[Beverlyjoy]

Hi folks/coaches/beckies: I've got my plan for today. Eating all that food just made me feel horrible and sick. I've decided to take a couple days off from watching my sodium. I am thinking it will be easier to plan interesting menus. (just a few) I think it will help me get back my 'positive momentum'.

This is what came through on my Facebook from the Beck Diet Solution:

Tuesday Reality Check: "Once you have positive momentum built up, it becomes so much easier to keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll be less likely to give in to unplanned eating because you’ll be able to say to yourself, “I’m doing so well, it’s not worth knocking myself off track.”

I understand about momentum. It feels so good when I am in that 'zone'. This is a forever challenge. I like Dr. Beck's analogy that goes something like this: If you trip on the stairs - it doesn't mean you should throw yourself down the rest of the steps.

Thanks to everyone for your kind support as I face a time of struggle. I appreciate it greatly.

Today I am going to lunch with a friend to my favorite Chinese restaurant. I know I can eat the Hong Kong Sea Bass. It's very healthy. I'll get the brown rice, too.

DH and I were the 'Easter Bunny' again this year and hid eggs around the neighborhood for the little kids. It's very joyful to 'hear all about it'. Adam was all about that the EB left him money for the third year in a row. (some change) He was more ecstatic about the money than the jelly beans or stickers. Fun.

Have a GREAT day.

[gardenerjoy]

Feeling a bit better today. I have a written food plan for the first time in several days and I'm feeling prepared to follow it! This is progress.

[onebyone]

Hi Coaches

This morning I weighed myself as promised *credit* and saw a MASSIVE loss of 5.7lbs from three days ago. Now I am 255.1. Very thrilled to have made the decision to try the SBD Phase 1. Not holding my breath, counting my chickens, or assuming anything about any other mabe weightloss in the future. My goal is to be OP today and to have a plan in place for today. Which I do *credit* inspite of a few nibbles while standing at the fridge with the fridge door open trying to find something in there to entice the Looloo cat to eat--discovered cooked hamburger from yesterday and I grabbed and nibbled then stopped *credit* and made my planned breakfast.

I've opted to stay home today as it is -3C right now, colder than yesterday so it was cold overnight and this means the studio will be colder still. I have plenty I can do here at home to further that project and others. It is alos time to re-focus on decluttering and getting my apartment in order once and for all.

I am very much about the "once and for all" projects. I am ready to move on from some lifelong quandries.

Beverlyjoy This sure is a "forever challenge". Perfect summation. I have one day of being OP on a new plan with a result I like already. It really does bring momentum aka HOPE back. I know the sodium tracking is difficult and food can be really bland. With a spirit of willingness and keeping your eyes open you'll find the right substitutes to keep you on plan. These thins really take time but the search and the trial and error is worth it. And the re-starts, however many, are always worth it. We have NO CHOICE but to keep finding our own best solutions. for you and I hope you have fantastic day today.

gardenerjoy I was also thinking of Beverlyjoy's words re: forever challnenge as I read your post today. I said to myself even when you reach goal weight, you will still be challenged to stay on plan but here you are meeting the challenge. Awesome! BTW are you doing Camp Nanowrimo? I am doing that AND naPOwrimo = a poem a day for 30 days, which I find waaayyyy easier than the prose writing. I discovered yesterday that I may actually have some kind of story to tell (I was really doing camp nanowrimo to keep my writing friend company but would apply the naPOwrimo to both challenges) and I think I am writing a horror story! At least my narrator is quite horrid.

BillBlueEyes Funny how you think of Turtles as "chocolate covered pecans". I read that and thought there are pecans in there? as when I think of turtles I think of gooey. Have never considered it as having nuts ever. Wonder if this has to do with tree nuts for you? *sticky credits* for passing on them! Excellent. Also *credit* for looking after your food behaviours re: not indulging yourself even though you are at that ever-so-coveted goal weight. Once again, as Beverlyjoy said "this is a forever challenge."

to everyone. Enjoy your day.

[maryann]

Good Morning, Coaches.

My April's Fool Joke yesterday was "Surprise! A Root Canal! " Then no surprise I didn't write at all yesterday. Credit for taking care of the business of health without overeating. Credit for getting DS to his Lego camp anyway. Credit for letting the rest of the stuff go.

I feel much better today and am grateful i live in a country where modern medicine is a phone call away. Food is in MFP. Weight is one pound under ticker. (yeah!) The plan is to write, write, write after I take DS to camp.

nationalparker: I do feel lucky to be in a state where winter is about three months long (if that!) I already have a few camping trips planned. I was a backpacker for years but gave it up with the arrival of DS. I would love to get back to it.
Lexxiss: I feel silly to have never asked you about your avatar before. Beautiful puppy.
onebyone: My goal is today be OP. too. One day feels so good, I want one day more.

[Lexxiss]

Hi Coaches!
Posting from work actually sitting down eating a healthy breakfast food is planned and on plan. I'm reading posts and hope to get back here later.

[Lizagna]

Good morning, Becksters!

This morning I was listening to a meditation (the 21-day "challenge" with Oprah/Chopra is finished, so this was a different one), and something about the guy leading the meditation grated on me. I was determined to transcend the irritation, and at the end he concluded, "Each decision that you make is one between a grievance and a miracle." Oh... Wow. That has made me regard everything with a slightly different frame today. (I Googled it, and it's a quote from A Course in Miracles.)

OP for 8 consecutive days now. Woot! This morning my body was feeling sore and tired--I haven't been over-doing exercise, but have been approaching it with some intensity--so Emma the Rocket Dawg had to join me in downward dogs and other yoga asanas rather than a wog. Also used the foam roller to work out some kinks. Ahhhh... renewal.

Debbie (Lexxiss) - Thank you so much for sharing about sweet Lexxiss, including her as your beautiful avatar. I love dogs even more than "x"s. My usual practice is to adopt senior dogs (Emma is an exception--we got her from a rescue last year at ~ 3yo), so I have grieved more than a few.... Here's to the memory of Lexxiss. And here's to you for posting from work and OP breakfast. You really do go the second mile (and often several more) to be here.

BillBE - I'M a youngster? I like it! If you're speaking from a relative chronological perspective, that must mean you're pushing the century mark. ONION RINGS and BISCUITS and TURTLES? In the short duration of our acquaintance, you have passed up each of these; and I am convinced you are endowed with Super Powers. WTG! And yea for wearing shorts!

NationalParker - You mentioned being under calorie count on MFP when you thought you were over -> "negative thinking". We must both have a keenly honed sense of guilt. I am haunted with the feeling of over-indulging even when I'm undercount--because I feel satisfied. It's like I need to feel punished or miserable to feel like I'm doing the right thing. As Beck points out, just because we "feel" it, don't make it necessarily so. Let's keep on keepin' on. LOVED the article you described about "what I missed out on in life because I'm fat". Poignant, touching. True. Cracked up at your hollering pioneer woman. Thanks for a totally enlivening post!

Happy trails, all.

xo
Liz

[nationalparker]

It's a sunny, busy workday and I"m itching to actually get out of the office on time today; was the first one in and the last one out yesterday for our department, and still finished up at home (as others did, too). Today I'd like to finish up and not have to work on that tonight.

Itching to watch another episode of Cranford this evening as well. It's cold and I'd love a fire - still in the 20s at night for a few more days, I think. That series really lifts my spirit - with characters I love. (A neighbor in that is the head butler on Downton Abbey!) I tend to be an up-and-downer - watch five minutes and then dry dishes, watch 10 minutes and fold laundry, therefore there is NO continuity in a movie or I miss most of it. Someone told me years ago that I'd enjoy the movie Green Card - i said ehh - i didn't think it was all that - hard to follow. WHAT? Well, turns out, I'd seen it on a flight - didn't buy (back then) the earplugs so didn't HEAR it... and snoozed through part of it, so it wasn't a fair review.

Setting a goal to reword/rewrite my response cards and reasons to lose weight every two weeks. I don't pay attention to them now, so I am not allowing them to help me. Starting tonight!

[bethFromDayton]

Today was an OP day--exercise as planned, food as planned. I didn't finish my lunch (recognizing I was full) but was starving at snack time, so finished my strawberries, celery, and carrots at snack. We had dinner out, and I had already decided what I was going to order and asked for the cook to measure out the cheese for the chicken. All in all, I'm pleased with today.

My toe procedure is tomorrow morning--I haven't planned anything specific for tomorrow since I really don't know how I will feel or if I'll even want to eat coming out of the anesthesia. I won't eat before, of course, and I expect I'll sleep most of the day. Once I get a sense of how I feel and how much pain I'm in/not in, I'll start planning meals. I purchased a bunch of frozen stuff for DH to heat for us for meals (he's not much of a cook and his fallback position of fast food won't work for me now!)

Take care, all!

[onebyone]

Ok Coaches

So I am getting ready to get Looloo ready for her vet appointment after a long day at home where I chased her everywhere, foodbowl at the ready, different kinds of food each time, sme warmed up, some not, all over the apartment to see if she'd eat. She is inscrutable and will eat *whereever* *whenever*. No clear pattern detected. Anyway, she really needs to eat or I wouldn't be chasing her down so much. Anyway I was no very successful today and she let me know it with these sour meows aimed right at me. Poor girl. And just as DH comes through the door the light fixture in the ceiling starts to leak water. What the hey? The upstairs neighbours! OMG! the picky landlord's going be in my house! and in my messy! grimey! kitchen! like maybe tonight!--so DH and I get it in gear and do "crisis cleaning" and then we have to get to the vet and then we come home and it's time for dinner. I was OP all day but while we were out we picked up OP treats and I was going to have one. I was also going to eat my chicken skinless and I didn't. and I was going to eat sitting down, but I ate quite a bit over the stove. And I had a second treat. Oh well. All within the bounds of my foodplan but not proper Beck behaviour. Oh well again.

The landlord, btw, will be by tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow it's another cold day here, so I am home again and this time I am cleaning up. I ended up goofing off all day and felt like I was punished for my sloth. I'm going to let that go....punishment/good/bad/self judgment/harshness it doesn't work to motivate anyone. So I am dropping that rock. It helped immensely to meet the neighbours. They are new to Canada from Syria. They are so happy to be here and not in a place with a raging civil war. It just made all my troubles diminish to tiny proper size and made me grateful to live here and to have the life I have.

Going now.Bye.

[IBelieveInMe2]

Dear Coaches,

I am feeling like a big fat person right now. I keep catching glimpses of myself in a swimsuit in windows and mirrors, and I hate the image staring back at me. I know this is negative self-talk, but it's how I feel right now. Somehow having the excess weight hidden under clothing makes me feel better. I hate being one of the "fat people" on the beach and at the pool. I was never heavy in my younger years and I am just sick and tired of being this overweight. I haven't weighed myself while here in Florida and I've taken long walks on the beach the past 2 days, but I feel like I am at another crossroad in my life regarding weight: I will either take significant action to buckle down and lose a significant amount of weight soon OR my weight will continue to spiral out of control and I will just keep getting bigger. I soooooooo don't want to get bigger, so why is it so difficult for me to RESIST extra food?!?!? There is no question that I am addicted to food and an emotional eater. I have been admitting that to myself for awhile now and I've read a bunch on the topic of emotional eating and food addiction, but I just don't know what to do with this realization. I can't seem to get my eating under control. When Beck says that thin people don't constantly think about food and their next meal, I can hardly fathom that. That seems so foreign to me that I cannot even imagine NOT thinking about food most of my day. I have tried NOT worrying about food so much (thinking that maybe THAT alone was a problem), and it feels really dangerous to me. In order to lose ANY weight, it seems that I HAVE to be hyper-focused on food the entire day. And I am sick of thinking about food. I wish I didn't enjoy eating so much. And I am one of those people who eat even more (not less) when stressed. Figures! I am just feeling like such a glutton right now. I haven't eaten an unusual amount of food (for me) today or anything. I just have a constant urge to snack right now. I guess I will give myself CREDIT for coming here instead of continuing to snack. I am now realizing that part of the problem today was that we did not really have a lunch. We ate breakfast late and stayed outside through lunch. Then, by the time we were heading out for lunch, we decided to wait a little longer and just have an earlier dinner. I also must confess that I haven't cracked open any of my Beck materials since we've been here. Hello, what am I thinking?!? I definitely need to go do that as soon as I log off here. I thought that I could handle just THINKING about the Beck principles and applying them, but I obviously need a huge refresher course!!! I need to keep the Beck principles, and not food, forefront in my mind!!! But I don't feel like I can do this 100% of the time ~ or even close right now!!! So my all or nothing thinking error is coming into play again, too. Okay, now I am sort of figuring out my problem. I will still post this because I feel the way I've described above much of the time. Do any of you ever feel this way??? And how do you pull yourself out of a funk?!? What first step do you take when you feel so overwhelmed by the road ahead? I am open to any and all suggestions. I am feeling a bit desperate right now.

I am having fun on vacation, other than this (LOL!), but I miss my 3 dogs!!! BTW, Lexxiss, your precious pup was simply beautiful!!! I love dogs more than a lot of humans I know!!! Their unconditional love is such a gift to me!

Sorry this post is such a downer. I need to be honest about my feelings, though. Denial doesn't work for me anymore! I will be discussing all of this with my therapist, too, at my next meeting for sure.

Thanks for listening! Sending all of you a big dose of from Florida!!!

[IBelieveInMe2]

Liz: I so admire you for shaving your head in support of your friend with cancer. Your profile pic is priceless!

[BillBlueEyes]

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Got a bit chilly out walking (CREDIT moi). I under-dressed in the naive belief that since it was warm the day before, it would be warm again. I stopped by the used book section of a Goodwill store and bought nothing - a good move since I'm not in need of more books right now.

Eating was stellar, CREDIT moi. I skipped two snacks and had only half a mango for evening snack. All meals were on plan, including my standard and much loved lunch of peanut butter, banana, and pecans on a whole wheat sandwich thin. I prefer the end slices of loaf bread, but DW doesn't generate them fast enough and the stores don't sell a loaf of ends, LOL.


onebyone – Congrats on that Honking MASSIVE scale drop. Ouch for the hassles with your landlord appearing today; may he act like a grownup this time. [LOL that I forgot to mention that Turtles contain caramel.]

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Sounds good.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – Yay for finding time to sit and post from work.

Beverlyjoy – Yay for positive momentum. And Yay for Hong Kong Sea Bass giving you so much pleasure. Kudos for focusing on keeping to your path even if you have to divert from the lowest sodium choices for a spell.

maryann - Ouch for a pending root canal. BTDT. Twice. Have a lovely writing day.

nationalparker – Kudos for addressing your ARC's. (It reminded me to add another one myself - thanks.) LOL at a movie watched without sound on a flight. Happened to me with Chinatown. Much later I found out they had deleted a tiny scene that linked the whole thing together because it contained a flash of flesh. Was really annoyed to discover that. Then doubly annoyed to realize that I couldn't complain since I hadn't paid the $5 for headphone rental. Oh, Well.

Beth (bethFromDayton) – Happy Toe Day today. Hope it all works out. Kudos for making a special request at the restaurant.

IBelieveInMe2 – Waving to the lady taking long walks on a Florida beach (with a little jealousy). Super Kudos "for coming here instead of continuing to snack." My take is that you're spot on in recognizing that you don't need to choose between full time Beck strategies and none. For this vacation, it might work to read your ARC's each morning and to plan a general form of your eating plan for the day as your only Beck tasks. I know it's hard to plan while on vacation when spontaneity is the order of the day, but a general plan can be three proportioned meals taken wherever, plus three snacks of modest size. Sending supportive thoughts for you to find your mojo and enjoy your time on the beach.

Liz (lizagna) – Yay for a dog that does yoga asanas - including downward dogs. Does she meditate?

Readers -

chapter 5
Get Ready: Lay the Groundwork

... Before coming to me, none of the dieters I counseled had spent time getting ready. They just picked a diet and started it that day. Guess what? They succeeded for a while, eventually faced a challenge, strayed from their diet, got discouraged, and quit. At some point, they got back on the same diet - or a different one - only to go through the identical sequence of events. Once I taught these dieters the essential techniques they needed, dieting went much more smoothly. They still faced challenges, but their preparation made these challenges surmountable. No matter what happened, they were able to follow their diet, lose weight, and keep it off.
... And you can do the same.

Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 54.

[nationalparker]

Good morning, all! Enjoyed a very good evening. Finally cleaned up the kitchen that gets overlooked when continuing to work at night - did some meal prep and made a cavatappi/sundried tomato/crumbled turkey italian sausage/light spicy cheese sauce homemade dish and it turned out great (will add onions next time) ... planned on it being about three servings but will easily get four out of it. Started with a bowl of green beans as I was hungry, and then portioned out 1/4 and ended up leaving some. It was rather filling, so the "full" feeling prompted some guilt.

Thanks, Liz, for validating that - knowing it's not just me is a good feeling. Also thank you for talking about the meditation as I have completely forgotten that I wanted to pursue that a bit more. LOVE the quote about decisions being grievances or miracles. Great prespective!

OneByOne - Whoohoo for a great scale reading. You go, girl! Good luck with Looloo - any progress on the eating front with her? I know you're trying everything - no tuna lover in her? Thank you for mentioning your new neighbors from Syria - good to remember the basics of freedom.

BeverlyJoy - Thank you for pulling the quote about positive momentum - that is really hitting me now. I had a weekend off plan and felt terrible the whole time... as if every choice was a terrible one, even though in reality it was not. But just being back firmly on plan the last two days, I feel SO much better mentally. Perfect timing for that reminder.

Maryann - Ugh on the root canal; thankful that's over for you. I had one years ago and thankfully, though, was in no pain post-procedure. But I just hate going to the dentist/oral surgeon folks! Love your perspective of thankfulness that medical help is a call away. Great views and positiveness on this thread!! BTW, a friend of mine used to camp with her baby boy, then they had a girl soon after, and tent camped with both. Then a third (!) and they kept camping with a bigger tent. When the fourth arrived, they got a pop up trailer and still went. Four kids under age 7. And I spend too much time planning DH and my food when we go ha! Does your son like camping?

Beth - GOOD LUCK with your surgery - looking forward to hearing how it went. You are SO CLOSE to your 10% - such an inspiration. You're doing great with eating out, too - I would never have thought to ask the cook to measure.

Bill - Ah HA - there IS someone who eats the end slices of loaf bread. Once I left home and my dad wasn't there to eat them, they became some of my bird and yard critter food. Interesting sandwich - I think I'll whip one of those up for DH one day (need pecans, which he LOVES). He is a peanut butter fanatic. We love the Trader Joe's natural one but never in the fridge. Expect another day of cool temps, I think, as we've got them here still and looks like they're moving your way.

IBelieveInMe2 - I hope you got a good night's sleep last night and started with a good breakfast today. You are doing FINE - look at this - you took two long walks the past two days - that's GREAT - mentally and physically. Few things beat beach walking for peacefulness. Maybe when you're walking today, think of the changes you've made in your lifestyle that maybe haven't shown up yet in major weight drop, but that you're doing. Awareness. Be proud of that. I had the constant urge to snack all weekend, but did the NO CHOICE come Monday. But don't stress yourself as you do need to eat and if you've missed a meal, snacking isn't a poor choice. You're not grabbing Big Macs and personal pan pizzas, right? How are you feeling today? More in control? You SO can do this, and WeBelieveInYou2!

[gardenerjoy]

Done with two days in a row of dentist visits. I used to have a fully ingrained habit of getting some treat or other after every medical visit. This was a particular challenge after dental visits that included numbing of the mouth. As the dentist was saying, "don't eat for three hours," I would go into a panic about what treat I could have that wouldn't cause me to bite my tongue off.

Yesterday, I reflected on what a relief it was to just drive home like a normal person without that desperate need to eat something.

onebyone: I am doing Camp NaNoWriMo! I'm being a NaNoRebel and working on my memoir project, but I'm hoping to get 50,000 words even though a lot of them will be cut and pasted from journals and the like as I gather material.

IBelieveInMe2: you said "I've read a bunch on the topic of emotional eating and food addiction, but I just don't know what to do with this realization." I'm currently reading Salt Sugar Fat by Michael Moss and I'm becoming convinced that not eating processed food may be the only solution to the addiction, because they are deliberately designed to be addictive -- no wonder so many of us succumb! Of course, that's hard on vacation, so maybe minimizing processed food is a better goal. Challenge yourself to see how many whole foods you can track down.
You also said "What first step do you take when you feel so overwhelmed by the road ahead?" Day at a time, or if that's too much, meal at a time, or if that's too much, minute at a time. What can I do this minute that will make me feel more in control, more aware of this moment? Sometimes, just becoming aware of my breathing is enough to get started. If I'm breathing, then everything that brought me to this point has been enough.
Oh, and I really liked what BillBlueEyes said about coming up with some sort of plan, but taking into account that you're on vacation. My vacation plan is often "focus on the veggies."
And I liked what nationalparker said, too -- very reassuring.

[Lizagna]

Good morning, Becksters!

Last night ended my OP streak, but I still feel oddly satisfied about it all. When we ate out last night, I had planned to have the grilled salmon salad. (Even brought my own zero-fat salad dressing.) As I perused the menu, I said, "I really feel like busting my diet." DH replied, "Do whatever you want. All I know is that if I see you eating standing up I'm supposed to chase you down & tackle you." But just by planning that salmon salad, it was what was stuck in my head and nothing else looked all that appealing. So I went with the plan, telling myself (and DH) if I still wanted something else, I could have it later.

Before bed I weighed out 2 oz. of dark chocolate and 4 oz of red wine. I sat down and savored every molecule. It wasn't on plan, and it put me 200 calories over my goal calories (mainly because of my lessened exercise yesterday). But I was still under 1800 cal, and I felt totally in control, having made a conscious, quantifiable decision and not just pigging out on chocolate (and/or wine) until it was gone.

This morning it was back to P90X and wogging. Emma & I did our regular 2.6-mile route. Tonight I have NOBO, so that will probably be another 1-1/2+ mi.

BethfromDayton - Hope the toe procedure went smoothly & painlessly.

IBelieveinMe2 - As I read your post, I shared your ache. I know I've been there with the "Why do I keep doing this over & over when it's not what I want? How will I ever get out of the spiral?" etc. It sucks. I'm so glad you posted your feelings here because: 1) you know you're safe, 2) you have support, and 3) it's like a fart--better to get it out than keep it in. Do not let those images that are haunting you deter you from focusing on the depth and beauty you have that we see in you with every post. The only answer to what to do is DON'T GIVE UP. Keep doing it. Keep doing Beck when it feels like it isn't working. (It is. Did you notice how you spotted your own "all or nothing" thinking?) Do one thing. Read one ARC. Keep at it. Every day you can read how each of us is doing it imperfectly. But we're doing it--and so are you. By virtue of continuing to do it, we exercise our "resistance muscles" (and also our "can-do" muscles) and become more skilled at it through the ups and downs. Remember to keep talking to yourself like you would to your sweet child or dearest friend if they were experiencing the same behaviors and feelings. Okay, didn't mean to become Dr. Phil here.... oh... and thanks for the kudos on the avatar! I'm LOVIN' the bald so much, it's beginning to feel like the most selfish thing I ever did.

BillBE - Emma is a master meditator. And in answer to a question awhile back, her only contribution to P90X is coming to the basement to nag that it's time for her wog. I drooled at the description of the peanutbutter-banana-pecan sandwich using the ends. I'm a crust fan from way back--along with PB, banana, & pecans. Kudos on all the OP-ness!

NationalParker - OMG... You & Bill are making me hungry! Would you either PM me or post the recipe for the dish you described? It sounds heavenly. Glad the meditation stuff resonated. I shared that with DH (over the salmon salad) and he said, "And some of the things you'll decide are definitely grievances." Twinkle. He's the sweetest guy in the world, but has a twisted sense of humor. And is kind of realistic. But I really do like at least the awareness of "I have a choice in how I view this." Congrats on the clean kitchen and... dear Lord, you are fractioning and leaving so much food--in a good way. WTG.

Have a fabulous Hump Day, everyone!

xo
Liz