Had two good walks today at work, so credit for that.
I ate what I'd planned for lunch, but was uncomfortably full afterwards--I think I've been packing too big of a lunch, so I'll be adjusting that. I ended up not having my afternoon snack but then was very hungry for dinner before DH got home and so I ate my salad early. I think adjusting my lunch size may make the rest of the day go more smoothly, so that's my plan.
Tomorrow is taco salad day, and just like I made 4 meatloaves and froze 3, I'll be making 4 meals worth of taco meat and freezing 3.
DD saw the surgeon today and he is pleased with her level of swelling. She is losing weight because she just isn't getting enough calories. The doctor doesn't want her to lose weight--but I suspect it's inevitable. We're augmenting her smoothies with protein powder and using half and half instead of milk--but it's hard to get a full complement of calories when you're only taking in liquids.
I'm posting here cause my brain is telling me I need to reach out. So here I am. My estranged sister called to tell me our brother was found dead this evening. He was home alone with his wife away on business. She couldn't reach him so she sent her daughter over to see what he was doing and she found him cold and blue on the floor. He must have had a massive heart attack or something as there was no sign of anything else, though the Dr. had him on cholesterol meds. My brother was 5 years older than me. 55. I am 50 in November. I don't know anything about anything in regards to travel or whatever comes. I am grateful my mother's memory is shot as she surely could not handle the death of her son.
And if I didn't need further reason to take my health seriously, well, there it is. Thanks for giving me a space to put some of this down.
I am so very sorry for you and your family. What a terrible shock to lose him suddenly and so young. I am just so sad for you. I am thinking of you and sending you much love and support.
Please keep writing- there are many people on the board who care for you and will want to know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you.
Hi Ceejay -- thanks for your words. I never know how much to share here or whether it's ok to be so off topic. I don't know. I do know that I can't afford to gain any weight during this time or after the immediate crisis of the travel, the funeral, the family, the whatever +++ that is to come in the next week happens.
onebyone – Sending cyber hugs and supportive thoughts as you seek to find your path though such a terrible loss. Will be thinking of you, your DH, and all your family at this time.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Did gym, CREDIT moi, motivated that it would be an escape from the heat. Walking home was a delight as my sweat evaporated and kept me cool outside. Otherwise, it was a stifling hot day.
When I was too hot I felt some urges to grab something to eat in order to make the hot weather go away. I stood them down, CREDIT moi, without having to resort to the deep intellectual thought that consuming food doesn't change the weather.
onebyone – Yes, even when we're deeply hurting, we can take care of ourselves.
maryann - Congrats to you and DS on the success of your quest to spend no more than $10 for ten days. $4 can buy a lot of garlic. [Yes, <signing my name> there shall be no more bananas, LOL.]
nationalparker – So nicely put, "want to be" must completely be supported by choices and actions that "make it" happen.
Beth (bethFromDayton) – Such a useful strategy to evaluate the size of your lunches and make adjustments - Kudos. Glad DD's swelling is on track for getting over this.
Cathy (CeeJay) - Glad you're still around. Hope all is well.
sparks17 – Kudos for "reasonable portions of only healthy options" - Doubled since it was an all-day party. Yay for libraries that send notices when books arrive.
Readers -
Quote:
day 4Give Yourself Credit
Here are some suggestions to help you get started: . . .Write down the word credit on a sticky note. Place it on your refrigerator, in your appointment book, on the dashboard of your car, or in other places where you'll often see it. Consider turning it into a screen saver for your computer. Whenever you see this word, ask yourself, Which positive thing did I do (or what unhelpful things did I refrain from doing) today?
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 76.
onebyone, I am so saddened to hear of your brothers passing. I send you all my support during this time. Please take care of yourself the best you can right now.
OneByOne - I, too, am so saddened to hear about the loss of your brother. Echoing others here, please take the time to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Sending supportive thoughts your way.
Good day yesterday; dog finally bounced back and met me at the door, DH had majorly cleaned house while I was working and I tried a new recipe that turned out scrumptious (600 cal/serving so NOT light by any stretch, but I had that left for dinner and was okay with that for the entire meal). We took a shorter walk on the trail around 10 and it was still muggy, but I'm trying different shoes out to see what feels better on my foot and of all so far, the Kohls version of a Keen type sandal are the best; go figure. They were super duper clearanced last year and I figured I'd just wear them camping or canoeing, etc., but they surprised me. Bonus!
My brother, sister and I are going hiking in Bryce and Zion in early October, for our annual trip with just the three of us. I'd love to stay focused fitness-wise for that after DH and my Rocky Mountain National Park trip... everything seems to be coming around the same chunk of time this year.
Continuing to log in at MFP - Beth, you have been a good role model with that. Trying to learn some more about it so it gets faster and more helpful.
Maryann - I enjoyed your $10 challenge myself! It's funny, when I used to walk in the mornings with my dad when I'd visit (why did i get out of that habit?) we'd walk along a busy street and I'd walk through the drive through windows at each fast food restaurant that wasn't open yet ... and score major change that people had dropped the day before. I thought about suggesting that for you and DS but then thought it was too tacky - and have to do it early.
Bill - Do you still use response cards after being faithful to Beck's for so long? If so, what are ones that you still find helpful? You probably have mentioned them, but they've slipped my mind. I'm really struggling with the long term vs. the now. Someone had a sign that said "Don't Make A Wish - Make It Happen" and that has resonated with me and I'm making my own sign for that
Onebyone - I'm so sorry to hear of your brother's passing. It's such a blow. You were right to share. Hang in there and take good care of yourself.
Coaches:
Yesterday was a great day for me - got nearly 13,000 steps in including a planned walk and a couple of unplanned extras (stairs at work and got off the bus early)(credits). It's easy to get the extras but time consuming too. I'm not sure how I'm going to get 45 minute walks in everyday this winter but I'll cross that bridge in the autumn.
As I read the Book I realize that it's very familiar: the steps are quite similar to the behavioural modification programs used to quit smoking. I've been smober for 9 years, 6 months, and 16 days so I know CBT works. Obviously it would be easier if I could never eat again and avoid people who eat, especially those who eat within 20 feet of a building entrance... :-)
Nationalparker: the aquafitness is a lot of fun. As BBE mentioned it's one activity where folks can have a good time moving. My class has everyone from a disabled lady to one who does long distance triathlons and they all get a work out at their own pace.
Sparks17: does Mycroft the puppy have a brother Sherlock?
Well cheers everyone. Have a great day today. I'm going on a 10 day vacation to Saskatchewan and Alberta starting Friday after work. This is going to be an early test of my resolve since traditionally "vacation" has meant "vacation from all restraint and reasonableness".
Onebyone: I echo others' compassion and concern. Be gentle with yourself during this time of grief. Remember that part of taking care of yourself is putting the very best food in your body, resting, and reaching out. You are not alone.
Weight at ticker and .26 cents in my wallet. WooHoo! Super Bonus round when DH brought home free peaches from our tree!!! We must have eaten twelve in the first twelve hours they have been in the house.
Packing to go on our five day trip to LA. I plan to continue to watch the old budget and the waist line by eating at a restaurant only once a day! I remember when I first started doing this with a group of girlfriends. I received some serious negativity like "Why aren't you eating with us?" and "Its vacation and you're bringing us down" when I would order a side salad and some hot tea. Maybe I came off righteous but I was really just scared. I am much more sly now . . . offer to split an entree and eat half of a half. No one seems to mind if I get a soup and salad. It's funny, I was never given half of the grief when I stopped drinking. (Maybe everyone was relieved when I stopped drinking )
This week will be mostly with DH and DS who couldn't care less what I eat ( as long as I don't share off their plates and even then they are pretty magnanimous ). The wedding days will be so crazy . . . Well, I am just not that important to focus on. All in all, I have learned to be true to myself and let people think what they will.
nationalparker: I totally cracked up at picking up change in the drive-thrus. That is a riot. I had never thought about it and am certainly not above it now that I know. In the height of my couponing, I was going through my mother's recycling bin at her condo complex to get multiple Sunday inserts. My niece caught me and has never forgotten it. Hey, whatever it takes.
Tracy on a journey: I often compare quitting smoking with quitting eating. I remember when I quit smoking. I thought "Why should I go anywhere or do anything if I can't smoke once I am finished." I felt the same lack of motivation sometimes when I was first OP. "Why should I go to a party if I can't overeat?" I never thought about satisfying my mind or my other senses. Nothing mattered except what I would eat, how much I would eat and would it be enough.
Onebyone: so sorry for this loss. This is definitely the place to share. This group was both a comfort and a resource to me back in December 2009 when my brother's SO died and I was trying to sort through the aftermath while working on my own health. You were there for me then and I want to be here for you now.
Coaches: I have a food plan! My Small Steps helped to a point, but, in the end, not quite like I expected. When things got tough, they stopped working. I'm remembering today all the things I like about having a food plan:
It's a solid foundation for a slippery day.
What I lose in the pleasure of spontaneity, I gain in the pleasure of anticipation.
The time I lose in a few minutes of planning, I gain back several times over in the efficiency of having a plan.
I'm faced with many fewer decisions during the day.
My obsessive thoughts about food are much reduced in number.
Thanks for all of your well wishes. I'm ok. I have no further news of anything and so I wait.
I've had a weird reaction to my brother's death. This morning while taking the bacon out of the fridge to make breakfast for my DH who is back to work after being off for 2 weeks, well I held the open packet of bacon in my hand and I just eyed the stuff with great suspicion. While I cooked it up for my DH I could not bring myself to have any.
I wasn't hungry until around 11:30 and then I had this chia seed based cereal I have been eating called Holy Crap. I have 2x the serving size they recommend, which is 2 tbsp with 4 tbsp water. So I have that x 2. I find it really satisfying.
And just now, I went to locate the can of tuna I was going to have and I have no idea where I put the tuna and I thought about what to eat if I couldn't find it and I just do not want to eat any meat. This is really bizarre but whatever so I found a can of kidney beans and had that.
I am strongly associating meat with cholesterol with artery blockage with heart attack with death. I also feel like I have a bomb strapped to the front of my body with this metabolically-active hormone-producing stomach fat. I am no longer interested in hauling it. I want it off of me.
Wednesday
thank you
