I feel super strung out this morning. So many projects yesterday. They lasted way into the night and all were super personality charged. Everybody had to get their two cents in.I am reading a fabulous book right now called Quiet. it is about introverts and their place in our culture. I see my son and myself so clearly in its pages. I realize we are what is called a "highly reactive" temperament (by nature/not nurture). Super sensitive to stimulus, this temperament thrives if it is raised in a loving, nurturing environment but develops severe anxiety disorders and depression if raised in chaos.
Good news: My son is thriving.
Bad news: It feels like I am constantly battling the effects of my childhood.
I keep going back and forth what I need to change to become more comfortable. Do i need to quit my job, quit AA, quit my extended family? Where is peace for someone like me?
Today I give up the debating society. I will do my step class. I have tracked my food. Weight is up a bit for mysterious reasons. I think a lot of puttering is called for.
Redoing Challenge Day 5 since I ran out of time - it was work, volunteer, work, market, home, dinner prep, clean up, cake bake, bed at 11:30 p.m. I DID stay on program, though, and scale is still up/down. Will change ticker this weekend because I need to move it up. 163.2 this morning and it's been around 163-4 all week, so no glimpses of the 160 that it was for a few days a month ago?
Disappointed that the cake came out a bit shady ... tried new buttercream recipe and it didn't work out. The coworker is off today and met me at the office and was fine with it, but I know it doesn't look as good as it could. Frustrated when something doesn't turn out wonderful if it's for someone else.
Lunch with a friend was such a nice break from the workday. Small bbq spot - I left the bun (which was easy, since it was soggy) and ate the pulled chicken and small order of french fries. Not the healthiest of meals but small enough to not do too much damage. We kind of said that'll be our spot when we meet up but now I know I need to find something else to eat there because the meat wasn't worth the calories.
Bill - I'm stressing that your goal weight is close to where I am at and I'm five inches shorter. Ack.
Maryann - Thanks for the book note - I think it'll be a good read for me just in how to better understand different personality types.
New2me2 - YAY on sticking 100% OP and expecting to continue that. I need your positiveness!
OneByOne - Hope you're feeling a bit better as we close in on the weekend. How has your mom been doing? Forgive me if I missed an update in the past few days.
CurlyPudge - Have a wonderful weekend - sounds like it'll be filled with fun activities. I love alternating busy with relaxing weekends. LOVED your insight to park at the bottom of the hill next time - clever and funny!
BethFromDayton - If you're around and checking out the forum, I was thinking of you today ... c'mon in, the water's fine and I miss your reminders that I CAN be more active at work.
Lexxiss - I hope that bathroom's coming along well! And to think I still haven't repainted an area that we repaired in ours a while back since I was waiting for the main painting of the whole room in a different color. Sheesh! I need to get on the ball.
CeeJay - How's your day been today? Hope you find the time to check in after your trip and let us know. You've seemed a bit melancholy lately. A fire in the fire pit is a good time to process thoughts and emotions. That's on our list for tonight or tomorrow night.
We're enjoying our trip to England! As silverbirch indicated, the weather has been perfect. I got splendid views from the top of Bath Abbey today. Thanks for the Stonehenge link!
My calories are up, but so is my exercise. FitBit and MyFitnessPal declare that I'm doing fine.
Quick hello *credit* and another day on plan. I did have a run-in with sugarless gum so I'm not going there again. I can't control it so I'm not going to try.
Still not carving yet but have my image transferred to the block with a few key areas that need to be tweaked and then it's carving time. I had that tingly sensation that my image is good/right/makes me happy. It's a weird sort of recognition that I'm on the right track. So credit for getting there once more.
No regrets tonight about missing the bus studio tour tomorrow. I signed up last night to attend a day long "poetry sanctuary" in October and a creative writing class. This also makes me smile. *credit* for trying to find what works to keep me happy.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Food was 100% - but only with a story: we skipped the planned after dinner watermelon that would have been my evening snack because we were in a hurry to get out the door to go folk dancing. At break from dancing, due to some combination of feelings, I grabbed a handful of dark chocolate covered somthings - a large version of evening snack that isn't easily classified as fruit. Ouch. Then I felt awful that I'd lose the streak that I'm reporting here. And then came the super powerful Sabotaging Thought, Then might as well have another handful. Double Ouch. This one came on hard. So, I compromised with myself. I would declare the handful already consumed to be within bounds of my evening snack if I stopped eating right there. That I did. And, as part of that compromise, I declare this my 15thd day on plan, CREDIT moi. Whatever works.
Did gym, CREDIT moi, where I did my usual compulsive sorting of the dumbbells into better order than they were. A man smiled and waved at me as I was leaving. Seems that since we're both refuges from the gym that abruptly closed, we're now friends - a granfalloon if ever there was one.
onebyone – Yep, Kudos for planning activities in lieu of the bus trip with high pressure snacking. Neat to hear that the wood carving is progressing.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Waving back toward the top of Bath Abbey. Enjoying thinking about your journey.
maryann - Kudos for the positive step, "Today I give up the debating society." Just love reading, "Good news: My son is thriving."
Donna (new2me2) - Love the clarity: "I am certain it will be 100%."
nationalparker – Ouch for the frustration of not meeting your own goal of perfection. I know that feeling.
curlypudge - Wish you could find a counter to this, "social activities =food" - seems that we have to work extra hard to organize social stuff that isn't food centric. Kudos for the clever choice of cupcakes that you can resist.
Readers -
Quote:
Day22Say, Oh, Well, to Disappointment
At some point while you're still losing weight, you'll undoubtedly feel discouraged. It might happen today if the scale doesn't register the number you're hoping to see. It could happen tomorrow or next week when you're with friends and see them eating foods that you can't have. At some point, the disadvantages of dieting will seem to outweigh the advantages. You might feel resentful or even a little rebellious: Why do I have to do what this books says? There must be an easier way
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 179.
Gave myself fun day at the mall. Bought a few wardrobe staples for which I had been searching. Logged my food for the day. On the way home, I had the idea to continue the celebratory feelings by treating myself to dinner out. (Because food is a celebration, right?) Credit for strengthening my resistance muscle and telling myself to stick to the plan. Rewarded by a slightly downward movement of the scale.
onebyone: super credit for passing on an event that will sabotage efforts. I need to do that more often.
BBE: I agree with "whatever works." Black and white thinking can definitely be used to justify more eating. If I extend myself a little leeway and compassion, my subconscious responds with moderation.
nationalparker: super credit for changing ticker. It is a very tough thing to do.
gardenerjoy: Glad to hear you are enjoying your trip and MFP is helping. it certainly helps me.
Hi All,
Thank you for the veggie/fruit suggestions. I did opt for soup and salad for lunch at my favorite bakery, and let my DH have the lion's share of the baguette. And we didn't get a sweet because we were full - credit! There's a craft show preview reception tonight and DH is representing us, and then I will go do the show tomorrow, without the buffet temptation.
Tracked my food, 19 day streak of doing that! Walked to the farmers market. More time in the studio - got much of a house number glued and grouted a Joy sign.
I had errands yesterday which put me next to Trader Joes and against my better judgement I went in, and came out with some sort go sweet thing I didn't need, with all sorts of rationalizing("I have been looking for these. I will only eat a few at a time. They are only 38 calories each.). Yesterday, I only ate a few, but today in a stressed moment, I finished the bag and went well over my calorie goal. I guess I can say the Beck Oh, Well.
Onebyone - I am excited that you are almost to the carving part!
BBE - I have tried telling myself chocolate covered anything is a fruit serving. . .��
Last edited by Nuxmaga; 09-13-2014 at 08:51 PM.
Reason: Spelling
So I went to my altenate event today and it was a good choice. *credit*
I need to learn I cannot rely on my DH's common sense when I leave it up to him to pick up dinner for us. He came back with fast food and man, I can have it but I don't want to have it. I have to expect to make our/my food with little to no input from DH. Today this saddens me,
spent the day wisely but got nothing done on my artwork. Tomorrow will also be interrupted, as will Monday and Tuesday. I sure hope I can get it done. I'm feeling concerned but not eating over it. *credit. Day 25 op today.
DH's folks over tomorrow - we're still up shampooing carpet. It's ME that doesn't want anyone else to see the terrible shape these are in. DH finally agreed that we need new. Yay.
Food okay today - weight back in 161 range - will change ticker tomorrow. Too tired now. Went to the market late tonight - around 10 and home by 11:30 ... trying to avoid the massively long lines Saturdays bring. I need to change that day to Thursday when the food ads come out and things are actually in stock and I'm not losing a weekend day to marketing, putting away, etc.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Walk, CREDIT moi, included a stop at Whole Foods where a FREE sample was for vegan beef. Tried it. Liked it. Bought a package for DW to fit into our life somewhere. Substitutes for red meat are a good thing in my book.
Food was on plan for the sixteenth day, CREDIT moi, including a chick pea stew for dinner that made it a vegetarian day. As expected, blueberries are no longer available at their seasonal low prices; I mourn. Picked up a copy of Mad Magazine from 1978 on a FREE stack at the curb - does that ever bring back happy memories. I did not take home the whole stack of some 50 issues. Extra CREDIT moi for sanity.
onebyone – Do I ever know about days spent wisely with the feeling of nothing done. I wish that I was better at keeping a diary so that my memories of past days aren't empty.
maryann - Kudos for "telling myself to stick to the plan" - the path to success.
nationalparker – I love the improvement in the look of my whole house after a carpet cleaning. It takes my DW serious persuasion to get me to see that the time has come.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Neat idea to sacrifice your DH to the buffet. [LOL that "chocolate covered anything is a fruit serving."]
Readers -
Quote:
Day22Say, Oh, Well, to Disappointment
It takes time to change a mindset that took years to form. Even though you now have many new skills to fight sabotaging thoughts and increase your confidence, you should expect to face times of doubt and disappointment.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 179.
I'm back after our trip over to help get my sister settled in. It was a success and we had an enjoyable time, although quite busy. Back to work today. Food choices were excellent *credit* excepting that I made a poor choice for dinner last night. I'm back on track today. This will be an interesting week and I'm preparing myself to go into the rental and really hope they are going to leave it in as good condition as they have promised.
onebyone, I have had to accept that if I want to stay OP and continue my journey that I cannot expect my DH to make the "good choices" that I do. I have found that there are certain meals that he can "prepare" and serve if I have the ingredients and make a list for him. There are other times that I feel comfortable to say...feed yourself tonight I'm eating.......
OP yesterday, food logged and on track for my angel. DH woke up sick which is not good news since harvest begins tomorrow and he is worried. As he says, he only gets paid once a year! I know that when he is sick he feels many emotions he doesn't usually allow himself to feel when well. So today, DS and I will try to be tender nurses. We have a movie afternoon scheduled. Rented - Star Trek Into the Darkness.
I have treadmill plan for this evening after church.
Nationalparker: Nothing worse than going to the store when crowded. Evening sounds great! I seemed to have settled into my once a month shop and I am thrilled to be out of the chaos.
Lexxiss: Glad your sister is doing well. Credit for "back on track."
Not as OP today as I had planned ... food was as expected but I indulged in a thin slice of pumpkin bread I'd baked AFTER dessert just because someone else did and it smelled wonderful. Dinner was homemade chicken pot pie
mashed potatoes, and homemade cinnamon apples with salad. I did modest servings of all, planning to enjoy dessert tonight, celebrating our birthdays. Only two meals today, so saved a bit there, but kinda disappointed in myself.
Goal is prepping healthy breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and coming up with a good (OP) dinner. I knew DH's folks mainly enjoy meat/potatoes meal with bread and am fine with prepping that for their infrequent visits.
Bill - I could NOT have passed up all of those MAD Magazines ... I wouldn't have taken them all but would probably have picked up about 7-8 of them!! Choosing for whichever movie spoof I was familiar with. Good memories. Spy vs. Spy ... Dave Berg ... ahhh.
Maryann - I wish I could do my marketing daily NOT in a supermarket, though. I would love to be able to prep whatever dinner based on the freshest, ripest ingredients I ran across that day in a street market. I guess that's a life I'm not living, though...
Lexxiss - Good news on your sister settling in and amazed that you were able to stay on track through this journey. Sending positive vibes that your rental will be/was left much better than you're anticipating.
OneByOne - I wish my DH would prep more meals, but then I also want him to prep them the way I would do it, which isn't fair to him. I understand your desire for an accomplice on this journey!
Margaret - I LOVE random trips to Trader Joe's ... and I do typically come out with something that I hadn't planned on. Belgium thin wafer almond cookies? Yes, we must have those
Joy - Continued good karma on your trip - if I could live here the way I travel overseas with walking often 10+ miles/day and enjoying it, along with wonderful fresh food, I'd be at my goal weight, I swear! ENJOY!!
Hi All,
Today was a higher calorie day than yesterday. Sigh. Long slow day at the craft show, with a pastry my DH brought me, and then pizza after. I did at least have veggie toppings - credit. Tracked those calories - credit.
Onebyone - the DH food thing is a challenge. I really didn't need a pastry, but I ate it anyway because I was bored and tired.
friday night
Saturday
