that everything is upright after folding.
GardenerJoyGlad you explained how you made your holiday newsletter. Sorry you are missing your Mother so strongly, but I do understand. Several of us lost loved ones during the dark of winter and it is easy to become blue.
Local church had a "Blue Christmas Prayer Service" for those who are suffering loss at this time of year. I understand quite a few of the different churches had members that afternoon, and some that have no church.
CurlyJax Wondering what that old abandoned field offered, too. Good you and your husband were out walking. Is it hard for you to walk on uneven ground? (I have problems with that.)
Karen Christmas Around the World sounds interesting. Over the years I have international Santa ( or the equivalent) from about 15 countries. I enjoy unboxing each, reading the story, then displaying each on the mantle. The Nativity displays get most emphasis in each room.
We have no space for a tree. Pat's Art Studio has priority.
NationalParker Your thoughts on your brother's comments has me thinking. I wonder how often I've said or thought that way. Glad to be made aware of it as something I choose to avoid.
Credit: Eating very healthy today. Feeling relaxed and that is a blessing.
A very full day - five model lessons, the last felt like a vampire attack movie (with me coming in as I was the priest with a cross). Eighth graders can get pretty vicious with a new teacher. I pulled two boys out and will deal with them on Wednesday. Hard not to take home the negative feelings home with me. I did twenty two lessons with eager, ready to learn seventh and 8th graders. I must intentionally reframe my experience as successful because it was. I think reframing is an important life skill I need to practice in all I do. Perfection is NEVER the goal. Showing up with an open heart and good intentions is the goal.
Maintained my "no sweets at work rule" by carrying a special cookie off campus. I am taking credit. The church is making dinner for volunteers tonight. I don't know what they are serving but I will plan to focus on the protein.
Thanks, Everyone for the good wishes, prayers and thoughts. For today, I will put one step in front of the other and enjoy the many gifts I have been given.
Overall my food choices were good today with the exception of a small slice of apple pie at the holiday party. I tried a few hors d'oeuvres that (in all honesty) didn't look scrumptious but I wanted to try anyway. They weren't. I left a bit of them, but should have eaten only one bite and realized that they wouldn't get better. Salad as a main portion of both lunch and dinner, and steel cut oatmeal for breakfast.
We went and bought a tree tonight and DH picked it out and I didn't want to suggest another. It's smaller than I'd have selected but it's fresh, affordable and smells good. We'll decorate it tomorrow night after branches drop down a bit. Slowly, day by day, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Feels like forever since I posted. Credit for posting right now.
My food has been poor. Many sweets. Many second helpings. I have felt like giving up and have given in enough to feel physically unwell once more.
I really feel like I have undone whatever I did manage to have over the last few months. It's like I've fallen apart. I suppose after the tight production schedule and the deadlines and the public stuff I have has to do for most of the year not to mention the reunion with my father and then his death and the terminal lung cancer diagnosis MIL got well I guess if I didn't react somehow that wouldn't be right but I can't cope through food. I'm hurting myself. I haven't weighed in a few days so I will tomorrow.
Phone Check In
Sunday - International Children's Day
