Like karenrn, I'm having a hard time right now getting the daily stuff done. I'm playing with ToDoist -- a new toy always helps, at least for a day or two.

WI: NC in kg, Exercise: +40 230/1200 minutes for December, Food: 100% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

hi coaches-
just saw some cider donuts up for grabs and I am posting here to resist them!
I am trying to get back into exercise again and experiment on which stretches hurt and which help. Really annoying to have quad pain but not bad enough to see anyone about it yet.
howyoulose- thanks for the phone alarm idea, I may try it. Glad its working for you!
Gardenerjoy- beautiful photo! true words that we can indeed control some things like what we eat.
Nationalparker- good reminder about the starfish! Sounds like you are enjoying some nice holiday events. you always do such fun sounding things! I also would love to see Emerald Lake!
Karenrn- I think I'm entering the funk you're leaving:) but glad its leaving you! Good luck with those cards!
Suzlen- sick of chocolate sounds great! That's nice of you to make those treats, homemade treats are the best.
Bill- Unbroken does sound interesting, maybe I will check it out for DH.
Onebyone- hope your find a nice outfit! I do not have a real shopper mindset myself, I don't like the feeling of "I need to find something for this event!" and getting stressed about it.
Maryann- Ah yes, the commitments at this time of year! All the regular ones and more added on!
Wave to Lexiss, lovetogarden and anyone else!

Yep, another Monday - just what I was thinking. I'm like a school kid counting the days down to summer vacation or to Christmas. Thirteen work days until my holiday break starts.

I did not weigh this morning. Yesterday evening was okay for dinner - on track with what I'd planned and with only a protein-solid breakfast, I was hungry but not starving at 4 ... but then I suggested froyo with a coupon I had later that evening and so we stopped on errands. The kid doing the register said he'd in essence double the coupon (half off both) and so he got the extra in his tip jar. A win for each of us. That could have worked in as well. BUT since in my mind, I only had two meals, I thought this is okay, that is okay, and added in extra crap during the evening - a slice of fresh bread that wasn't even baguette. Just BREAD. I allowed that with fat lady thinking. Frustrated with myself. DH conked out super early and I stayed busy with housework and laundry with NFL on ... but finally petered out. Snacks were two cinnamon twists that I baked to bring in to work today. 200 cal there. Then I read a link from one blog post to basically an "in-your-face" blog from a trainer on "why you're still fat" and it was brutal, but I hate to admit it, true. Treats are no longer treats. If you have it more than once a month, it's not a treat. (like a piece of chocolate, or dessert) ... The comments were brutal as well - and I don't typically read comments bc of the ferocity with which people feel they need to write to explain themselves... hate and love. I feel like I took from it what I could last night and will probably reread it in January for a bootcamp reset again. I KNOW it's only me standing in my way - not anyone's for bringing in treats, not DH for suggesting a meal out - honestly I can choose anything anywhere for dinner ... it's all ME. WHY do I get in my own way?

I'm honestly nervous to weigh again with the food and normal body cycling. I want to bury my head in the bathroom mat and not know.

Bill - When we first got together, DH said he didn't like audiobooks, he couldn't follow along well. I checked some out from the library for road trips and he was HOOKED. Now every few weeks he gets e-files from the library and listens in his car. I enjoy them when I'm walking alone, but not in a city or where I have to cross streets.

Food day today was "ok" - added in an unplanned snack of a nut treat a coworker brought in. One day does not a success make.

I join those looking forward to the days lengthening here soon. Two more weeks until the winter solstice. While I use a lot of candles on winter evenings, that night we stick to only candlelight. Dinner tonight was my leftover Thai that we shared along with some potstickers I made, enjoyed by my candlelight.

Does anyone buy a live tree to plant after Christmas? We did this overseas but not here. I was a kid/teen then ... do you have luck with it?

Quick post just to say I did something Beckish today.

For the first time in I can't even count I ate a donut. Usually they are no temptation, at all, whatsoever, but something today crashed and burned. Was it because they were still warm?? Who knows - but I lived a life of regret for the rest of the school day. In fact, I didn't even eat dinner, I was still full from that donut, that I ate at 9:00 this morning.

I go in for an MRI tomorrow to see what is still causing me pain. Wish me luck.

nationalparker: Your words ring true - a treat just isn't a treat anymore. I sabotage myself as well.

curlyjax: congrats on avoiding the donuts!

karenrn: It is so hard to learn a foreign language when you aren't around it all the time. I find I have to immerse myself deliberately. I watch (listen) to Disney movies because they all come in Spanish. And I read a lot of spanish books - It is tough. Good luck! When you travel it will probably all come back to you.


Have a great night, all!

Tuesday - RIP John Lennon (New York, 1980)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Waked, CREDIT moi, to class where I'm getting better at accepting the inflationary period of the universe in its first second. It's so unintuitive that the expansion of space is different than the movement of galaxies. Next life I'm going to be a cosmologist to find an easier explanation for the wild and wonderful stuff that's out there. Last night, we saw a nature documentary about ducks with superb video close-ups. The videographer must have been in the water - a neat trick in the shots in the Arctic.

Meals were on plan, CREDIT moi, with only modest snacking. It felt like a better day. DW and I did an inspection of a gutter on our roof that needs help before the winter snow and ice arrives. Last winter's ice build up did some minor damage that looks difficult to fix, but we'll try.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – Now that's good Cognitive Therapy, "a new toy always helps."

nationalparker – Thanks for the reminder that in two weeks the days start to get longer - even though it takes me about two months to begin to believe it, LOL. Kudos for a froyo - doubled for the coupon, doubled again for the kid's action, and then again for his tip. What a neat experience. [I'll try to keep an open mind about audio books.]

Karen (karenrn) - Yay for finding a set of exercises to help with arm motion.

curlyjax - Always Kudos for resisting cider donuts.

SuzLen - Good luck with that MRI looking for your neck pain. Kudos for responding to that donut with reduced food later.

Readers -

Hi Coaches!

I wanted to pop in and say hello. I have not forgotten any of you and work hard to remain mindful of my Beck skills and my desire to remain healthy during this time in my life where it is very difficult to fit one more thing in. I read everyday and have every intention of remaining close to you all. Yesterday morning I had planned time to sit down and connect with you all....then came the phone call at 5:45 am. My mom wanted me to stop over before work. When I asked how I could help she indicated she had a natural gas leak in her garage. I calmly stated that perhaps I should come check "Now". LOL. Fortunately, there was not a gas leak....but so go my days. I find small bits of time for "me" and lots of time for gratitude for my willingness to continue walking my path of health. Gotta run....travel today after work for my friends chemotherapy tomorrow.

I miss being an active participant here and I do continue to post every day in the SBD thread.

Carry on!

Good morning coaches,

I did my 10 miles loop hike yesterday and felt good, credit. Food was well within calories since I earned so many extra, credit. I wanted a little something more after dinner, but decided not to have it. I was hoping the scale would be down this morning, but I guess it will take more than a day.

I typed up a chart on the computer yesterday and printed it off and put it on the refer. It lists about 8 things I want to do each day and a spot for a check mark. I did do my shoulder exercises, planks, some Christmas cards and Spanish study. I didn't get to any housework yesterday, but should have more time today because my exercise is just the class at the Y. Anyway, I feel good about the chart and will make adjustments each week.

Lexxis Good to see you and hope things settle down a bit for you one of these days.

Bill I can't imagine that you wouldn't enjoy audiobooks. Of course I always think everyone will like what I like. Yesterday I started listening to The Boston Girl and am enjoying it very much. I still enjoy the scenery of my hikes, but it helps me go miles further than I might otherwise.

SuzLen Thinking of you and your MRI today. I hope they find what is causing the problem and that it can be fixed easily and soon.

Nationalparker Oh wouldn't it be nice to have treats often and still lose weight. I have to be more rigid with myself that I would like because once I have something sweet it always tastes like I should have more. My problem child right now is the beer. I need to remember that it should only be a treat too. My only saving grace is that I have lots of time to burn extra calories with hiking.

Curlyjax Oh I hope you don't get my funk. I still feel like I'm getting out of it. This is a difficult time of the year. Good job posting to distract yourself from the donuts. I think there should be a law that treats not be brought to the workplace.

GardenerJoy I'll have to look at the ap you mentioned. I know I'm not as computer literate as you are though. Hey anything that works.

I completed my to do list yesterday. Obviously, ToDoist is a miracle worker. (Or maybe it's the shiny newness that did it for me).

Morning meeting at Panera this morning. I'm off to eat breakfast from my own kitchen so that I'll only have tea at the meeting. That works well for me.

On audio books: I've tried and failed to like them. I read so much faster that I get impatient for the story to move. I put podcasts from NPR and the BBC on my phone to listen to while I'm working in the kitchen or when I walk alone.

WI: +0.4 kg, Exercise: +40 270/1200 minutes for December, Food: 100% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

Good Morning, Coaches.

First non-phone check in for sometime. My days continue to be fraught with high emotion both pleasant and unpleasant. I think that I can now admit I am smack in an anxiety/depression cycle that is scary for both my family and me. This is not unusual for December, I must say. It is my bday month, typically family orientated, and filled with school craziness as the kiddos express their own anxieties from their home lives.

What to do. I am not sure. DH and I will go to our counselor today even though it is an hour each way. It is hard not to feel that that the appt. is a sign of defeat. "I should have this by now." But my symptoms seem to worsen. Maybe that is age. In any case, we will go. At this stage in the game I don't wait to "feel" like it is the right thing. i just do what I know has been helpful in the past. It is probably not great that I have three "mother" visits this week. Although I love her and am so grateful she is sober, I am still sensitive to the years i was with her when she was drunk and critical.I want our relationship to be new but I struggle against trusting her too much, and I get down on myself for that as well.

And as for food. I am three pounds above ticker. Putting one step in front of the other. Food is in MFP but not planned for the rest of the meals. I have splurged on veggies that are cleaned, cut and in steamer packs. These can be my meals at school. Simple, healthy and worth the extra money. Credit. I dream of exercising but literary have NOT one minute until Friday (if I decide not to work extra). Day of holy obligation so DS and I went to early moment mass. He gets such joy from this. He has a very strong calling at such a young age. He is beautiful to watch. I feel my faith strengthen through him. So there is the silver lining.

Suzlen: My MRI is in two weeks. Good luck. Hopefully we will both be back exercising by the end of the month.

gardenerjoy: I will check out Todoist.

Nationalparker: You gave me more for which to be grateful. I'll have three weeks vacation this holiday. I don't want to take it for granted.

Wave to all.

nationalparker - kudos for dressingup and making yourself pretty. it's always good to do that for yourself. I hope you get your vacation.

karenrn - that sounds like an awesome hike! so amazing! good for you for staying on plan! credit for all that hiking!

suzlen - starting back at square one is always a good idea I find. I've done it a few times now and I'm on day six of the pink work book for the fifth time it feels like in the last 30 days or so but it seems to be sticking this time- my advice is don't give up. It'll stick eventually if it doesn't the first few times.

maryann - emotionally loaded commitments always seem to pile on all at once don't they?

billblueyes - definite credit for that walk and staying on plan! yay!

curlyjax - no problem! it's honestly stopped me more times than I can count. I'm always tempted to turn them off but I always say just keep them on, just in case.

nationalparker - ugh I've had those days where I feel the exact same. I get exactly what you're saying. Some days I can stay exactly on plan and others I'm just devouring everything in sight (it feels like). I feel like one day at least deserves credit doesn't it? If you don't give yourself credit you're just going to feel discouraged all the time right?

Today is my fiancé and I's two year anniversary thus we are going out for dinner. I'm going to be firm and stick to my guns with a salad even though I know he's going to want to split a pizza. He said as much already.

I'm officially down ten pounds since the 15th of November, around when I started posting again. My work pants feel loose again, and my work belt is officially too big (I refuse to buy a new one so I'm going to have to put another hole in it or something). I was on the second or third hole before now I'm on the last and my pants are still falling down a bit. Credit for making progress.

Now in actuality: the body fat percentage on my scale has stayed the same. I feel like I've made no progress what so ever and in actuality I feel like I weight exactly what I weighed before. I have not started working out I've just been eating better and I feel like I've done absolutely nothing. it's all very discouraging and I honestly want to give up. Credit for realizing I'm being irrational. But I honestly feel like there's no way around my thinking right now. I realize my thinking is erred but I have no idea how to fix this thinking at the moment. I feel like if I don't see progress on a body fat percentage and pounds I'm not doing anything, even though there is actual proof in the way my clothes fit (even the jeans I'm wearing now aren't as tight!)

HELP.

Looking forward to the Solstice.
 

Coaches:

Sitting here typing this you in the dying of the light. 4:41pm. It'll be pitch black when I hop in the car to go get DH at work in about a half an hour.

My depression and anxiety hit an upper limit last night. I was fretting and overeating and could not bring myself to email that other sister of mine and DH was off with the co-workers for Monday Night Football at the Tilted Kilt (sports bar/young maidens serving booze in short kilts and busting out of their blouses type place). I wondered whether I would really go to the painting group xmas party and decided I would even though I felt I would cry or run out of there at the drop of a hat. I did not dress up I just went and was one of 2 people not dressed up. I felt like I disrespected the group but I did bring a tray of savoury dishes so I did participate in that. I missed out on my doorprize as I was upstairs chatting with someone new to me while my doorprize ticket was drawn. I didn't claim it so it went into the pot. Sigh. As I learned I couldn't claim it the guy I was talking to won. He looked at me and said "oh I made it just in time." Sigh. Anyway in the end I was glad I opted for seeing people. My mood got better and I got to spill my guts to a member who helped me feel better and talked to another member who is busy trying to push his art along in ways that will not be popular and will net him no financial reward. Stuff he just needs to do. So, he need to do it. Everytime my osteoarthritis in that one small spot at the base of my right thumb flares up I am reminded I also need to get to it and to not wast however many more times that joint will work in the way I need it to to get my stuff done. Time for some types of work is passing. I can no longer waste it.

Foodwise I am getting back on track today. No more sweets. I am having bread though as I cooked a corned beef and we'll have sandwiches for supper.
2 slices. Is ok. I woke up feeling really sick this morning. I was sure it was a food hangover after all my indulging of sweet and neglect of veggies. Not good. Happy I am not doing that today and the cravings are finally gone today * touch wood* I've probably wrecked my weekly weighin which I won't get to come to think of it as I am at my last show and sale at that time. I'll just weighin here at home and see where I am at.

Time to go.

gardenerjoy just downloaded Todoist. Looks interesting but they never look intuitive to me these apps. I'll have to play around with it a bit but I like the reminders and the goal setting. Very Beck. Could probably use it as an ARC card reminder as well. Thanks for the suggestion

BillBlueEyes I have also seen the movie Unbroken. It was very intense for me. I almost lost it at the end with the last time he got imprisoned. My grandfather walked his way from Russia back to Hungary during WWI and picked up about 8 languages along the way. He and a friend did not trust the locals saying they would be freed they just had to gather in the town square. Instead they hid in a hayloft watching as his fellow soldiers were not freed but executed. Good instincts. He had a scar on the bridge of his nose that was from a sabre blow. I am sure these exact same situations and circumstances are happening right now somewhere in the world 100 years later.

Bye everyone :wave:

Hello Coaches,

Loopy Lou here, reporting that I have bulging discs and am on new pain meds. They finally arrived from the pharmacy at 2:00 after a day of intense pain that I was sweaty, faint, and nauseous. DH drove me home and I crashed for two hours. I am still a bit shaky, but the pain has subsided.

Apparently I am not a good candidate for MRIs (we had to restart three times). LOL the tech guy was getting frustrated and I felt like I was having a panic attack.

Needless to say, it was a long day at school :-)

Strange that I went from running and lifting weights to laying on the couch in pain in what seems overnight. Aging is the pits.

They want me to go to a neurosurgeon, I am opting for chiro and PT first.

Sending my best wishes to you all - stay healthy and happy!

Same story, different day. I could have done better. I could have done worse. DH and I tackled some house deed stuff at lunch that took longer than expected but everyone we dealt with at the govt offices was very friendly. I'll write a letter - they probably don't care, but I appreciated the kind, attentive service.

I need to do a marketing run but was trying to use up a lot of our stuff and now we're close to not having things that "go" ... and few veggies. Tonight was peas, bowtie pasta and parm, along with medallions of turkey sausage. More carbs than needed but serving was reasonable. DH and I continue to eat by candlelight. I asked him if he wanted the lights on the dimmest setting ... No, no - he's enjoying it as well. Tomorrow will roast onions and carrots. I need to use up a red onion, so it'll look odd, but taste fine.

Happy Anniversary, HowYouLose! Enjoy whatever you decide on at your celebratory meal. Will carve out personals time in the morning.

Wednesday - Grace Hopper born (New York City, 1906)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Did a members' tour of the basement Herpetology collection of a natural history museum. So cool. They have zillions of lizards in jars for study. The basement is reserved for scholars except for this once a year tour for members. While there, we bought some geodes for presents for a 9 year old niece who asked for them. Will do anything to encourage an inquisitive mind.

Walked, CREDIT moi, to my evening event and stopped for a bowl of noodles and veggies at a tiny Japanese restaurant. DW kept chatting with the waiter trying to figure out what she wanted so he designed the dish for her. I've had my weeks' worth of tofu, thank you very much. The flavor was superb. Don't know why we can't make a broth that good. Left a third of the noodles, CREDIT moi, but ate all the broccoli and sweet potatoes.


onebyone – Kudos for going to the painting group party despite your feelings. [Amazing story of your grandfather; have you written his life story? One with illustrations?]

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Interesting comment about audio-books; I suspect that I'd miss the ability to skip sections of low interest. Kudos for eating breakfast before encountering Panera Bread with all its temptations.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – So glad it wasn't a gas leak. Around here if you call reporting a gas leak guys appear at your door as you're hanging up the phone. It's pretty clear that you keep yourself more than busy - we know you're there.

maryann - Sending supportive thoughts for the emotions of family in all directions. Kudos for preparing those steamer packs of veggies.

nationalparker – Love the image of you two dinning by candlelight. Good luck dealing with government bureaucracy - I'm flummoxed each time anew.

Karen (karenrn) - Kudos for your checklist on the fridge - neat motivator. Sounds smart to put housework at the lowest priority; it can wait.

SuzLen - Sending supportive thoughts as you seek a path through the pain - that's hard on an active teacher. Those MRI contraptions are capable of inducing feelings of squished inside.

howyoulose - Happy Anniversary! Congrats on those ten pounds and Kudos for recognizing that the desire to give up is a Sabotaging Thought to be countered.

Readers -

Good morning coaches,

Exercise yesterday was Y class and 45 minutes on the treadmill, credit. Food portions were too large. It was just split pea soup with ham and some cottage cheese. I was wanting a sweet, but didn't want a grocery store sweet, said "No Choice", but I think I might have been better off having a small sweet. Weight is the same today. So then I always say to myself, "it probably would have been down if you had just not over done it." So today, I say "Oh well" and will get in a long hike.

Bill The Japanese dinner sounds great. The lizards in jars do not sound so great.

Nationalparker I admire the way you take the time to set a nice table and eat by candlelight. It seems like anything would taste better that way.

SuzLen So sorry to hear about your bulging disc. Do they ever just quit bulging and go back where they are supposed to? I'll have to look it up.

Onebyone I almost always find seeing people helps as hard as it sometimes seems. Last week I forced myself to go to my Y class after a tearful conversation with a family member and was so glad I did. Beforehand I felt I could just sit around and be sad all day, but the distraction of other people and the class helped so much.

Howyoulose Ten pounds is awesome. I honestly don't know how accurate scales are at knowing your body fat, but they sure do know your weight and I would just say yahoo!

Maryann I'm sorry you're battling with depression/anxiety. I hope the counselor is helpful soon. For myself I wouldn't see the counselor as a sign of defeat, but instead a sign that you are doing exactly what is needed.

Gardnerjoy If ToDoist is a miracle worker I'd better take another look at it. I only did 2/3 of my list yesterday. Part of the problem was that while doing Christmas cards I phoned a friend (which the cards reminded me of) and spent a long time on the phone. In retrospect it was time well spent. I've known her since kindergarten and she's gone thru a rough time.

Okay, off I go to review Todoist and get moving on what I need to do for the day.

hi coaches-
It is not a good idea to online shop at night when i'm tired! I almost fell into a trap of ordering a lot of candy, just to avoid the shipping fee -its free if you order 50.00 or more! I was looking for those Merrimints- does anyone remember those? Melt in your mouth mints from my childhood. I found them, and was thinking about getting some for my mom and then of course us, and adding to the cart to get to 50.00....fortunately I pulled myself together and stopped the whole thing. I can get the mints any time of the year since they are online, and there is already so much candy around this time of the year!

Audiobooks- I love them for long car rides, and for doing chores around the house. The key is to pick something where it doesn't matter so much if you daydream, like a light read or comedy, or inspirational type thing.
I ate too much last night but I am really hungry this morning. I know hunger isn't an emergency but I can't function very well if i'm truly hungry, and today i have a free day to do errands, so i will plan for a light meal and go from there.

Karenrn- I like your chart idea, I am still old-fashioned and prefer paper for organizing. I just haven't adapted to using phone or computer for things like that, and after having a few things crash, i don't totally trust putting my memory online!
Nationalparker- "treats are no longer treats"-boy does that ring true! Our family has gotten into the habit again of dessert every night, and expectations for junky things when we're out doing errands. Really hard to get out of these habits.
Maryann-sending hugs for your depression, I struggle with that myself and know how hard it is. Good for your for seeing someone and actively dealing with it!

I had an extra little sweet snack. I remembered too late that herbal tea would have worked just as well. That calls for a new Response Card:

WI: -0.1 kg, Exercise: +40 310/1200 minutes for December, Food: 80% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

I'm struggling here ... I will weigh in the morning - feel like a huge blob, frumpy, dumpy and wish I could retrieve the good feeling i had on the weekend. I saw pictures of myself (we asked the waiter to take a snap since my friend and I haven't had a pic taken together in seven years!) ... well, seeing a full length shot despite asking for "head and shoulders!"... just wow. I can't pretend my thighs/butt aren't as out of shape. Now do I rebound or sink lower ... my choices.

Tried to make a good choice with a large salad but mainly it was lettuce for dinner with baked potato. Spent the evening unpacking Christmas decor and trying to get it set out, not just piled up. I need to hit the market but don't see that happening until Friday evening or Sat morning.

DH was able to now get time off after Christmas so we're determining if we leave here earlier and drive home to Florida (my home, not his) or stick with current plans.

He said his older daughter wants to join for Christmas. I was expecting/dreading this. She treats him HORRIBLY (cursing him out in texts, lying, disrespectful, distasteful treatment) and now wants to join for the holiday. I went silent. She is his daughter and will always be his daughter but she's a lying user and it kills me to see how she treats him and then always expects a welcome mat. He can put it out for her but lately, I've been fairly silent around her. I'd be a hypocrite to be joyful around her. Needed to get that out. Now in a way I'm not even looking forward to the day.

Thursday - Human Rights Day (United Nations since 1948)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Designed a walk, CREDIT moi, that allowed me to stop by the library then make it to a book signing by a friend who just self-published. Now I have a new work of fiction to read - always exciting.

Dinner was salmon; that part was on plan and the evening had no snacks because we went to buy our Christmas tree. We've bought from the same guy for 25 years; we chat and catch up on each other's kids. The tree stands happily in our back yard in a pan of water until we're ready to bring it inside. DW pulled out the pan from the basement; we've used the same pan for decades - it's old, beaten, and misshapen, and neither of us can remember where we got it. Someday, when our children are forced to clear out our basement, they'll wonder why we have a pan so beaten that it won't bring a nickel at a yard sale. Yay for old pans.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – Yay for herbal tea to satisfy the body.

nationalparker – Ouch for having to face an unwanted picture to tweak the body image. Kudos for accepting it and moving forward. Sending supportive thoughts for dealing with the difficult SDD.

Karen (karenrn) - Always Kudos for throwing "No Choice" at a grocery store sweet.

curlyjax - LOL at the thought of ordering $50 worth of candy to avoid a shipping fee - that's exactly how I would have thought about it. Super Kudos for stopping the whole thing.

Readers -

hi coaches- exercise yesterday was walking around the mall and then the grocery store doing a few errands. I did eat dessert but refrained from eating after dinner, so credit for not snacking.
Another explosion with DD last night, sigh. She is constantly wanting the newest gadget which I understand, and its tough as we live in a town where most folks have more money than we do, but we simply can't always do it. Plus it goes against DH and my values, even if we could. Poor thing should have been born into a more materialistic family! Her best friends family members (the children that is) have teased her about being "poor", which as I have pointed out says more about them than us!
Bill- ha about old pan! You children will indeed wonder about it. Nice tree tradition.
Suzlen- sorry about the discs! Good idea to try surgery alternatives first.
Howyoulose- great job on the ten pounds!
onebyone- hope you're feeling better!

Good morning coaches,

All of a sudden I am struggling too. I did get a good hike in yesterday, credit. Food was on plan until after dinner when I had two large portions of pecans and raisons. Weight this morning is up, but credit for getting on the darn scale.

I read my cards this morning and picked up the book and did some reading regarding motivation and getting back on track. Today is supposed to be a Y day, but the weather is good today and expected to not be as good tomorrow, so I think I'll take a hike instead. I saw some switchbacks going up the hill at the end of a hike that I've done a few times lately and I think I may go explore that. It would be a nice long hike and I could use the calorie burn today.

I'll check in later for personals.

I'm having a hard time getting going today. But, so much that I want to do. Including holiday newsletters. Feeling overwhelmed and undermotivated which is a very hard space to be in and can lead to binge-eating. I don't want that so I'm going to deal with the overwhelm. First, by making a plan for today that is not rooted in wishful thinking.

WI: NA kg, Exercise: +55 365/1200 minutes for December, Food: 80% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

BillBlueEyes: thanks for honoring Grace Hopper yesterday -- I missed that! She got an honorary degree at my commencement ceremony. She wasn't supposed to speak, but she shoved her way to the microphone (tiny woman, but people get out of the way for an Admiral). She said that she had something to say to these young people and she gave us her famous quote: "It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission." My dad got a kick out of both the quote and being in the same space as the woman who found a bug in a computer.

Hi Coaches!

As planned, we traveled over Tues evening anticipating some days off and my friends chemotherapy. Alas, Wed. morning I got a call that a pipe had burst in one of my moms rentals. I did what I could from afar, went to the hospital and talked with my friend and the nurses and explained I had to go. Came back over and went up for the assessment. We have to accommodate the tenants until this is repaired so a dash to homedepot for supplies and we start this morning. Old pipes in an old house. I will learn new things today. My girlfriend and I will fish the new pex lines under the floor and have everything ready for the plumber tomorrow morning. We all had a consult last night to come up with the plan. The good news is it's only two days of my life and *maybe* if we finish tomorrow I will have a day off on Saturday before I head back to the real job. My reality is my mom did very little (nothing) in 25 years to improve the aging infrastructure and now I get to do it. We are doing more than necessary on this one to hopefully resolve this issue for a long while. We are going to replace all the old pipes while we are at it instead of just fixing "what's broke".

Foodwise, I am doing well. I notice that when I've been eating healthy that the continual "crises" in my life don't trigger the bad stuff. I actually underrate yesterday and grabbed a plain burger(McD), out of necessity on the way to hdepot. When I came home (830pm) I ate 3 bites of cottage cheese (while standing) lol and took my banana upstairs. Weighed this morning (down, yet still up) but I'm ok. I have health, energy and tools to stay on track. credit. Smoothie consumed this morning and I was mindful in it's making of all the beautiful colors of the vegetables I put in every day!

Guess I'd better get my work clothes on and plan for a dirty day. Take care everyone!

Credit for - making food instead of ordering delivery, going for a run yesterday, not asking for the extra bacon on my salad the other night (they forgot it, but for me it was a happy mistake). I told the manager when she came over that it was completely fine but she took 10% off our bill anyway! It's hard not to feel like I'm eating too much. I know from My Fitness Pal logs that I'm really not but in actuality I feel like I am. I can't help but feel like I'm hungry all the time.

more later.

Trying to get a lot done as soon as I get home from work and the house is getting cluttered with this and that from various projects. Unpacking decor and trying to put it up but not always in the same places ... freshen it up a bit. I'm going to take an oddball credit that was backfired... After the volunteering gig today I was heading back to work and thought, you know, those $5 lunch deal that Little Caesar's has look great. I had decided I'd get one before Christmas as a splurge - so I went in and asked for one, just cheese. I didn't know they were all pepperoni or that would have stopped me there. She said oh, we'll make one right up for you. So a bit later they bring out a LARGE PIZZA not a small square lunch one that I was planning to split into two lunches. The front cashier said NO - this is a lunch one, etc. they proceeded to each say they told the other one, etc. I said what's the upcharge and I'll pay and this is my husband's dinner as well ... for a couple of nights... well, no charge and many thanks later I finally got out of there. Ate one slice with three bites out of another and honestly, I wanted several slices but was not hungry (not FULL) and okay with that. I munched a bit more of it on the way home, and then heated the rest of that started slice and finished the last 5-6 bites. Pizza is SO my food that I can eat meal after meal on.

I called DH and raced home a bit early to overlap with him before he left for work so he had dinner to take to work. I have GOT to get the marketing done. He was off several days this week and didn't pick up a thing. It's NEVER on his radar, even when I ask him to stop for bananas, etc. Anyway, he said this is better than a pb&J that he'd made ... I got offended as I felt he was implying that I really let things slide this week. He challenged me and said that is NOT what he was saying, just that we have nothing in the house. So ... tonight I've made him a farmer scramble and finally have carrots and onions roasting.

I put on White Christmas (love it) while tackling things tonight. The costuming is just stunning. So much to be said for classy, not trashy. Last time we watched it, I had to look up Vera Ellen ... apparently she was one of the early Hollywood stars known to be anorexic and was "recognized for her figure" re Wikipedia, not the most accurate source, but seems valid. I should have saved this movie for when I'm sitting and paying attention. That has absolutely nothing to do with Beck. Sorry.

Personals tomorrow, but meanwhile GOOD LUCK, Lexxiss - you GO girl on the pipe repairs. :) Impressive!

Goals for Friday - 1) weigh again to see the truth. 176.6 today. I was 176.6 last night. I hate when the morning is the same as night bc I think, "oh, this scale is wonky." 2) MARKET for healthy meal ingredients. 3) Bypass Donut Friday but plan to enjoy a homemade treat if there's another plate of them in our area. 4) Don't eat the leftover pizza for breakfast.

I miss talking to my mom tonight. Miss the anticipation of spending Christmas with them.

Friday - Edward VIII abdicates (1936)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – I didn't freak out yesterday, CREDIT moi, when the scaled jiggled up three pounds after the Japanese soup meal. This morning it jiggled back down. Yay that sodium leaves in due time.

Walked, CREDIT moi, to my class where, unfortunately, the last session of that class was celebrated with cookies from the best Italian bakery in Boston - Mike's Pastry. I indulged; will call it morning snack and move on. Don't get Mike's Pastry often because the line going out of the front door is so long. In class I fell in love with the sentence, "There's a cottage every now and then through the valley." The joy is recognizing the challenge for a computer to understand what is obvious to us (walking through the valley) instead of wondering why a cottage appears and disappears. English is wonderful.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – It's amazing how easily "overwhelmed and undermotivated" can sneak into the brain - Kudos for fighting that. [Yep, Grace Hopper is a favorite of mine also. Neat that she was honored at your graduation. I loved that she often held up a one foot length of wire to demonstrate a nanosecond.]

Debbie (Lexxiss) – What a neat idea that you pull the pex lines and let the plumber connect them. I've never attempted pex lines myself. Kudos for separating the continual "crises" from eating.

nationalparker – Love the notion of that pizza falling out of the sky like manna from heaven. Kudos for sticking to a sane portion.

Karen (karenrn) - Yay for having the goal to explore switchbacks. Congrats to Arizona for the win by its football team last night to cinch a playoff spot.

curlyjax - The daughters of Bill Gates complain that they don't get the good phones that their friends have even though their father nearly invented it. It's tough being a teen. Yep, Kudos for not snacking.

howyoulose - Double Kudos for getting paid to skip the bacon - that's a new one.

Readers -

Good morning coaches,

I totally changed the plan for yesterday. For some reason I just wasn't feeling that great. I wondered if I was coming down with dh's cold or just what. I've had a few non-specific little symptoms but yesterday I just didn't feel strong. So, I just decided to stay home and take it easy. I was totally on plan with food and it wasn't even difficult, credit. Weight is back down, yahoo, but needs to go lower. I read a book that I need to finish to return to the Camino group I will see the day after Christmas. I have a horrible time sitting still long enough to read. And I took a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. In the evening we attended the Messiah at a church with great acoustics. It was very good and would have been even better if it had only been half as long.

Today I'm going to have another easy day. I am going to finish the Christmas cards and get them in the mail. The hiking paths aren't going anywhere and I will get back to it soon. I just hate having things hanging over me, like the cards, and I also need to do some filing and get the office in good order.

GardenerJoy I hope you were able to formulate a good plan for your day yesterday.

Lexxis You continually amaze me. Plumbing! Whoa . . the most I've even done is remove the u shaped pipe under a sink and clean it out and replace it and that was 30 years ago.

Howyoulose Seems like you are on a roll, great!

Nationalparker My dh also could live on pizza. He figures it contains all the food groups, so why not? Oh I hear you on missing talking with your Mom. I don't think that ever goes away, but I guess that is a testament to how much we loved them. I loved going home for Christmas. We always had such a wonderful breakfast with Harvey Wallbanger's to drink. When we opened gifts my Dad always had a large black plastic garbage bag and he put the wrappings in as soon as it was off the box. He was an engineer and liked things neat and organized. We all just laughed.

Bill Glad the 3 pounds came off as quickly as it went on. I think I'll have to look up your bakery and see if there are any pictures of the sweets. Sounds delicious. Thanks for the congrats on the football, but we are really Seahawks fans. We do cheer for Arizona a bit, but they aren't our team even though we've been here for going on 11 years.

Have a great day all of you!

Quick note - Karen - Parallel world...my mom always made Harvey Wallbanger cake for Christmas and nearly all of the pictures of my Dad on Christmas morning have the black garbage bag alongside him; he collected the torn wrappings and packing material as we went along as well. That's given me a smile. Thank you.

Good Morning, Coaches.

I finished my teaching week with a hoarse whisper. I lost my voice in a fight with DH. Not good. But two counseling sessions in three days, lots of telling people the truth, and some rest last night make things look better this morning.

I am four pounds above ticker and the most immediate action for self care this morning was to schedule on my calendar phone exercise times for the next two weeks. No more sacrificing my health for daily duties. I now see six hourly exercise appts. That is plenty for someone who is trying to ease back into fitness without even MORE health issues. Those appts along with normal activity should help get me back on track. One of the appts will require research for a facility in the town my son does piano and violin. I can't plan on walking this time of year because it is too dark.

Credit also for eating my steamer packets of cauliflower. Well worth the extra buck. I know I will get all my veggies in if I have one at lunch. Today will be fresh spinach -a salad with the last of the persimmons from my tree.

And although the scale is not rewarding me, I will take credit for no sweets at work since November 1st.

KarenRN: Good for you for listening to you body when it wanted rest. The memories you shared for nationalparker of your parents reminded me to be nicer to mine. I enjoy my mom's company nearly weekly. My Dad is tougher to be around. Still I am open to finding more ways to build our relationship. I think the key is to not expect what he cannot provide. And remember that he does love me.

BBE: A cookie is just a cookie. Credit for knowing that and moving on.

MaryAnn Self care scheduled, and time out to let your voice recover sounds like wisdom at work.

BillCredit for knowing when to take advantage of excellent pastry.

KarenDH is also an engineer and the black plastic bag was handy and filled as fast as wrappings came off. Noticed our son, also an engineer, certainly does same and on to grandson with his little one for his birthday. All engineers, all downright funny, too.

DebbieHope the repairs to your Mom's rental are going smoothly. Agree that doing it right is the best way to go.

Credit, today's walk outside with temps in 60's!!! Wow, last December we had snow on this date. Credit: Lots of veggies and good fresh trout.

Posting late today, but today has gone better than yesterday. CREDIT for running errands early this morning, reducing the likelihood of a really outrageous eating episode. CREDIT for making some mood-improving steps. I'm grateful that they are working.

WI: +0.25 kg, Exercise: +40 405/1200 minutes for December, Food: 70% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

I ended up eating a quick small dinner and then running out on errands, not getting home until after 11:30 p.m. Much too late for me. I don't like walking around parking lots that late, even though the market was still fairly busy. Then to put everything away. I bought a LOT and we should be set with the skeleton of what we'll need for most of the rest of this month, with the exception of hot turkey italian sausage, which I cannot find anywhere. I'll run by one more market tomorrow to see if I can find it. I have two recipes that call for it that are in the queue to make this month.

Credits - this one is both eating and financial...after a lunch outing walking to a museum and walking all over the museum, we stopped at the cafe there which has unusual food and is pricey. I didn't care for the soup options and finally settled on a pb&j with sliced strawberries and some diced peanuts on wheat. I ate half and saved the other half for part of dinner. $6 for a pb&j. That's hard to pay in my mind, but on the other hand, I found a new way to make a tasty one haha. I have NEVER put strawberries on it (it had strawberry preserves) and it was very tasty.

Off to bed - feet are really sore. Weight at ticker ... was really hoping to be close to 170 by now, not panicking that I'm closing in on 180.

Saturday - Trans-Atlantic telegraph (St. John's Newfoundland, 1901)
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Did Treadmill Bootcamp at gym, CREDIT moi, with only one other person in the class; felt like a personal session. The other person was a younger guy with serious determination. I had to accept that I couldn't keep up, but I kept going with what I could do.

Meals were on plan, CREDIT moi, with an afternoon snack unplanned - Ouch - but less than it would have been if I didn't recognize that I wanted to stop. DW and I went to the movie Bridge of Spies with Mark Rylance. We became big fans of Mark Rylance after seeing him as Thomas Cromwell. The movie was terrific; Rylance just stunning. And a guy named Tom Hanks was also in it; he's older now - at first I didn't recognize him.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – Pre-emptive errand running sounds like a good strategy to me.

maryann - Kudos for planning exercise despite being busy. Rest is a big help.

nationalparker – Strawberries on a peanut butter sandwich is new to me -sounds good. Kudos for having that instead of the alternatives. At our present opening, DW always has a paper bag for the ripped wrappings - hadn't thought of it as a tradition that the kids will remember.

Karen (karenrn) - Yay for hearing the Messiah as a way to feel the season. We're going tonight. Kudos for "totally on plan with food" with no points off for it not being difficult.

Sandy (love2garden) - Yep, walking in the 60's in mid-December is a treat. (What happened to the prediction that we wouldn't see over 50 again until next March?)

Readers -

hi coaches-
I have got to get another job, i am so bored/uninspired and then i eat junk when its around. I will get through the next few months and then see- i'm really trying to stay part time/flexible hours so I can pick kids up from sports. Plus ferry them around in the summer so they don't sit around on the computer all day. If it wasn't for needing health insurance it would open up options. Or if DH could get a job soon please, that's all i really want for Christmas!!
Also eating too much candy at home, i haven't been trying the last few days. I guess the other food intake is okay and i'm still eating my salads for lunch.
Bleagh. Well, onwards and today is a new day.

Black garbage bag- my mom picks up the wrapping as we go; she is not an engineer but highly organized! Sadly i only inherited a little of that from her!

Bill- I love Mike's Pastry! My favorite is the Italian cookies that have jam in the middle and are half dipped in sprinkles. They are indeed always crowded there.
Wave to all, more tomorrow!

It doesn't seem right that I got a jump after a relatively good eating day. But it was stir-fry last night so I'll drink lots of water today and assume this will take care of itself.

Today includes a long meeting, but lunch will be at a location where I've been many times. I know exactly what I'll eat and I know that it will be good and healthy.

WI: +0.45 kg, Exercise: +40 445/1200 minutes for December, Food: 90% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

Phone Check In
 

Credit for being on bike at club while posting. It takes what it takes. Kept two of my six exercise appts. Scale just two pounds from ticker. Yeah.
Long breakfast with two old friends. Credit for telling the truth. Lots of people know I'm down now. I hate the vulnerability of it but I know that I am as sick as my secrets. I have a strong persona in everyday life - High functioning, charismatic ( inherited from Dad) mostly capable of hiding serious depression (also inherited from Dad.) So I need to take myself seriously, exercise, eat right, get help, and not believe my own press😄. Stakes are pretty high right now- a beautiful son, a valuable job, dh. I need to make sure I am around and functioning for a long time.

Meals in MFP.

Set myself up to succeed today, but ate too much. Being around the food at home and tackling project after project didn't keep me away from it like being busy usually does. I need to keep this in mind tomorrow. At least the meals were small, but to use Joy's line, they blended together too much. I wasn't HUNGRY when I ate, but instead, thought of the food, thought it sounded yummy, and why not. Sent DH off with an extra large lunch (but he'll bring home what he doesn't eat, instead of just eating...) and he said the guys would know I was off today from the size of his lunch. Hm. Will work on that.

Bill - Thank you for the tip on Mike's Pastry - definitely will put that in the Boston folder for next summer if we can make it there - need to know info! Nice on the nearly personal training session at the gym. I just read an article that referenced a New Zealand study that women who ate dessert after breakfast lost 38 more pounds in a year than those who didn't. I suspect that might be a mini biscotti vs. a donut a day. IF that's true.

CurlyJax - I need to work in a salad for lunch tomorrow - good reminder. I thought about it today but that's as far as it got. I can't expect to drop any weight without changing my eating habits. I have to remember that.

A bit of an early melancholy bath tonight - I'm tired - only slept a few hours last night ... and thought, "this is not what I want my 50th year to be - a year of continued weight gain." I can rescue the last nine months of it. Hey, that sounds like the perfect length of time to create a "new" person. Well, same but better.

Love2Garden - I'm loving this warm spell - I read that last year at this time, most of the country had snow. I'll take this 65 we had today.

Maryann - Holding good thoughts that tensions continue to abate there with DH. Kudos for the exercise plans for the upcoming weeks. That is definitely a strong commitment this time of year.

Karen - Was LOL at Messiah would have been good at half the length.
A few years ago at WW they told us if you're going to indulge, thin crust pizza is a good option, for the reasons your DH says - veggies, dairy, protein, carbs and fat. I don't need a reason... :)

Now we're discussing leaving for home a bit earlier and driving instead of flying. We book Southwest so the funds are still ours to use. Still a lot of gift ideas to settle on. I struggle.

The more I let the idea that I have nine months until my next birthday, almost to the day, the more I like the corny idea that I have that time to build a better me. I'm going to journal on it. Or many once I should skip the thinking and skip the journaling and jump right in with the doing.

Sunday - International Children's Day
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Celebrated a warm day by helping DW trim yet another vine that wishes to concur the world. It grows above the gate to our yard; she worries that another deep snow year could take it down in its full glory. Also took the patio furniture down to the basement - it's fun to pretend that these warm December days represent winter but it's unlikely we'll be eating outside again until spring. Walked, CREDIT moi, to the subway because it was our evening to see Handel's Messiah. I gush about the Messiah every time I see it. DW insists that we shouldn't listen to it during the year so that it remains special.

Food was OKish, CREDIT moi for that much. Dinner was a quick bowl of leftover 13-bean soup - a favorite. Doing chores makes me feel that I've earned a snack - Ouch.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – Yay for planning a sane lunch despite a looooong meeting.

maryann - Kudos for posting from the exercise bike - that's serious multi-taking.

nationalparker – Kudos for recognizing "I wasn't HUNGRY when I ate" - it's so easy to fail to even consider our feelings of hunger. [I have difficulty with a story containing the phrase "lost 38 more pounds in a year" - that's a lot of pounds for a group average.]

curlyjax - Boredom is such a strong Sabotaging Thought - hope you can invent a way to make your work days interesting.

Readers -

Good morning coaches,

The Christmas cards went out in the mail on Friday, so I was glad of that, but Friday ended up being a terrible day food wise. At Happy Hour, where I did pretty well, my friend gave me a small tin of goodies. I had asked her not to, but my husband told her he wanted them. Well I ate some of them like an addict in the car on the way home. I never, well almost never, eat in the car. Once I got home I had a few more. I didn't eat any yesterday and I asked dh to finish them and I didn't have any sweets. I really need to stay away from sugar. I was hungry most of the day yesterday but just muscled thru it. Yesterday's food was close to on plan, just a little too large of serving since I didn't really get any exercise to earn more calories, credit.

Yesterday I volunteered to serve refreshments at a couple of performances of Winter Wonder at our church. It was very fun to see all the people. We have 7 performances this year and we will attend today. I can't wait as it is the highlight of the season for me. They do a beautiful job of putting together a variety musical show. We have such a large church that there are many talented people.

At this point I don't think there is much hope of losing weight this month, but my goal is still to finish the month at 140. I am a couple pounds above that right now, so I will really have to be diligent. My plan is no more sweets until Christmas.

Bill I'm glad you enjoyed the Messiah. What a change in your weather from last year to this year. Crazy!

Nationalparker What you could do in nine months is amazing. I just know when I've had projects that were going to take a long time I always remember the time will pass whether I do the project or not. I'm cheering you on.

Maryann Good for you for being strong enough to be open and honest. It seems like that would be so much more helpful than trying to fake it. Good luck in getting through this tough time.

Gardenerjoy Thanks for the reminder that water is needed. I know my higher sugar (Friday) and sodium (Saturday), both need flushing out.

Curlyjax Yes that darn health insurance really makes it hard to make changes. I wish we all had at least some basic health insurance provided with the option to purchase additional. A good new job for dh would sure help and I'm hoping it's soon to happen.

Love2garden Too funny about the engineers and their black plastic bags. Maybe they learned it in school.

We got our holiday newsletter printed, complete with photos from our Cuba trip. The gallery exhibit of our Cuba photos is on Friday and Saturday. So, I'm going to print some fliers to put in the newsletter with local addresses to try to get more people to join us. The opening on Friday should be fun -- there will be a Cuban food truck on hand. I hope to have everything stamped, addressed, and stuffed today so that I can mail them tomorrow morning.

I haven't even figured out the Christmas gift-giving for this year. The list is pretty short these days, but it's not zero. So, I need to think about that pretty soon.

WI: -0.2 kg, Exercise: +30 475/1200 minutes for December, Food: 100% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes