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-   -   Beck Diet For Life/Solution December 2013 Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/beck-diet-solution/290204-beck-diet-life-solution-%96-december-2013-%96-support-discussion-buddy-coach.html)

CeeJay 12-14-2013 09:39 AM

maryann!!! :hug:

So happy for you!!! What an achievement and the best birthday present ever I am sure.

Your post was beautiful- can feel your happiness in your words.

Thank you for the inspiration.

Enjoy every minute!!!!

gardenerjoy 12-14-2013 10:05 AM

My 100%OP Day streak count is up to 3.

My day didn't go as planned, but my eating followed Plan A, 100%. Today should be much more straight forward. If we leave the house at all, it will be to shovel snow. I know exactly what's available to eat and exactly what to write on my food plan.

WI: -0.35 kg, Exercise: +30 585/1400 minutes for December, Food: 100%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

Great to see you back here, maryblu!

ForMyGirls: I think everyone is different in what is helpful in terms of planning and what isn't. For me, writing down the plan ahead of time is what made all the difference. Most of the time, I'm quite happy if I match that plan at an 80-90% level, so allowing for some variation from it -- I even consider 70% a passing grade, but I don't want too many days like that because I start gaining weight. I suppose that can sound rigid, but, then, I hardly measure anything -- so I'm loose in other areas. I find a pre-written plan means that I make many fewer decisions about food during the day and, thus, think about food much less frequently. That's why pre-planning feels like such a gift to me and not a burden at all.

Welcome to your granddaughter, shcierf!

BillBlueEyes: it's actively snowing here and I haven't seen any birds this morning. The squirrels seem to be playful, though.
DH put French bread on my pre-breakfast shopping list yesterday. I was shocked when I picked it up and it was warm! I had to remind myself of my rule, "I only eat baguettes in France."

veganasaurusrex: I go back and forth on rewards. I've taken myself to a movie in a theater. I got massages for bigger rewards. For a long time, I bought an exercise video each month that I met my exercise goal, until I deemed my collection was large enough. I've also, sometimes, just kept a running list of things that appealed to me (book titles, accessories I spotted in catalogs) and then chose something off that list when I'd earned a reward.
Right now, keeping track of my streaks on a piece of paper seems to be all the reward I need. I've also, sometimes, done a variation where I rewarded myself with a sticker on a grid sheet for tasks completed -- just like teachers do with second graders!

Valkyrie1 12-14-2013 10:55 AM

Hi Joy! Thanks for welcoming me on another thread. I have the book "The Complete Beck Diet For Life," and I worked it through. I found it quite helpful. I have subscribed to this thread, so hello to all of you other beautiful people as well! Jumping right in, I went a little bit off plan yesterday, when I had to wait for to go order in a restaurant, and the manager offered me a chocolate cupcake as recompense. I said "yes," when I should have said NO CHOICE. Oh well. :)

maryblu 12-14-2013 11:37 AM

maybe an aha moment
Perhaps. A word about the 7 question method. I honestly don't have my pink book anymore..gave it to a friend, so only have the green one, but I am a fan of the 7 questions. As I am sure many of you know, it is a technique used in quality control for problem solving, often in manufacturing as a tool for process improvement, but we used it in our organization as well. There is an issue that has been plaguing me for 4 and a half years. It is not healthy for me to be dwelling on it; of course when I ask my psychologist, he just asks me what I think, but I am wondering if I could work through the 7 questions and find the answer. It is certainly worth a try, as I can't seem to shake this very useless, destructive obsession. I don't expect it to be a quick process; it has been a long 4 and a 1/2 years, and the feelings run deep. Hmmmm. There is some good stuff going on here. Thanks, Beckmates.

nationalparker 12-14-2013 11:56 AM

Snowy morning here - coming down since last night ... there is a flock of Canada geese in the cornfield next to me - several hundred of them are moving around. I love it - looks almost like an optical illusion with their necks and what remains of the harvested feed corn all standing up yet only half of them moving. Smaller flocks of birds have stopped over behind my gardens and I can see them flitting about. I always feel compelled to put a large tray of seed out, but need to wait until the snow stops. I should have done it yesterday. A hawk has been scouting the area out and I just don't want to observe the moment he catches his dinner. So I come and go, enjoying nature. THIS is what I would miss if we moved, unless it was further out the country. The silence of the morning is so peaceful.

I can tell today will be a challenge, foodwise, though. Weighed up 0.6 but know that it's cycle-related and am okay with that - because the week has gone so well, I'm keeping fingers crossed that work slacks will continue to fit looser.

maryann 12-14-2013 12:24 PM

Good Morning, Coaches.

Thanks for all the congrats. What I have learned about a willingness to share the journey is this: The pain and fear I endure in my struggle to remain honest and present on this blog is far outweighed by the companionship and strength I receive in my successes.

And now for my new life maintaining. I am a fledging in the middle of Christmas food craziness; I am compiling this morning a small list of your rules that are my favorites.

BBE Eat only if it is rare or unusual.
Beth No sweets at work. (Boy, will I need this next week.)
Gardenerjoy Eat baquettes only in France. (I'm extending it to any white bread.)
ForMyGirls Mindfulness
Lexxiss A vitamix smoothie everyday (if not two) to keep me healthy through the season.

I think vegansaurus was talking about rewards. I am cleaning the house tomorrow afternoon so I can use my Monday holiday to skip joyfully to the mall and buy the black boots I promised myself if I saw 149 on the scale. WHEEE!!!

pamatga 12-14-2013 12:40 PM

Day 29: Resist Food Pushers
Day 29: Resist Food Pushers I do not have this problem in my life although I have had it in the past. Once again, it is more about that other person than it is about you. I have observed that those people who are conflicted about their own relationship with food, their own self-image and that whole ball of wax are the ones most likely to be "food pushers". I experienced this last year at our annual church's Christmas party. A male social acquaintance whose wife has serious health issues as a result of obesity "took it upon himself" to get up from our shared table and bring back a multiple selection of desserts and then set them down in front of me. I did not ask him to do this and I was quite surprised. Even then, it was more than I would have "planned" for so I asked my DH to have some of the selection. Both of us took 1 small piece and left the rest of the plate in front of us. This same male acquaintance was visibly angry by our response and then I realized that there was a lot more going on than just him being "thoughtful".

I do NOT like to leave food (especially food that I didn't choose myself) for someone to toss in the garbage. I personally just feel that is wasteful, no matter what Dr. Beck says. Besides, on a practical level, that is the primary reason restaurants et al give for charging more for food. Yes, they actually do both measure and weigh garbage before putting it in the incinerator and add it as a business expense (not loss!). I work with the homeless and they struggle to eat everyday. I feel food is something that is a blessing (not a right or a given--ask someone who is foraging through garbage cans) and to those of us who have much, we need to respect that asking or having more is a privilege and not an automatic right. :soap: (off my soapbox now)

Now, fast forward to 2014. My younger sister, Paula, and our Dad is going to come for an "open-ended" visit. Both eat 2 out of 3 meals a day away from home. In fact, the only orange juice my Dad will drink has to be from McDonald's. Yes, I have asked Paula if he would drink what we buy. No, he will not, is what she said! :nono:

Both my DH and I do not eat out a lot and when we do we choose our restaurants carefully. He sees this as much of a problem as I do. My biggest fear is that I will be "stuck" with two food pushers "indefinitely" on my turf. Of course, I want them to come and visit but I am already thinking ahead and trying to create a plan that will work. They are going to drive here but since my sister has never been here before she won't know where all of her favorite "haunts" are so I am thinking they will "expect" me to chauffeur them around to those eateries. :mad: If anyone here has any kind of suggestions of how they would handle this potentially loaded situation, I am wide open to hearing it.

On a side note:

I journaled awhile yesterday and then shared it with my DH about why I think that I am "stuck". It dawned on me that for the longest time (about 10 years between 1983-1993 I was this weight) and then my weight started to climb up in the late 1990s to 260s with my highest weight being just over 300 lbs in 2009. I have been obese for so long that, quite honestly, I don't know of anything else but once I got to this weight range, it was the one that I felt the most comfortable in. Plus, I was so thrilled to get down to the 240s again after 20 years of being "somewhere else", that I think I "forgot" I can set my sights even higher (or lower in the case of weight loss). I don't have to "settle" for this interim weight, no matter how comfortable it feels.

I started this past year wanting to lose weight but deep down inside I didn't believe that I could. I felt that other people could but not me. Even here I watch the rest of you and I think they are "different", they are "special". They know something that I don't. The rational part of me knows that most of you know as much as I do and some know more but we all know that once we find what works for us, the one truth that is universal is that you have to work it to make it work. If I eat less calories than I did, I lose weight. If I work out and sweat, I burn more calories and I lose weight. Beck Diet Skills are the tools that keep all of that "moving forward". No mystery. However, just like the food plan and the work outs, it only works when you work it.

There was so much that you all have shared that I would love to comment on but then this is going to get super super long.

So, I will run through a couple of the "highlights":

mindfulness-yes, I also do it. I liked what you had to say ForMyGirls---all of it.

Janelle: :congrats: on the new grand daughter.

lulu I once heard that we are only given what we can handle. I want a second opinion.:D

maryann: I knew you would do it but I will admit the tension I felt was palatable. GREAT JOB! :bravo:

BBE: Great Job on your continued streaking.

beth: Great Job on good choices you made. Yes, 1100 calories doesn't seem like a lot depending on the types of foods chosen. I am always amazed when this happens to me. I wait until I am really hungry before I eat again. Usually, the weight regain will drop off in a few days once you are back on plan.

Jo (vegan...rex): my rewards vary according to where I am. I agree with joy that being OP can be the greatest reward of all.

Valkyrie1: :welcome2: I know someone else by that username. Small world.

maryblu: thanks for the insights.

silverbirch: glad to see you post. I remember you from way back when.

And, to all of those who read or lurk or do both, "hey, y'all" ;).

Take care all, Pam :comp:

P.S. I got to move my ticker down again. When I work it, it works. :D

LuLu01801 12-14-2013 04:44 PM

just a quick check in to acknowledge how grateful I am for the motivation I've seemed to have grasped onto, following my plan and having all of you to share it with.
I'm holding on to this precious gift for as long as it's suppose to be mine.
I'm having such great, both relaxing and productive, day.
I was at the grocery store at 6:45 waiting for the doors to open, wanted to get there before it became a zoo!!!
got all my things and headed to the gym for my 7:30 appointment, had a great workout for an hour.
the knee is feeling a bit better but I still kept my workout to upper body and abs.
my abs were on fire, OMG!!!
I came home and took a nice long bubble bath and read my ARCs and did a little writing, which I find therapeutic, acknowledging that I am only in remission from my crazy behaviors around food/drink and not to kid myself that I've arrived anywhere safe and permanent.
what I am doing now may not feel like hard work because I'm in the zone, but I'm fooling myself if I think this is "it"!!!
anyway, I've been doing a little cooking and food prep, which is relaxing and enjoyable for me . . . it's like my hobby, my craft.
I'm hanging with my 25yo daughter, we've lit a fire in the wood stove and sipping coffee.
we shared some tofu/kale scramble that I made and a little soy chocolate icecream as a treat, figured that right into my plan, YUM!!
I think I might take little rest before I head out to the x-mas party.
it's snowing but I'm going anyway.

I'm so enjoying this glorious day, hanging with my girl, enjoying the fire, enjoying my successful OP streak (8 days), looking forward to getting dressed and feeling fabulous in my skinny jeans and riding boots, and feeling the freedom from compulsion at the moment . . . YAY!!
I've also figured in three glasses of merlot for tonight into my plan and I'm looking forward to a little buzz and live music and dancing (I'm gonna try to dance with this knee, just take it easy).
I'll be sure to leave plenty of time for drinking water at the end of the night for my safe drive home.

life is good.
thank you all for being here and sharing yourselves.
it's SOOOOOOOO helpful to me.
and I hope I am helpful to you.


maryblu 12-14-2013 07:32 PM

so much to share, so little time
Oh, dear Beckmates, I am finding so much wisdom and insight here, I am really puzzled about why I ever let myself get away from this, our wonderful group.

Pamatga thanks for such insight on leftover food in restaurants. I did not know that was the business model, and agree with you, that with so many people hungry in our world, there is something seriously wrong with our approach to food as a society.

As for your thoughts that gaining control of your health and eating habits and ultimate weight loss was something that eluded you--that others could do it, but you couldn't, I can so relate. I don't think for the most part that any of us ever chose to be obese, or think we can control/change our situation, when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. We do have control, we do have a choice, and when just "dieting" alone fails, the Beck Diet Solutions for Life give us a tool, a model, for success. I have yet to find an Achilles Heal in the armor she gives us. CBT is such a powerful tool if we just practice it until it is second nature. Not saying it is easy, just powerful.

Lulu01810 am so pleased for you in the success of your day, and *sigh, a bit envious of your motivation to exercise.

What strikes me most is how many of my Beckmates cite the support of our buddies/coaches as critical to success.

nationalparker 12-14-2013 08:02 PM

Streak = 8. I'm starting with that because I'm hanging on by a thread - long busy day today but plenty of things to snack on at home, and counted everything I munched. Made DH beef stew for dinner and since I don't eat beef, I treated myself to baked potato soup (homemade with 1% milk and lighter cheese and much less than years before). I was satisfied with one bowl, though I wanted more.

If not for this streak business :) I'd have gone back for more just to have more. And, for that, I thank you, ForMyGirls.

I got out and shoveled snow for about 45 minutes and hope that knocked a few calories off. Aiming for a trail walk tomorrow, along with biscotti baking.

Others may well be familiar with this quotation from William Channing, who died nearly 130 years ago ... it resonates with me and has become part of my December journaling thoughts and I thought I'd share it here in case anyone else was new to it:

To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common--this is my symphony.


LoseToAll 12-14-2013 08:10 PM

Hello all,

I am having a good Saturday OP. Down a pound this morning. I just want to keep it off this weekend. Working on my ARC and I want to really nail them down to what is most important to me. There are so many reasons that they are lost in a buzz. So I am really narrowing them down to my strongest to help me stay focused.

Pam I feel the same way you do about me not being the one to get it. Others have it working for them and I am not on the list for success. I have never felt success when working on my weight, even when I was small. I was always thinking how fat I was. This is different this time. Beck thinking and this 5:2 diet has helped so much. I already have a different outlook on my goals and what I want out of this journey.

I am working the program it has to start working for me.

maryblu 12-14-2013 08:45 PM

Further thoughts on the 7 questions
Well, Beckmates, this morning I promised to apply and report back on my use of the 7 questions(from the original Beck Pink Book) as a problem solving tool for me regarding a 4 and a half year-long obsession that has been plaguing me and has been truly toxic for me. I promised to work through and report back.. I had no sooner shut off my computer than the answer hit me smack between the ears. I did not apply the 7 questions; the answer just became so clear to me. Not very flattering, in fact so down right humiliating to realize that I could have been so stupid for so long; I am going to share the answer, as humiliating as it is. The answer is: Bitterness. Of all the worthless, self-defeating, stupid, stupid emotions to let have a grip on me for so long, the answer is bitterness. I had buried my emotions under "still have feelings for" and other similar sentiments along with an obsession of tracking/cataloging another's flaws rather than face the fact that I was very, very BITTER. We all know what a stupid waste of time and energy that emotion is. As my psychologist once so eloquently said (about another matter) "bitterness is like ingesting rat poison expecting the rat to die". It felt pretty good for a while this morning for me to finally recognize what was really going on with my emotions. Can't tell you I am "over it", but certainly recognizing the emotion for what it really is--that is a pretty big break through for me.

Enough about me...Beck's 7 Questions is a unique problem solving tool..the questions are specific for us and our struggle to gain control over our eating behaviour and our methodology. They differ from the 7 questions used in quality control, but the concept is the same. I have been so submersed for so long in quality issues, they all kinda run together..there is the book "Question within the Question", and I am thinking perhaps the 7 questions originated with Deming, the original quality guru. No matter, just wanted to clarify and bring us to the important point:

I think the power of Beck's 7 questions is that if before you just grab a particular morsel of food and bolt it down, after you drill down with 7 questions, the impulse to gobble some tasty treat up is pretty much dead...I think it is pretty brilliant, after all. One of the very most important truths I learned from Beck was that there is no such thing as "impulse eating". I can't remember the exact wording, but it was something like, "the act of eating is always preceded by a thought." Putting something to eat in your mouth is not a completely reflex action over which you have no control as when something comes toward you eye and you blink, nor is it like your knee is rapped and your lower leg jerks. You don't just automatically eat something. However brief, there always is a thought first. The brilliance of the 7 questions to me is, it buys you time--A LOT of time..if you are tempted to eat something off plan, not healthy, purely an impulsiv-Pavlov's-dog-because -it -is -there, because-it-is-a-party-kinda-thing----- by the time you have gone through the 7 questions, you have forgotten what is was you thought was so irresistible you just had no power to resist it. Bloody brilliant, I say. (for what MHO is worth; keep in mind I'm the one who has been nurturing a bitterness emotion for four and a half years!)

bethFromDayton 12-14-2013 10:25 PM

Hi all,

I ate about what I expected at the holiday party--which means I ate more than a dieting amount, but what I intended to.

I exercised Beck response thoughts keeping me from getting more appetizers--waited for dinner. Didn't get a second piece of cheesecake (thought about it). Talked myself out of another piece of bread.

Weight down 0.2 this morning (even after yesterday's carry-in).

I have a plan for tomorrow--it includes one piece of pizza (meeting my son for lunch) along with a side salad, which I'll eat first, so that I'll feel satisfied after having just one piece of UNO's pizza. The rest of the day is planned and looks quite do-able.

Planning makes such a huge difference for me--even if I do walk a line between feeling it's restrictive and feeling it's empowering.

Take care all!

GosfordGirl 12-15-2013 12:21 AM

This is serious

I have had a thoughtful day. So much has happened on the list and it has made me stop and reflect. My life is full of distractions - less than many people but I manage to take them far more seriously than they deserve - work, chores, every day realities. I went back to my 'old' ARCs and notes that I had stored in an iPhone app and synchronised with my computer. It is depressing to see that they are all still relevant and I haven't really shifted. Sure I lost weight - from 235 to around 200 - but I didn't shift.

Seeing Maryann reach goal, and Maryblu pop back while maintaining, and (Gardener)Joy counting her cornchips, and of course BillBE who is still exercising his resistance muscle, impressed on me that I wasn't really invested in this and never was - not in the way that creates a permanent change like the one that says 'I'm not going back'. The amount of change and vigilance and commitment is significant and that is scary but I guess one bite at a time it is obviously achievable

When I packed up my house to move to smaller accommodation to avoid the commute to work I packed up all my 3 Beck books and am not sure where they are - I am not going to re-buy them but have found some brief Beck resources that will be useful and read Bill's notes everyday. Its also good that some are in the early stages so I get to vicariously experience it

Checked in 6 times in a row; Weigh in 199.6 - no change for day / +1 lb (total for week); Physiotherapy exercises - Half done yesterday; Exercise Cleaning the house; 9480/5000 steps; 6.39/3 km; Food - On plan

Lexxiss 12-15-2013 05:39 AM

Hi Coaches!

The details of daily living are still one big crazy. Without all the boring details, all I can say is that dieting/maintaining must continue to be a priority. I heard here again (thx LuLu) No Excuses. Everyday is a maze of choices surrounding food and it's often aggravating and difficult. Reminded of the alternative, I switch my thinking and make better choices. Weight remains stable. credit.

Holidays are coming and I keep reminding myself of balance. We put up the tree even though all I want is for the project to be finished. I've done some shopping and have shipped gifts to family. We'll fit in a trip over the hill next week to DH's important holiday party with his TBI group. I'll keep working on the project the best I can. I'll continue to eat healthy and will find space for a few holiday treats. Life can be OK without holiday and stress induced eating.

MaryAnn, congrats at meeting your goal. I am a year or two behind you but am headed in your direction. Your selfless sharing of your journey has made a world of difference to me. Thanks for all you share.

Beth, SumoMandarins...I think it may be mid-February before we see them.

Thanks, everyone else, for all your sharing. It means alot. I read everyday and take all of you with me when I step out in the world every day. Honestly, I don't know how I am going to accomplish what needs to be accomplished right now. All I know is that it will happen if I take steps to move forward every day. My gift to myself will be to be at my same weight when I finish. Then I will move forward with some of my other goals. Credit.

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