Tis the season for Clementines . . . DELISH!!!

Checking in to say that I'm SO NOT on track today and need to reset my thinking and thought, I'll come clean here. I can resurrect the day today but will have to restart my streak tomorrow ... Indulged with regular chips at lunch ... I don't mind including one serving of chips (a legit serving) once a week or every other week ... this made the second serving this week, so a deal- breaker. Then grazed on a mini milky way bar and four candy corn that were certainly not on plan. I'm starting the holiday baking for my folks, and have the toll house cookies baking. I did two for myself without nuts and have the rest with pecans, which I don't like. I ate both already!! I was aiming for one tonight and one tomorrow night - they're not large, but STILL I'm showing no restraint.

Dinner tonight is already set with me bringing home food for my dad to try from a Thai place - definitely a step out of his comfort zone but I said they have good chicken fried rice and he really does like that and never gets it. He's never EVER had a weight problem (and for 30 years of his navy career, never ate breakfast or lunch, just dinner and grazed at night) before they called it anything fancy!

Committing to restarting now and drinking my water and holding on until dinner... I'm going to start putting my streak at my bottom of my notes so I can actually SEE it

Humph = at 0

Day 19: Stop Fooling Yourself: This only needs a few words said since the title says it all to me. Denial. Self-awareness. Honesty with oneself and others. Bending the rules to fit the occasion or circumstance rather than standing your ground no matter what the occasion or circumstance is. Just to name a few that are key in any kind of "recovery". Period.

On the flip side of this is: coming "clean" about my intentions, my efforts, my track record, my history, whatever that is "elementary" in both losing weight and keeping it off.

This past year I went through a period where I was "fooling myself". It started out as a white lie and then it grew. I also had to chuck a long-held self-image of myself as "doing no wrong" " Ms. Near-Perfect", etc. I had an initial success and then I panicked. I didn't know if I could keep it up so I started bending the rules a little. I would have a late night snack but then add it to my next day's food plan. The problem became chronic and I found that in order to stay within my calorie range I had to go longer periods of time with no food and then that would mess with my blood sugar.

Then, since I was reporting to others on a weekly basis I had to have a Sunday of practically no food so I could come in "under the wire" and show some kind of weight loss. The leader, well-intentioned, started offering "awards" which initially I was winning honestly but then later I was doing so much dancing in place that I hated to even accept them since they were achieved by ill-gotten gains. The tension and stress of keeping up this charade lasted six months until a disagreement with another co-leader lead to an online brawl. I got sucked into it but I felt ashamed of how low I had taken myself. The one thing that I pride myself on is integrity and, quite honestly, I had none at that point.

So, after a very tense and exhausting night, I decided to clear the decks. I cut the poison out before it killed me. After the dust settled and I felt my center of calm return, I decided to take stock of things and start fresh.

So, I am being honest when I say that I don't have "perfect" on plan days more than one week at a time and if I do it is like Hailey's Comet. So, this day is probably the most pivotal day of any of them in this book. I have to be real, I have to be honest, I have to allow myself to be "less than perfect" because if I don't then all of that above starts to creep back into my psyche and then into my actions.

I have been at this for nearly 30 years. I have tried every diet on this planet and then some. The obesity was the tip of the iceberg so I had to dig deeper and work on some internal stuff until I could really give this weight loss all of the attention that it both deserves and I need to give it. I believe I have finally come to that place. I am grateful that I have lost much of my "fat head". I do think that there are many hours and even days that I honestly live these Beck principles without even thinking about them. However, I need more consistency and that is where I am at now. So, for me being real and honest with first myself and then others is absolutely the cornerstone of my weight loss from here on out. End of story!

nationalparker: Failure is giving up entirely. Credit to you for not throwing in the towel. Safe thoughts "traveling" your way. I too love the Southern milder winters. Ten years ago on the day we left MN it was -16 below with a 40 mph wind on our backs. We followed the snow plow out onto the interstate and never looked back. I miss some things about the Midwest but the bitter cold weather is not one of them.

gardenerjoy: we have a busy weekend with a Christmas party tonight with live music and attending the Atlanta Brass Symphony orchestra; rain or shine, RA flare-ups or not. Tickets were pricey. Be safe and stay warm.

ForMyGirls: I hear you loud and clear about the creep because I struggle with that as well. As I said the other day, there are times when foods that I could handle before, I have to have a moratorium on now. It just is what it is.

BBE Super Credit for your long streak of being OP. I too love dahl and I make it often. this past year I have ventured into Indian cuisine and I have found that curry is now a staple of a lot of my dishes. Orange sounds wonderful. Fruit is my all-time favorite so I relish it now that I only allow myself 2 servings per day. Glad you got your washer/dryer up and running. Peace has been restored I am sure not to mention clean socks and underwear to boot!

Lulu: Congrats on the 100 lbs weight loss and keeping it off. As Dr. Beck says in her pink book, maintaining will now be easier. I hope that it will be for you as well.

I agree with you totally on junk food. In fact the times that my DH and I have some junk food, we both look at each other and say "so now what will we fix to eat when we get home?" Since most of junk food these days is made in a chemist lab, I call it "faux food". and I don't think I am that far off. I feel so grateful that now my body asks for real whole food and I do my best to provide that to it. It is the least that I can do for my "best friend".

"Break a leg" for your son and fellow cast members. Love the movie. I credit the drama director for going with something other than "Sound of Music" or other well-worn "stock" musicals.

MikeB: thanks for the quote. As a recovering food addict, I find that although it may seem toxic to some I embrace it as my reality. By admitting I had a problem with food, I began to change my life for the better. It was May 5, 1995 but it has been a journey of self-discovery and a complete healing of both my soul and spirit.

Things are good today after a rocky three days of feeling very angry.

As my therapist once said, "Feel the feelings." I did and even better I didn't eat over them. Major credit for that. Business as usual.


Take care, Pam

I'm a little tight on time but wanted to check in anyway.
I had a great day, I'm feeling really good.
for me, today is Day 2, perfectly OP!! yay me!!!

heading out shortly for round two of Streetcar Named Desire.
wow, did those kids do an amazing job last night . . . proud mama!
then I look forward to coming home and getting in my jammies after a long week and just chill.
or as my kids would say "chillax"!!!

tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my personal trainer at 7:30 and I'm ready to work hard, as my spirits are up which helps with energy and enthusiasm.
then I have a couple of other appointments.
I plan to get all the Christmas decorations out and chip away at setting those up over the weekend.

I'm grateful today for the spirit to start over in my Beck journey.
hopefully this time I don't poop out before I finish.
I hope to stay engaged and committed, with all of you.
I don't have a lot of weight to lose but I need healthy boundaries around my food and I need to plan my days.

have a great night and I'll check in tomorrow!!
Lulu

Hi Coaches!

Short, but better than none...It has been 12 hours since I left home this morning at -17. I'm still weighing, I'm still making every effort to eat OP, however no planning ahead of time. I'm making healthy choices and got in another day of veganbefore6. Bought a pineapple at WF instead of goodies. Picked a healthy restaurant this afternoon for late lunch with DD. Credit. The project is made more difficult with all the cold but I keep pushing forward. Today was a huge shop at HDepot so my helpers can get some stuff done while I return to my real job.
Spontaneous exercise was hauling a 50# pipe thawer into a tenants to thaw his hot water. A remarkable machine, it took 45 seconds. It was very empowering. BBE, have you ever seen one? Perhaps another item for your large garage??

Ok. I brought a book home and it's imperative that I take some time for me, if even just a few pages before I fall asleep.

Hello all!

It's been a very long time since I've posted here. At the beginning of fall my life got out of control. I work full time at a non-profit and I have a second part time job on top of that. Then I started attending school full time. I also have two wonderful dogs I take care of all the time and a 6 year old I help take care of sometimes. I remember the day I read a line in my Beck book that said "It becomes as natural as brushing your teeth!" and then I realized that some days I am so busy and stressed that I don't even remember to do that!

Finals week is drawing to a close, all of my grad school applications are in for now. I have two more finals on Monday and so far I'm carrying As in all my classes. Once the semester ends, I'm recommitting to myself and my weight loss journey. Because I deserve it.

I was almost most successful when I was posting here so I'm back! If you'll have me.

Today is Day 1. I've written out my ARC, new and fresh, in a beautiful new journal. I am going to commit to reading it at 9am and 3pm every day, and I'm going to try and read it before I eat next time.

Tomorrow I will check back with Day 2! Love and support to all of you.

Checking in for Friday - late (very) as usual

BillBE 16 days in a row of snack control is major credit. And no tortilla chips with lentils seems heroic somehow; ForMyGirls - credit for no scones indeed - and all the other examples of flexing that resistance muscle; Gardenerjoy - hope plan A or B did the job - a good approach to contingencies I will have to consider. Last night didn't work out so well for me; Nationalparker - thanks for being a role model for coming clean - I have the need to do a bit of that today; Pam (pamatga) - we have a theme going - and I like what you have to say about it: Coming clean, at least with ourselves to stop fooling ourselves; LuLu - yay for perfectly on plan! So good and your enthusiasm is catching. Hope you get to chill out on your weekend a bit and enjoy Christmas rituals; Lexxiss - busy as usual - hope you get some quality YOU time. I am so jealous that you USians have WH - you wouldn't believe; Veganasaurusrex - WELCOME - it is good to see you back and on track. I wish you well

I got a bit lost last night and had mashed potato with dinner which definitely wasn't on plan. I didn't let it derail me and had my planned food otherwise. I met my other goals yesterday for walking so that was good. Sometime soon I would like to increase my steps to the usual 10,000 but don't feel ready to face failure yet - in the new year


Progress
Checked in 7 days in a row
Weight
+.4 lb (today) / -2.2 lb from tracker
Steps
8660/5000;
Kilometres
5.8/3;
Food
not totally on plan - dinner changed because I hadn't thought it through well enough

Hello coaches,

OP today- just. One of those worn down by life days today which could very easily have resulted in a lot of calories but it didn't so I am pleased for it. I did my entire week's quota of sugar today (today being day 1 of the week) so if I has taking a hard line I would say today wasn't really in the spirit of OP - but technically it wasn't off program and I really need to not be on zero tonight so I'm taking the technicality :-)

Realised today that I am a bit worn down by not having weight loss for 4 weeks. while intellectually I can say to have maintained through a period of very tedious work stuff that usually requires chocolate bribes to keep me going, plus celebrating my 40th is good there is a bunch of barely contained panic that maybe this is it and I'm actually not going to lose anymore. Every weight loss journey I have had before has involved losing about 10kg and then stopping. So suddenly I am scared that this is history repeating itself. Perhaps the question to ask myself is "what stops me?" I maybe I need to refresh my ARC - was it Beth recently who said about the fact that many of the initial reasons have been met so now there needs to be an adjustment to focus on the things that more weightloss will achieve.

Just realised I haven't reported our group score: 37.

Diet Coaches/Buddies – 17 days eating on plan, CREDIT moi. I'm loving this streak business. Last night I had the half pear that DW served as dessert and I count as my evening snack. I knew that she had also just cut up a fresh pineapple. In recent months, I'd have served myself some pineapple chunks after the pear. The obvious Sabotaging Thought, They're both fruit - it's like a fruit salad for your snack. Last night my Helpful Response was simply, That would break my streak. Not my idea of an enlightened response, but right now I'll take what works to get my Resistance Muscle back in shape.

Exercise was a walk to the library, CREDIT moi. My turn finally came for the story of Elizabeth Smart, My Story. Looking forward to experiencing how she so openly speaks of the kind of awfulness that most others never say out loud.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – Two plans sounds like a good idea.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – Nope, I'd never heard of a Pipe-thawing machine - now, as you suspected, I need one, LOL. Frozen pipes scare me since they can burst with HUGE consequences. Kudos for being fit to lug a 50# machine.

Cheryl (seadwaters) – Smart thinking to choose goals that you can meet; there's no rush - we're in this for life. 8660 steps was a good day.

Pam (pamatga) – Juggling denial and blood-sugar monitoring at the same time is a challenge. Kudos for charging forth.

nationalparker – Good Grief! 30 years without breakfast or lunch. Can't imagine it. Kudos for searching for a plan for your Florida visit.

Jo (veganasaurusrex) – Yay for day 1 - there are a few new folks also starting the Pink book anew so you'll have company. Kudos for getting on top of all that stuff in your life. Wishing you success in your applications to grad school.

Lulu (LuLu01801) – You've earned "proud mama!" Kudos for allowing yourself. LOL, Yep, Clementines are the proper citrus fruit right now.

ForMyGirls - Leaving scones on the table is Kudos worthy. I love being reminded that you're approaching the longest day of the year as I'm approaching the shortest. An extra Kudos for making adjustments to avoid "grumpy mummy." Kudos for facing the discouragement of a scale that doesn't easily provide happiness.

Readers -

Good morning everyone! I woke up this morning and read my ARC. I need to keep on track and read it again this afternoon! It seems so silly to be tracking my progress towards such small little things when other people are able to accomplish so much more.

I think one of the reasons that I have such an aversion to such simple things like reading my ARC is I'm scared that if I follow the program, really do what it says, that I'm still going to fail and then I'll be someone who failed instead of someone who didn't try.

Today is Day 2, choosing 2 diets. I've decided that I'm going to try Weight Watchers this time. Part of my job today is to research WW more and try to figure out what it will entail and how I'll have to change my life. This has always been my backup diet. I guess that I need a new backup now. I can't really imagine what that would be. I think that it would have to be some type of carb restriction program like the Atkins diet but I have no idea how I'd make that vegan - I guess I need to explore that more. But right now I'm focusing on trying Weight Watchers and seeing if it works.

BillBlueEyes Congratulations on 17 days! That's wonderful. Also thank you as always for the warm welcome back.

seadwaters Very nice to meet you! Thanks for your warm words. Thanks also for the excellent example of coming clean. Tied to my fear of failure is a fear of being imperfect and letting other people see my imperfections. In so many other aspects of my life I'm the one in charge, the responsible one, the one who picks up other people's slack. It's so hard to confront this issue in which I have so consistently failed. However you never get anywhere without being honest - thanks for being a great role model of that.

My 100%OP Day streak count is back down to 0. And now I remember why I never had many 100% days -- when DH wants something (and it's a healthy choice), I'm not willing to say we can't have it just because I happened to write down something different on the plan. So, Plan C was what happened, which I count as a 90%OP day.

Exercise was shoveling snow. Credit for being attentive so that nothing hurts today.

Today's challenge is supper out before going to a stage play. This is our family Christmas celebration with my brother, his partner, and her daughter. I've already picked out my food from the on-line menu. It's a Mexican restaurant so I've already decided how many tortilla chips I'll eat, too. The desire for a 100%OP day will help me stick to my plan.

WI: +0.15 in kg, Exercise: +85 315/1400 minutes for December, Food: 90%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

Welcome back, veganasaurusrex!

ForMyGirls: refreshing your ARC is a great idea -- I did that several times. I also got stuck several times. If it went on too long and I got bored with the whole thing, I tried a new plan. Generally, the new plan wasn't any better than the old one and, often, not all that different. But it always helped me refocus and stay interested. The difference between this time and all the previous times was that I found a way to keep myself interested. Posting here and reading about everyone else's journey was always helpful even when my own journey seemed to be stalled.

hello again!!
I had just the most fabulous day today.
I'm OP and feeling great.
I started my day at my 7:30 appointment with my personal trainer and had a good workout.
then I had a nice long bubble bath (I read my ARCs in the tub!!).
then I had a couple other appointments in the morning.
I came home and colored my hair, glad to have that out of the way.
then I spent the afternoon with my wonderful daughter, Jillian (25yo).
we lugged out all the Christmas decorations and decked the halls, everything looks wonderful!!
then we went to the gym together for a little while, just did some cardio.
then we did a little cooking together.
we were very silly (she was in rare form lol).

so I got some good exercise in and had a very productive day.
I'm grateful to be back on track, back in the game.
thanks so much to all of you that are here in the same boat as me.
together we share this journey.

hey veganasaurus!!!
my old buddy!


Lulu

Hi Coaches

A fine and sunny Sunday here in the south. I am currently on plan today but yesterday unfortunately involved yet more to come clean about. I had someone come who I offered coffee to and then remembered I had biscuits I hadn't binned. So offered them some and instead of staring them down I ate two and used myself as waste disposal - the rest are in the bin and gone. It would be good to get to the point that I can coexist in the same physical space with food that is not on my plan

Progress
Checked in 8 days in a row - Credit!
Weight
+.4 lb (today) / -1.8 lb from tracker (grrr)
Steps
7284/5000;
Kilometres
4.9/3;
Food
Slip up with biscuits and too generous with evening meal. Back to the drawing board

This weekend has worn me out. I need to add more energy to my listing of WHY this is important to me. But in reality, 15-hour days of being on the go, on my feet and busy probably will always take it out of me. Feel like I did well today, not 100% perfect, but ordered grilled chicken salad at our family's local Italian restaurant at dinner, trying to resuscitate good choices on this trip. Honestly, it was NOT what I wanted at all, but figured I would still live without pizza. I knew if I ordered that, then I'd be eating it leftover on Sunday. Saved up a "cookie splurge" for tonight and thought I'd just skip it, and then decided to indulge. With only one cookie from being 100% and was on the go the whole day, I'm giving myself a B+ today and a +1 on my streak. Now to post a +2 tomorrow after traveling home on Sunday evening.

Told DH tonight we need to give moving to Orlando another thought - I love this warm (though unseasonal even for here with 83 today) weather over the frigid temps at home. LOVE the story, Pam, of heading south leaving those frigid temps. His company has production in orlando, and when we saw where it was this summer, we thought, Ugh, the traffic is horrid on the access routes he'd have. Now I'm conveniently forgetting that and thinking, Hmmm... let's check that out again

Streak = +1

Hello coaches,

OP today and feeling contentedly OP (as opposed to hanging on by a thread) which is nice.

Team streak count is: 30!

Starting a new travel to work plan tomorrow which involves a combination of riding and public transport. I have tried riding to work the whole way in the past but it is 45 minutes each way which just uses up to much of the day, especially once messing about showers at work etc are factored in. Hoping this works OK as the parking at my workplace is having a massive (ie: 120%) price rise in January. I bought a fabulous new backpack with some money I was given for my birthday - helmet straps on the outside, easy access pocket for the iPad, separate bottom pocket for raincoat and change of shoes - what more could a girl want :-)

Some credits for the day - walking and stretching at the end of the day when it would have been easy to pike. Realising I needed a relaxing bath and taking it.